| Topic Review (Newest First) |
| 07-09-2004 06:06 AM | |
| Artichoke47 |
I'm happy for you, Descentia. 
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| 07-08-2004 10:44 PM | |
| Descentia |
Quote:
Originally Posted by bethanie
 Well clearly. The only problem with that is while dangerous men are in general great in bed, they pretty much suck at everything else. Oh yeah... story of my life... dangerous bad men = MMMMMMMmmmmmmmmm unfortunately you end up in tears at some point! Happily, I recently met up with a pretty cool guy who seems to incorporate enough of the danger in him, yet still seems to be fairly stable and loving. It's early days but my fingers are crossed. (And the sex is goddamn amazing!) |
| 06-29-2004 08:09 AM | |
| Artichoke47 |
I have had instances where I'm not immediately attracted to somebody but give it a shot, anyway, like if I thought that they had a nice personality or something, but in the end, if I'm not physically attracted to somebody, I have a problem with maintaining a long-term relationship. I'd rather be single than with someone who I can't be attracted to physically...and mentally, for that matter. 
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| 06-29-2004 08:00 AM | |
| Thalia |
I don't put much stock in immediate chemistry. As long as I am attracted to the person in some way, if not physically, their personality at least. With almost everyone I've gone out with, it has taken me a long time to feel comfortable around them and even longer to start feeling stronger chemistry. As I have stronger and stronger affection, the person magically becomes more and more physically attractive. I guess for me it's more emotional. I do feel chemistry for some people right off the bat- but these are usually people who have some tremendous sex appeal or charm and usually not people who are appropriate for longer term relationships. So my overall comment is- if you feel some connection on some level, give it some time. |
| 06-29-2004 06:57 AM | |
| GhostUser |
hehe Arti.. Oh man, some guys just DON'T know how to kiss. I was with a guy once and he would not take the hints when I'd push him away whenever he'd shove his tongue down my throat.  How is it so hard to understand that you don't try to get as much tongue as possible into someone's mouth!?He didn't last very long, but that wasn't because of his kissing technique (or lack thereof). 
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| 06-29-2004 06:06 AM | |
| Artichoke47 |
Quote:
Originally Posted by Artichoke47
That's not necessarily true; it doesn't have anything to do with age. In fact, older men probably are more lazy. I know of an 18-year-old who knew what he was doing, and I'm not even talking sexually, per se. Oh, I just wanted to add that I was 18 at the time, too, not 24. 
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| 06-28-2004 08:22 PM | |
| GhostUser | Sexy is looking in each others face and watching...don't close your eyes all the time. Just a friendly tip. |
| 06-28-2004 06:56 PM | |
| Artichoke47 | I definitely think kissing can be enjoyable even if there's no tongue action involved, but if it's not passionate, then I'd probably be bored and turned off. |
| 06-28-2004 01:56 PM | |
| Stephanie | Well I definately think one can tell when there's chemistry.Of course, chemistry may not be there immediately when you meet someone. It could develop or appear later. Something could just click. Even if he may not touch, kiss or "whatever" exactly the way you like. I find it better to say "I like it when you kiss me like this" and show him or " I like it when you touch me like this" and show him or " I like this" and show him.Being subtle about it, but defintely letting him know what pleases you. Not being mean or embaressing about it, but still letting him know. So he learns what you like, but doesn't feel embaressed about not pleasing you.Making it a kind of a sexy game, not being mean about it. I find nothing wrong with letting others know what you like as long as it's done politely. Everyone enjoys being kissed, touched or whatever differently and the other person doesn't really know what you may like. |
| 06-28-2004 06:30 AM | |
| GhostUser |
My current b/f of 7 years...well, there was a spark at first but definitely not much fireworks. He was 26 and I was 29. See, he was with his ex for 10 years and she was all he knew. And she was very conservative in the bed...her and I are total opposites in every regard..including sex. So some of the things I like he had just an idea about and never really had a chance to polish his technique. It took some time and gentle communication but my my my is he fine tuned now. I looked at him several times this weekend and was getting turned on but my niece and his step daughter were around. Then I was looking at him yesterday while he was driving with his shirt off and the sun was beating down...and got turned on all over again. Thinking about it this morning, if I hadn't communicated with him and been patient we probably would have been at that near beginning stage of our sexual relationship still (if we would have stayed together at all). If things were that way now, I doubt that I would be able to look at him the way I did this weekend and get hot. Great sex begins in your mind before it happens with your body. I gave him the best massage last night with cocoa butter oil and he returned the favor.  But here's something to know. Neither one of us like tongue kissing that much. I really never got into it and neither did he. Lucky that we found eachother. And the fact that we don't tongue kiss much doesn't effect other things in any way. |
| 06-28-2004 06:30 AM | |
| tuesday | it's only with my current boyfriend that I've had the courage to ask for things. This isn't because he especially needs to be told, but because I have more confidence now when I'm with him. Before, I just let things happen to me. |
| 06-28-2004 05:07 AM | |
| Galatea |
I agree, if he can't kiss, get rid of him. I mean, I think if the guy really just wasn't experienced but seemed like he could learn quickly, I'd be forgiving if the first kiss wasn't all that great.. but this is not terribly common once you're out of your teens and into your mid-twenties or so. That said, my ex was the best kisser on the planet and ... let's just say it translated well into other areas. I still miss him. 
