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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
<span style="font-size:xx-small;"><span style="color:#808080;">This has been done a few times, but...</span></span><br><br><br><br>
What are 25 things that are important to you, and you would <b><i><span style="text-decoration:underline;">prefer</span></i></b> to have in an <b><i><span style="text-decoration:underline;">ideal</span></i></b> future (or current) beloved.<br><br><br><br>
What are 25 things that would disqualify a person from even being considered as a potential partner?
 

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I think having a list like that is very seinfeld like, lol. It will pretty much prevent you from ever finding someone.<br><br><br><br>
All I need is trust, love, respect, and compassion. The lack of any of those things would be "disqualifiers", just because I feel all of those things are necessary in a healthy relationship. Everything else can be worked out, but if there is a lack of any of those things, a relationship cannot work.<br><br><br><br>
I can't tell you how many times I've seen people at my office fret over some little detail of a potential mate that eventually slips through their fingers. "But, he's the same height as me, and I really want a guy to be taller than me." "He's a year younger than me, I really wanted a slightly older guy." "She doesn't have the nicest teeth." "She's a little bit too pudgy for me." When I met my husband, I "thought" I was into short, skinny, fair guys. He was a tall husky dark guy, so I initially thought he "wasn't my type". So glad I didn't limit myself or I would have missed out on a lifetime of happiness. Just my two cents ;-)
 

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1. self-consciousness<br><br>
2. disconnectedness<br><br>
3. poetry<br><br>
4. justice<br><br>
5-24. various Waits records<br><br>
25. a guitar to play covers from them with
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>veggielove</strong> <a href="/forum/post/0"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
I think having a list like that is very seinfeld like, lol. It will pretty much prevent you from ever finding someone.<br></div>
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I couldn't disagree more.<br><br><br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">All I need is trust, love, respect, and compassion. The lack of any of those things would be "disqualifiers", just because I feel all of those things are necessary in a healthy relationship. Everything else can be worked out, but if there is a lack of any of those things, a relationship cannot work.<br></div>
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Really? I doubt most people would be that flexible. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)"><br><br><br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">I can't tell you how many times I've seen people at my office fret over some little detail of a potential mate that eventually slips through their fingers. "But, he's the same height as me, and I really want a guy to be taller than me." "He's a year younger than me, I really wanted a slightly older guy." "She doesn't have the nicest teeth." "She's a little bit too pudgy for me." When I met my husband, I "thought" I was into short, skinny, fair guys. He was a tall husky dark guy, so I initially thought he "wasn't my type". So glad I didn't limit myself or I would have missed out on a lifetime of happiness. Just my two cents ;-)</div>
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I don't think these types of lists are intended to be centered around such shallow preferences. Regardless, I'm guessing there is a reason why the words "prefer" and "ideal" were included in the OP.
 

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I think maybe more people would do this if the number was smaller. I'm too lazy to think up 25 of each! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/tongue3.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":p">
 

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I once had a list of 10 must have and 10 can't stands. If you don't assume anything, it's easy to come up with a lot, like is honest, doesn't beat me, doesn't cheat. But some things need to be assumed.<br><br><br><br>
I don't feel comfortable having too many disqualifiers, I prefer to focus on the qualifiers. A disqualifier needs to be taken in context of the positive qualities (unless it's something obvious like being disrespectful.)<br><br><br><br>
Like I really doubt I would hook up with someone whose religious or political ideas were too different from mine, but you never know. If they were awesome in every other way, maybe. But when I look at personal ads, a good way to wade through the dozens of people is to immediately eliminate those people.
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>veggiejanie</strong> <a href="/forum/post/0"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>veggielove</strong> <a href="/forum/post/0"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
All I need is trust, love, respect, and compassion. The lack of any of those things would be "disqualifiers", just because I feel all of those things are necessary in a healthy relationship. Everything else can be worked out, but if there is a lack of any of those things, a relationship cannot work.</div>
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Really? I doubt most people would be that flexible.<br></div>
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Hmmm... I gotta agree with VeggieLove - I think if you're in a relationship with someone who happened to fit your "list", then GREAT! But if you've found someone absolutely wonderful and amazing <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smitten.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":smitten:"> with whom you have mutual love, respect and trust, yet they don't fit some of the other 'criteria' on your list? I think everything else CAN be worked out... (And I'm DEFINITELY not a "flexible" person.)
 

