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Drug Addicted Roommate

3K views 14 replies 14 participants last post by  vegan_foodie 
#1 ·
My boyfriend and I live with another couple, 'Kevin' and 'Shelly'. Shelly is an overall bad roommate, she is irresponsible with her belongings, cleaning up after herself, not taking care of her pets, and seems to have the emotional range of a child. She can't handle serious discussions without throwing a fit and crying. Which has made it hard to deal with any issues surrounding her, since she's impossible to get to sit down and talk. She is a recovering anorexic, and has a prescription for adderall. Sure, she might seriously need it, but I think combining it with her already anorexic tendencies doesn't help. Over the past two months, she's accused my boyfriend and I of stealing three bottles of her adderall, and around 500$ in "lost" money. The more and more we talk about it, it seems like more and more that she has a drug problem. Several of her friends have come forward and said that they have caught her stealing stimulants (adderall, ritalin) from them. We had another issue like this, this morning, where her and her boyfriend accused us of taking her adderall. I've caught her stealing from me -- cigarettes, alcohol, and i've found my purse and coat pockets emptied of about 50$, and i assume it's her. How do we approach her about this? Do we talk to her mother/brother? We've tried talking to 'Kevin' and he just shut down and said it wasn't his problem and that we should talk to her. Everytime we talk to her she just freaks out.

halp
 
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#2 ·
She's a train wreck. There are many approaches that *could* work, but they all are contingent upon her utilizing skills and resources she appears to not have. My suggestion is to get out. Sorry.
 
#3 ·
Quote:
Originally Posted by *AHIMSA* View Post

She's a train wreck. There are many approaches that *could* work, but they all are contingent upon her utilizing skills and resources she appears to not have. My suggestion is to get out. Sorry.
Well, it's our house, so kicking them out is an option. that's a last resort though, we'd rather have them leave on our terms, instead of just chucking them out. although, we might not have much choice, if she's stealing money & such from us.
 
#5 ·
If she truly has a drug problem, is stealing, and is unable/unwilling to sit down and have an adult conversation... I believe you will hit the point where you HAVE to go with the last resort situation of kicking them out. How much crap you put up with (and how much of your stuff/money goes missing) before you hit that point is up to you.
 
#6 ·
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kenickie View Post

My boyfriend and I live with another couple, 'Kevin' and 'Shelly'. Shelly is an overall bad roommate, she is irresponsible with her belongings, cleaning up after herself, not taking care of her pets, and seems to have the emotional range of a child. She can't handle serious discussions without throwing a fit and crying. Which has made it hard to deal with any issues surrounding her, since she's impossible to get to sit down and talk. She is a recovering anorexic, and has a prescription for adderall. Sure, she might seriously need it, but I think combining it with her already anorexic tendencies doesn't help. Over the past two months, she's accused my boyfriend and I of stealing three bottles of her adderall, and around 500$ in "lost" money. The more and more we talk about it, it seems like more and more that she has a drug problem. Several of her friends have come forward and said that they have caught her stealing stimulants (adderall, ritalin) from them. We had another issue like this, this morning, where her and her boyfriend accused us of taking her adderall. I've caught her stealing from me -- cigarettes, alcohol, and i've found my purse and coat pockets emptied of about 50$, and i assume it's her. How do we approach her about this? Do we talk to her mother/brother? We've tried talking to 'Kevin' and he just shut down and said it wasn't his problem and that we should talk to her. Everytime we talk to her she just freaks out.

halp
If she has 3 bottles of Adderall hanging around to be "stolen" she not only has an addiction, but she is getting it illegally for sure. It's a controlled substance, and you can only get 1 script a month. They keep a registry of sorts, and every pharmacy will know if she has filled a script or not. Sounds like she is into some shady stuff on top of her addiction and stealing.
Just be safe, and make sure she doesn't get you wrapped up into her drama.

People that misuse Adderall make me so angry, I took it for a very long time to deal with my ADD, and you have to jump through hoops to get it because of all the people that use it as an appetite suppressant, study drug, and as a stimulant. Grrrrr.
 
