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hey. My friend has lost a few people close to him and when he told me I didnt know how to react. or what to say to comfort him. i didnt know what I should say. Or when he brings one of them up what should i say? I dont want to keep saying "Im sorry" I try to change the subject because I dont know what to say to him. But i feel bad maybe he wants someone to talk about it too. What shall i do?
 

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Ask him if he wants to talk (rather he talks and you listen). Probably wants to sort things outloud and needs a good ear.<br><br><i>Effective</i> listening is a very underrated skill.
 

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A colleague of mine lost four people of her family in a short time. (one every week)<br><br><br><br>
I only send her a card saying *hug*<br><br><br><br>
MsRuthieB advice is good, but also remember it in six months from now.<br><br>
When its recent, people pay attention, but months later he could still be feeling down about it, but at that moment people suppose hes over it and dont listen that much anymore.
 

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LC....if it's comfortable for you, you could ask questions if you want something to say. Ask how he's handling school or work life? Or besides asking what you could do to make him feel better...do something. Like bringing soup to him at home or making a care package with a nice card. But to be a good listener, ask questions and listen to the answers. Usually the answers can give you an idea of what to say next. Sometimes people don't want advice and being listened to actually gives voice to their thoughts so they can discover the answers for themsleves without being told how to deal. Good luck...knowing how to be a good listener and how to say the right things takes practice (I know I need practice) <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)"> ....but you gotta start somewhere. Give updates k?
 

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LC, there really isn't much to say to someone who is grieving. I've gone through much grief and saying I'm sorry means a whole lot. Listening is a great thing to do. Other things I appreciated when I lost loved ones was people offering to come over and sit with me or have coffee out with me. Also them letting me know they understand how difficult it must be (you probably do already with your voice tone). You can also say something like "I don't know what to say but I care and I'm here for you whenever you need me." Or something like that. That's comforting, too. Good luck with it.
 

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I would just say "If you ever need to talk I'm here." I know if that were to happen to me I wouldn't want to talk about it. At least not for a long while. And I wouldn't want people to keep bringing it up but I would (obviously) want to know that they care.
 
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