Should I allow animal products in the house? - VeggieBoards
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#1 Old 05-04-2015, 04:44 PM
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Should I allow animal products in the house?

I am a first year in university, and my SO is in the second year. Our academic year is finishing in a couple weeks, where I will be moving into my new apartment for the Summer. My SO's apartment contract does not start til September, so I've agreed for him to move in with me - we will have separate bedrooms (he is protective of his private space and likes having somewhere to retreat to) and we only started dating a couple months ago. He's vegetarian and I'm vegan. He has agreed on researching veganism in the Summer and trying new food etc. to the point where he has said he will understand if I don't want non-vegan food in the house this Summer. My questions are -

a) Is it even my right to say I don't want non-vegan food in the house?
b) What way should I go about this? I feel like I have three options; 1) say I don't want non-vegan food in the house, 2) say I would prefer him to keep it to a minimum hoping he would take it upon himself not to buy it for the flat much or 3) not say anything and allow him to do as he pleases.

I've been excited all year to have an apartment completely to myself, where I don't have to worry about non-vegan issues like people leaving cheese crumbs on the counter or bits of mince in the sink, people leaving bits of non-vegan food on my pan, people's non-vegan food stinking up the fridge etc. It's not as if I don't support him in his vegetarianism but lately I've been crying a lot at even the sight of milk, knowing where it came from.

I also want to think about which option is most likely going to open him up to veganism. He is a stubborn person who will only do things if he feels he is controlling the situation, so making a "vegan house rule" might be counterproductive to the cause or it may help him loosen his need for control over the situation.

This is so difficult. He said "I'm vegetarian because I believe killing animals causes direct and unnecessary suffering. I do not believe the other animal industries cause this. If I can be proven wrong, I would consider veganism. But honestly, it's just not convenient right now with exams, where I know I would have to invest a lot of time into researching it and deciding if I want to transition." Well, exams are over soon and I also have Earthlings and other documentaries saved and ready on my USB.

What to do, what to do!

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Last edited by lightergait; 05-05-2015 at 08:09 AM.
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#2 Old 05-04-2015, 04:49 PM
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I sort of think you maybe should have discussed that before you offered, and he agreed to, move in.

At this point, it would be really rude and put the power balance highly tilted in your favor if you now say, after he has a greed, that there are to be no animal products in the house. I am sure he agreed thinking he could, and should, be able to eat what he wants to eat in a place he is paying rent for.

I wouldn't suggest or tell him anything about it, honestly. Let him do as he will.

What you can do is have information available, documentaries available, and be a great influence. Often that is enough.

"You will always be fond of me. I represent to you all the sins you never had the courage to commit.”
Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray
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#3 Old 05-04-2015, 05:22 PM
Not such a Beginner ;)
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^^^ that, and have lots of good vegan food around.
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#4 Old 05-04-2015, 06:08 PM
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If he's paying rent, he should have fridge space.

And he's said that he doesn't want to go vegan. You should probably accept that or you may have a very dramatic summer.

It is our choices that show what we truly are far more than our abilities. ~A. Dumbledore
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#5 Old 05-04-2015, 07:13 PM
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well, I say you don't force him to not have milk, but you should tell him how it makes you feel. And he sounds like he would listen to reason so after the documentaries about milk and eggs, he should turn vegan himself then.
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#6 Old 05-04-2015, 07:48 PM
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I don't have much more to add to what has been said. I just wanted to share that I live with an omnivore and have for years as a vegan so I do understand your frustration. I couldn't tell him he can't have animal products in the house. But I did lay down some rules. He will not use MY personal cookware or Blendtec machine for any animal products, and we have our own separate eating utensils and cups. I have my own cupboard and he has his own. We share the refrigerator but each have our own designated space for our own stuff. I do not cook animal products or buy them. He makes that stuff himself, but I cook many vegan meals for him. This way I am not forcing him to do everything my way but I am creating boundaries so that I do not have to handle animal products which also is not my choice. He's been great about it...he wasn't in the beginning. It took a long time to work things out. Patience and communication are key to make it work.

It sounds like in your situation that it is temporary so it is just a few months of toughing it out anyway right? I would be more concerned about allowing someone to move in with you that you have only dated a few months. I did that many years ago with a guy and it was a disaster. I hope everything works out for you!
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