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  Topic Review (Newest First)
07-15-2008 05:39 PM
sweet_wheat
Quote:
Originally Posted by veggiecraig View Post

A great, great book is "Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy Revised and Updated" by Dr. David Burns M.D.). He does a great job explaining irrational, negative thought processes and techniques to change them. Check out the many positive reviews on Amazon.com. Of the hundreds of thousands of books that they sell, this book is ranked #250 on their all-time best seller list. The book is a very easy read and is directed to lay people wanting to improve the quality of their lives.



It will help you understand what is going on with him and perhaps deal with the whole situation in a more effective manner. If he doesn't want to (or won't) read it, you can use the info to explain his irrational, negative thinking patterns and offer him alternatives. If you read it, I believe you may conclude this was the best $7.99 you have ever spent. Obviously, there is no "instant cure" or "magic bullet" to solve such problems which were a long time in the making, but this is a great tool in the quest for positive change.



I offer no relationship advice and am kind of alarmed by some that has been posted here. You indicated you have a counselor you have faith in - let this professional guide you. Good luck. veggiecraig





my dad swears by this book and suggested it to me recently - i skimmed it a bit..
07-15-2008 10:20 AM
panthera To be honest, I recall thinking it was a really lame book. I guess if you haven't tried any "pay attention to your thought processes" kind of work, it's helpful. But I don't think it addresses actual depression in the least. It just addresses very mild "blues" or perhaps dysthymia (mild version of depression). To have it claim to address depression is like saying, "watch your sugar intake, it'll cure your diabetes and you won't need any insulin." Sure it'll help to a certain extent, but it makes more serious diabetics just seem lazy.
07-14-2008 09:15 PM
GhostUser
Quote:
Originally Posted by sybaritik View Post

You're really plugging this book....did you write it or something?



I wish I wrote the book - with all the copies sold, I could leave the day job and start a vegetarian/vegan B & B in IRELAND!



OK, back to reality. Have a close friend who had a psych hospitalization early in the year (depression) and hasn't successfully broken out of the funk, despite lots of therapy and med changes. Recently bought him dinner at CHIPOTLE after work ( a great place for vegans - no, I don't own it!), gave him a pep talk and the book.



In the same month, a female coworker overdosed on prescription meds at her desk, passed out, taken to ER via ambulance. On day 3 of her psych hospitalization, went to visit her, gave her a pep talk, and gave her the book.

I first read the book in 1986 during a difficult time.



With so many folks in the country having no health insurance, and with many health insurance plans treating psychiatric problems with inferior (compared to coverage for physical impairments) or no coverage , many folks only have the option of self-help and the support of concerned love ones and friends.



Luckily, my 2 friends both have good health insurance with good mental health coverage, but I truly believe this book will help both of them. Hope I haven't been too "serious" here! veggicraig
07-14-2008 08:20 AM
sybaritik
Quote:
Originally Posted by veggiecraig View Post

A great, great book is "Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy Revised and Updated" by Dr. David Burns M.D.). He does a great job explaining irrational, negative thought processes and techniques to change them. Check out the many positive reviews on Amazon.com. Of the hundreds of thousands of books that they sell, this book is ranked #250 on their all-time best seller list. The book is a very easy read and is directed to lay people wanting to improve the quality of their lives.



It will help you understand what is going on with him and perhaps deal with the whole situation in a more effective manner. If he doesn't want to (or won't) read it, you can use the info to explain his irrational, negative thinking patterns and offer him alternatives. If you read it, I believe you may conclude this was the best $7.99 you have ever spent. Obviously, there is no "instant cure" or "magic bullet" to solve such problems which were a long time in the making, but this is a great tool in the quest for positive change.



You're really plugging this book....did you write it or something?
07-13-2008 07:11 PM
CountessKerouac My boyfriend has bouts of this, but not as severe. You have two choices: live with it and accept it as it is, or 2) try to get him help and leave him if he refuses.
07-12-2008 09:05 AM
karenlovessnow Thanks for the book suggestion...I'm going to look into this for myself!



Amazon.com has it for $7.99.



Another one suggested is Mind Over Mood.



