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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I'm pondering the idea that there are some people who just are meant to be alone.<br><br>
I'm thinking maybe I'm one of these people. I need quite a bit of personal space and not many men can give that to me. Even if I care deeply for the guy, I still need boundaries and even more so than most people. I work full time and I go to school full time so trying to give a guy time is hard.<br><br>
Becoming a mother has strengthened this trait of mine. I don't want anybody telling me how to raise my children or trying to run my household. I've been told by a few men that I "emasculate" them and they feel like they are not needed. I'd rather have my own space than share my space with another. I've pushed away some really amazing guys these past few years.<br><br>
Aren't we as human beings supposed to want companionship? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/undecided.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":-/">
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Nera</strong> <a href="/forum/post/3065878"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
I need quite a bit of personal space and not many men can give that to me.</div>
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Once you find a guy who will, you will find your companion. Very likely, said guy will also need quite a bit of personal space.
 

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YES. i do believe some people like it better being alone. Or seeking companionship from time to time but then going back to solitude. I myself like alot of space for me and my GF knows this. That doesn't mean we don't have any quality time it's just not every minute of everyday.<br><br>
but you're not really alone right. you've got a little boy/girl to take care of and you've got you're social network at work and school and the people here on this board.<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)"><br><br><br>
Once you 're comfortable with the fact that you could very well be alone for the rest of your life you'll see that some random guy pops up and respects your wishes and boundaries.
 

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I have a daughter who is 36 and single...she often says the longer she goes it alone, the harder it will be to commit to having a serious relationship with someone. She is so used to doing what she wants, when she wants and not having to answer to anyone. Not saying this is good or bad, just that she is accustomed/comfortable with where she's at.<br>
Of course, the hopeless romantic in me feels that if she met the right person, she wouldn't feel that way. I think she misses the companionship part of it, but at the same time, wants to keep a part of her independence.<br><br>
I do wonder, though, if this particular trait is something that is just there, or if it is something that is unintentionally nurtured by events that occur while a person is growing up.
 

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Nothing wrong with wanting a lot of personal space and freedom and they are not mutually exclusive to relationships.<br><br>
When I need some space I disappear into the garage. I also have a small den that's mostly mine.
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Nera</strong> <a href="/forum/post/3065878"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
I'm thinking maybe I'm one of these people. I need quite a bit of personal space and not many men can give that to me. Even if I care deeply for the guy, I still need boundaries and even more so than most people. I work full time and I go to school full time so trying to give a guy time is hard.</div>
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i need lots of space too. i also have a lot of sleeping issues (insomnia coupled with light sleep) so i can't share a bed with someone for more than a few nights before lack of sleep makes me unable to function. i'm not alone though. i have a few cats living with me and they are more companionship than i need.
 

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yes, i think some people are better off single and feel worse in a relationship. my roommate who lived with me for years tells me that i always look sad, stressed and unhappy when dating and it changes right after the break up to the positive.
 

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I am a person who should not be in a relationship, and that's as much for the benefit of the other party as it is for me. It took me quite a few years to figure out that I'm just not relationship material, and to be honest I give myself a pat on the back for realizing that. I'll never subject anyone else to my personal baggage again. I've had all the therapy I can stand, and at this point if I'm still broken at 49 I'm not likely to be put back together again anytime soon. That's not to say that I'm all sad and pathetic about it though. I've had great friends to share my life with, people I genuinely love, and people I can share physical intimacy with as well. I'm quite happy with what I've got actually.
 

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I think some people aren't meant to be in relationships, and maybe some people just aren't ready to be in a long-term relationship until a certain point in their lives. I think society really stresses the white picket fence thing and getting married and settling down and all that, but I think each individual is different and just has to find what works for <i>them</i>.
 

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I do think that there are people who aren't meant for serious relationships. Whether or not you are one of those people is beyond my knowledge, but some people don't seem to be cut out for them. You should do what's right for you, what you really want to do, and not what society says is the right way to have relationships.
 

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<p>~</p>
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>karenlovessnow</strong> <a href="/forum/post/3065972"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
Of course, the hopeless romantic in me feels that if she met the right person, she wouldn't feel that way. I think she misses the companionship part of it, but at the same time, wants to keep a part of her independence.</div>
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I wish that some of my single friends could meet nice people too even though I'm not really romantic.<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)"> I don't think there is anything wrong with people being single though if they are comfortable with that lifestyle.
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Pixie</strong> <a href="/forum/post/3066292"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
I don't think there is anything wrong with people being single though if they are comfortable with that lifestyle.</div>
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Exactly. I think it's great when people are in tune with themselves and know what they want/need.
 

