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Does anyone else suffer or has suffered from an alcoholic parent? My mother is one, and I've put up with her antics for about nine years now. She's tried to get help, but never stuck to it, so what can you do? It's messed me up psychologically, and I've nowhere to turn. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/sad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":("> Can anyone empathize?
 

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I'm sorry, I'm not the the situation myself, but have many friends who have to go through the same things.<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":hug:"> I wish you all the luck, and hope you get some advice in this thread.
 

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Neither of my parents suffered from alcoholism, although I think my father was on the cusp of it for a short time when I was small. I am, however, a recovering alcoholic, myself, and I got better with the help of Alcoholics Anonymous.<br><br><br><br>
If I were you, I would look into Ala-teen & Alanon. They will teach you how to heal yourself. The central office numbers should be in your phone book.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>MRSSHF</strong> <a href="/forum/post/0"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
If I were you, I would look into Ala-teen & Alanon. They will teach you how to heal yourself. The central office numbers should be in your phone book.</div>
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I've considered those places, but I'm not sure how they'd actually help. If the same things are happening out of my control, what can I really do but suffer?
 

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I seperate myself from my parents and work extra hard so if they end up losing there job/dying in a car accident or anything else due to drinking.. I'll be fine.<br><br><br><br>
Just take care of yourself and remember that you can't control what others do. Go to school, don't drink, and work really really hard. Thats what I do. Seems to be helping.
 

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I didn't think ala teen or alanon helped at all. Both of my parents were alcoholics, until my dad quit when I was 11. My mom quit two years ago, but I don't think it was soon enough to repair anything. We lived in very, very bad conditions, and it has done it's damage. If you'd like to talk, pm me.
 

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My dad and my step-mom are both recovered alcoholics, and my mom and my step dad are both drinking alcoholics. My dad is very violent, especially when drinking, which ultimately caused my parent's to divorce, but I was only 6 at the time so I don't remember a lot of it. My mom didn't start really drinking until her mother died when I was in 8th grade, so for about 3 years there she was drunk non-stop and still drinks excessivly. She is a very angry drunk.<br><br><br><br>
My stepdad really hurts no one but himself, I think he is a bit psychic so he tries to kill it with booze, he'll have dreams about things, tell my mom and us, and then they'll happen. He thinks its that he just thinks he remembers telling us about something he dreamed and that we're just trying to make him feel better by saying he did. He would rather believe we're all conspiring against him and that something is wrong with his brain then that he sometimes knows whats going to happen.<br><br><br><br><br><br>
I've coped with this simply by learning to not rely on my parents, I always had a friend's house I could go to growing up and I moved out and away from it all at 19 and I'm pretty happy for it.
 
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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">I've considered those places, but I'm not sure how they'd actually help. If the same things are happening out of my control, what can I really do but suffer?</div>
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the deal with al-anon and alateen is that they help you learn to cope with the stuff that you can't control. they help you learn about alcoholism and why alcoholics behave the way they do- so that you can deal with their craziness better. they help you to understand whats happening and why, and give you tools and skills and knowledge to help you go with the flow and get on with your life instead of blaming yourself and rushing round trying to fix everything, (thats what i did- thats what lots of kids of alcoholics do- blame themselves, and try and fix stuff!) etc.<br><br><br><br>
basically they give you a place to go and let of steam, and they give you the inner resources to hang in there when things feel like total hell. knowing that there is a big bunch of people going through the same stuff as you, who know how you feel, and who deal with the same crap as you do, every day, and who care about you, can really help your sanity sometimes.<br><br><br><br>
i think they're worth a shot- seriously, what have you got to loose? you might want to read some al-anon literature online, and see how you feel about calling them afterwards- remember, they're not going to judge you, and if you decide to, you can walk away or put the phone down at any time- lots of people do, a few times, before getting help- they'll understand.<br><br><br><br>
alternatively, you could see if your school can refer you for some councelling or mentoring with someone who knows about alcoholism- that you can go to in a break, inside the school, in school time, etc- i think its important that you have somewhere for you to talk and cry and let off steam and learn to cope and be ok with yourself, and some help to do it- you're carrying a lot, and you shouldn't have to carry it on your own.<br><br><br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">She's tried to get help, but never stuck to it, so what can you do? It's messed me up psychologically, and I've nowhere to turn. Can anyone empathize?</div>
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sadly, you can't do anything to help your mum while she's drinking and doesn't want to stop- apart from looking after yourself, and getting help for yourself. i know that really hurts, but i think you probably know that already on some level. she has to get to a stage where she's ready or desperate enough to stop drinking- thats not really something you can affect- i've learnt for myself that diluting drink, hiding their bottles/cash/keys so they can't get drunk... being kind, gentle, and rational... or screaming, shouting, crying... attempting to manipulate, push, steer, guilt trip.... etc, etc, etc won't do it... it'll just exhaust you, and what ever you do, they'll find a way keep drinking.<br><br><br><br>
the best thing you can do is to learn to look after yourself, mentally and physically. stuff might turn around for your mum in the future, and it might not, you can't change that, but you can help to turn stuff around for YOU.<br><br><br><br>
i'm lucky that in my case, stuff did get eventually better- but even then, having someone stop drinking doesn't suddenly fix all the damage that happened along the road- sometimes having an ex-drunk but now-sober parent can be just as difficult, but in a completely different way (its hard to explain). my dad's been sober for more than 10 years now, and i'm all grown up, and we're both just about 'ok' now, and thats only because we both got lots of help to learn how to be ok with everything that'd happened, and to learn how to get along. Getting help for yourself will help you to be ok whatever happens in the future.<br><br><br><br>
hang in there!<br><br><br><br><a href="http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/english.html" target="_blank">http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/english.html</a>
 

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A friend of mine lost her mother to alcohol fairly recently. IT was a long struggle, there were many stints of rehab, etc. Eventually my friend had to come to understand there was nothing she could do to help. Alanon meetings helped her to come to understand things so she could continue with her life, even as her mother prematurely ended hers. I hope this doesn't happen to you, but I do encourage you to seek professional help. Your parents might have "messed you up" but you can fix yourself. You aren't doomed forever to live out a life because of their mistakes. You can take charge of your life, if you have the right guide. My best wishes for you. (((((hugs))))
 

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Hi Wayne-<br><br><br><br>
Sorry you're having some rough times. I hope I don't sound too negative by saying I don't believe 12-step programs are the answer for many alchoholics. There are many reasons for this, including the disputable concept of a higher power, the assumption that one has no control, and the idea that it is a "disease".<br><br><br><br>
I would like to encourage you to check out SMART. It's a cognitive behavioral therapy based model that empowers the individual with tools and a support system. Most striking, there's no hocus-pocus, no higher power, no powerlessness.<br><br><br><br><a href="http://www.smartrecovery.org/" target="_blank">http://www.smartrecovery.org/</a><br><br><br><br>
They have online chat rooms, online daily meetings, local meetings, and plenty of online tools. It could put you in touch with people dealing with their problem or people that are effected by others with the problem.<br><br><br><br>
Good luck to you! I grew up with an alcoholic parent that is now thankfully mostly in control of their addiction.
 
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