Maybe I'll get both!
07-12-2008 08:08 AM
GhostUser A great, great book is "Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy Revised and Updated" by Dr. David Burns M.D.). He does a great job explaining irrational, negative thought processes and techniques to change them. Check out the many positive reviews on Amazon.com. Of the hundreds of thousands of books that they sell, this book is ranked #250 on their all-time best seller list. The book is a very easy read and is directed to lay people wanting to improve the quality of their lives.



It will help you understand what is going on with him and perhaps deal with the whole situation in a more effective manner. If he doesn't want to (or won't) read it, you can use the info to explain his irrational, negative thinking patterns and offer him alternatives. If you read it, I believe you may conclude this was the best $7.99 you have ever spent. Obviously, there is no "instant cure" or "magic bullet" to solve such problems which were a long time in the making, but this is a great tool in the quest for positive change.



I offer no relationship advice and am kind of alarmed by some that has been posted here. You indicated you have a counselor you have faith in - let this professional guide you. Good luck. veggiecraig
07-12-2008 01:33 AM
Hazelnut *bump*



Wow...old thread...I know...



I was searching VB for a thread on phobias, and came across this one. I'd really like to know how things are going now... Any better??? I certainly hope so...



I would like to comment on the part about the 'episodes' instantly stop when someone (OP) picks up the phone to call for help.



People do sometimes use disabilities as a way to manipulate others, but it's not fair to think that when it stops with the phone pick up (in my opinion). Think about a child that's crying...deep emotional distress... And the parent says "You better stop crying this instant or else ____(insert scary punishment here)______!!!!!" And the child is able to suck up his/her tears and return to normal out of fear of punishment.



That doesn't mean the distress wasn't truly real, or that the child just wanted attention (some do, though)...but consequences can force you to instantly bottle up emotions.



As for your hubby, I'd think that since he really doesn't want treatment, an emergency call for help would, in his mind, have very negative consequences, so he'd better suck it all back in!



An another note, I can relate to not wanting treatment for a phobia. I have two that DO interfere with my life, but I'm so used to them that I don't see a need to change. I function just fine in spite of them, but I do have to occasionally explain to people why I'm ____(insert odd behavior here)___.



Anyways, give us an update!
11-06-2007 11:35 PM
missbelgium OK well... sorry to have dropped out here for a while. Last week was a bit of a strange week here, with lots of time off from work (school break, too).



As I expected, things have calmed down quite a bit meanwhile.



Mainly, I have been able to talk to my husband and tell him that I was ready to drop everything, talk to a lawyer and find some way to settle. This scared him pretty badly apparently because, to my surprise, he agreed to seek help, both for himself as for us. I got a referral from a friend-psychiatrist and I hope to get things rolling in a few weeks.



We haven't been to see anyone yet for various reasons, my car broke down, both our jobs are getting hectic at this season and he is still dealing with lot of docs appointments for his physical ailments. We can't get home before 7 pm and then still have to take care of our kid and ourselves. But I am determined to not let him get away with an "empty"' promise.



We have been able to talk more calmly about the stuff that bothers us since we started to communicate again and I feel we have made some progress, relationship-wise. We're still far from being a close couple, but at least we are talking... and continuing to fix up our house so that, if need be, we can sell it in a couple of years without getting ourselves in debt for the rest of our lives.



I did get some physical reaction to all the stress, in the form of a very painful boil in my lower back, which I am now on meds (penicillin, unfortunately) for.
10-24-2007 01:52 PM
TreeManEarthSteward nah, you CAN take me seriously most of the time HONESTLY



high strung indeed (I've known it myself), hyper is that right??



you are a very reasonable sounding person I think ! I agree you have reason on your side.



hehe @ Alien forces...



Good on ya... for getting the help you are doing online and off, keep doing that



ps, I'm relieved you are saying violent solution is NOT the answer, because it ain't.
10-24-2007 12:48 PM
TreeManEarthSteward nah, you CAN take me seriously most of the time HONESTLY



high stinginess indeed, hyper is that ??



you are a very reasonable sounding person I think ! I agree you have reason on your side.



hehe @ Alien forces...



