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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I am meaning being given suggestions to stick to one's diet, and being suggested that you exercise.<br><br>
It happens to me, often and I feel upset afterwards. Logically I know I have put on weight and I know i have a problem with comfort eating. But it makes me feel worse when someone makes a comment about it.<br><br>
I am wondering if it happens to anyone else or has happened, and how you deal positively with it.
 

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I think it's very rude for someone to do that, unless you've asked for help or reminders. I guess your immediate family might be forgiven, if they're very concerned about your health.<br><br>
I'd probably tell anyone who did that to please let me deal with it myself without the reminders.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Thank you. Yes it is a strange issue because in a way they are speaking about something which concerns them, but the thing is it doesnt help motivate me to hear anything like this.<br><br>
I think because my life has been very difficult over the last year, it is all I can to keep everything together, I just dont have the energy to come up with the huge amount of discipline it would take to succeed on a diet at the moment.<br><br>
I feel I will lose it eventually. But some people think I am not trying at all.
 

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Never happened to me.<br><br>
Quite sure that I wouldn't mind though.
 

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No, people try to throw me off mine usually. I think people should not be so rude & stop interfering with other people's diets (which applies to the vegetarian/vegan label also.)
 

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I think it's beyond rude to ever comment on someone's weight or diet. I find it equivalent to telling a mentally ill person to "just get over it".
 

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People have made lots of comments like that to me over the years, especially from family members, the women much more so than the men. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/rolleyes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":rolleyes:"> My weight does fluctuate a lot but that's my business.<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/tongue3.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":p">
 

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Ahh. I agree, it is very rude to make comments like that especially if you're going through a stressful time, but if they are relatives sometimes you have to roll your eyes & let them that wash over you (in my family they don't really mince words). Depending on who it is or what your relationship is to them, & going from what you've said about it coming from a place of caring, you could just give a brief "I understand what you're saying and I know it comes from a good place, but I'm worrying about other things than my weight and since I'm not ready to try to change it right now, your comments are making me feel insecure instead of motivating me".<br>
Although I personally don't think I would ever make comments about someone's diet or weight unless they asked me. Of course, I'm not going to ask & I'm not suggesting this is the case but we are on the internet & there's no way for me to know that you haven't genuinely put on an awful lot of weight in the last year which is now threatening your health or something & your commenters are coming from a place of worry as opposed to concern.<br>
However I hope your life becomes less stressful soon. Don't let comments put you down especially if they come from a good place.
 

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My ex father in law used to make really rude remarks about my weight - for example saying a cannibal could eat for days off me and things like that.
 

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I think it depends in the manner with which the person making the comments used. As long as they're not joking or laughing at you, but have a genuine concern for your well-being, then there should be no problems IMHO.
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>fadeaway1289</strong> <a href="/forum/post/2922987"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
I think it's beyond rude to ever comment on someone's weight or diet. I find it equivalent to telling a mentally ill person to "just get over it".</div>
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Yes, it is a bit like that. It is not a matter of pure will which can be applied to solve someone's problems. But to the outsider other people's problems seem so easy to solve...<br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Pixie</strong> <a href="/forum/post/2922989"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
People have made lots of comments like that to me over the years, especially from family members, the women much more so than the men. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/rolleyes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":rolleyes:"> My weight does fluctuate a lot but that's my business.<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/tongue3.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":p"></div>
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I have had comments from both genders. I guess people feel that they are somehow being "motivating" or that they must speak their mind, or something.
<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Hekaterine</strong> <a href="/forum/post/2923067"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
My ex father in law used to make really rude remarks about my weight - for example saying a cannibal could eat for days off me and things like that.</div>
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He just sounds like a prick.<br><br><br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>apeninja</strong> <a href="/forum/post/2923001"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
there's no way for me to know that you haven't genuinely put on an awful lot of weight in the last year which is now threatening your health or something & your commenters are coming from a place of worry as opposed to concern.</div>
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Yes there is a bit of concern there as my comfort eating is not good for my health. But a lot of the concern is also for my appearance too.
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Freesia</strong> <a href="/forum/post/2923784"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
It is not a matter of pure will which can be applied to solve someone's problems.</div>
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That depends.
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Freesia</strong> <a href="/forum/post/2923792"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
^ On what?</div>
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On who you are.
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Freesia</strong> <a href="/forum/post/2923784"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
\\Yes there is a bit of concern there as my comfort eating is not good for my health. But a lot of the concern is also for my appearance too.</div>
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Okay that just makes me even angrier. What kind of superficial inconsiderate people are saying these things to you? Family? <i>"Friends</i>"?<br><br>
Holy crap you've been through so much over the past year or so. You had your whole life turned upside down and had to deal with so many drastic changes. People should be supporting you and not making you feel worse.<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/mad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":mad:">
 

