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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I was down at around 200-300 cals a day at my worst point of anorexia<br><br><br><br>
I've only had one appointment with my nutritionalist, but she told me that I needed about 1800 calories every day with my activity level. she said taht I needed to gain an estimated 17 lbs to get my period back and be "healthy"..<br><br><br><br>
For the past few weeks, I've been at 900-1200 calories a day, but then on Thursday I was like "screw anorexia, I don't need to live like this" and I ate over 2,000 calories that day (most of it in a 3 hour span).<br><br><br><br>
So on thursday, friday, and saterday I've been around 2,200-2,500 calories. I'm freaking out because its so much and its even more than my nutritionalist told me to eat. Last night I ate around 1000 calories in the middle of the night when I wasn't even hungry (days total was 2,200).<br><br><br><br>
I feel completely out of control right now. I'm so worried that I'll gain the wieght back too quickly and that I'll balloon and became a 400 lb binge eater. Do people ever devolope binge eating disorders or deal with binging while in recovery from anorexia?<br><br><br><br>
More than anything I wanted to not eat this morning, but I forced myself to have a 200 cal breakfast.<br><br><br><br>
I know I need to gain weight, but part of me desperatly wishes I could recover and stay at my current weight. Thinking about food has consumed my entire life and I'll spend hours thinking about my food choices and studying calories when I have other things I need to do. I just want my life back.
 

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900-1200 is restriction, and restriction leads to binging. Usually when the restriction stops, the binging will stop soon afterward. But since you've been starving yourself for so long, your body wants to binge.<br><br><br><br>
I know how hard it is, but you have to keep going <3
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
900-1200 was actually me doing better and building myself up to more calories. that wasn't restriction for me. It was high than I had been in a long time.<br><br><br><br>
When I was restricting I was down to 200-300.<br><br><br><br>
I keep feeling like I have to restrict again (down to 200-300) to "make up" for the past few days. I really want to leave my house today without bringing food to eat and I really want to take the money and my dads plastic out of my purse so I don't stop.<br><br><br><br>
In all seriousness, are there people who develope binge eating after anorexia and go the complete opposite?
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>tinydancer</strong> <a href="/forum/post/0"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
In all seriousness, are there people who develope binge eating after anorexia and go the complete opposite?</div>
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I did. And now I still have a binge problem. I weigh more <i>now</i> than i did <i>before</i> i was anorexic. I solved nothing. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/brood.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":brood:">
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>tinydancer</strong> <a href="/forum/post/0"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
900-1200 was actually me doing better and building myself up to more calories. that wasn't restriction for me. It was high than I had been in a long time.<br><br><br><br>
When I was restricting I was down to 200-300.<br><br><br><br>
I keep feeling like I have to restrict again (down to 200-300) to "make up" for the past few days. I really want to leave my house today without bringing food to eat and I really want to take the money and my dads plastic out of my purse so I don't stop.<br><br><br><br>
In all seriousness, are there people who develope binge eating after anorexia and go the complete opposite?</div>
</div>
<br><br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":hug:"><br><br><br><br>
The best advice I can give to you is DON'T restrict and DO talk to your nutritionist and/or a doctor. It is better for you to be overeating by a few hundred calories than it is to be undereating by 1000 calories. Please do not restrict down that low. Each day is a new day! If you go a bit over what your nutritionist recommended to you, then that's okay, start over the next day. You don't need to "make up" for anything, I promise. Just start each day as a new one and go from there, step by step!
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
I'm at 600 calories today and its 6:00. I just ate a bowl of cereal and a satsuma.<br><br><br><br>
I physically don't feel hungary, but I made myself eat. I might try to get myself to eat more later, but I might just go to bed after my homework is done
 

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hi tiny dancer<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)"><br><br>
i know what you're going through. ive done the eating in the middle of the night etc. , all of it.<br><br>
but honestly, hon. its just your body wanting more because it wants to build your insides back up! and because you're realising how much fun it can be to eat and nourish yourself!! it won't last as long as you keep your mindset balanced (i know, easier said than done).<br><br>
you know you need to gain, so i wouldn't be too concerned. nor about eating past what your nutritionist said, because usually they set you a minimum, so that you can handle it. but in reality would probably prefer to see you eating what you're eating now.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)"><br><br>
i know you don't feel hungry. but you have to get your body used to BEING hungry again. you have to get your metabolism burning, and get your stomach sort of..larger. thats where im at, my stomach seems to have expanded and i can fit in wayyy more than just a tomato with pepper on it now. lol.<br><br>
which is unnerving, to have a huge salad sandwich AND something to drink and be hungry an hour later!! but its much better!!<br><br>
keep going, you have to brave, i know, but i think that you are.
 

