My parents 'hate' me for Veganism - VeggieBoards
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#1 Old 05-13-2015, 01:38 AM
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Unhappy My parents 'hate' me for Veganism

Hi everyone,

I could really use some support.

My name is Elle, and I'm only 16 years old. I feel that my whole life I have been someone that refuses to be ignorant, I refuse to look at the faults of our world with the rose tinted glasses society so often offer us. I try to see people, things and everything for what they truly are.

Tonight my brother was talking about my cousin wanting to become a Zoologist and I made a comment saying "I'm honestly not sure, but I find that quite hypocritical that David (cousin) always says how much he loves animals, yet he eats them?" and my brother and my mother start screaming at me. I've been called a 'guilt tripper', 'self righteous' and 'extreme'. I tried to explain that if they feel guilty then it's not really me they have a problem with, its the way animals are treated they have a problem with. Both of my parents and my brother started yelling and screaming at me. My family are big meat eaters, and always have been. So when I try to nicely inform them of the reasons I have gone Vegan so that they can understand or relate but everytime I do they get extremely wound up.

Tonight they all said that they 'hate' me for being such a 'b*tch' about animals 'all the time'. My parents asked me to move out if I want to continue 'being a self righteous b*tch'.

I'm only 16 and I love and care about animals, and it's really hard when the people I call family are telling me that I'm a bad person when I try to answer their questions about it.

I'm very opinionated and definitely speak my mind if I want to.

It's really hard when nobody understands me. ONE girl at my school is Vegan and I have one of the largest schools in my country...

I live across from a dairy farm and my whole family thinks Veganism is 'stupid' and that you can die from not eating meat. Yet when I try to inform them they go nuts at me.

I really don't know what to do, but isolations feels awful.

Thanks for reading Please tell me if you have/had a similar situation

Kind regards, Elle x
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#2 Old 05-13-2015, 02:33 AM
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Hi !

I know what you're going through, even though my parents have never been such rude.
I feel really sad for you.. But don't forget that all around the world there is people like you and I, who care about animals rights.
I feel kind of alone too, in my city because meats is everywhere.. At least, you've got an other vegan on your side.

In order to your parents, well... if they don't wanbt to change then you can't do anuything. BUT they are not allowed to tell you such things, seriously I'm aghast ! They can't say ''if you don't eat meat get out'' they're your parents so they must accept your way of life..
Did they watch Earthlings ? I tried this with my mum, and well even though she didn't care about animals she's changing her habits.

If you want and need to talk, send me a message and I'll be glad to talk with you !

Friends not food.
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#3 Old 05-13-2015, 03:23 AM
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Elle, I am so sorry that your own family is treating you this way. Their behaviour is utterly unacceptable and I commend you for sticking to your morals in the face of such adversity. You seem like an intelligent, thoughtful, and compassionate young woman. I can only offer comfort in the knowledge that things will change when you leave home, especially if you choose to attend a big university. That's when many of us were finally able to find kindred spirits. Don't lose hope. There are a lot of vegetarians and vegans out there, and a growing number of them young people like yourself.
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#4 Old 05-13-2015, 03:45 AM
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its horrible that your family is treating you this way, but let me play devil's advocate for a second. i know when i was teenager, i KNEW everything and people with more life experience who told me different, even politely, were ignorant, close minded, fascists, etc. and i would let them know the error of their ways in some sort of shouty, adolescent fit. in reality, even if i was right in what i was saying, or atleast had some truth in what i thought, i would still come off as just being horribly obnoxious. dont let your angst get in the way of a deserving message to closed ears. being 16, im assuming you dont have much money to do your own grocery shopping, but i dont know of any mom who didnt want their kids to eat fruits and veg, just fill up on that and do your own thing. its hard for someone to call you a b*tch for just tending to yourself and not trying to push your beliefs on others who do not want to hear it and you have to live with for a few more years. I apologize if i come across as negative, i really tried not to, just a few things ive realized along the way, (but mostly someone who was waaay too into political punk during my teenage yrs which happened to coincide with the early 2000's Bush administration while living with a republican family )

Sort of along the lines of one of Emily's recent videos
https://youtu.be/gN0HFTTrtr4

instagram: Popcorncaptain

Last edited by Muttley; 05-13-2015 at 03:56 AM.
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#5 Old 05-13-2015, 05:29 AM
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Elle maybe for a few more years you should stay under the radar at home, by that I mean do not point out anything, do not tell others they are being hypocritical, do not make it obvious that you're a vegan. Just lay low, try to eat as much vegan as possible and set an example through silence. Slowly you shall be accepted. You're only 16 so you need a support system at home now. Lets not forget that more than 75% of earth share the same views of your family, so reform is still a few decades away.

Continue to fight the fight from behind the scenes, for everything else that you feel you must share, this forum is there.

