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Every friday, my family (my mom, Pop-Pop, sis-in-law, 2 kids, my boyfriend, and myself) go out to lunch. Every single friday, we have the same problem. My family claims I'M the picky one, even though I can name almost 10 restaurants and they don't want any of them. They name ONE restaurant and because I can't eat ANYTHING from there, they say I'm picky. My Pop-pop doesn't eat any kind of seafood, thai, chinese... anything that's not a burger or sandwich. The restaurants I like he won't go to. I named 4 this morning and he said "if you want to go there, why don't you just go there with Mark (my boyfriend)." And then he had the nerve to end it with "You're picky." I finally named 3 other restaurants nearby to which my Pop-Pop replied "Then Veronica (sis in law) can't go because she doesn't want to drive far." Keep in mind that Mark, my Mom, and I drive 25 minutes (each way) almost every friday so they don't have to drive far.

The other day, my family was over and we decided to have a quick dinner. I named a restaurant and my Mom didn't want it because it was "too expensive," but since my family always shares meals, that shouldn't have been an issue (portions are too big).

She then named Arby's to which I said "I can't go then because the only thing they have there is a baked potato." I was calm about it and very polite about saying there was literally nothing for me to eat there (I really was volunteering to stay home). My mom then said, in front of the whole family, that I'm picky. She even said "it's like this every friday [with her]!" She did her usual ugly sigh and mean face. She started an argument in front of everyone (my sister even got involved, took my Moms side). I called my Mom selfish because she must have expected me to go anyway, even though I couldn't eat. So I was basically supposed to sit there and watch them eat.

Am I being unreasonable? I hope this doesn't seem one-sided, but this is EXACTLY how it is. She CLAIMS she's supportive of my diet, but then she makes a big deal when I can't eat at one place because they literally have NOTHING for me.

I figured that if I posted this, I could forward the link to her so she could read what everyone else thought of these situations. Thanks for the opinions.
 

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It doesn't sound like you are being unreasonable to me. If anything you are trying to create a solution that would work for everyone.

I generally have to pick the venue if I eat out with people. They always say "you are the one who has the limitations." or something like that.

I don't mind it sometimes because then I get to eat what I want but it does get old. I can imagine how it would be to come up with multiple options only to have them all shot down because they aren't a burger or something.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Good


I've even told my family, pick 3 options and I'll tell you which I like the best. Considering how many I can name, 3 shouldn't be a problem. I can eat at almost every single restaurant, they just tend to name the ones that I can't. Plus, they go to the same places over and over that have one option. That one option gets old quick.
 

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I know what you mean. I live in a medium-sized urban area, and there are probably about 10 places where there is nothing to eat, compared to hundreds of places where I can and will eat, but people are always saying, "With your dietary restrictions, you will have to choose."

How about Red Robin? Do you have one of those within the acceptable range of restaurants? They have pasta marinara, Red's Rice Bowl, and (not Vegan, but I keep requesting that they switch) Boca Burgers. Of course, I'm looking into my crystal ball, and it's probably "too expensive," and "you can get the same thing at McDonalds for 2 bucks." LOL!
 
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yeah.... sounds familiar. sometimes people are all keen to be supportive until it looks like it might put them out (physically, or routine/comfort-zone wise). must be very frustrating for you.

i get the whole picky thing too. i can imagine that some people perhaps find it hard to understand someone who chooses not to eat a whole bunch of what they see as food, even if you know their reasons behind it.

i don't think you're gonna get anywhere with this one. sounds like they won't likely budge from doing what they wanna do. you might just have to either eat a salad or baked potato, take something with you, or just not go (and cause a bigger riot).

couple other things popped into my head though: is there a relatively large sized mall near you with a food court? that way everyone could have whatever they wanted from different food vendors. also, looking at the arbys (or wherever) website before you go might help you at least make your salad and potato slightly more interesting- i've never eaten there, but on the arbys site they have assorted stuff listed in the nutrition section like almond slivers, onion petals, rasberry vinegarette and garlic cheese croutons that could well be vegetarian, and which you might be able to persuade them to add to your salad for a nominal charge.
 