Good on ya... for getting the help you are doing online and off, keep doing that



ps, I'm relieved you are saying violent solution is NOT the answer, because it ain't.
10-24-2007 12:29 PM
missbelgium Yep it's pretty hard to take you seriously, Goth...



I've been having some sort of break with husband abroad for work. Not sure what is going to happen when he gets back (tomorrow ?). I guess the other shoe will drop, boohoo.



I registered with a forum on verbal abuse. Might help. We'll see. Forums are not going to help me take action though.



I also saw my own therapist. She still advises to take it easy, not to rush anything. She says yes, we'll separate, but in our own time. This is a lady who is into energy healing and has tons of experience (her own + patient's) on big life issues. Her own life hasn't been all roses either. I connect with her in a major sense and she is my "voice of reason" a lot of the time.



Again, we'll see. I don't think "violent" action will solve anything in a satisfactory way so I'll have to prepare things. I have time. And I have reason on my side. High strung persons have one big weakness and it's their high-stringiness I guess... Let me ponder this some more... (no, not postponing, just calling out for alien forces to come to the rescue).



Kidding here. It won't happen overnight but it 'll happen. How or when, I don't know. But I will set something in motion and take it from there. I will be in control. I promise.
10-24-2007 12:18 PM
TreeManEarthSteward BACK to SERIOUS business....



(how can you take me seriously with my Hitler and Super Beaming Smiley faces I don't know but we can try...)

<<<<<<<<<<
10-24-2007 12:15 PM
TreeManEarthSteward BACK to SERIOUS business.... (how can you take me seriously with my Hitler and Super Beaming Smiley faces I don't know but we can try...)
10-24-2007 12:13 PM
TreeManEarthSteward
Quote:
Originally Posted by missbelgium View Post

LOL... so nothing goes on in a SANE mind ?!

Just kidding. Itr's good to laugh sometimes (although I must warn you that abuse of this tyoe of laughter may get labelled "cynical").



Typo's are code for something too huh ? uhuh, its okay I'm really not that paranoid My complete whole mind is one big typo of derision... When I reach that eb, then you can call me cynical AND insane AND if you like NUTS Okay back to the nothing going on minds we share and share alike... Human beings actually DO MIX purposefully to make each other INSANE its a known FACT
10-24-2007 11:11 AM
missbelgium
Quote:
there is obviously a lot going on in a person's mind who is ill



LOL... so nothing goes on in a SANE mind ?!



Just kidding. Itr's good to laugh sometimes (although I must warn you that abuse of this tyoe of laughter may get labelled "cynical").
10-23-2007 08:33 PM
Nishani
Quote:
Originally Posted by missbelgium View Post

I think I have some idea of what he is capable of. So far, just words. I promise I'll run like hell if it goes any farther than that but I doubt he'll have the guts. He's quite pathetic really. His drama is always extreme and then he comes down and is quite normal again for a while. The reason I started this discussion is that I think his phobia have reached some sort of maximum here. I can be very understanding about people's "weird" traits. But... this is as far as I go, because from here on, it's psychosis. The phobia are taking over our lives. That is why I started posting. I guess there's really only 2 choices here: either he does something about it, or I do something about it... Basically I was wondering WHAT tools are available to do something about phobia, remember ?



I apologise, my comments were not intended to make you defensive. I got the impression from your posts that this was a desperate situation that you were hoping to see a way out of, as opposed to you just feeling a need to verbalise your current frustration.



There are some very effective tools out there to deal with phobias. I didn't go into them because you made it very clear that your husband was not interested in therapy of any kind so I felt there was no point going into it. There are various phobia forums on the net that could be of help to you, and obviously your therapist is the best person to ask about phobia treatment. Good luck, I hope you find some peace from this in the near future
10-23-2007 01:56 PM
TreeManEarthSteward may not remember at the time either, even if "madness" is a relief or a source of supposed truth or justice or comfort or whatever it means to the individual.



Basicly I would say psychosis is a deep fry... (and anything said about it in such brevity is bound to sound blunt, so be aware of that, there is obviously a lot going on in a person's mind who is ill, even in a depressed or sub-dued mind)
10-23-2007 01:52 PM
TreeManEarthSteward may not remember at the time either, even if "madness" is a relief or a source of supposed truth or justice or comfort or whatever it means to the individual.



