How not to feel like I'm putting everyone out by being vegan? - VeggieBoards
Forum Jump: 
 6Likes
  • 1 Post By Nietzscha
  • 2 Post By Vegan Dave
  • 2 Post By Bitter Orange
  • 1 Post By Vegan Dave
 
Thread Tools
#1 Old 05-31-2016, 07:08 AM
Newbie
 
Join Date: May 2016
Posts: 24
Post How not to feel like I'm putting everyone out by being vegan?

I've been vegetarian for almost 3 years, and have slowly transitioned to veganism for the last few months. Being just vegetarian in the South (North America) has been socially difficult for me. I work in a place where meetings are set up in restaurants (and no, I can't choose where they are since people higher up or from other agencies set the meetings up), and friends have trouble remembering not to put bacon on everything. I often have trouble feeling like I'm putting my husband out by having to choose where we eat and what we cook (he's always been the cook in my family, and he's an omnivore) based on me.

Anyway, I rant. My mom and dad are a whole separate issue. My dad shows his love through food. He has always been that way. He is also a 5-sticks-of-butter and steak-goes-with-anything kind of guy. I sometimes make weekend trips to see them, and now that I'm vegan, I'm not sure what to bring for a whole weekend to make my being there easier on them. My dad has the Southern hospitality of having to include everyone in what he cooks, and he'll have no idea what to make for me. In fact, I haven't even broken the news to my parents yet because of how badly I feel it will put them out. Isn't that crazy? Any tips for these kinds of feelings, or what to bring to weekend trips with friends and family?
Nietzscha is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
#2 Old 05-31-2016, 09:45 AM
Not such a Beginner ;)
 
LedBoots's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 8,396
Restaurants often have menus online, and you can figure out what to order ahead of time.

As far as the family goes, your husband will be the difficult one day to day. Sitting down and hashing out boundaries is the way to go here. Other family members, you have to suck it up and tell them. Bring food with you, learn to cook easy delicious vegan meals, and remember to laugh. Most of the stuff they say is idiotic. 😃
LedBoots is offline  
#3 Old 05-31-2016, 10:53 AM
Newbie
 
Join Date: May 2016
Posts: 24
Thanks LedBoots, and to the person I'm pretty sure commented earlier, but is no longer on here? I think I tend to worry way to much about other people. I'm supposed to be getting tested for depression/anxiety as soon as my doctor gives me a referral to a psychiatrist that will take my insurance. I'm sure my anxiety plays into a lot of my decisions on life. Also, my husband is actually one of the most supportive people, even if he doesn't quite understand my reasons. He has even made sure to watch for and point out non veg-friendly ingredients my dad would slyly put into his otherwise vegetarian meals. I still, however, feel like every time he wants to go out to eat, he has to forgo some of his favorite places or else he feels like I don't get enough good food to eat. Then I worry about making his life worse by my own choices, and so forth. We cook vegan at home (husband even makes this really delicious peanut/black bean stew that's to die for!), and you're right that most places can make vegan food, so I guess it's really just an issue of when I have to eat at family/friends' houses. You guys are right though, I can always bring my own food! :P Thanks for helping ease my anxiety. I find that social eating is the only time being vegan is difficult!
LedBoots likes this.
Nietzscha is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
#4 Old 05-31-2016, 12:45 PM
Veggie Regular
 
jessandreia's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: ON, Canada
Posts: 1,616
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nietzscha View Post
Thanks LedBoots, and to the person I'm pretty sure commented earlier, but is no longer on here? I think I tend to worry way to much about other people. I'm supposed to be getting tested for depression/anxiety as soon as my doctor gives me a referral to a psychiatrist that will take my insurance. I'm sure my anxiety plays into a lot of my decisions on life. Also, my husband is actually one of the most supportive people, even if he doesn't quite understand my reasons. He has even made sure to watch for and point out non veg-friendly ingredients my dad would slyly put into his otherwise vegetarian meals. I still, however, feel like every time he wants to go out to eat, he has to forgo some of his favorite places or else he feels like I don't get enough good food to eat. Then I worry about making his life worse by my own choices, and so forth. We cook vegan at home (husband even makes this really delicious peanut/black bean stew that's to die for!), and you're right that most places can make vegan food, so I guess it's really just an issue of when I have to eat at family/friends' houses. You guys are right though, I can always bring my own food! :P Thanks for helping ease my anxiety. I find that social eating is the only time being vegan is difficult!
Hi, that was me... It's great your husband is so supportive. When hanging out with friends on weekends, don't worry too much. It's just a couple days. Bring some food, and you can always go to a grocery store near you quickly and there will be more vegan food. Subway (the sandwich chain) has vegan options. The white Italian bread is vegan, and you can choose to put wherever veggies on it. Also you can make a vegan meal at taco bell.

