VeggieBoards banner
1 - 20 of 48 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,902 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I was searching for new possible avatar graphics and came upon this article which made me laugh. Especially this paragraph:

Quote:
Every attempt at getting her needs met ends in hurt at the hands of a man who does not want to get too involved. He uses her and drops her. She is frustrated at every turn. She is disappointed in life and love. She is hurt and disillusioned. She is lonely and horny. This is the state she lives in for years on end with no relief in sight.
I actually agree with the ending advice:

Quote:
Question 2: ...how can you spot the ones that can bloom again?

Answer 2: To spot one who has potential, look for a woman who has already decided (that their parents and society are, and were, wrong to teach them that they would only be a success if they became a good wife and mother.)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
12,079 Posts
I like this paragraph:

"She must assert herself and change how she behaves and reacts toward her parents, children, ex-husband, boss, female friends and even service people. She must accept full, complete and total responsibility for her life from this moment forward."
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
1,774 Posts
So, a typical young couple marries. The man never cries. The woman never gets angry.

I stopped reading after this bit. It's not typical anymore.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,660 Posts
While I think what he is talking about is a stereotype, there is some truth to it.

Quite a number of women I've met feel that their love lives are over by 30, and remain fixated on their ex-husbands or ex-BFs or some man they loved but where the relationship did not work out. Often, these women have more than two cats, or they have bookshelves full of "bodice-ripper" romance novels.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
2,081 Posts
No, I was about...19. HAH! Kidding.

Granted, I'm only 24, i'll be 25 in February. However, I am kind of jaded from my past relationships with people in general, not necessarily just boyfriends. I also get more and more jaded when I watch everyone else's relationships, even though I'm on the outside. I guess I learn from other people's mistakes.

I try not to hold anything that's happened to me in the past against future prospects. I DO have 3 cats, Joe.
Although I don't have a collection of harlequin books, I do keep a small collection of porn.


I'm not bitter, I'm just kind of emotionally dead to that stuff. I just don't care.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
0 Posts
I'll be 39 in April. I'm far from bitter about anything really. Divorced in 97..I've spoke to him a dozen times since then seeing him at his mom's (me and his mom still talk). So, it didn't work out. He has huge addiction issues. I feel sad for him but not bitter.

I think bitter can come at any age in any gender. Woman at or over 30 really have nothing to do with it. It's in the person who blames everyone else for their unhappiness or lack of success, etc. without taking any responsibility for their own life and the way it turned out.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,902 Posts
Discussion Starter · #8 ·
Quote:
Originally Posted by Joe View Post

While I think what he is talking about is a stereotype, there is some truth to it.

Quite a number of women I've met feel that their love lives are over by 30, and remain fixated on their ex-husbands or ex-BFs or some man they loved but where the relationship did not work out. Often, these women have more than two cats, or they have bookshelves full of "bodice-ripper" romance novels.
Warren Farrell writes about how romance novels are just as destructive to gender relationships in setting up unrealistic expectations as pornography can be for men. And he gives some insane statistics* about how popular they are.

I am cynical in general about the world and people, but I'm not sure I'm bitter as I never really had a Pollyanna outlook that was shattered. I think my decision to not worry about what age I get married and to not have children (or that it's ok if I don't-- I am still a woman with self-worth) will be very helpful for me. I would like to marry, but I don't think it will make me "happy". I expect it to be very difficult at times. I expect there will be times when I question or regret my decision. I expect there will be times when I hate my spouse. There are countless research studies on how people with realistic expectations are less likely to divorce. Happiness, romance, and fantasy fulfillment are not my reasons to want marriage.

I would like to have more than 2 cats but I prefer my sex novels to focus on the sex. Romantic themes and buildups ruin it for me bc I am well aware that's bull****.

I feel there is a lot of pressure to fulfill both the old school fantasies, but also a new feminist one. Plus, the expectations for parenting as well as standards of living and work have reached insane proportions IMO. People feel they need a huge house, a high power job, a kid who is #1 in everything and on every team and goes for every lesson and club, and never gets hurt or has a bad day. Oh, and have a spotless house.

I'm a big fan of Judith Viorst.