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I don't really have qualifiers, I just have disqualifiers or dealbreakers since I have to have those in place, and i try to keep as open an outlook as possible if that makes any sense.<br><br><br><br>
dealbreakers<br><br>
1) disrespectful<br><br>
2) currently has alcohol/drug addictions<br><br>
3) currently a smoker<br><br>
4) consistently acts immature<br><br>
5) severe depression or mental illness that cannot be controlled. I probably wouldn't leave someone if they developed something, but I wouldn't begin dating someone with such severe problems<br><br>
6) self-hating. you can't love other people if you don't love yourself. i learned that the hard way.<br><br>
7) completely and totally unwilling to try new things. I would be friends with someone like this, but my dream is to travel and see the world, try everything there is, do everything there is in life. I want to be with someone who can be beside me through it all, and enjoying it. not looking at their watch wondering if it's over yet.<br><br>
8) unable to listen and incapable/unwilling to learn how to listen. it is very important to me that i be with someone that i feel i can talk to without being interrupted, judged or having the subject changed because my problems are too uncomfortable to the person for them to ever listen to them.<br><br>
9) lives too far or in a place i'm unwilling to ever move to<br><br>
10) doesn't accept me for who I am<br><br>
11) religious views that are in opposition to mine. I know that sounds bad, but being the non-religious person that I am, I dont' think marrying a jesus-lover will work very well.
 

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I have recently learned that while somethings can be worked out, some people are just way too different to make things work.<br><br><br><br>
I don't want to make a list- sorry troub, but I now know that my ideal partner must have a similar world view to mine. Not the same, but they must believe that life and people are inherantly good! They must be open with me, and they must have time to spend with me. They must want to be able to share their feelings. I need to be with someone who can laugh at themselves, and at life. Someone who works hard, but knows when to take a break. They have to be respectful of my views, and beliefs.<br><br><br><br>
There are lots of other little things, but these were the deal breakers in my last relationship.
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>troub</strong> <a href="/forum/post/0"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
/facepalm at the failure of this thread, lol.</div>
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Were you hoping someone would come in here and post 25 things that describe you?<br><br><br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/wink3.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=";)">
 

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After 32 years of marriage (33 on Friday) I could probably write a book. But I'm too tired. It's more of a hindsight kind of thing. Maybe I'll come back tomorrow. But I have a feeling once I get started I won't be able to stop.
 

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My absolute minimum requirements are only 2: I have to be able to talk with him, and I have to be attracted to him. Of course, I could break down the "have to be able to talk with him" into specifics including such things as at least mildly compatible views on religion and politics (and perhaps a mutual addiction to National Public Radio), or I could add that I'm generally attracted to men who are intelligent and who take care of themselves and their health. Generally, though, I try to keep an open mind, knowing that the specifics of attraction and being able to talk with someone can vary. I should probably add respect and love to the list, too.
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>veggiejanie</strong> <a href="/forum/post/0"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
I couldn't disagree more.<br><br><br><br>
Really? I doubt most people would be that flexible. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)"><br><br><br><br>
I don't think these types of lists are intended to be centered around such shallow preferences. Regardless, I'm guessing there is a reason why the words "prefer" and "ideal" were included in the OP.</div>
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I've found that people who have "lists" have a hard time finding people who fit them, and are lonely and angry and don't understand why. I'm not sure if I would describe everything on these lists as "shallow preferences" but, yes, I think a good relationship needs room to be flexible. I'm with Tofu N Sprouts :) When you find a person with whom you have the basics, the rest all falls into place.
 

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Discussion Starter · #18 ·
<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>veggielove</strong> <a href="/forum/post/0"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
I've found that people who have "lists" have a hard time finding people who fit them, and are lonely and angry and don't understand why. I'm not sure if I would describe everything on these lists as "shallow preferences" but, yes, I think a good relationship needs room to be flexible. I'm with Tofu N Sprouts :) When you find a person with whom you have the basics, the rest all falls into place.</div>
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<- have list<br><br>
<- had to be patient<br><br>
<- not lonely<br><br>
<- not angry
 

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Discussion Starter · #19 ·
I didn't say that these lists were to be some sort of all or nothing thing. It was just supposed to be a fun exercise to get your interests in writing, and the things you would <b><i><span style="text-decoration:underline;">IDEALLY</span></i></b> want in a partner.<br><br><br><br>
I even gave a "current" clause for people to throw some things they like about their current mate.<br><br><br><br>
This has been done in the past with success (list thread)... I'm just surprised at the reaction is all, heh. Whatevah - still think it's fun to try it some time -<br><br><br><br><br><br>
what if it was redone as a list of 5? yes? no?
 
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