I have anxiety (like, really bad, panic attacks, etc.), so I understand. While I personally never worried about what others think regarding me eating vegan, I do worry about other things. (Ex: I worry about whether people actually enjoy spending time with me).
I don't know what your reason for going vegan is, but if it's ethics, just remember that you're doing right by not contributing for animal suffering. Knowing that I'm doing right, really helps not giving a crap what others might think.

"We have enslaved the rest of the animal creation, and have treated our distant cousins in fur and feathers so badly that beyond doubt, if they were able to formulate a religion, they would depict the Devil in human form." - William Ralphe Inge

jessandreia is offline  
#5 Old 05-31-2016, 03:49 PM
Don't Eat Animals.
 
Vegan Dave's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 1,291
CONGRATS for your vegan decision.

The initial stage is awkward, but think about what it's about.....YOU, or other people?

What if you changed your religion, sexual orientation, etc.? How would they react?

It might be hard, especially in the South!!, but other people are gonna have to adjust to YOUR decision.

Years ago, a group of us went to Fisherman's Wharf in San Francisco. Everybody had seafood....and I had.........boiled potatoes.....the only vegan option.

Make your new decision an adventure. Make yourself happy.

It's not about them....it's about YOU!!!!!
LedBoots and Jenn2 like this.

All animals should be respected & should have the ability to lead a natural & enjoyable life. This means not eating them, or abusing them in any way.
Vegan Dave is offline  
#6 Old 06-02-2016, 05:42 AM
Newbie
 
Bitter Orange's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: Greece
Posts: 38
I feel like that too, and not only about food. I feel guilty when people compromise some of their more conservative ideas to get along with me, even if I believe I haven't done anything bad. I think you have to switch from feeling guilty to feeling grateful, and remind yourself that you're not asking for anything irrational or far-fetched.
LedBoots and meg moo like this.
Bitter Orange is offline  
#7 Old 06-02-2016, 10:46 AM
Newbie
 
Join Date: May 2016
Posts: 24
Quote:
Originally Posted by Vegan Dave View Post

The initial stage is awkward, but think about what it's about.....YOU, or other people?

What if you changed your religion, sexual orientation, etc.? How would they react?
It's funny you say that. I made a slow change from conservative Christian to atheist while in college, and still identify myself as an atheist (albeit the word is still hard to say!). I HAVE NOT come out to my parents that I'm atheist. I seriously think it might kill them. So, I keep my mouth shut when they tell me why some of the things I do/believe about psychology (I'm a counselor) are anti-Biblical. I love my parents and talk to them a lot on the phone, but I guess the more I'm typing, the more I realize I might have a bit of a dysfunctional relationship with them, especially for someone who's almost 30! :P

As for the guilt, it's true, I struggle a lot with guilt. My husband always tries to point out when I express guilt over something I shouldn't feel guilty about! I think it's just part of my anxiety.
Nietzscha is offline  
#8 Old 06-02-2016, 04:43 PM
Don't Eat Animals.
 
Vegan Dave's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 1,291
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nietzscha View Post
It's funny you say that. I made a slow change from conservative Christian to atheist while in college, and still identify myself as an atheist (albeit the word is still hard to say!). I HAVE NOT come out to my parents that I'm atheist. I seriously think it might kill them. So, I keep my mouth shut when they tell me why some of the things I do/believe about psychology (I'm a counselor) are anti-Biblical. I love my parents and talk to them a lot on the phone, but I guess the more I'm typing, the more I realize I might have a bit of a dysfunctional relationship with them, especially for someone who's almost 30! :P
Sometimes, some things are better left unsaid.
LedBoots likes this.

All animals should be respected & should have the ability to lead a natural & enjoyable life. This means not eating them, or abusing them in any way.
Vegan Dave is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the VeggieBoards forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in


Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off