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-   -   Boyfriend is rude to me about being vegan? (https://www.veggieboards.com/forum/60-vegan-support-forum/183393-boyfriend-rude-me-about-being-vegan.html)

RebeccaXO 07-02-2015 01:01 PM

Boyfriend is rude to me about being vegan?
 
Hi all, this is my first post here so I hope I have put it in the right place!
I have recently decided to go vegan. I have never been someone who ate a lot of meat, however, my choice comes from research I have done on the treatment of animals in factory farms. I consider myself to be quite empathetic so when I read these articles and watched these documentaries, I felt the animal's pain as my own. I will never have the desire to consume an animal product again as I am shocked, disgusted and deeply saddened by the treatment of other species by the human race. I have no problem giving up animal products completely. My problem is my boyfriend.

My boyfriend is one of those people who says that "people are meant to eat animals because we have canine teeth" and doesn't support my choice to become vegan. In fact, he mocks me for it. We live together, and he usually cooks, so I have done my best to suggest ways we could still eat together. (Eg. Making pasta with tomato sauce and he can add meat to his and leave it out of mine) he just tells me I am too sensitive and that animals are made to be eaten, I'm just being "silly". When we grocery shop, he ignores my requests that there be something meat free for me to eat. I came home from work yesterday and he had made chicken and expected me to eat it, despite trying to talk to him about why I made this choice. He thinks it's a "phase" that I will "get over". When I am eating around him and his friends, he will show off in front of them and wave meat and cheese in my face. I just think he has been so insensitive and immature about this. I have not been "preachy" and I fully accept the responsibility to buy my own ingredients and prepare my own meals. I have given plenty of oppurtunity for him to learn about veganism and my reasons behind it, i even made some vegan dishes that he liked. I am just tired of being put down and still being expected to eat meat and meat products. He keeps making whatever he wants and getting mad if I won't eat it. I don't want to eat the corpse of an innocent animal, but once again, all he does is laugh at me and call me too sensitive. At this point, I don't care if he agrees with my viewpoint or not. I have nothing against other people's choice to eat meat. I just want my choice to be respected as well. How can I deal with this?

Joan Kennedy 07-02-2015 01:04 PM

Why are you still with this guy?

jessandreia 07-02-2015 01:10 PM

As much as you don't want to hear this, I think it's time to ditch the guy if he can't even at least respect you.

Docbanana 07-02-2015 01:15 PM

Yeah, he doesn't sound like a keeper. Not because he is nonvegan but because he is disrespectful and unsupportive of something that is important to you. If you stay with him, don't expect this to change or be different with other issues.

Auxin 07-02-2015 01:19 PM

A lot of times people, particularly in their teens and twenties, act badly just to see how far they are allowed to go.
You dont seem comfortable with this degree of abuse, and neither would I, so keep in mind if you tolerate it it'll continue to be as bad or worse. Particularly if you ever marry him. This isnt just a vegan issue, he's defining the nature of how he can treat you in general.
You need to define limits to his behavior. Stand your ground and tell him what is not cool, do not make compromises your not comfortable living with permanently.
And in the end keep in mind that there are seven billion people in the world, half of them men, and your current one seems to be far from the best of them. You could always go grab another one ;)

Kiwibird08 07-02-2015 02:19 PM

Ugh. Sounds like what my family does to me (and trust me, it NEVER gets better, even after over a decade). The good news is, unlike me not really being able to break up with my family, you can break up with this jerk and find someone better. If this is what he does over a DIETARY CHOICE, imagine what other things would set him off? I'd just kick him to the curb personally, but if you want to try to make it work, give him an ultimatum- he either respects your choice (and you will respect his) OR you leave. Simple as that, and actually follow through if he continues to be rude and disrespectful.

Purp 07-02-2015 02:28 PM

Find a new boyfriend. Join meetup and find veg*an people to meet, who aren't the jerk your boyfriend is.

Beautiful Joe 07-02-2015 02:52 PM

Life's too short to allow yourself to be treated so badly. As others have said, he'll do the same with respect to other decisions you make. Get away from him.

silva 07-02-2015 04:17 PM

It isn't that he doesn't respect your choices, it's that he doesn't respect YOU.
Even if you were to resolve the issue of food, what about things to come?

shellie 07-02-2015 04:33 PM

I normally suggest people try to be patient when their loved ones don't understand vegetarianism but in this case it isn't that he doesn't understand, he doesn't seem to care. I wouldn't want to stick with someone like that. You've got to establish some boundaries with him concerning what is acceptable and what isn't regarding food choices.

