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The Comfort of Unhappiness

2K views 33 replies 14 participants last post by  Koho 
#1 ·
I'm wondering about some of your thoughts here.

Taking solace/comfort in the unhappiness. It seems like it can ALMOST be comfortable being unhappy in a depression or discomfort for whatever reason. I see that on here at times.

I'm wondering why that is.

FTR, I don't find solace in it. I've definitely been mired in depression and major frustration/sadness etc. But, I've always found it a necessity to fight my way out of it.

Thoughts??
 
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#5 ·
I think it's a learned trait. Siblings, parents or maybe a social circle teach suffering and reward those who submit.
 
#6 ·
This is my grandma. She seems to derive some special power to continue to live from hating everyone, including members of her family. I think there is a power in unhappiness that can be harnessed to get your self out of bed everyday... a corrupted desire that brings the day anew. I much prefer to use a positive emotion, happiness, hope, expectation, to get me out of bed every morning... but that doesn't mean the power in unhappiness isn't there.
 
#7 ·
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rotoshave View Post

This is my grandma. She seems to derive some special power to continue to live from hating everyone, including members of her family. I think there is a power in unhappiness that can be harnessed to get your self out of bed everyday... a corrupted desire that brings the day anew. I much prefer to use a positive emotion, happiness, hope, expectation, to get me out of bed every morning... but that doesn't mean the power in unhappiness isn't there.
This is interesting, but not quite what i was thinking of. But, there are numerous women (including on grandmother) i grew up with that were very angry and volatile women. My aunt forced her husband (my uncle) to sleep on the floor next to their bed when he was on his deathbed cuz he was very sick and she didn't want him to mess up the sheets. He died shortly after.

Definitely women in my life that seemed to thrive on some sort of unhappiness until their bitter end.
 
#8 ·
A heavy depression might be hard to take solace in, since it's pretty much hard to do anything whilst being in it.

but yeah, a negativity might be as driving as positivity when it comes to life.

or it's just a call for help.
 
#9 ·
Quote:
Originally Posted by *AHIMSA* View Post

Everyone uses a crutch at some point. For some, misery is as good a crutch as any. Personally, I have no use for misery and do all I can to work myself out of it.
^^that

I've been depressed too. right now i'm going through a divorce that is (at times) sucking the life out of me. but...some people do like to wallow in self pity. poor me this...poor me that.
 
#10 ·
Quote:
Originally Posted by unovegan View Post

This is interesting, but not quite what i was thinking of. But, there are numerous women (including on grandmother) i grew up with that were very angry and volatile women. My aunt forced her husband (my uncle) to sleep on the floor next to their bed when he was on his deathbed cuz he was very sick and she didn't want him to mess up the sheets. He died shortly after.

Definitely women in my life that seemed to thrive on some sort of unhappiness until their bitter end.
That is so sad! Your poor uncle. I can't imagine being married to (or even friends with) someone who harbors so much hatred in their heart.
 
#11 ·
I've met people who seem to be almost comfortable with being miserable. I honestly don't understand it. My few bouts with depression/anger have been exhausting, all I want is to feel better, lighter and sunnier.
 
#12 ·
Quote:
Originally Posted by sequoia View Post

That is so sad! Your poor uncle. I can't imagine being married to (or even friends with) someone who harbors so much hatred in their heart.
yeah, she was just like her mother. is. She's still around. such an angry woman. i have nothing to do with her. I think along with my grandmother, these women feel like they were given the shaft in life (like it was out of their hands) and are/were pissed about it.
 
#13 ·
Quote:
Originally Posted by Floridaisa View Post

^^that

I've been depressed too. right now i'm going through a divorce that is (at times) sucking the life out of me. but...some people do like to wallow in self pity. poor me this...poor me that.
I think you're on to something. It could be a way to get attention. I have a friend like that. She had a horrible childhood (verbally and physically abused), and she lets it run her life. She just can't let go and whenever anything mildly bad happens to her she just about breaks down and wallows in self pity. I try to be supportive, but it is very difficult to be around someone like that.
 
#14 ·
Quote:
Originally Posted by Poppy View Post

I've met people who seem to be almost comfortable with being miserable. I honestly don't understand it. My few bouts with depression/anger have been exhausting, all I want is to feel better, lighter and sunnier.
yeah, i've read books that somewhat romanticize being enveloped in the darkness. and it's 'almost' as the common answer for the comfort level.
 