Basicly I would say psychosis is a deep fry... (and anything said about it in such brevity is bound to sound blunt, so be aware of that, there is obviously a lot going in a person's mind who is ill, even in a depressed or sub-dued mind)
10-23-2007 01:42 PM
missbelgium Dunno about psychosis, ime quite often the person experiencing it doesn't remember afterwards (or blocks it out)...
10-23-2007 01:33 PM
TreeManEarthSteward
Quote:
Originally Posted by missbelgium View Post

I can be very understanding about people's "weird" traits. But... this is as far as I go, because from here on, it's psychosis.



sure, i understand that psychosis is the point which is to be feared.... but remember its dead horrid for the person experiencing it too.



yes I am quite aware "phobia" is the main theme... (in as far as that we know for sure?)
10-23-2007 01:29 PM
TreeManEarthSteward btw, Not least to say is that you've had to make a lot information known in your posts, so I congratulate you for handling the information well on appearances, in how you got across what are a myriad of issues in your thread here.... I have merely come at one corner of the spectrum.



ps, oops, I posted after you, this ^^ was meant to snuggle in behind my post, nevermind, read my post as is here just the same
10-23-2007 01:14 PM
missbelgium Umph Goth... LOL ! He did say a few days ago that we were reaching some sort of turning point. He may have been referring to himself and his anxiety at that stage. I guess so. I did sense that we were hitting some kind of ceiling there. There's only one way it can go from here and that's down...



Will keep ya posted. And of course there are many aspects to all kinds of minds, even "sane" ones.
10-23-2007 01:07 PM
missbelgium I think I have some idea of what he is capable of. So far, just words. I promise I'll run like hell if it goes any farther than that but I doubt he'll have the guts. He's quite pathetic really. His drama is always extreme and then he comes down and is quite normal again for a while. The reason I started this discussion is that I think his phobia have reached some sort of maximum here. I can be very understanding about people's "weird" traits. But... this is as far as I go, because from here on, it's psychosis. The phobia are taking over our lives. That is why I started posting. I guess there's really only 2 choices here: either he does something about it, or I do something about it... Basically I was wondering WHAT tools are available to do something about phobia, remember ?
10-23-2007 12:58 PM
TreeManEarthSteward
Quote:
Originally Posted by missbelgium View Post


Goth... geez... talk about wilderness... errrr... what exactly were you trying to say ??



as in how I thought it might relate to you (indirectly) ....and/OR, just the fact mental illness presents many complex issues?



are you sure you want me to repeat/explain ?



Really most of the answer was the one line underlined as the bottomline... "what perceived by the sufferer him/herself".... yah dude? (excuse me for saying "yah dude") and so I was giving idea of how forum aka ~VB/internet in general addictiveness~ might hold some sort of relevance and the psychology behind that for me, perhaps/associable or usable by you as maybe a pyschological tool (perspective mainly).... but whatever perspective I thought might be helpful, it AT LEAST MIGHT HELP, RIGHT??....and the perspective I talk about is not one that dies easily or goes away, and therefore is ingrained in person, so IMO that could easily relate to how your hubby is, should anything about him carry those tendancies... (which obviously I feel possible)

(My aim of what I said was very not +of course+ that you're addicted to forums you understand as that would be a slight miscomprehension (or slightly off target anyway) if you got that as the answer, but however= addiction/obsession was sort of the theme of my post you see?)....



Anyway Aside from my own cognitive wheeling and dealing, what I said saved short of naming anybody nor having anybody in mind in particular except borrowing you my own mind but it seems to have made you kind of miss the point huh?.. heh.
10-23-2007 12:31 PM
Nishani
Quote:
Originally Posted by missbelgium View Post

I know my child is the absolute priority but right now he is still OK with the kid.