The earth has enough resources for everyones need but not their greed.

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#6 Old 05-13-2015, 06:37 AM
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Maybe you could discuss opinions about veganism online and in situations where someone has come to you with a genuine desire to know (not to heckle and debate you and push your buttons...don't engage them) but otherwise don't talk about it. That doesn't mean hiding your veganism--be who you are openly--but keep it about you making choices for your life that are in line with your ethics that you don't need to announce to others unless it is relevant info to convey at them at that moment: "Would you like some fried chicken?" "No thank you, I'm a vegan. I'll just have the vegetables." and leave it there. If they ask why, say it was an ethical choice or that you care about animals and don't them to be harmed by your diet. And then move on with the next subject of conversation. Stay out of the business of critiquing other people's diet (and from calling out their choices as hypocritical). Having opinions and knowing your mind is good, but if you are feeling the need to tell everyone your opinions and prove theirs wrong, it is an annoying quality that will cause you to get in a lot of fights. Sounds like both you and your family are acting like this and it is pushing you apart, not enlightening or educating anyone.

You don't have to prove yourself right and them wrong! Nor will you be capable of proving yourself right to someone with a closed mind...it is just a useless argument that pushes them farther away. I'd say the same to them if they were posting here by the way...I'd say butt out of the choices of vegans and trying to prove to them that eating meat is good, just live and let live and then maybe they will stop arguing back at you. But you can't control them, you can only control what you do to get the argument started and how you react when they try to start stuff.

Last edited by Docbanana; 05-13-2015 at 06:41 AM.
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#7 Old 05-13-2015, 09:11 AM
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Going vegan has a way of making family life challenging!

I think there are a number of things going on:

1) I suspect every meat eater believes deep down inside that there's something fundamentally wrong with meat - especially factory farming - and so there's guilt.

2) Feeding the family is about as basic as parenting gets - and it's challenging trying to balance nutrition with convenience and enjoyment. (Deep down, most of us parents probably suspect that we haven't fed you enough vegetables and allowed you to have too many Oreos. ) There's a real sense of rejection when your child tells you that s/he's no longer going to eat something you've been putting on the table for years, thinking it was good for your child.

3) Teenagers are known to go through phases and be dramatic. It's what this time of life is for - exploration and growth.

Here's what I would suggest: keep the animal information to yourself. If your family has questions, let them ask you. Be as respectful and as pleasant as you can be, while keeping your values, but don't antagonize, even though it's tempting. Maturity and time will be your best friends as you go though this. And with time, everyone will get used to the changes you've made. Also - be helpful in the kitchen. Help make vegan foods to share with the rest of the family, and always be grateful when someone accommodates you. Your family might be a challenge right now, but this will prepare you for other challenges you will face down the road. Good luck!

It is our choices that show what we truly are far more than our abilities. ~A. Dumbledore

Last edited by Poppy; 05-13-2015 at 11:38 AM.
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#8 Old 05-13-2015, 12:16 PM
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very sorry to hear that fair play for sticking to your morals most people would just get back in line all i can a say is it them not you some people its the crab in the bucket psychology if there are 10 crabs in a bucket and one try´s to clime out the others will drag it back in you are right and they are wrong some people doint like it pointed out
some people can't handle the truth i tend to be a mater of fact person my self its amazing how personal people take some one only stating the truth
what ever they do don't let it change your resin
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#9 Old 05-14-2015, 10:21 PM
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Thank you all very much for your worldy and wise advice. I guess i shouldn't let my opinionated and big headed ness get in the way of my real reason for being Vegan in the first place. I will stop trying to debate and just take the eye rolls as they come, from now on, Much love to you all, thank you very much x
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#10 Old 05-14-2015, 10:42 PM
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That comment about your cousin was uncalled for, and I can see why your brother and mom became irritated at you for it. Sorry your parents said those things to you, though.
I agree with Docbanana advice.

"We have enslaved the rest of the animal creation, and have treated our distant cousins in fur and feathers so badly that beyond doubt, if they were able to formulate a religion, they would depict the Devil in human form." - William Ralphe Inge


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#11 Old 05-15-2015, 02:10 AM
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it was true tho
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#12 Old 05-15-2015, 05:10 AM
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Yes, it's true.

Though it's true, it appears judgemental. Not good if you're living under someone else's roof.

I had a hard time keeping similar comments to myself when I first went vegetarian. I learned that going on the offensive will usually put others on the defensive. When someone feels attacked or belittled they aren't that open to new ideas. Also, keep in mind that many folks are resistant to new ideas and slow to change.

I seem to have affected more people with my current actions (live as I want and enjoy it) than when I was (very) actively spewing my outrage to the omni's all around me. It usually fell on deaf ears.

I have never met another vegan/vegetarian in real life (that I know of.) You can still have meaningful friendships. No two people are going to agree on everything. You, however, can be a positive influence on those around you.