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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>fadeaway1289</strong> <a href="/forum/post/2923849"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
Okay that just makes me even angrier. What kind of superficial inconsiderate people are saying these things to you? Family? <i>"Friends</i>"?<br><br>
Holy crap you've been through so much over the past year or so. You had your whole life turned upside down and had to deal with so many drastic changes. People should be supporting you and not making you feel worse.<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/mad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":mad:"></div>
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Thank you. Yes what you are saying is correct, I have had my life completely turned upside down. It has been really hard over the last few months, though things have been showing signs of getting better lately.<br><br>
I think they think they are supporting me by "encouraging" me to lose weight so I can wear my size 12 clothes again etc. They want me to move on with my life. Of course I also want this but I dont find certain comments to be motivating, it is proving to be a lot harder than it looks to lose weight.
 

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Oh, yes... my mom used to do that a lot. She's a wonderful woman but subtlety is not her strongest characteristic :-D. As a teenager, I used to get very upset over it (but that's natural, I suppose). These days, she's learned that everyone has to do everything at their own pace and she can't force anyone to do anything. Now and again she still comes out with a "honey, we really need to lose weight" (she's also overweight right now) but it's more "us" than "me". I've learned that it comes from a good place and I say, "you're right, mom, but you know, I am working on it right now" and we don't get into it.<br><br>
One interesting thing that she told me yesterday is that, when my sister and I were teenagers, she used to sit down with my sister and explain to her how unhealthy her weight was (my sister was quite overweight at that time) and how she should diet, etc. Now she totally regrets doing that.<br><br>
Tam
 

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Also wanted to add: I'm in Israel right now and people are much more casual about things like that. There aren't the tight boundaries between what to say and what not to say here as there are in the States. So I've had some people say things like that who didn't even know me. For example, my mom and I went shopping the other day and the woman at the store suggested that we go out for a walk in the evenings to help with weight loss (however, this came as a result of my mom chatting with her and lamenting how she needed to lose weight). I didn't get upset because I know the people here and know the mentality so I know that they are well meaning and that the culture is simply not one where people have those boundaries.<br><br>
I recall a while back when I was 19 or so and in the Israeli army. I had gained a lot of weight during my first year of service and then got transfered to another base in my second year. I worked as a secretary and one of my jobs was to deliver the mail to the main mail site. This was about a 15 minute walk across the base and, although I could have asked for someone to drive me there, I decided to walk it. So that 30 minute walk, coupled with eating a low fat (not vegan at the time, though vegetarian) diet helped me lose weight. I used to pass by a place where a girl would sit outside smoking nearly every day around the time I went walking. One day, she called out, "hey, have you been dieting?" I was a bit taken aback, but I said, "yes, why?" and she said, "you've lost a lot of weight."<br><br>
That's not something that would happen in the States :-D.<br><br>
Tam
 

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my dad always commented on my mom and my weight (when I was a teenager) resulted in me having aneroxia and that really shut him up. he never ever comments on my weight anymore but still have a go at my mom. he is a perfectionist and when i do lose weight he is still so proud. he just can't help it. BUT we can't change our parents but we can change ourselves.<br><br><br>
I still remember the things he said to me like it was yesterday.<br><br>
One thing you shouldnt do is tell people that you want to exercise and go on healthy eating plan cause when you already feel down and they try to motivate you, you can even feel worse.<br><br>
Dont beat yourself up Freesia, focus on being kind to yourself.<br><br>
Diets dont work banish that word out of your life. Dont focus on unrealistic goals.<br><br>
You state you have been through a lot, give yourself time.<br><br>
People can be cruel thou (SUPER HUGS).
 

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Discussion Starter · #20 ·
<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>kasandra</strong> <a href="/forum/post/2927421"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
my dad always commented on my mom and my weight (when I was a teenager) resulted in me having aneroxia and that really shut him up. he never ever comments on my weight anymore but still have a go at my mom. he is a perfectionist and when i do lose weight he is still so proud. he just can't help it. BUT we can't change our parents but we can change ourselves.<br><br><br>
I still remember the things he said to me like it was yesterday.<br><br>
One thing you shouldnt do is tell people that you want to exercise and go on healthy eating plan cause when you already feel down and they try to motivate you, you can even feel worse.<br><br>
Dont beat yourself up Freesia, focus on being kind to yourself.<br><br>
Diets dont work banish that word out of your life. Dont focus on unrealistic goals.<br><br>
You state you have been through a lot, give yourself time.<br><br>
People can be cruel thou (SUPER HUGS).</div>
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Yes it can be very difficult. What I am finding hard at the moment is that these people are right. I could be eating healthily but I keep making big plans to do so, and then I am faced with a very dull, monotonous day and I think "stuff that" and I end up buying some chocolate just to stop myself from going insane with boredom. I would really like to make some positive healthy changes but I seem to also be standing in my own way.
 
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