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| 06-27-2004 03:39 PM | |
| Artichoke47 | I guess technique can definitely be fixed or at least improved, but if the guy barely seems alive and only wants to kiss to lead to other things, I think I will be through with him in the future. I like to kiss for hours, not just kiss to get turned on and eventually have sex. |
| 06-27-2004 03:35 PM | |
| rabid_child |
ooo.. what about the people who go in too fast and either a) knock their teeth against yours, or b) stick their tongue way too far into your mouth [and without first swallowing good!!] both bad kisses I've been with really inexperienced people who were bad kissers at first but very quickly caught on and ended up being amazing to be with. You never know. |
| 06-27-2004 07:02 AM | |
| bethanie | Well dang, I know a little sucking can be a turn on. But it takes a LOT of sucking to give a lip hickey. YUCK. |
| 06-26-2004 09:26 PM | |
| Artichoke47 |
Quote:
Originally Posted by bethanie
I agree. Plus, you know, if he doesn't pass the kiss test, what's the point? I have yet to figure that out.  I dated a guy a few years ago who kissed well on our first few dates, and then he started sucking my bottom lip while we kissed...so much that it hurt me and my lip was always sore. 
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| 06-26-2004 09:23 PM | |
| bethanie |
Quote:
Originally Posted by Artichoke47
I guess I get annoyed right off the bat. Like, for instance, if you're kissing a guy and not feeling passion or a connection, it's already put a damper on the physical relationship to start with. Then if you give him "directions" or advice, he might get defensive. Then you wonder why in the world this guy can't kiss worth crap and end up feeling dissatisfied. By the way, I am really talking about kissing, just so there's no confusion. I'm not trying to make this PG-13 or anything. I agree. Plus, you know, if he doesn't pass the kiss test, what's the point? |
| 06-26-2004 09:22 PM | |
| bethanie |
Quote:
Originally Posted by Artichoke47
Maybe danger is what turns you on, though?  Well clearly. The only problem with that is while dangerous men are in general great in bed, they pretty much suck at everything else. It's the same as the old addage about crazy women. Crazy women are FANTASTIC lovers. 
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| 06-26-2004 09:21 PM | |
| Artichoke47 |
I guess I get annoyed right off the bat. Like, for instance, if you're kissing a guy and not feeling passion or a connection, it's already put a damper on the physical relationship to start with. Then if you give him "directions" or advice, he might get defensive. Then you wonder why in the world this guy can't kiss worth crap and end up feeling dissatisfied. By the way, I am really talking about kissing, just so there's no confusion. I'm not trying to make this PG-13 or anything.