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When I was recovering I was terrified that I would become a compulsive overeater! But, I didn't. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)"> And I doubt you will either. There are studies done to show that people who have previously suffered with an eating disorder have a hard time sensing "fullness" cues and when to stop eating... but this comes back with time. Just because for the time being you may have period where you feel like you are eating everything in sight doesn't mean it will always be that way, it takes time but you can get back to "normal". Think of it this way, your body is making you eat because it NEEDS the calories- think of food as medicine at times if it helps, but know that what you are going through is normal and not your fault.<br><br><br><br>
Sometimes I find it is easier to know how much to eat by mimicking others who have normal eating habits. Watch how others eat, and remember that you are going to need to eat just a little bit more than they do because you are in "gain to get healthy" mode and they are in "maintain to be healthy" mode.<br><br><br><br>
You can do it, just keep reminding yourself reasons why you want to get better and all the things you will be able to do when you don't have to deal with anorexia. (Eat out with friends, try new foods when you don't know the nutritional info, eat all the free samples in grocery stores without having to "count"!) <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)"> Good luck!
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
I went to bed last night on 1000 calories, but I woke up a few times and by 3:30 am, I got my calorie count up to 1,800.<br><br><br><br>
It's really weird now. It seems my body is burning through food way faster and I keep wanting cereal. I ate 3 bowls of Kashi Go Lean at various times during the night. Its a food that I like and its one of my "safe" foods (high fiber and protein, keeps you full on a relativly low # of calories). It used to be when I was restricting that I could eat a half serving of that in the morning and be fine until the evening (or sometimes the next day). Now it seems like my body is buring through everything really quickly and I get hungary within 2 hours.<br><br><br><br>
Is that my metabolism speeding up or whats going on?
 

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tinydancer- its amazing how much your situation is the same as mine. even down to the kashi go lean cereal. I am trying not to count, not to think about the calories of everything. I was doing really well for a few days but then I went to the grocery store to get ingredients to make different foods and I totally freaked. And I"m back to the counting. My calories are up but I am obsessing over food. What to eat and when to eat. I am always starving. Always planning. I am constantly thinking about my meals and the food and still the calories. I feel like all I'm doing is eating and thinking about food. My calories were up yesterday and usually as a snack before I go to sleep I have a bowl of fruit but I was craving the kashi cereal (with 1/2 cup fiber one mixed in). Its usually my breakfast every morning but I couldnt stop craving it so I had a bowl then felt guilty about it. I hate this. I know I need to eat alot and need to gain and I am eating and upping the calories but at the same time still having feelings of guilt and shame and temptation to restrict.
 

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keep it up you guys. i promise it gets easier!!!<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)">
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
I did my eating in the middle of the night things again to get my calories up to a 1800 total for the day. I ended up eating 3 bowls of cereal at various times throughout the night, lol.<br><br><br><br>
This morning I had a luna bar after my morning run. After I got back from classes, I had a serving of whole wheat penne (pasta) with a homeade tomato sauce and a half of cup of boca grounds mixed in. I finished that off with a half of a grapefruit. All in all, my entire lunch was about 350 calories and it had protein, whole grains, fruit. That usually fills me up really well. but today was weird.<br><br><br><br>
About an hour later, I was completely starving, so I ended up eating an apple and soynuts. But a half hour later, I still was starving, so I got a bowl of Kashi GoLean, and after that I was fine and its been a few hours and I'm still full.<br><br><br><br>
It seems like today my body is burning through its food so quickly. Its really weird. Is my metabolism speeding up or something like that? I've already eaten 975 calories today and its 5:00, and I'm aiming for 1800. But usually I have no apetite during hte day and only eat 500 by this time of day and I have to set my alarm for hte middle of the night to eat more. Now it seems like no matter what I put in my body, it burns through it very quickly.<br><br><br><br><br><br>
This is also a real thing going on. I'm a sixe 00 in jeans, but I'm trying to get up to a size 0. I don't actually have any jeans that fit me and they're all too loose, but I'm scared that if I buy jeans in a 00, I get attatched to the size and it will trigger me again. Any suggestions? Right now I've just been wearing loose fitting pants (lots of track pants) and skirts with elastic in the waistband.
 

