Joined
·
6,473 Posts
So today is that day. The day the big wind came and blew my house down. My mom and I were crying all nite last nite - I cant deny that there is a part of me still down there, still hiding in the irish bayou and swimming in the gulf of mexico, there is still part of me that looked to the sunset over the greatest city on earth. Still a part of me that spoke with a french accent till I began to read. Still part of me dancing on the black asphalt under the dead girl moon. The acid bath house I called home. The lakefront - the skeletons dancing in the woods next to me walking home - this is the greatest city on earth she said- I watched something on channel 9 with Brian Williams and suddenly I was there all over again- the heat, the confusion, the despair. The broken power lines, the trees, the water rising. Im crying right now just thinking about it. Walking miles and miles and miles to covington, looking for water, for doritos, for ciggarettes. Coming back empty handed and sitting on the corner, talking in shouts to everyone on my block, waiting for salvation, waiting for anything and everything to come crashing down on us. The sweat dripping off my skin. The dead things floating down the street. Pitbulls chewing on spinal chords. The cemetary up the road coming undone. The floating coffins. Skeletons.<br><br><br><br>
But- oh god- the sky. Without a single light to cloud it, the stars made the entire sky bright- bright enough to dance under- to sing under. My mom howling like a wolf to the sky - her deep voice singing the blues and clapping her hands and stamping her feet on the wood porch - singing her own gospels. Stirring me to dance, to spin with my arms outstretched and my head bent down, our feet like leather. The sky - how i wish i could show it to you all. But I cant , its my own memory. The stars were so many - so bright, the sky looked like it was covered in powder, I swear I could see every nook and cranny in the universe in that sky.<br><br><br><br>
The frustration - the anger, the fury. My father cursing and pacing up and down, my sisters wailing and screaming, my mother hysterical - the feeling of a mother not being able to feed her daughters, the broken glass.......Trying to get a hold of someone on the outside that could hear me, hear us when we were deafened with the sound of silence - trying to drown myself in the cobweb covered bath tub - sitting on the broken trees that had been there since my father was born - crying myself to sleep - screaming, screaming screaming at the sky , half smoked ciggarette in one hand, my sanity in the other- becoming something less than human - cutting up my jeans, not wearing shoes, wearing the smallest shirts possible, - wild eyes , talking to myself, to keep myself company, hearing the screams in the night, the wails of people losing their mothers & fathers to the heat and lack of water, feeling completly alone in the world.<br><br><br><br>
It all came wooshing back. Today is going to be a hard day.
But- oh god- the sky. Without a single light to cloud it, the stars made the entire sky bright- bright enough to dance under- to sing under. My mom howling like a wolf to the sky - her deep voice singing the blues and clapping her hands and stamping her feet on the wood porch - singing her own gospels. Stirring me to dance, to spin with my arms outstretched and my head bent down, our feet like leather. The sky - how i wish i could show it to you all. But I cant , its my own memory. The stars were so many - so bright, the sky looked like it was covered in powder, I swear I could see every nook and cranny in the universe in that sky.<br><br><br><br>
The frustration - the anger, the fury. My father cursing and pacing up and down, my sisters wailing and screaming, my mother hysterical - the feeling of a mother not being able to feed her daughters, the broken glass.......Trying to get a hold of someone on the outside that could hear me, hear us when we were deafened with the sound of silence - trying to drown myself in the cobweb covered bath tub - sitting on the broken trees that had been there since my father was born - crying myself to sleep - screaming, screaming screaming at the sky , half smoked ciggarette in one hand, my sanity in the other- becoming something less than human - cutting up my jeans, not wearing shoes, wearing the smallest shirts possible, - wild eyes , talking to myself, to keep myself company, hearing the screams in the night, the wails of people losing their mothers & fathers to the heat and lack of water, feeling completly alone in the world.<br><br><br><br>
It all came wooshing back. Today is going to be a hard day.
"> I can barely begin to imagine how you must be feeling right now. but I want to give you a great big HUG <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":hug:"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":hug:"> and say that we are all here for you and we care about you.