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Are some people "supposed" to be single???<br>
I'm asking myself that same question.<br>
I'm single now, and I worry about my future.<br>
Will I always be able to take care of myself for the rest of my life.<br>
Is the sacrifice of living along worth it?<br><br>
I'm 30 years old. I'm turning 31 next month.<br><br><span style="text-decoration:underline;">When I am single:</span><br>
*I dream at night<br>
*I daydream during the day, I keep a running "movie" in my head.<br>
*I am a healthy weight<br>
*I sleep soundly<br>
*I laugh at movies and YouTube videos daily<br>
*I laugh at my cats<br>
*I have great conversations with blood-relatives several times a week.<br>
*I have a healthy libido, and an "adult" collection that would make a sailor blush<br>
*I am able to support myself financially, with just enough left over for a few fun things.<br>
*I find simple things fun. I like reading, playing video games, hanging out online, listening to music (while daydreaming), I like trying new (and risky) recipes. I watch "kid's cartoons" like Phineas and Ferb, Spongebob, and Disney movies. (Edited to add: I watch plenty of normal adult movies, too. The point is that as a single person, I am free to watch anything I want...even the silly stuff)<br>
*I truly believe that I am an attractive and intelligent person. And, I actually am attractive and intelligent. I'm good at what I do, and a lot of women my age are far worse off physically...for one reason or another.<br>
*I like my job. I take pride in my work, and I see myself going places.<br>
*I'm... happy.<br><br><span style="text-decoration:underline;">When I am in a relationship:</span><br>
*I don't dream... or even daydream.<br>
*I gain weight... A lot of weight, despite reducing calories.<br>
*I don't seem to get a full nights sleep. The other person has needs.<br>
*I don't laugh at things. I'll respond "That's funny" but not actually laugh.<br>
*My pets become stressful. I worry about all the ways they annoy the other person, and taking care of then is a dreadful chore.<br>
*I lose contact with other people I care about. I just don't feel like talking, and have no need for the contact. My Mom calls once a week to make sure I'm not dead. I lose friends.<br>
*I lose interest in sex. I don't even "do it myself" anymore. Subscriptions get cancelled, and I dry up. Sex becomes a chore.<br>
*There is never enough money to maintain any standard of living. I'm always making payment arrangements and eating super-cheap dinners like rice, noodles, and instant potatoes. I've returned groceries to buy gas for the car.<br>
*I cry a lot. When any little thing goes wrong, I feel devastated and I cry. I hate crying, but I do it every other day.<br>
*I don't seem to have time to do anything fun. If I watch any TV, it's from the kitchen, laundry room, or someplace other than the sofa. I always have to "catch-up" while single. I finally watched the fourth Harry Potter last week!!!<br>
*I begin to see myself as an unattractive, unintelligent person. I feel grateful that someone...anyone is willing to be my boyfriend/girlfriend. I'll tolerate anything. I caught on ex-boyfriend in bed (naked) with another woman... I cried and begged him not to leave me.<br>
*I hate my job. It's just not good enough, and not where I'm 'supposed to be' at this stage in my life.<br>
*Over time, my opinions and my needs don't seem to matter anymore.<br><br>
*****<br><br>
I'm half joking when I say...<br><br>
If I do try a relationship again, I'd like to live in a duplex. One of those homes that's split in two... and meant to be rented out. That would be great! His and Hers!!! He/She could have a whole kitchen, bedroom, livingroom, electricity bill, water bill, refrigerator, trash collection, litterboxes, toilet, etc... Just get together for a bit of 'fun' and then "Back to your side of the house! I'll see you next weekend! Peace Out!!!" <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/tongue3.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":p">
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>whisper</strong> <a href="/forum/post/3066216"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
Right now I'm in a non-relationship and it seems to be working great. We have been seeing/dating for a couple of years, are great friends, see each other when we both have spare time (about once or twice a month), email/text/call when we need someone to talk to and are free to see others.</div>
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GASP!!!!<br><br>
Oh, please <i><b>Wise One</b></i>...<br><br>
Tell me how that happens!!!<br><br>
That sounds great!!!
 

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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>karenlovessnow</strong> <a href="/forum/post/3065972"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
I have a daughter who is 36 and single...<b>she often says the longer she goes it alone, the harder it will be to commit to having a serious relationship with someone. She is so used to doing what she wants, when she wants and not having to answer to anyone.</b> Not saying this is good or bad, just that she is accustomed/comfortable with where she's at.<br>
Of course, the hopeless romantic in me feels that if she met the right person, she wouldn't feel that way. I think she misses the companionship part of it, but at the same time, wants to keep a part of her independence.<br><br>
I do wonder, though, if this particular trait is something that is just there, or if it is something that is unintentionally nurtured by events that occur while a person is growing up.</div>
</div>
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Your daughter and I have a lot in common. I think sometimes we just get comfortable where we are at and don't want our routines shaken up. I'm a huge creature of routine.
 

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Discussion Starter · #17 ·
You guys have given me quite a bit of good thoughful info.<br><br>
I was in a crappy relationship for almost 9 years and have been pretty much single for 2 years now. I'm almost 29 so I think people are expecting me to find somebody and get hitched and all that jazz. Marriage scares the crap out of me! Seriously don't see it happening any time soon. Especially if I decide to take on med school.<br><br>
Do I crave love and companionship? Very much so. Is it practical and can I give of myself right now? No. I feel I'm making a very unselfish choice not to get seriously involved with anybody right now. Will I ever be able to let somebody in to my personal space and life? I dunno.<br><br>
Thinking I'm one of those life-long single peeps and I'm kind of okay with that. :)
 

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Discussion Starter · #18 ·
<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>hazelnut</strong> <a href="/forum/post/3066352"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
gasp!!!!<br><br>
Oh, please <i><b>wise one</b></i>...<br><br>
Tell me how that happens!!!<br><br>
That sounds great!!!</div>
</div>
<br>
right!
 

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Discussion Starter · #19 ·
<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>zirpkatze</strong> <a href="/forum/post/3066037"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
i need lots of space too. i also have a lot of sleeping issues (insomnia coupled with light sleep) so i can't share a bed with someone for more than a few nights before lack of sleep makes me unable to function.</div>
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Same here. I toss and turn with somebody in my bed. They gots to go! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/laugh.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":lol:">
 

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Discussion Starter · #20 ·
<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Ira</strong> <a href="/forum/post/3066075"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
yes, i think some people are better off single and feel worse in a relationship. my roommate who lived with me for years tells me that i always look sad, stressed and unhappy when dating and it changes right after the break up to the positive.</div>
</div>
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I feel relief when it starts to fall apart.... I hear ya.
 
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