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Originally Posted by danakscully64 View Post

Good


I've even told my family, pick 3 options and I'll tell you which I like the best. Considering how many I can name, 3 shouldn't be a problem. I can eat at almost every single restaurant, they just tend to name the ones that I can't. Plus, they go to the same places over and over that have one option. That one option gets old quick.
Same here. I hate only having one choice.
 

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My family is the same way. I can offer them a plethora of options (chinese, indian, thai, vietnamese, mexican, italian, etc) and they only want to go to the chain burger joints (like applebees, which has NOTHING I will eat.)

Luckily in Boston, most places, even the chains, have at least two vegetarian options - a veggie burger, and something else (a pasta dish or something.) So when my folks are here, I eat the veggie burgers. When they are gone, I get to eat real food, lol.
 

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If all you can eat at Arby's is a baked potato then eat that, have a little something before or after you go. Family meals should be more about spending time with the family than where you eat. You have 20 meals during the week when you can go wherever you want, for the 1 meal you spend with your family be flexible.

I don't necessarily think you're being picky but the things you've said about them they could just as easily be saying about you. Be the bigger person, let them have their way and just look at it as a social event more than a meal.
 

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Let everyone pick a couple of their fav. places and write down all the restaurants on slips of paper and pull one out each Friday, regardless of where it is, everyone has to go with no complaints or ugly remarks.


HTH,

Michelle
 

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I think flvegnewbie has a great idea. It seems fair and would represent your group's preferences over time. Wonder if you could get the family to give it a try. It seems somewhat unreasonable of them to refuse to compromise at all.

If that doesn't work, maybe try just seeing it as social time rather than meal time. I go out with family once a week also. Some weeks we go to places that have a few choices for me, other times, I decide to just have a salad or an iced tea. I've also gotten pretty good at creatively modifying some menu items to come up with something I can eat. I've had the best luck with this at places that we frequent, especially after they get to know us and also know that I tip well.
 

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Michael View Post

If all you can eat at Arby's is a baked potato then eat that, have a little something before or after you go. Family meals should be more about spending time with the family than where you eat. You have 20 meals during the week when you can go wherever you want, for the 1 meal you spend with your family be flexible.
They should be flexible for her too, sometimes. I know that I'm grumpy if I'm hungry and at a restaurant where I have nothing to eat XD
 

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Yes not an easy situation , but there might be a way around it .

When you get there quietly excuse your self from your family and walk out and see the head chef and explain the situation to him or her ( not the lady at the front desk )

I have found they usually jump at the chance to make something different ....they really are helpful . Even in heavy steak joints .
 

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Originally Posted by Swaybe View Post

They should be flexible for her too, sometimes. I know that I'm grumpy if I'm hungry and at a restaurant where I have nothing to eat XD
Agreed. In a perfect world they would be flexible but you know how people are. Especially when it comes to food. They can be very very stubborn. And in this situation the harder she tries the more picky/pushy she's going to seem. In that situation I figure it's easier to adjust my behavior than to try and get others to adjust theirs.

I also think it's more important for us to be flexible because it shows people vegetarianism is not that difficult.
 

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Quote:
Originally Posted by flvegnewbie View Post

Let everyone pick a couple of their fav. places and write down all the restaurants on slips of paper and pull one out each Friday, regardless of where it is, everyone has to go with no complaints or ugly remarks.


HTH,

Michelle
I like this idea.

eta: or maybe instead of picking an idea out of a hat or whatever, you could just take it in turns to take a place, with this "no complaints" rule in place.
 

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Instead of going out to eat every Friday, everyone could eat at home. Everyone could help out with the meal, this way you're having a healthy dinner and spending quality time together. You could make your own vegetarian version of what they are having.
 

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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
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Originally Posted by MRSSHF View Post

How about Red Robin? Do you have one of those within the acceptable range of restaurants? They have pasta marinara, Red's Rice Bowl, and (not Vegan, but I keep requesting that they switch) Boca Burgers. Of course, I'm looking into my crystal ball, and it's probably "too expensive," and "you can get the same thing at McDonalds for 2 bucks." LOL!
Red Robin is one of the restaurants I named (for friday's lunch), but was "too far" for my sis-in-law to drive to.
Yesterday, we ended up going to a restaurant called Citrus City Grille... where the bill was over $100! Everytime my oldest sister goes, she spends at least $30 by herself and doesn't chip in a penny. She makes my grandpa pay for hers, since she has "no money." Yet... she's pregnant with her third child. Go figure...
 

