How to deal with this type of person... - VeggieBoards
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#1 Old 03-03-2016, 07:09 AM
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How to deal with this type of person...

Hi there, this is my first post (actually made an account just to get this off my chest/maybe get some advice as to what to do).

So there is this one person that annoys me... He knows I'm vegan and will intentionally say things like "this is so good, especially the cheese!" and "this meat is so goooooddd mmmmm" like obviously saying it to annoy me. So far I've been just ignoring him, but do you ever feel like the world is against you when everyone makes fun of your food?? I just don't understand!!! I wish people would just look on their own plate and leave me alone
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#2 Old 03-03-2016, 07:33 AM
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I'm in an obnoxious mood today so my suggestion is to beat him to the punch. Next time, before he has said anything to you, ask him what kind of cow pus he's eating today. Or, what type of dead body he's got on his plate. Be prepared for a rant and then say, "just asking".
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#3 Old 03-03-2016, 07:51 AM
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He just feels guilty, because your eating habits remind him of his own ethical inconsistencies! People say things like that to defend their own actions. I should know- I hate to admit it, but I used to be a lot like that with one of my vegetarian friends (mostly just tired excuses like "but, bacon!"). So maybe it's a good sign! Perhaps he feels guilty and just needs your good example. But I don't think that responding in kind with comments about cow's pus will really help things that much.
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#4 Old 03-03-2016, 08:31 AM
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I'm sorry you're dealing with this. People can be jerks.
Just remember that you aren't alone, even if it feels like it. There are more and more vegans every day.

I would try to ignore it myself. But that's because I have social anxiety. You could try talking to him. Not to give him a lecture about the animals, he's obviously not ready to listen to that, but if you tell him how it upsets you personally and that it isn't funny to you then he might listen. Of course it depends on who he is and how close you are.
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#5 Old 03-03-2016, 08:34 AM
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I agree and it is annoying when others try to get you riled up. I have a hunch that ModVegan is right about the guilt though...people react to their own guilt in strange ways. He is paying a lot of attention to it, and in a sense, it is better than indifference. Maybe in a few years, he too will be vegan

Here's how I dealt with my dad (who likes to make jokes and push people's buttons): When I first cut out cheese he said 'but, what will the cows do for work?' I was almost ready to dive into a serious discussion about the industry, but stopped myself because my dad already KNOWS about the issues. So instead, I agreed with him and turned it into a sarcastic joke 'I know, it's terrible, it keeps me up at night, those poor cows are going to be jobless!' We both laughed because we both know that is ridiculous, and my dad hasn't bugged me about it since.
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#6 Old 03-04-2016, 02:54 AM
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I support the beating effort

But an other approach would just be laughing at him an be on your merry way. If you can't convince them, confuse them.
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#7 Old 03-04-2016, 04:51 AM
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The thing is, apparently he used to be vegan but stopped because meat is "just too good". I guess he probably wasn't vegan for the right reasons.
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#8 Old 03-04-2016, 03:41 PM
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People are just stupid, always keep this in mind. Be especially wary of people who watch too much TV or who drink/smoke to an excessive degree. Even if they are not mean people and aren't necessarily slow, they are so "checked out" of thinking things through that it's difficult to expect much from these individuals.

For example I have one acquaintance who's very nice and college educated, and he's even served me tofu before, but he's still made stupid comments about steak tartare and laughed voraciously at his own bizarre attempt at ...a joke?

Make subtle digs at their diet or weight. It's really all you can do unless you're intent on being zen about it and just ignoring. Remember though if you are truly zen about it you actually let it go. If it's still internally bothering you, you're just being passive and might as well bite back.
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#9 Old 03-04-2016, 08:42 PM
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You have to analyze the relationship in order to figure out your strategy.

If this person is a friend, then you can try Sweet Potato's suggestion and tell him that his comments upset you. If he cares about you he will then stop.

However, if the person doesn't care about you, this may egg him on to continue to annoy you, since you will have admitted that he is succeeding in bothering you.

If you cannot change the other person, you can change your emotional response to his comments. It is not easy--it does not happen overnight. But you can gradually desensitize yourself to his comments. I am using this particular strategy right now with a relative I have to see on a fairly frequent basis. This is in an area other than veganism. This particular person uses the foulest language you can imagine in his everyday speech. (It is mindblowing to me how a college-educated professional would do this, but he does.) Anyway, after I realized that I cannot get him to stop doing this, I had to "train" myself to not let it bother me. It has taken several years, but his language does not bother me anymore. The main thing was to realize that his foul language has nothing to do with me. Now, when he spews this filth, it is almost like the Peanuts cartoon where the voice of the teacher is depicted as an incomprehensible "Whah whah whah" in the background. It is almost as if I have trained my mind to not even hear what this individual is saying. It no longer has any impact on me at all.
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#10 Old 03-05-2016, 10:25 AM
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Thank you for all the advice! Since I'm not really into confrontation, I think I will try to be zen about it and muffle his voice, eventually I may not even realise he is speaking
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#11 Old 03-05-2016, 01:01 PM
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"By Paulo Coelho
http://paulocoelhoblog.com/2015/10/1...ft-of-insults/

"Near Tokyo lived a great Samurai warrior, now old, who decided to teach Zen Buddhism to young people. In spite of his age, the legend was that he could defeat any adversary.

One afternoon, a warrior – known for his complete lack of scruples – arrived there. He was famous for using techniques of provocation: he waited until his adversary made the first move and, being gifted with an enviable intelligence in order to repair any mistakes made, he counterattacked with fulminating speed.

The young and impatient warrior had never lost a fight. Hearing of the Samurai’s reputation, he had come to defeat him, and increase his fame.

All the students were against the idea, but the old man accepted the challenge.

All gathered on the town square, and the young man started insulting the old master. He threw a few rocks in his direction, spat in his face, shouted every insult under the sun – he even insulted his ancestors. For hours, he did everything to provoke him, but the old man remained impassive. At the end of the afternoon, by now feeling exhausted and humiliated, the impetuous warrior left.

Disappointed by the fact that the master had received so many insults and provocations, the students asked:

– How could you bear such indignity? Why didn’t you use your sword, even knowing you might lose the fight, instead of displaying your cowardice in front of us all?

– If someone comes to you with a gift, and you do not accept it, who does the gift belong to? – asked the Samurai.

– He who tried to deliver it – replied one of his disciples.

– The same goes for envy, anger and insults – said the master.
– When they are not accepted, they continue to belong to the one who carried them."
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#12 Old 03-07-2016, 12:17 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jasminec View Post
Hi there, this is my first post (actually made an account just to get this off my chest/maybe get some advice as to what to do).

So there is this one person that annoys me... He knows I'm vegan and will intentionally say things like "this is so good, especially the cheese!" and "this meat is so goooooddd mmmmm" like obviously saying it to annoy me. So far I've been just ignoring him, but do you ever feel like the world is against you when everyone makes fun of your food?? I just don't understand!!! I wish people would just look on their own plate and leave me alone
People like that are rude.

It takes two to speak the truth: one to speak, and another to hear.
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