Do you feel that living with the threat of him burning down the house or his other manipulative and abusive behaviours is "being OK with the kid"? To be honest, it doesn't really sound that way to me from the way you presented his problems in your post.
10-23-2007 12:13 PM
missbelgium Pixelle-- I don't know why but I feel very strongly about this house. It has a lot of land, an orchard, and meets a lot of what I call 'essential qualities'. Let's say that if worst came to worst, we could feed ourselves off the land mainly. Something which has been at the back of my mind for a while now... That's why I try to hang on I suppose. I know my child is the absolute priority but right now he is still OK with the kid. Tonight I have this feeling that I will make it, with the house, somehow. I don't know. Maybe I am being overly optimistic. BTW "going bankrupt" is not really a concept here, one can not declare bancruptcy as a private person down here.



Goth... geez... talk about wilderness... errrr... what exactly were you trying to say ??
10-23-2007 10:58 AM
Nishani
Quote:
Originally Posted by missbelgium View Post

He "hates" the house (doesn't trust it, it doesn't feel "safe" for him) so I doubt he'd care to stay in it, but I am afraid if I leave, he'll try something just to spite me... he is very twisted. And if I go, where will I go ??? I can't afford anything decent on a permanent basis with the debt I have on the house now, and going back to live with my parents at 45 with a 6 year-old child is not really my first choice.



Do you feel as though you have other choices at this stage?



I don't have any children but if I did, I know I would be fiercely protective of them and I would be doing whatever it took to get them out of this situation. Seeing you being abused, manipulated and living in fear is probably going to impact on your daughter's development quite significantly in the long run. Personally, I'd rather lose a house and go bankrupt than put my kid through that.
10-23-2007 03:04 AM
TreeManEarthSteward Well now, thats that question out the way then I guess OR IS IT??.... And if there is an "AND WHAT ELSE", maybe now we could argue that NO-WHERE is safe for him, even unto him you might find, do you know?



---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(HERE if you want OP, here is insight from a psychological perspective, you can perhaps use..... ).



This is not aimed at anyone (nor even myself especially), but listen to this: It sure is funky how-somehow-SOME people can waste their time on VB (maybe me) for I am one of the few that will

I bet you admits that yet actually clocks the similarity to some extent in general terms of how mindset takes over as maybe natural as maybe concious or whatever .... (hmmmmm).... and quite likely a lot of other people besides on internet forums who might very well also be people that way seduced by illness!!! damn right it would seem that way, like an illness or actually as an illness. By having distraction, the typical internet forum can have the effect for a long term user of it, yah???? and where be the mind sets its own calculation of REASON even if that reason is actually irrational (in common perception at least could be).

Things by which I mean on ONE level, channeling energy where it is perhaps not doing much good. I feel like this about VB a lot of the time. But I've clocked it for some time now, and I'm aware of it, so awareness of what used to be blind sublimation (in my experience or not, its a given generally you might think and you'd be right I think we are sublime creatures a lot of the time).... SOOOO given my awareness of some appreciable kind, and *if* we accept using ME as an example in part, I am therefore at least an improvement upon my former habitual strongholding of self deemership/ or weakness where actuality reigns and where truth may reign... THAT IS: however its perceived by the sufferer him/herself....



(THERE if you want OP, that was just giving you a psychological perspective, using what knowledge brings me from out wildnerness, and back or inbetween being in the wilderness Or "Psychological Suburbia" or whatever appropiate to the individual!!.... ).
10-23-2007 03:01 AM
TreeManEarthSteward Well now, thats that question out the way then I guess OR IS IT??.... And if there is an "AND WHAT ELSE", maybe now we could argue that NO-WHERE is safe for him, even unto him you might find, do you know?



This is not aimed at anyone (nor even myself especially), but listen to this: It sure is funky how-somehow-SOME people can waste their time on VB (maybe me) for I am one of the few that will I bet you admits that yet actually clocks the similarity to some extent in general terms of how mindset takes over .... (hmmmmm).... and quite likely a lot of other people besides on internet forums who might very well also be people that way. By which I mean on ONE level, channeling energy where it is perhaps not doing much good. I feel like this about VB a lot of the time. But I've clocked it for some time now, and I'm aware of it, so awareness of what used to blind sublimation is at least an improvement (just giving you a psychological perspective).
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