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^ Don't cave and buy the smaller jeans. Trust me, you'll look back on it and really regret it (that's where I am!). Stick with the comfy pants (they're nicer anyways) until you're in a healthier place, and then go shopping with someone safe when the time comes to buy new things.<br><br><br><br>
And it more than likely is. In my experience it seems like once you get to recovery at some point your body goes "what on earth, FOOD?" and starts burning like crazy.<br><br><br><br>
Hang in there!
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>tinydancer</strong> <a href="/forum/post/0"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
This is also a real thing going on. I'm a sixe 00 in jeans, but I'm trying to get up to a size 0. I don't actually have any jeans that fit me and they're all too loose, but I'm scared that if I buy jeans in a 00, I get attatched to the size and it will trigger me again. Any suggestions? Right now I've just been wearing loose fitting pants (lots of track pants) and skirts with elastic in the waistband.</div>
</div>
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I don't think you should buy the smaller pants... I tried doing that and got really attached to the small size.
 

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i have the same problem with pants, and feel left with either triggering thoughts or pants that don't fit!!<br><br>
what did you do?<br><br>
i haven't bought anymore, because i figure its good motivation (wearing baggy jeans looks silly)..
 

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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
Ugghgh. the last few days, I've been exceeding what my nutritionalist told me to eat. Yesterday, I couldn't stay full so I just ate whenever i was hungry and I went over by about 700 calories. Then today I havn't even been hungary, but I had decided not to count calories and just to eat whatever foods looked good, and I'm pretty sure that I went over again. I feel really overstuffed right now.<br><br><br><br>
Part of me is like, "hell with it, I have a lot of weight to gain, this isn't going to make a huge difference", but I feel like I have no control over my eating. I'm terrified that I'm going to gain it back too quickly and also that I'm not going to stop gaining. I'm actually craving hte control I felt when I was restricting (bad, bad, bad)
 

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Discussion Starter · #17 ·
I'm going to count today, but I've planned out my meals/snacks and packed them ahead of time because I have to be in study groups then I go straight to my music lessons and I don't get home until 9:00.
 

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Discussion Starter · #18 ·
The past week I started making an effort to gain the amount I need and to recover.<br><br><br><br>
I sometimes keep eating now even when I'm not hungry. I feel completely out of control. There have been a few times where I've eaten over 1000 calories within a few hours. I used to eat that much over a span of three or four days.<br><br><br><br>
I feel like I can't eat normally and its one extreme or the other. I had so much more control over myself when I was restricting. Now I feel like all I want to do is eat and eat and eat as a comfort thing and I've never felt like that before.<br><br><br><br>
I was bad and I used the scale at the gym today and it freaked me out. I'm 4 pounds heavier than what I was the last time I checked at my lowest weight point. I know I need to gain weight, but I hated seeing the numbers go up.<br><br><br><br>
I went to dairy queen afterwards and purged for the first time in my life.<br><br><br><br>
I just want to cry.
 

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tinydancer <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":hug:"><br><br>
seeing the number go up is extremely distressing, so perhaps if you know you need to gain and are actively trying to do so, it might be best for you not to see your weight?<br><br>
just a suggestion; it definately helps me not to know.
 

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tinydancer<br><br><br><br>
other behaviours aren't going to help you tackle what's really wrong<br><br>
do you journal or get your thoughts out?<br><br>
is there anyone you can talk to about how you are feeling now?<br><br>
purging is an extremely dangerous thing to do and it only hurts you more<br><br>
recovery is a very challenging process but please try to get your worries and stresses out in other ways...write a poem, a story, draw a picture, ring someone up, talk to someone, punch a pillow, sing, shout, cry, acknowledge your feelings and accept them. then think about why you feel like that.<br><br>
you know inside that hurting yourself won't help stop the turmoil you are feeling at the moment. and it won't help you recover. you've got to dig a bit deeper. take care. please don't be scared of recovery...
 
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