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  Topic Review (Newest First)
07-01-2005 01:32 AM
SquarePeg I changed my name both times that I married.



The first time I changed it because my maiden name was Smith and I couldn't wait to get rid of that last name.



The second time I changed it because after my divorce I didn't go back to my maiden name ... and honestly after being divorced for a few years it really started to get on my nerves to have my ex-husband's last name.



Nothing overly romantic about the reasons.



I can see how it is sort of nice that everyone in my family has the same last name ... but I don't think that it is necessary or that a marriage is doomed if the woman doesn't take her husband's last name.
06-27-2005 12:38 PM
GhostUser
Quote:
Originally Posted by Amy SF View Post

My two cents:



First of all, when a woman keeps her "maiden" name, she's keeping the one she inherited from her father. So (at least in Western cultures) it's a patrilineal tradition anyway you look at it.



Second, it's not the name itself, but what you do with the one you have that counts in life.



So there.



That's a good point.



Maybe we all should just pick our own names. I want to be Fabio Einstein.







The Rev
06-27-2005 12:36 PM
GhostUser I had a teacher in High School who, at some point long after they were married, decided to change his first name and take his wife's maiden name. I don't know if his wife kept his old name or not, but that would be pretty funny.







The Rev
06-27-2005 11:10 AM
kachina Whatever works for the couple in question, imo.



When we first got married, I kept my name & he kept his. Then we decided to have a common last name (because we had to fill out dual forms on *everything* due to the different last names). So we flipped a coin. I lost. :P



Fast-forward five years. We're arguing about something, argument morphs into a coin-toss, and now HE has my last name.



Heh.
06-27-2005 10:38 AM
Amy SF My two cents:



First of all, when a woman keeps her "maiden" name, she's keeping the one she inherited from her father. So (at least in Western cultures) it's a patrilineal tradition anyway you look at it.



Second, it's not the name itself, but what you do with the one you have that counts in life.



So there.
06-27-2005 07:48 AM
bstutzma
Quote:
Originally Posted by xrodolfox View Post


I prefer that Latin-American way of naming the one common in the US of either hyphenating or women changing their last name.



That said, against my wishes, my wife changed her last name to mine. She didn't like her last name, felt no attachment to it, and wanted something better for her to be called at school since she is a teacher and has to hear "Mrs. [insert name]" all day long. My wife is her own woman, and I couldn't stop her.



My husband felt the same way. But I hated my last name too ;-) As feminist as I am, I couldn't wait to ditch my last name - who woulda thunk it? ;-)
06-27-2005 07:46 AM
VeggieBiker I think changing your name is up to each individual. I could never change my name when I get married; I legally changed my name to take my mother's maiden name a few years ago and could never give up my fantastically Finnish, unpronouncable last name. Plus, I love that I have an "a.k.a." on my tax forms and credit reports with my previous name!
06-27-2005 07:05 AM
xrodolfox
Quote:
Originally Posted by bstutzma View Post

For those of you who are confused about the hypenation thing.... well pretty much all spanish countries actually ALWAYS name children with both the mother and father's names. But the names carried are always paternal in nature. For example....



My husband's mother's last name, prior to marriage, was Court Mora. "court" is the paternal name(her fathers), "Mora" is her mother's name. But for legal documents in the US, only Court is used. When she married my husband's father (who's name was Martinez Fernandez), she became Martinez Court. The mother's mother's surname is dropped. The children are named Martinez Court. And the cycle continues. For them its quite normal.



That is how I got my name (being Latino and all).



I am Rodolfo Palma Lulion or [Given name] [Middle names - none in my case] [paternal family name] [maternal family name]. If you meet my cousins, Pablo Lulion Castillo, you know that we are related through my mother, and his father, who are brother and sister. If you meet my cousin Roberto Alejandro Palma Villaseca you know we are related through my father and his father, who are brothers, etc.



It is quite useful.



In this system, women do not adopt their husband's last name, except in very formal settings where they go as my grandmother does: Rosario Gosens viuda de Palma. This is rare, thought, but that is how you get the "de [last name]" thing happening.



I prefer that Latin-American way of naming the one common in the US of either hyphenating or women changing their last name.



That said, against my wishes, my wife changed her last name to mine. She didn't like her last name, felt no attachment to it, and wanted something better for her to be called at school since she is a teacher and has to hear "Mrs. [insert name]" all day long. My wife is her own woman, and I couldn't stop her.
06-27-2005 04:44 AM
bstutzma For those of you who are confused about the hypenation thing.... well pretty much all spanish countries actually ALWAYS name children with both the mother and father's names. But the names carried are always paternal in nature. For example....



My husband's mother's last name, prior to marriage, was Court Mora. "court" is the paternal name(her fathers), "Mora" is her mother's name. But for legal documents in the US, only Court is used. When she married my husband's father (who's name was Martinez Fernandez), she became Martinez Court. The mother's mother's surname is dropped. The children are named Martinez Court. And the cycle continues. For them its quite normal.
06-26-2005 12:37 PM
SystmDwnGrl2 My ex husbands parents changed their name completely when they got married. His dad's been Ahkhazian. Instead of shortening that up they took his mom's name, changed the spelling, shortened it and added an E. Talk about confusing...Having said that, I took his name. I didn't even really think about it. Wish I hadn't, it always gets spelled wrong (it sounds like a Spanish name, but is spelled totally different).
06-26-2005 12:22 PM
Azalea
Quote:
Originally Posted by kirkjobsluder View Post

I don't see where this contradicts what I said.



