[MEM]

So, a few weeks ago, my husband told me that we had been invited to go to a baseball game with his sister and BIL. Very exciting for Ryan (he's a HUGE Twins fan), kinda neat for me (I don't mind the occaisonal baseball game).

K and R were given 4 tickets to this game, which apparently was immediately a problem because they have 3 kids, which means, even if they went as a family, they would have had to buy one extra ticket anyway. They tried to buy 3 extra tickets so that we could all go, but apparently the game was sold out. And one of their own kids was really excited about going, while the other two weren't.

So, they decided to leave two of the kids at home and uninvite me. Not a big deal for me, since the game was on a friday night and not going gave me a chance to go train at my dojo instead (I rarely pass on a chance for more training). Of course, I did joke with Ryan that had I not known that my SIL and BIL really did like me, I would have been offended.

On Wednesday, Ryan tells me that my BIL, R, would be calling me to ask a question and I should make sure to call him if he doesn't manage to call by 8 or so. At first he (Ryan) wouldn't tell me what R was going to ask, but it got to be kind of late and there had been no phone call, so he told me that K and R wanted to know if I would babysit for the 2 kids who weren't going to the game, since I wasn't going either.

Honestly, I thought it was a bit tactless to first uninvite me to something and then ask me to babysit since I "wasn't doing anything anyway" (never mind the fact that I was doing something. Maybe I'm just annoyed that they didn't bother to consider that maybe I had already made alternate plans). Ryan didn't seem to think it was a big deal, since they really did need someone to watch the kids. I wouldn't have minded so much had the original plan been to just take Ryan to the game and leave me to my own devices, but both being uninvited and then being asked to babysit was a little much.

They did manage to get someone else to watch the kids, so everything worked out fine, but it just sort of bothers me that Ryan doesn't seem to see what the problem was. He also mentioned to K and R that I was a little offended at their actions and they justified it by saying that they didn't have anyone to ask, so they don't really see what the problem was either.

Honestly, I'm going to let it go since I'd like to keep the generally good relationships that I have going with my in-laws, but it does make me wonder if maybe I was over-reacting.

I'm curious to hear from those of you with kids, was it out of line for them to ask me to babysit after revoking my invitation to the event in the first place?

 

[smedley]

i think it was extremely uncool for them to uninvite you and in as much definitely out of line to ask you to sit. had you never been invited it would not have been out of line for them to ask you to sit IMO.

 

[Diana]

Quote:

Originally Posted by MEM

was it out of line for them to ask me to babysit after revoking my invitation to the event in the first place?

No.

Don't sweat about small things.

Maybe they thought you would feel less excluded from the family activities if you were still a part of the scene. They don't sound like tactless people to me.

But like I said, don't sweat about small things.

THINK OF HEDGEHOGS AND BE HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Why don't we have a hedgehog smilie???????9

 

[Iria]

It was tactless, but I wouldn't get too upset with it. My reasoning in situations like this is that if I know they weren't being rude on purpose (i.e., they didn't understand why you're upset and might not have been upset if it happened to them), I try not to get mad. Letting them know you were upset was a good thing; maybe they'll actually think a little harder next time.

So, um, I just re-read your post and yeah, you did the right thing to let it go, but you weren't over-reacting.

 

[nigel]

Yeah - it was rude all the way around.

Not to start anything, but why wasn't Ryan truthful with you about the phonecall from the start, especially since he didn't think the matter was a big deal?

 

[Thalia]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Iria

It was tactless, but I wouldn't get too upset with it. My reasoning in situations like this is that if I know they weren't being rude on purpose (i.e., they didn't understand why you're upset and might not have been upset if it happened to them), I try not to get mad. Letting them know you were upset was a good thing; maybe they'll actually think a little harder next time.

So, um, I just re-read your post and yeah, you did the right thing to let it go, but you weren't over-reacting.

I agree. I can kind of understand that they were in a rough spot, but if I felt I had to ask you in that situation, I would do it with huge apologies and the expectation that you'd say no. Not by acting like, well you don't have anything better to do anyway. I guess it's the lack of appreciation on top of everything else that would bother me. But if they don't have a long history of being major jerks, I think it's fine to let it go.

As for your husband, he might just see these things differently and I agree it's best to agree to disagree.

 

[Trueveggie14]

No kids here, but I've been there and it is not cool. You people had the kids, you'd better pay for your own babysitters or stay home. (sorry, personal rant) I've been "expected" to watch my sister's kids before with no notice, no compensation and no apology in the past. I made it clear that although I love my niece and nephew, I have a life of my own and just because I don't have kids doesn't mean that I am your instant babysitter. Now they pay someone from the daycare facility to come to their home and watch the kids. They also have "parent's night out" offered by the daycare facility and I'll watch them for a few hours ... just not all day or 3 days (as has been asked a # of times).

Assuming that if you are not a parent your life is meaningless and you are automatically obliged to care for other people's kids... is more than rude and offensive.

 

[zoebird]

it's tacky, but easy enough for you to say "i already made plans."

 

[veggieeater]

Honestly, I'm a bit envious of your situation. My sister in law only calls me if she needs me to babysit or for holiday get togethers. She would never invite me to a ball game or something like it in the first place. We've had some personal issues with them lately so I'm not sure when I'll get to see my niece again and we have been very close in the past.

It sounds like they didnt end up calling you to ask you to babysit. It also doesnt sound like they had any expectations that you would do it for them or try to make you feel guilty for not wanting or being able to watch their kids. You should probably just try to get over this.

 

[MRSSHF]

the whole thing was a little tacky, and I hope they learned that they should not invite people to do something if they don't have the tickets.

However, it doesn't appear that they meant to offend you, so I'd just let it go. Overall, it sounds like you have a good relationship with them, and I wouldn't let this tarnish it.

 

[MEM]

Thanks all. It wasn't a big deal in the end, but it just seemed odd that no one else thought there was a problem except me. I just went to the dojo and their grandmother watched them. Everyone won.

Quote:

(Why don't we have a hedgehog smilie???????9

We should totally have a hedgehog smilie.