#15 ·
Quote:
Originally Posted by unovegan View Post

yeah, i've read books that somewhat romanticize being enveloped in the darkness. and it's 'almost' as the common answer for the comfort level.
I did this as a teenager. I was going through a "goth" phase. I don't know what I was thinking.
 
#16 ·
Quote:
Originally Posted by unovegan View Post

This is interesting, but not quite what i was thinking of. But, there are numerous women (including on grandmother) i grew up with that were very angry and volatile women. My aunt forced her husband (my uncle) to sleep on the floor next to their bed when he was on his deathbed cuz he was very sick and she didn't want him to mess up the sheets. He died shortly after.

Definitely women in my life that seemed to thrive on some sort of unhappiness until their bitter end.
wow.
 
#19 ·
Quote:
Originally Posted by sequoia View Post

I think you're on to something. It could be a way to get attention. I have a friend like that. She had a horrible childhood (verbally and physically abused), and she lets it run her life. She just can't let go and whenever anything mildly bad happens to her she just about breaks down and wallows in self pity. I try to be supportive, but it is very difficult to be around someone like that.
if you stop and think about it, we've ALL had crap in our lives. some better, some worse. it's not the problems you have, but the way you handle them. i know that sometimes the depression is way too much and one does need help. but if you just go around in the self pity cloud, well that's just an injustice you do to yourself.
 
#21 ·
Quote:
Originally Posted by Floridaisa View Post

if you stop and think about it, we've ALL had crap in our lives. some better, some worse. it's not the problems you have, but the way you handle them. i know that sometimes the depression is way too much and one does need help. but if you just go around in the self pity cloud, well that's just an injustice you do to yourself.
wallowing, so to speak.
 
#25 ·
I honestly think that some people see it as some sort of contest. They think that their life is just so miserable, or their experiences are so unique that no one else can possible relate in any way. It's like they think they're going to get a trophy for being the most unhappy or depressing person ever. I really do think that's the way some people are, whether they consciously realize it or not. My dad is like this. All he ever wants to do is talk about his dreams and give the same old tired analysis about how it all relates to negative feelings he experienced as a little kid. He had a very unhappy childhood and even to this day, seems unable to get past it. I have issues with my dad that go way back, but as I got older I used to try to listen and understand where he was coming from. I learned very quickly that he didn't want to relate to me though. (even though I could in some ways) He thought that his problems were completely and utterly different than anyone else's, and he never wanted to hear any input from me. I remember him saying once, "You've never been rejected like I have. You've never felt alone." It made me angry because that isn't true at all. It was odd how he seemed to want to alienate me (and my mother) and yet still seemed to expect me to understand him.

So anyway, based on my own experience, I'd say that at least for some people (I'm talking about extreme cases where a person cannot get past something and does not even try.) it's their way of feeling special, like they're a tragic character in a really depressing story.
 
#26 ·
Quote:
Originally Posted by Spoonerism View Post

I honestly think that some people see it as some sort of contest. They think that their life is just so miserable, or their experiences are so unique that no one else can possible relate in any way. It's like they think they're going to get a trophy for being the most unhappy or depressing person ever. I really do think that's the way some people are, whether they consciously realize it or not. My dad is like this. All he ever wants to do is talk about his dreams and give the same old tired analysis about how it all relates to negative feelings he experienced as a little kid. He had a very unhappy childhood and even to this day, seems unable to get past it. I have issues with my dad that go way back, but as I got older I used to try to listen and understand where he was coming from. I learned very quickly that he didn't want to relate to me though. (even though I could in some ways) He thought that his problems were completely and utterly different than anyone else's, and he never wanted to hear any input from me. I remember him saying once, "You've never been rejected like I have. You've never felt alone." It made me angry because that isn't true at all. It was odd how he seemed to want to alienate me (and my mother) and yet still seemed to expect me to understand him.

So anyway, based on my own experience, I'd say that at least for some people (I'm talking about extreme cases where a person cannot get past something and does not even try.) it's their way of feeling special, like they're a tragic character in a really depressing story.
Very well stated Spoonie.

It does relate to (in this instance) being selfish as well as wanting attention.
 
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