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Discussion Starter · #17 ·
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Originally Posted by hoodedclawjen View Post

yeah.... sounds familiar. sometimes people are all keen to be supportive until it looks like it might put them out (physically, or routine/comfort-zone wise). must be very frustrating for you.

i get the whole picky thing too. i can imagine that some people perhaps find it hard to understand someone who chooses not to eat a whole bunch of what they see as food, even if you know their reasons behind it.

i don't think you're gonna get anywhere with this one. sounds like they won't likely budge from doing what they wanna do. you might just have to either eat a salad or baked potato, take something with you, or just not go (and cause a bigger riot).

couple other things popped into my head though: is there a relatively large sized mall near you with a food court? that way everyone could have whatever they wanted from different food vendors. also, looking at the arbys (or wherever) website before you go might help you at least make your salad and potato slightly more interesting- i've never eaten there, but on the arbys site they have assorted stuff listed in the nutrition section like almond slivers, onion petals, rasberry vinegarette and garlic cheese croutons that could well be vegetarian, and which you might be able to persuade them to add to your salad for a nominal charge.
Exactly... everytime I tell someone that my mom is supportive, I put it in finger quotes. She says "I like eating vegetarian food" all the time, but when it comes down to it, she doesn't and STILL puts me down for my choices, even after more than 2 years of vegetarianism. She has this mind set that just because she's thin, she's healthy. I'm almost 21 and I've never seen her exercise once.

But what I'm saying is I give them 10 options, they give me 1 and say I'M the picky one. I'm not crazy in saying they're completely insane and stupid, am I? I refuse to go to a restaurant that doesn't give a dang about vegetarians. I'm not giving them my money if they can't even put one decent choice on the menu.

We prefer to go to a restaurant on Fridays though. The Arby's thing was a last minute dinner during the week where my family happened to be there. My family always tries to eat at a restaurant next to or in the mall, but I'm sick of them all (especially since I work at one of them). For a while, we were eating TGI Fridays every friday for 2 months straight, where I had one option: Gardenburger. That was fine, but one friday, we went and they took the Gardenburger off the menu completely and said they wouldn't get it back. Haven't gone back since.

I wouldn't eat at Arby's if I was starving to death. First, the quality of everything is nasty and they don't give a darn about vegetarians. Besides the baked potato and salads without meat (which I think some are premade with chicken), the only other thing I could eat are the french fries and other fries foods, which are fried in the same oil as the chicken (I asked). I really don't like fast food anyway. When it comes to restaurants, I think there are only about 4 restaurants in my entire city (of almost 300,000 people) that I can't eat anything. Why does my family have to chose those places?
 

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Discussion Starter · #19 ·
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Originally Posted by veggielove View Post

My family is the same way. I can offer them a plethora of options (chinese, indian, thai, vietnamese, mexican, italian, etc) and they only want to go to the chain burger joints (like applebees, which has NOTHING I will eat.)

Luckily in Boston, most places, even the chains, have at least two vegetarian options - a veggie burger, and something else (a pasta dish or something.) So when my folks are here, I eat the veggie burgers. When they are gone, I get to eat real food, lol.
I wish my family members went vegetarian for a week, then I'd take them to all of the places they try to drag me to!

I don't understand why places like Applebee's can't offer one vegetarian option besides a salad. You can order something without the meat, but you still have to pay the full, expensive price. I've always been hesistant to order veggie burgers when I eat out... I know the restaurant I work at cooks the veggie burgers on the same grill and uses the same spatula as the meat. Yuck.

I don't get it... my family says I'm picky... but how am I picky if I can name 10 places I can eat at and they can only name one? I have this diet for many important reasons and they claim they understand that. If so, why is it a struggle every friday? Seriously, every friday I hear the same thing "Where do you want to go today, I'm asking you because I know you're picky." Yet my Mom should be asking my Pop-Pop because he's the pickiest one!
 

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Discussion Starter · #20 ·
The thing I'm most hung up on is the fact that they call ME picky. Am I picky if the restaurant doesn't offer one vegetarian option (or one like a boring salad or potato). Since my entire family can eat anything they want, why can't they just go wherever I want to go... at least they'll always have more than 1 option.
 
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