Quote:

Originally Posted by 'IckenNoodleSoup 

 

Woo, that's like living with you for three months / 1/4 of the year!

Nooo, 1 month a year max!

Thank you for agreeing with my point of view! She has been visiting for 12 week (or more!) a year for several years now and each time it gets more stressful and less fun. She said this last time that she felt like a burden and I had to agree (not out loud but I was definitely thinking that in my head!). She doesn't drive or cook dinner and so those are two things that we always have to do and take her to stores, etc when she is here. This last visit I was pregnant while she was here and got tired quickly so I told her that she had to get all her shopping done at the stores we were planning to visit and that we would not be going to a bunch of extra stores. If she wants so to do shopping she would have to take the senior bus that goes next to our house. She complained that she felt like a 'prisoner' because we would not cart her around to extra stores or do tons of shopping which she loves. That irritated me quite a bit. She does help out with house work so that is nice.

We are having our first baby in a few weeks and I'm sure she will want to visit for a nice long time sometime in the summer but I already told DH that her extra long visits are taking its toll and she's going to have to cut them back.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Amira23 

 

This is the rule I've always gone by.  You can take almost anyone for 3 days.  I always wished my mom would stay longer though.  If you are a guest, plan to stay only 3 days.  That way you don't overstay your welcome and they always want you back.

The more traveling it takes to get there and back, the less often they make the trip, and the more closely related they are to at least one of their hosts, the less the "three day" rule will reasonably apply. And of course, how well everyone gets along. At one extreme is someone who lives within a 2-hour drive. Maybe just a day trip, maybe an occasional overnight. At the other extreme: A friend of mine grew up in China, came to the US to study, and now lives here. Her mother visits her every year from China and stays as long as her visa allows. I forget exactly how long that is, but it sounded like a lot when she told me, a month or more. It gets better. Her mother sleeps in the same room and same bed as my friend while she's visiting, relegating my friend's husband to the guest room for weeks on end. She talks about it as something funny and hopeless, like "what are ya gonna do?" as does her (Western) husband.

Quote:

Originally Posted by dorianaldyn 

My grandpa has a saying that like fish, house guests start to stink after a couple of days

This is the rule I've always gone by.  You can take almost anyone for 3 days.  I always wished my mom would stay longer though.  If you are a guest, plan to stay only 3 days.  That way you don't overstay your welcome and they always want you back.

My grandpa has a saying that like fish, house guests start to stink after a couple of days

Quote:

Originally Posted by etoiles 

My mother in law visits us from overseas twice a year and while she was working she came 2-3 weeks at a time which was manageable. DH and I work and so she would be bored at home but we would let her know that before she visited that we would not be there everyday, all day.

 

However, since she retired she has started visiting 6 weeks (or sometimes more!) at a time and during her last visit it just got too much. 12 weeks a year is just too much to stay and live with someone. I told DH that next time she visits 6 weeks is just too long and I need a break because visiting us so much is causing me to feel a lot of animosity towards her.

 

I felt like I got along with her fine when she would visit for 2-3 weeks but now that she visits for 6 weeks at a time I'm feeling typical MIL feelings towards her. So, I would say 2-3 weeks maximum.

Woo, that's like living with you for three months / 1/4 of the year!

Nooo, 1 month a year max!

My mother in law visits us from overseas twice a year and while she was working she came 2-3 weeks at a time which was manageable. DH and I work and so she would be bored at home but we would let her know that before she visited that we would not be there everyday, all day.

However, since she retired she has started visiting 6 weeks (or sometimes more!) at a time and during her last visit it just got too much. 12 weeks a year is just too much to stay and live with someone. I told DH that next time she visits 6 weeks is just too long and I need a break because visiting us so much is causing me to feel a lot of animosity towards her.

I felt like I got along with her fine when she would visit for 2-3 weeks but now that she visits for 6 weeks at a time I'm feeling typical MIL feelings towards her. So, I would say 2-3 weeks maximum.

I'm really close to my in-laws and actually enjoy when they visit (they say I'm the daughter they never had, lol). Usually they come and stay with us between 10-14 days in the summer, but they like to help around the house which is nice (they're actually staying a little longer for their visit in May to help us with some project around the house). I think a time-frame like that is pretty good, especially if you don't see each other very often and get along well.

My parents are from Brazil, so my dad gets a ton of vacation time every year, almost 2 months. Of that they tend to spend about half of that visiting with us which by then end of it wears me out. Long stays like that are pretty standard in Latin America (or at least where I grew up).   I love my parents and kid brother, but 3-4 weeks with house guests can be trying, especially since I work at home and feel like I need to entertain them AND get my work done, while also keeping the house clean, making meals, etc.

In-laws especially should just visit once a year for 1 week.  No matter who it is, when someone comes to stay with you, your utility bills increase as does your food bill not to mention the stress of having other people in your house when you have certain routines that get disrupted when visitors arrive.