She talks about things like how many people feel ashamed to admit they sometimes feel hatred towards their spouse or children, but that's normal. She basically writes about how we have to give up a lot of ideals and fantasies and accept the "dark side" of life in parenting, love and other relationships. But she does this with humor and good will, not a Dr.Phil style, "Grow up and get over it!"

She even writes books for children, including Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day.

Viorst Quotes:

Quote:
Infatuation is when you think he's as sexy as Robert Redford, as smart as Henry Kissinger, as noble as Ralph Nader, as funny as Woody Allen, and as athletic as Jimmy Conners. Love is when you realize that he's as sexy as Woody Allen, as smart as Jimmy Connors, as funny as Ralph Nader, as athletic as Henry Kissinger and nothing like Robert Redford - but you'll take him anyway.
Quote:
One advantage of marriage, it seems to me, is that when you fall out of love with him, or he falls out of love with you, it keeps you together until you maybe fall in again.
Quote:
Growing up means letting go of the dearest megalomaniacal dreams of our childhood. Growing up means knowing they cant be fulfilled. Growing up means gaining the wisdom and skills to get what we want within the limitations imposed by realitya reality which consists of diminished powers, restricted freedoms and, with the people we love, imperfect connections.
* some romance statistics I found:

Quote:
These statistics were compiled by RWA from Book Industry Study Group and American Bookseller Association reports, and from tallies in Ingrams catalogue of all book releases.

Romance generated $1.63 billion in sales in 2002.

There were 2,169 romance titles released in 2002.

Romance fiction comprises 18% of all books sold (not including childrens books).

Romance fiction comprises 53.3% of all popular paperback fiction sold in North America.

Romance fiction comprises 34.6% of all popular fiction sold. (Different from above, this figure includes not just paperbacks, but hardcovers and trade-sized paperbacks as well as well.)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
12,079 Posts
**Warren Farrell writes about how romance novels are just as destructive to gender relationships in setting up unrealistic expectations as pornography can be for men. And he gives some insane statistics* about how popular they are.** (thalia)

This is an excellent point...I read an article in a magazine just recently saying how television and movies have the same negative effect. Women expect the ideal man, and I suppose, vice versa, but it specifically related it to women. I had never really thought about it before, but I can totally see how women would be disillusioned when everything you see or read leads you believe there is a 'perfect' relationship somewhere out there. I'm not saying some people don't achieve perfection for themselves, I know there are tons of healthy, good relationships out there. I just mean as far as some single women finding it hard to find "Mr. Right". The expectations may be too unrealistic. I say don't give up! Hang in there!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,573 Posts
Quote:
Originally Posted by karenlovessnow View Post

...I read an article in a magazine just recently saying how television and movies have the same negative effect. Women expect the ideal man, and I suppose, vice versa, but it specifically related it to women.
It seems like an awful lot of people spend a great deal of time looking for something, and very little looking at anything. I think you miss most of the really good bits that way.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
2,081 Posts
Let me also add that I don't want children, and I don't think getting married is a big deal.

I feel marriage is a HUGE commitment, and I think that people change too often to be with someone for the rest of their lives; therefore I don't feel that I should promise someone that I'm going to be there forever.

I think personal views on marriage and children would be big factors in feeling bitter or unsuccessful in love. I also think that's why I'm not bitter, and why I let failed relationships roll off my back; because I don't feel the pressure to have kids or get married.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
548 Posts
Wow Im only 24 and already hardened and bitter. Good to know Im ahead of schedule.


I dont want to have kids and dont feel pressure to get married either. I just am sick of never being understood and never being able to find happiness.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,101 Posts
Gosh, I'm already 29 1/4 and still perky and optimistic. I better get crackin' on that hardened and bitter program!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,887 Posts
In my experience, most divorced women over the age of 40 or so have become very bitter.

I know my mom has, and so did my ex's mom as well as a handful of others I know. It is a stereotype/generalization, but for me, it's based on my experience as well.

All I know is that seeing these women become bitter and depressed has only hardened my resolve to keep that from happening to me.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,934 Posts
Dunno. I'm well past 30 and have a satisfying and romantic marriage as well as a "bodice-ripping" fantasy life of my own invention.

I managed to avoid bitterness through lack of being jaded, I guess.
 
1 - 20 of 48 Posts
Top