I'm sorry. I must have misunderstood what you said. I thought you were saying that you hadn't seen proof of these naming traditions being widespread in Iceland.
06-26-2005 11:19 AM
brahmacharya
Quote:
Originally Posted by newstars View Post

Instead you get The Popadopoulous's featuring Mr. Anderson.



Finally, a decent band name.



I voted that I don't care.
06-26-2005 11:18 AM
kirkjobsluder
Quote:
Originally Posted by Azalea View Post

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Iceland



I don't see where this contradicts what I said.
06-26-2005 08:38 AM
IamJen
Quote:
Originally Posted by Michael View Post

I voted I don't care. If I'm lucky enough to find someone to spend the rest of my life with I really don't care about the name.



Exactly.
06-26-2005 08:25 AM
schu I dont agree with it.im not saying that its wrong or that it necessarily hurts anyone....I just dont like the idea of one person abandoning their name for some reason..im guessing one of the main reasons is convenience though
06-26-2005 07:02 AM
mysteriouspoet I'm female, and disagree with it.
06-26-2005 06:28 AM
Azalea
Quote:
Originally Posted by kirkjobsluder View Post

Could be true. I'm not finding much support for widespread adoption of family surnames in Iceland though.



Quote:
Women retain their names after marriage, since Icelanders generally don't use family names. Instead, children are named after their parents, usually the father but sometimes the mother: Jón, son of Halldór, would be Jón Halldórsson; SigrÃ*ður, daughter of Páll, would be SigrÃ*ður Pálsdóttir



http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Iceland
06-26-2005 01:14 AM
Michael I voted I don't care. If I'm lucky enough to find someone to spend the rest of my life with I really don't care about the name.
06-26-2005 01:11 AM
canadianSKA when i'm wed, i'm taking my partner's name
06-26-2005 12:32 AM
rainbow_clouds Personally, I don't want to change my name because it is very unique and I love it, that is all. Maybe my future husband would take my name.. that would be interesting. heh.
06-25-2005 09:37 PM
ug333
Quote:
Originally Posted by kirkjobsluder View Post

The concept that you would even have a consistent last name that is universally known is relatively recent in the vast scheme of history, and there are still cultures where sharing a last name is more a product of colonialism than tradition. For that matter, in Iceland today it is not uncommon for siblings to have different last names following traditional rules.



I'm not saying it SHOULD be more difficult, but just that it is. I only have experience through 2 couples, but both have changed their names due to school issues so that they all match. Perhaps such things aren't an issue anymore, I don't know.



In the end I think it is up to the individuals, but I am just saying why I would lean towards taking a single last name. I also like the idea of taking a new last name, different than both (sometimes combined from the two). That seems to be the best of all worlds, if you can come up with a good one
06-25-2005 06:29 PM
Schoska I would vote.. but it won't allow me. Very odd.

Anyway, I don't think that I would change my name. Not because I want to have it 'live on' as I expect my brother will be the one with kids eventually and not me.

I just really LOVE my last name. I always have - it is unusual (where I am). It harks back to great-great grandparents etc, and as I didn't get to know my grandparents, I feel like it is the one link I have. (Plus we are not a close family which somehow makes me feel it is more important).



And, if I eventually get to do what I want, I want it in my name - not anyone elses.
06-25-2005 06:17 PM
bethanie LOL that was pretty funny.
06-25-2005 05:56 PM
dk_art "Well, I thought you meant I had a really big a** of course...what did you think I thought you meant?"

--------------------





Hahaha ....... now why would I just come out and say something like that ... besides I've never seen your ...... oops I better stop there





(what's wrong with curvaceousness anyway?)
06-25-2005 05:05 PM
punkmommy I just really wanted a last name with a "z" in it



OK, seriously, I don't care. For me, I don't have a family connection with my maiden name and I wanted for my husband our son and I to all share the same name. And it sounds a lot cooler too
06-25-2005 04:48 PM
kirkjobsluder Could be true. I'm not finding much support for widespread adoption of family surnames in Iceland though.
06-25-2005 02:40 PM
Azalea
Quote:
Originally Posted by kirkjobsluder View Post

For that matter, in Iceland today it is not uncommon for siblings to have different last names following traditional rules.





https://www.veggieboards.com/boards/s...7&postcount=51
06-25-2005 02:40 PM
bethanie
Quote:
Originally Posted by dk_art View Post

"Wow...what was the point of that mean little remark? Do you just not have any experience with women?"

-------------



Huh? ........ I was making fun of the smiley.... just seemed funny in relation to stretchable underwear



Were you upset about that or what did you think I meant??





Well, I thought you meant I had a really big a** of course...what did you think I thought you meant?
06-25-2005 02:22 PM
CarbLover Well I'm against it. There is nothing inherently sexist about wanting a family to have a single last name, but when 99% of the time, it is the woman's heritage that is erased, it IS sexist. What the patriarchal naming tradition says to me, is men are more important. That's why I reject it. If it was more of a 50 50 thing, men changing and women changing, then I could sympathize with the unity arguments more. I also find it curious how many women just "happen" to have an aesthetic preference for their husband's name, yet the reverse is not true.



As far as the kids things goes...well I personally prefer the Spanish tradition (two last names) but I don't know if I can work that in the US. Anyway, with divorce and blended families, different last names within a family is hardly a new thing.



Men seem to understand my position better than women, because men have been trained all their lives that their name is part of who they are, whereas women are trained to think that their name is a reflection of which man they're with. That is, in my opinion, the reason we still have most women changing their names today.
06-25-2005 01:59 PM
MollyGoat
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mskedi View Post

I hope you didn't think I was trying to say you were wrong. I wasn't. I was just pointing out that I'm lucky.

I'm lucky too! I think my fiance's and my family would be pretty surprised if I DID want to change my name....
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