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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I admit I was having a bit of a bad day today, a close friend is in hospital having an risky operation so I was worried about that, and then at work my co-worker took it upon herself to nag at me for three hours. When I got home my stepdad had made dinner for everyone, which I didn't mind because it was lasagna (I'm vegan), but when I asked him if he'd made me anything my mum said "Well don't expect him to make you something different just becase you eat weird."

Still, my stepdad said he'd make me a stirfry with rice, but when he gave me it he'd made it with yellow rice that I knew had lactose in. I told him that the reason that rice had been sitting in the cupboard for a month (it was one of those pre-packaged dealios) was because it had milk in, so he could eat my dinner if he wanted...I knew he probably would, the man likes his food


My mum stuck her nose in again and started saying I was stupid and it wasn't her fault that I wouldn't eat like a normal person. I ignored her and started going through the freezer for something and she started doing that thing I'm sure many mothers do - when they start talking loudly to another person in the room about you. "God, she's being so stupid about a small bit of milk. I bet she'd eat chocolate with a little bit of milk in" etc...

I've been vegan for over a year and she's always making little comments like this (along with my older sister) and I usually ignore her or laugh it off, but today I ended up turning around and telling her to shut up. She again started saying I was being stupid and so on, so I got even more worked up and said I was trying to do what I thought was the right thing, it was none of her business, but all she could do is have a go at me. And I admit there were a few curse words in there (not **** you, but more "You keep on ****ing doing this..."), then I left the room.

I feel that I've put up with her being like this for over a year even though I expected not to have to because she's LO vegetarian, and she knew I was annoyed at work and upset about my friend but still had to stick her nose in. But now she's ignoring me and muttering about me, and I have no clue if I've completely overreacted (I know I did to an extent)


BTW - my stepdad went out and got me some wheat noodles and made me another stirfry...the poor man's a bit of a pawn in all this and it's obvious to anyone he didn't have to do that, but it just annoys me a bit more that he was happy to cook it and also eat the one I didn't have but my mum has to say these things from her spot on her sofa. I don't know.
 

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We can only hold in our frustrations for so long really. I don't really blame you for blowing up. Sounds like your step dad is a lot more supportive than your mom about all this.

After taking in so much, I think you had every right to get upset.
 

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Family can be trying sometimes. Venting every once in a while isn't that bad. Your stepdad sounds cool, though, it was great of him to go buy you food. Try not to mind your mum when she's like that, it's possible she had a rough day too. Hope your friend's doing well! Extra hugs
 

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I think you have done well to only react once in a year after all the niggling about your choice. Like Cassiopeia said, we can only bite our tongues for so long. Try not to feel bad for letting a bad day affect you.

ps. what is LO vegetarian...?!
 

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Situations like this are always upsetting. I think that your mom's "tactics" of criticism are immature, and she shouldn't be surprised if you blow up in response.

On the other hand, I have a great deal of sympathy for your stepdad, who made three different meals that night, solely to accommodate your own requirements. It's important to keep in mind that "invisible" or "trace" ingredients in foods (like the milk products in the flavoring of the rice) are hugely frustrating for people who do not share your diet.

Many people are accommodating when it comes to ingredients they add to the meal themselves (meat, cheese, eggs), but - unless they are cooking for vegans on a regular basis - just do not think to research ingredient lists and do not understand why it would be important to do so. Also, someone who is not used to checking ingredients for non-vegan things won't even know what to look for in many cases. (How many non-vegans know what lactose, casein, etc., are?)

So, I guess my take on it would be that if you are not OK with making some exceptions to a strictly vegan diet, you should not expect a nonvegan to cook for you, unless you give them very specific instructions. Your mother's negativity is an issue (and seems to be ongoing, so it needs to be dealt with at some point), but you can also be doing more to reduce the frustrations involve in accommodating your choices.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
I never ask my stepdad to cook for me, I ask what he's cooking and if it's vegan or possible to be made vegan I'll help him with the differences, a lot of the time he makes a vegan meal for himself and my little sister because we all like the same stuff (even though he's omni). Normally I'd have caught what he did with the rice, I was actually considering throwing it away so he didn't put it in my dinner by accident because it's not the sort of thing he'd eat. When he made the third meal I'd gone upstairs in a huff and I didn't know he was making it or I'd have told him he didn't have to.

That's why I was so annoyed at my mum, really, because unlike my older brother and my older sister, who's moved out but lived with us until she was 20, I make nearly all my own food and don't complain when she makes a family meal I can't eat, which is most days of the week.

Don't think I'm not grateful to my stepdad, he does nice things like that sometimes that make me feel like a complete **** who's asking for too much.

Thanks though, I just never know where the line is with my mum because she's my mother and everthing
But today she's sort of talking to me and hasn't mentioned it, maybe she'll even cut down on the snarky comments now I've told, or yelled, about how I feel about them.
 

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Your stepdad sounds way more supportive than your mom.

I would be upset for someone calling me or my choices "stupid" about anything, not just food!

I think your stepdad deserves a great big thank you and let him know how much you appreciate him cooking special for you. I would be annoyed at cooking 3 separate meals myself!

also i would remove things like the pacakaged products with ingredients you wont eat so something like this doesnt happen again.

I am also confused as to why in your post you said you never ask stepdad to cook for you but in the original post you said you asked him if he made you anything? Honestly if no one else in the house is vegan i would not expect them to cook for me and especially to cook and get it the way i want it.

me i would have just ate the rice with lactose in it. but thats me, i am not that strict about things.
 

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how old are you? i think its time to sit down and tlel your mom whats up. obviously she loves you, and i am confused as to why she just cant accept your situation? i guess i was lucky. a few months after i became a vegetarian, my mom also joined the lifestyle
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
Bonoluvr - Sometimes he makes vegan meals for everyone, they'd already eaten when I got home but he was still fiddling about in the kitchen, so I asked if he'd made me anything meaning anything I could eat because I could see something under the grill but couldn't tell what it was.

I try to tell them when they buy a new product if I can eat it or not, and I also skulk around the kitchen when they're cooking sometimes to make sure they don't throw anything un-vegan in my food


I'm 18, which is another reason why I didn't know if I crossed a line. I get the feeling that now I'm an adult she can turn around and say if I don't like how things are run I can get out, which would be pretty bad because I have a one year college course to do next year before I can go to uni, so I won't be able to afford my own place.

I gave my stepdad a bar of my easter dark chocolate today to say thanks which he almost inhaled
Although he doesn't "get" my veganism, he enjoys cooking and looking for new food (he used to be a chef) so my diet's pretty exciting for him really
 
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