LedBoots 07-02-2015 06:56 PM

Do you plan to have children with this man? If so, realize that he will treat them the same way he does you, but more so.

rasitha.wijesekera 07-02-2015 07:13 PM

If he's really as bad as it seems from your post, you should reconsider the relationship. Trust me I've seen my parents relationship where My dad is disrespectful to my mother. It will rarely get better.

no whey jose 07-03-2015 04:06 AM

I agree with everyone else. This guy isn't treating you right, and it's got nothing to do with your diet. Why stay with someone who mocks you? If you feel like being charitable, I suggest you tell him frankly that the way he's acting is hurtful and that you won't put up with it. Give him a chance to explain himself and to alter his behaviour. If he doesn't, leave.

Shallot 07-03-2015 04:22 AM

Knowing nothing about your situation apart from that you live together and that he is being really mean (he's disrespectful, he makes fun of you in front of friends, he's ignoring your choices and trying to force you to live the way he wants you to). I'd say you have to draw a line in the sand and clearly state that you're not prepared to be with someone who treats you so badly. All you're really asking from him is that he refrains from trying to humiliate you in public and treats you respectfully. These are not big or unreasonable asks. If he can't deal with it you may have to ask yourself if you are prepared to put up with this behaviour - because it won't change unless he agrees to change.

Tiger Lilly 07-03-2015 05:26 AM

Let's say, for a moment, that your boyfriend isn't as bad as I'm reading he is....

Let's say when he says "humans need meat" (and variations of, by not being accommodating of vegan friendly meals either during the cooking or buying of food process) he actually means "I care about you. I don't want you to get sick".

And let's say, waving animal carcass in front of you is his way of saying "I'm insecure about the fact you're going to change. Eating animals is ingrained in my identity, society tells me eating them makes me more of a 'man' and you not eating animals makes me think about uncomfortable things".

Let's say we give him benefit of the doubt, that he's doing this stuff with the best intentions but in the worst possible way (which every one does at least once, unless they're an incredibly boring person incapable of making mistakes). Then you need to talk to him about it and tell him it's not cool. Whether he means to or not, he's disrespecting you and that needs to stop. It doesn't matter what age you're at, that's a lesson everyone needs to learn and as soon as possible if they want the benefits of being in a grown up relationship.

That's not to say I think you're misrepresenting your relationship to us. Personally, I think he might just be a disrespectful little punk (and not punk in the cool way) who needs to learn right now, that treating any partner like that is going to lose him someone special.

Either way, if it were me, I would hope that I would pack my bags and leave.....I say 'hope' because it's hard to leave any relationship. But, he seems really disrespectful and the fact he gets 'angry' when you're just exercising your own right to eat what YOU want to eat.....Eh, not something I find appealing.

LeThieu92 07-03-2015 10:55 AM

The fact he wants to eat meat certainly isn't the problem, but the fact that is is so ignorant to even consider respecting your choice is just wrong. If you can't get on a "agree to disagree" level there is no future in your relationship. Though considering what he already said and does I don't think it's worth sticking around for.

Envoyé en utilisant Tapatalk.

SteveW 07-03-2015 02:47 PM

Give him an ultimatum, say if you don't accept me for being a vegan then I'm outta here.

Brain Floss 07-03-2015 03:03 PM

He sounds like a grade-A jerkwad. Dump him. That should not be tolerated. You tried to compromise and accept his way of living, why is it so hard for him to accept yours?

Zack 07-06-2015 03:56 PM

Doesn't exactly sound like the world's greatest boyfriend. I don't know if this will be easy for you, but I think that you should confront him directly and tell him that this is not okay. You are making a sacrifice in your life to do what you believe is right.

If he wants to disagree with you, then that's acceptable. But for him to mock your core beliefs is unfair. Surely, he would be offended if you were to offensively mock his religious or other deeply held beliefs. So he should be capable of understanding that you feel the same about your core values.

River 07-07-2015 09:36 AM

Dtmfa.

Vidal Pierre 07-07-2015 12:48 PM

Dump him, and I'm dead serious the treatment of animals is important and disrespecting you on such a level that you have to make a post on a public forum is ridiculous.


Educate him, if he doesn't seem to grasp the idea of why people go Vegan then dump the heartless brainless fool.


Its beyond me why you would stay with him actually and in a way it shows that you are not taking Veganism seriously (I understand this sounds harsh) if a religious person stayed with a partner who consistently mocked the persons beliefs then it would mean the person doesn't have strong belief in that religion...


Such a emotive issue...

Zack 07-07-2015 03:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Vidal Pierre (Post 3712385)
Dump him, and I'm dead serious the treatment of animals is important and disrespecting you on such a level that you have to make a post on a public forum is ridiculous.


Educate him, if he doesn't seem to grasp the idea of why people go Vegan then dump the heartless brainless fool.