#10 ·
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kenickie View Post

My boyfriend and I live with another couple, 'Kevin' and 'Shelly'. Shelly is an overall bad roommate, she is irresponsible with her belongings, cleaning up after herself, not taking care of her pets, and seems to have the emotional range of a child. She can't handle serious discussions without throwing a fit and crying. Which has made it hard to deal with any issues surrounding her, since she's impossible to get to sit down and talk. She is a recovering anorexic, and has a prescription for adderall. Sure, she might seriously need it, but I think combining it with her already anorexic tendencies doesn't help. Over the past two months, she's accused my boyfriend and I of stealing three bottles of her adderall, and around 500$ in "lost" money. The more and more we talk about it, it seems like more and more that she has a drug problem. Several of her friends have come forward and said that they have caught her stealing stimulants (adderall, ritalin) from them. We had another issue like this, this morning, where her and her boyfriend accused us of taking her adderall. I've caught her stealing from me -- cigarettes, alcohol, and i've found my purse and coat pockets emptied of about 50$, and i assume it's her. How do we approach her about this? Do we talk to her mother/brother? We've tried talking to 'Kevin' and he just shut down and said it wasn't his problem and that we should talk to her. Everytime we talk to her she just freaks out.

halp
Kick her out and be done with it. She's not your responsibility but she sounds like a big liability.
 
#12 ·
Finally thought of a good use for spring-loaded mouse traps... set them and put them in your pockets to catch a thief. Just don't forget you put them there.

In all honesty, addicts are a lose-lose situation unless they are ready to or have already gotten help for their addiction and even then, they live from hour to hour battling temptation. That is why so often they look to family to help them out because of the whole enabling/unconditional love aspect in most cases. She needs help beyond what you and your other roommates are qualified to give her and it sounds like she has learned and worked her method of "dealing" with confrontation so take the "nothing personal, it's business" route and just let her know you think it is a poor fit, that she needs to start looking for another place to live and that you guys will start interviewing new potential roommates.
 
#13 ·
you shouldn't take that kind of crap in your own house. just tell her nicely to take her boyfriend, her pets and her pills and get the f... out of there. even if you are a good person and you will feel the urge to help her my advice is not to do it. in most of the cases, in this situations you will end up being sorry for helping her.
 
#14 ·
Kick them out.

I say that as someone who just left a house with exactly that kind of couple. They are a threat to your family(by participating in illegal activities) and safety (since you don't know what sort of people she's hanging out with or stealing from-leads to lots of trouble). Please please get them out of your house, especially if there are any children living there as well. That erratic behavior she has when confronted can and probably will become violent later on, and I've seen many people be great friends with people they are getting pills off of until one day they are jacked up and steal from the wrong people. Not trying to preach, I just have lots of personal experience in this sort of situation, please pm me and and if you would like to know how mine has gone.
 
#15 ·
Quote:
Originally Posted by What the what now? View Post

If she has 3 bottles of Adderall hanging around to be "stolen" she not only has an addiction, but she is getting it illegally for sure. It's a controlled substance, and you can only get 1 script a month. They keep a registry of sorts, and every pharmacy will know if she has filled a script or not. Sounds like she is into some shady stuff on top of her addiction and stealing.
This, paired with what you said at the beginning of the thread Kenickie, is what you should tell her.

Explain that you do not want to judge her or make her leave...start off with that. Then say that her behavior has been questionable. Mention what What The What Now said about having that much Adderall, and explain that you feel confused/sad/whatever to be accused of stealing because you know that she has been stealing from you. Let her know that you do not approve of drug abuse of any kind, nor do you like the feeling of needing to lock everything away so she can't steal it, nor do you like being accused of stealing something that she shouldn't have in such abundance anyway.

Do not yell, do not scold, but do be calm but firm. Explain that she needs to seek help, and if you don't see improvement in her behavior then she needs to leave.
 
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