[theLaika]

I've posted issues regarding this in the past but, I've reached the end of my tether.

I've been living with my sister for the last couple of months, while I sorted things out in a new city, and country. It hasn't worked out from day one. I've always felt like she has a fundamental issue with me living with her - doesn't show me any respect and creates incendiary arguments at the drop of a hat. I haven't always acted like the perfect house mate to her and could've put more effort into trying to reasonably come to a better understanding.

I'm about to tell her my plans about moving into a new place - I think it's for the best. Does anyone have any experience about dealing with this? The biggest issue is that we're related - she isn't just some bad house mate I won't have to deal with again.
Moreover, this breaks my parents' hearts to see their children acting uncooperatively - that's the biggest issue for me. I would try to make it work a lot harder if I truly knew how much it hurt them. I've tried to explain that this is corrosive to a long-term relationship with each other but they assert that we just "need to work things out".

Any thoughts on how to deal with this delicate situation would be greatly appreciated.

Feel free to call me out and tell me what foolish children we are.

 

[River]

What is the situation behind moving in with her in the first place? That might make it a bit easier to figure out a polite exit strategy.

If you're uncomfortable saying, I would happily tell her in an excited/nice manner that you've found a place! And that you'd love for her to stay with you if she can/wants to!

 

[theLaika]

I needed somewhere to stay/ didn't have a job/ help living in a new continent/ didn't know many people. I've gained new friends, got a temporary job and really know my way around her now. I have no reason to be here, anymore.

However, whatever way I position it, It will be clear it's down to relationship failure. My parents will be really upset we couldn't come to an agreement - they know all about what I've told you. They'll think i'm giving up on a relationship with my sister. That makes me feel really guilty.

Also, I'm not sure If I can totally support myself - my job runs out in Dec. Whilst there's a good chance I'll get a permanent position, I could easily be unemployed in Jan and need a place to stay.

 

[paperhanger]

Is your sister older than you?

 

[Capstan]

Sounds like you've been living on your sis's good graces. Maybe you are being a little immature.

 

[whisper]

It's natural for people to want to move out into their own place. How long do your parents expect you two to live together?

I would just tell them you appreciate everything your sister has done for you, helping you with the moving to a new country. And that you have found your own place and as soon as you are settled in, you would like to have your sister over for dinner, to thank her for all her help.

Inviting her over for dinner, should show that you plan to continue your relationship with her.

 

[theLaika]

Quote:

Originally Posted by paperhanger

Is your sister older than you?

yeah, I'm 22, she's 25.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Capstan

Sounds like you've been living on your sis's good graces. Maybe you are being a little immature.

So, move?

Quote:

Originally Posted by whisper

I would just tell them you appreciate everything your sister has done for you, helping you with the moving to a new country. And that you have found your own place and as soon as you are settled in, you would like to have your sister over for dinner, to thank her for all her help.

Inviting her over for dinner, should show that you plan to continue your relationship with her.

I should say that she has done little to help me in the new country. My current apt. is as much mine as it is hers, so I should say; she's not lending me accommodation. Your idea is good, though.

 

[Capstan]

Quote:

Originally Posted by theLaika

So, move?

If you're uncomfortable there, yes. Or perhaps you could throw your sister out.

 

[paperhanger]

Though it's understandable that you don't want to deal with family stress, the best thing to do would probably be to move. Tell your parents and sister you want more independence; "spread your wings," so to speak. It will only become a negative issue if your parents or sister want to make it one. If that happens, it would be mature for you to be your own person and not get wrapped up in bickering over it.

 

[paperhanger]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Capstan

If you're uncomfortable there, yes. Or perhaps you could throw your sister out.

definitely the easier solution!

 

[KrisMTL]

Sounds like she really helped you out at the start, I'd almost say you owe her.so you can repay her with acting mature?

 

[peacefulveglady]

Sometimes when you move in with family at first it seems like a great idea, but after awhile it gets boring, dull and the honeymoon ends, I used to live with my husband's father and we used to rent from him and they evicted us for bad reasons but we found our own place that they dont' know about and we are good to go.

 

[Freesia]

Just thank your sister for everything and say it is time she could have her own place back and you can start establishing yourself. Your relationship will improve with the distance, believe me, it is a lot easier to get on with immediate family (ie parents, siblings) when you have your own place! You will both be happier for it.

 

[theLaika]

Quote:

Originally Posted by KrisMTL

Sounds like she really helped you out at the start, I'd almost say you owe her.so you can repay her with acting mature?

She didn't help much, to be brutally honest.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Freesia

Just thank your sister for everything and say it is time she could have her own place back and you can start establishing yourself. Your relationship will improve with the distance, believe me, it is a lot easier to get on with immediate family (ie parents, siblings) when you have your own place! You will both be happier for it.

That's my theory - thanks for the confirmation.

 

[reneeannem]

I think some people just can't live together - even if they're family - and there is no shame in that.

 

[Nishani]

Quote:

Originally Posted by theLaika

I haven't always acted like the perfect house mate to her and could've put more effort into trying to reasonably come to a better understanding.

Just say that to your sister. I've always found that if you admit your shortcomings to people that you live with (and be sincere about it of course), it tends to go over pretty well.

 

[obankobi]

You should watch "The new adventures of old Christine".

I agree with Nishani. If anything will work, it's that. If it doesn't work, just explain you want to move on and live on your own, have your own life and such. I'm sure she'll understand. She can't expect you to live with her forever, though if she's like Christine she might...