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| 06-26-2004 09:18 PM | |
| bethanie |
Quote:
Originally Posted by rincaro
I guess it is irrelevant. But as an example, just because a man doesn't know how to properly touch you using his hands, doesn't mean that he doesn't know what he's doing. It may mean that a previous lover enjoyed that. So by showing him how to please you (if he pays attention) you're doing both of you a favor. Also part of men not knowing what they are doing can be blamed on women in general. A man tries to please you and it is so off the mark it isn't funny. Do women in general show him how to fix it? Nope. And worse sometimes they pretend or fake. And then the man thinks he's rocking your world. And when he gets to the next woman he *thinks* he knows what he's doing. That said, I think it is to everyone woman's benefit to be able to show or tell what she needs or whats physically. And if the man can't handle that, he doesn't deserve you. Right on! |
| 06-26-2004 09:16 PM | |
| Artichoke47 |
Maybe danger is what turns you on, though?
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| 06-26-2004 09:15 PM | |
| bethanie |
Well, to be quite honest....the exact thing that has gotten me into trouble in the past is 'chemistry' which in fact was not chemistry at all, but just an attraction to DANGER. So now whenever I feel the hair on the back on my neck stand on end when looking at a guy, I know that's a BAD sign and not actually chemistry. So I have to say when I get into that next 'physical' relationship I'm going to have to rethink the whole thing. Which btw, is no small task. Yup Iamjen. Sometimes even I have a hard time believing I'm 35. B |
| 06-26-2004 05:43 PM | |
| Artichoke47 |
That's true about women in general being displeased and not saying anything about it. Time to speak up, troops - er, that is, if the chemistry is there. We have spoken.
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| 06-26-2004 05:37 PM | |
| rincaro |
I guess it is irrelevant. But as an example, just because a man doesn't know how to properly touch you using his hands, doesn't mean that he doesn't know what he's doing. It may mean that a previous lover enjoyed that. So by showing him how to please you (if he pays attention) you're doing both of you a favor. Also part of men not knowing what they are doing can be blamed on women in general. A man tries to please you and it is so off the mark it isn't funny. Do women in general show him how to fix it? Nope. And worse sometimes they pretend or fake. And then the man thinks he's rocking your world. And when he gets to the next woman he *thinks* he knows what he's doing. That said, I think it is to everyone woman's benefit to be able to show or tell what she needs or whats physically. And if the man can't handle that, he doesn't deserve you. |
| 06-26-2004 05:00 PM | |
| Chrysalis | I agree that teaching him what you like won't work if there isn't chemistry there to begin with. But of course it doesn't make things better if he's a crappy kisser to begin with. I can't believe how much time I wasted with my ex, hoping he would catch on to my obvious hints about how to do a better job and whatnot (he was too proud for me to be upfront with him). I think his poor technique deteriorated the chemistry we initially had, though, does anyone know what I mean? |
| 06-26-2004 04:54 PM | |
| Artichoke47 |
This isn't about what men think is sexy. That's irrelevant.
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| 06-26-2004 04:47 PM | |
| rincaro | I think some initial chemistry should be there. But as far as showing a man certain things, I think that just has to happen sometimes. And also a lot of men think it's very sexy when a woman uses her hand to guide his hand. |
| 06-26-2004 08:57 AM | |
| IamJen |
I was thinking the same thing about bethanie's age and mine (33). I always thought you were younger. Yay for the 30's I'm not sure I agree w/the op part about if your partner's not "good at it", then maybe you're not attracted enough to them. I think this could get a lot of women into trouble. As mentioned, our partners (particularly men) can't be expected to know what feels good/best for us unless we tell them. If we're not telling them, we can easily end up with some non-exciting fumblings. One of my friends and I joke about this being one of the differences between highschool and college boyfriends. In HS, physical activities were fun, but when we became more assertive in college, they were *ahem* more fun. Even the "chemistry" isn't always something that happens immediately (although that's great too. One of my exes is a guy I worked with for over a year and never thought of him even once in a sexual way. We started spending some more time together near the end of the semester in college and something clicked. When we were together at the (computer) lab, I just wanted to whisk him away into the back room and have my way with him.
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| 06-26-2004 08:57 AM | |
| Artichoke47 | That just hasn't been my experience, I suppose. |
| 06-26-2004 08:56 AM | |
| Marie | I'd have to disagree. A lot of older guys just want to make the woman happy.. and they'll do anything. They know how to put a woman on a pedestal. |
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