Hopefully things will get better with your family soon.
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#13 Old 05-15-2015, 06:17 AM
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They don't hate veganism, they hate the self righteous preaching attitude that comes with it.
You live your life the best way that you see fit and accept them as they do the same.
Maybe they will change by eventually following your example.
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#14 Old 05-15-2015, 07:04 AM
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to be honest it can't be expressed on a web chat in which tone it was said, but i don't see the problem with calling a hypocrite a hypocrite.
obversely nobody likes a preacher, but most people i know are hypocrites, and if i had to tip tow around my family it would be very hard.
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#15 Old 05-15-2015, 07:29 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by seanE View Post
to be honest it can't be expressed on a web chat in which tone it was said, but i don't see the problem with calling a hypocrite a hypocrite.
obversely nobody likes a preacher, but most people i know are hypocrites, and if i had to tip tow around my family it would be very hard.
I suppose a vegan would be a hypocrite too in some ways.
walk up to the front of their house and the walkway is lined with Roses, Lariope, Nandia etc... all things that are grown for their visual appeal and cared for. then we go out back and find the Bell Peppers, Tomatoes, Squash etc... all things that are grown to eat...
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#16 Old 05-15-2015, 10:22 AM
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hear´s one of them crazy web sites i like to look at believe it or not i would rate it positive http://www.zengardner.com/3-ways-dea...ortive-family/
i find some of the articles help me as an ''oddball'' not get effected by this world
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#17 Old 05-15-2015, 01:57 PM
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Hi.


I recommend you show them Earthlings documentary on Youtube you have to point blank say ''I'm the moral one here animals are dying for no reason as we don't need to eat meat''
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#18 Old 05-15-2015, 02:03 PM
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Am I the only one who thought her comment was totally innocuous, and that her parents were way out of line for swearing at her and calling her rude names? I must be one of those preachy vegans! I'm not ruling it out....
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#19 Old 05-15-2015, 02:16 PM
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My advice other than that comment two posts up would be to properly sit down with your parents and try to explain to them why you are Vegan.


Firstly before mentioning the animal welfare side explain how a Plant based diet is healthier for Human beings refer them to articles online about Plant based diets and how Animal Protein damages your body slowly. Many of our diseases today are caused partially or fully by eating Animal protein, refer to Nutritionfacts.org for first hand unbiased information.


Secondly then go into the Welfare side of eating a Vegan or Plant based diet. Cows getting raped by farmers every year to produce milk and calves just to be slaughtered in such inhumane ways an average human would sob like a little Child. Explain to them how Chickens (Hens) were genetically engineered for them to produce hundreds of eggs a year. Which as led to hens having bone fractures at an early age due to the calcium needed from the bones to harden the Eggs. A video like Earthlings would sum everything up but if they don't want to listen to you or watch the video you just have to tell them that...


''I'm 16 and this makes me happy I know you care or may not understand but when you want to listen I will share my views with you''


If they still insult you or ridicule you after explaining Veganism to them or roughly repeating that statement in bold above then they're not worth the effort.


A bit more advice if things get really tough why not avoid meat but not diary? Just until you move out but that's gambling with your morals.


I wish you luck.
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#20 Old 05-24-2015, 10:56 AM
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Don't give up! You give me hope for the younger generation. It's so hard to live with meat eaters.
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#21 Old 05-24-2015, 01:43 PM
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I am glad that you may the choice that was right and ethical and moral to you. You are dependent upon your family at 16 and will still be so for more than a few years yet. If they don't want to know or don't care why you are vegan I see no need to explain it to them. They obviously care about you since you have food choices for which you can eat from. Although I can't tell tone from the typed words that you posted. I know if I ever came at my mom like that at 16 my teeth would be on the floor and rightly so. Keep doing what you are doing and let others do what they are going to do. If they are going to change I would assume it would be a lead by example type thing. There is a lot of hypocrisy in the world amongst all types of people. No need to feel as if you need to be the town crier though. That divides and does not endear you to others especially family.
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#22 Old 05-25-2015, 09:32 PM
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Sounds like you're in a tough situation. You're doing the right thing coming to forums like this. Thank goodness for the internet.
I first went vegan in the nineties. I knew some veggies, but no other vegans. My family was worried, of course, that I would turn inside ou, or something, from lack of milk and meat.
It sounds like your family is being the opposite of supportive -- even mean. That really sucks. That being said, nobody likes to be preached at. The best way you can get your message across is to not talk about it much. Think of simple and poignant answers to common questions that come up. Let them feel impressed by your humble conviction rather than feeling judged by you. Learn to cook some amazing vegan dishes and offer to cook a meal for them... Or something.
At least you have one other vegan around. Hopefully you like this person. Maybe you can start a band or something to voice your frustrations about your family and community -- aka, the world at large.
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