Its beyond me why you would stay with him actually and in a way it shows that you are not taking Veganism seriously (I understand this sounds harsh) if a religious person stayed with a partner who consistently mocked the persons beliefs then it would mean the person doesn't have strong belief in that religion...


Such a emotive issue...

I disagree with this sort of advice. Of course, he doesn't seem like a great boyfriend and it's easy for us to tell her to dump him. But how do you expect her to do that? They live together. And even if it WAS entirely necessary for her to dump him, I have two problems with that.

1. She's probably not going to, because the circumstances of life would make that way too difficult. Also, humans, particularly females, tend to be a bit clingy. It's not always emotionally possible to dump someone, even if it is logically the right thing to do.

2. I feel like the more harshly we react towards omnivores, the more we will push them away. I am a meat-lover who only converted due to the habits of my girlfriend, and the fact that I take morality seriously. I would never have changed if she were rude about it or tried to force me. That would just raise my psychological defenses and make me want to continue the behavior that I'd been raised to believe was acceptable.

You catch more flies with honey...

jessandreia 07-07-2015 04:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Vidal Pierre (Post 3712385)
Dump him, and I'm dead serious the treatment of animals is important and disrespecting you on such a level that you have to make a post on a public forum is ridiculous.


Educate him, if he doesn't seem to grasp the idea of why people go Vegan then dump the heartless brainless fool.


Its beyond me why you would stay with him actually and in a way it shows that you are not taking Veganism seriously (I understand this sounds harsh) if a religious person stayed with a partner who consistently mocked the persons beliefs then it would mean the person doesn't have strong belief in that religion...


Such a emotive issue...

I really don't see how this shows she's not taking veganism seriously. If she's eating vegan and living a vegan lifestyle, she's taking veganism seriously.

Vidal Pierre 07-08-2015 11:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zack (Post 3712473)
I disagree with this sort of advice. Of course, he doesn't seem like a great boyfriend and it's easy for us to tell her to dump him. But how do you expect her to do that? They live together. And even if it WAS entirely necessary for her to dump him, I have two problems with that.

1. She's probably not going to, because the circumstances of life would make that way too difficult. Also, humans, particularly females, tend to be a bit clingy. It's not always emotionally possible to dump someone, even if it is logically the right thing to do.

2. I feel like the more harshly we react towards omnivores, the more we will push them away. I am a meat-lover who only converted due to the habits of my girlfriend, and the fact that I take morality seriously. I would never have changed if she were rude about it or tried to force me. That would just raise my psychological defenses and make me want to continue the behavior that I'd been raised to believe was acceptable.

You catch more flies with honey...


Its not about being rude but taking your beliefs seriously and not letting someone mock you just because you happen to be more moral than them (Yes more moral lets not beat around the bush) If I was in that position where someone waved meat in my face and disregarded my lifestyle choice (when I'm not even imposing it onto them in a rude manner) I would indeed dump the person, if I didn't I either had no respect for myself or was stupid.

Quote:

Originally Posted by jessandreia (Post 3712529)
I really don't see how this shows she's not taking veganism seriously. If she's eating vegan and living a vegan lifestyle, she's taking veganism seriously.


She's also not having respect for herself - not in a cruel way but she deserves more respect than have a ''Man'' that waves meat in her face and laughs and says ''you're sensitive'' WTF that's what Children do.


I just want my choice to be respected as well. How can I deal with this?


So I'm guessing if you people who replied to me your response to her is ''take it on the chin''???


NO!

You deserve better if he doesn't buck up you leave him for a Man that will respect you.

jessandreia 07-08-2015 01:08 PM

Every one who has replied to this thread has agreed that she should leave him (although, that's obviously easier said than done), because due to her post it doesn't seem like it's going to get better; I mean, she says she's already given him enough time to get used to the idea, and tried to explain it to him. No one here told her to just take it. But, saying that she's not taking veganism seriously just because of her boyfriend's attitude is an exaggeration.

silva 07-08-2015 01:49 PM

I'd like to again point out that it's not about her boyfriend not respecting her being vegan, but about him not respecting HER, as an individual.

That won't get better, and I totally disagree that she needs to work it out anymore than she has already, and it sounds clear that she has.

The sooner she learns to respect herself first the sooner she learns to look for relationships where respect is mutual.
There's much worse than being alone

Beautiful Joe 07-08-2015 02:24 PM

The OP hasn't posted since her initial post, so I suspect we're talking to each other here.

LedBoots 07-08-2015 06:11 PM

I am clinging to this thread, though, being female and all.

silva 07-08-2015 06:29 PM

@RebeccaXO How you doing?

Brain Floss 07-16-2015 07:32 PM

Yeah definitely want to know how this turned out...hope she's doing ok.


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