Living with a non vegan spouse? - VeggieBoards
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#1 Old 10-25-2014, 05:50 PM
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Angry Living with a non vegan spouse?

If so, then know this. EACH and EVERY time you kiss, or, ya know, receive anything from this person. IT IS animal protein. You are either ingesting, or allowing this potion to be left in/on your body. Your "loved" one shows no care of your passion? The clock is ticking to an end, split or divorce.

Oh you love him/her? That's the same thing that a person who gets beaten by their spouse says. I love the good parts. I love them how I remember them. They aren't that bad. HA! What a load.

They eat it, they want it. and they don't give two sh&&s about your passion. If they did, they would change. And not, "someday", but TODAY! if my wife came to me crying and said, "Hun, I just read that Toyota is backing Monsanto and I followed the sourcing and its legit." Well, then we are no longer buying Toyota. And we would trade our car in IMMEDIATELY!.

True love, wont let meat, eggs or milk get in the way.

Im married to a vegan.
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#2 Old 10-25-2014, 06:00 PM
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Wow.

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"You will always be fond of me. I represent to you all the sins you never had the courage to commit.”
Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray
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#3 Old 10-25-2014, 06:07 PM
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@River

Too much truth for ya?
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#4 Old 10-25-2014, 06:55 PM
 
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So you would trade in your Toyota huh? When you became a vegan did you sell or trade all your meat? What if the new owner of your vehicle realizes just how well this product is He/she just might become a Toyota owner for life. Imagine the word of mouth alone.

You don't think things through do you? do you even care? Let me guess. You're one of these Prius drivers that believes that just because you're getting 55mpg you're not leaving a carbon footprint.

I guess not all vegans are good ppl.

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#5 Old 10-25-2014, 07:15 PM
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@River

Too much truth for ya?
No, mostly I'm marveling at your intolerance. Foods and meals agree a highly cultural thing, and it is brave to start eating differently and rejecting a facet of culture.

But not everyone evolves at the same rate as everyone else. Some people go vegan at ten, others twenty, thirty, sixty, on and on. One of the things that helps people evolve is friends and family who have gone vegan or vegetarian and set good examples and expose those they love to their new life choices.

My grandmother isn't vegan, but I love her. Tolerance to where people are in life is important.

I understand not wanting to marry an omni, I wouldn't either, but I don't understand the anger and hate seething all over your post. Calm down. Learn to love and understand. Drop the vilifying, it isn't worth the energy.

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#6 Old 10-25-2014, 09:04 PM
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Oh you love him/her? That's the same thing that a person who gets beaten by their spouse says. I love the good parts. I love them how I remember them. They aren't that bad. HA! What a load.
Did you seriously equate having an omni spouse to being on par with having a physically abusive spouse?! I cannot even express in words the amount this statement offends me and it disturbs me to know there are people out there who think like this. This is the kind of radicalized mindset that make ALL vegetarians and vegans look like a bunch of pretentious, ill-informed extremists.

Oh, and I've found having a non-judgmental attitude towards omnis and quietly leading by example makes a far bigger impact in the way people view animals and where their food comes from than spewing off inflammatory, ignorant garbage!

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#7 Old 10-26-2014, 04:10 AM
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I have been with my "husband" for sixteen years. We are not legally married but might as well be. I went vegan in 2011 and he is still an omnivore but eats mostly vegetarian at home. I can not force him to be vegan. And I am not going to walk away from a relationship I have invested so much into because we don't see eye to eye on all issues. No one agrees with absolutely everything. Because of my dedication to my beliefs and my activism and compassion for others I have been able to persuade my sister to become fully vegan, and my Mom at least tried it. My Dad is even moving towards veganism and is now a pescetarian. He is 72 years old so this is a big deal to him. If I had been judgmental and intolerant of them and cut off living with anyone who does not share my beliefs and actions 100%, I guarantee you none of my family would have even thought about becoming vegan.

I will not stand by and be accused of supporting the animal industry and not being vegan because I live with an omnivore. LMAO. We all live in a world full of omnivores. Heck, if you grocery shop in a store that is not all vegan, you are touching the same packages, carts, doors, etc that an omnivore touched. If we cut off all of our relationships with them...with family, coworkers, friends, lovers, strangers...because they are omnivores and we are vegans, we aren't going to succeed in our vision of a just world anytime soon. We will just be another extremist group full of intolerant people that others dismiss and go about living how they always do.

My husband also has HIV and at one time it was full blown AIDS. I was told by family we shouldn't be together because of this. Sixteen years later he is still here and we have had a rich life together. Believe me, I am often frustrated with living in a house that is not totally vegan. But I am not so shallow as to think this is a reason to cut off a relationship. He has been supportive of my veganism and has made efforts to not eat meat at home and follows my rules of not using my cookware and serving dishes for his meat/dairy/eggs. I do the cooking and shopping unless he wants an animal product. He puts up with my use of vinegar and lemon juice to clean the house, and went with it when I decided on a garden without the use of fertilizer and he helped me make vegan compost. He even helped me in leafleting for animal rights at colleges, parades, and events. And besides, there are only so many vegan men and women to go around.

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#8 Old 10-26-2014, 05:03 AM
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ooooh no .... oh no

I have been in an abusive relationship. Trust me- it is nowhere near the same thing as being with an omni.
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#9 Old 10-26-2014, 05:54 AM
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Some people need to step out of their vegan bubble from time to time.
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#10 Old 10-26-2014, 06:03 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Veganic One View Post
Oh you love him/her? That's the same thing that a person who gets beaten by their spouse says. I love the good parts. I love them how I remember them. They aren't that bad. HA! What a load.

THAT is some misogynistic crap right there. Your poor wife.
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#11 Old 10-26-2014, 06:33 AM
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You may have meant to post this to Reddit.com/r/vegancirclejerk

If you are serious, is this a reaction to one of your prior relationships which left you bitter, veganic one? If you're happily married to a vegan, I don't understand why you're jimmies are so very ruffled.
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#12 Old 10-26-2014, 07:02 AM
 
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This type of attitude has been what's kept me away from eating this way for years. Your message is too extreme and almost confrontational. Education is the key to changing people not putting them down for who they choose to be with in a relationship. When you make statements like this you will push people away from your cause, you may want to think about that. Just a thought...

I have been married to my husband for 20 years. He is one of the best men I have ever known and is a meat eater. I am new to eating only veggies and he eats only corn. I love him for him and choose not to try to change him. Just because we are different doesn't mean we can't be respectful of each others wishes. If you would be so willing to get rid of your spouse that easy you may want to re-evaluate your own relationship.

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Originally Posted by Veganic One View Post
If so, then know this. EACH and EVERY time you kiss, or, ya know, receive anything from this person. IT IS animal protein. You are either ingesting, or allowing this potion to be left in/on your body. Your "loved" one shows no care of your passion? The clock is ticking to an end, split or divorce.

Oh you love him/her? That's the same thing that a person who gets beaten by their spouse says. I love the good parts. I love them how I remember them. They aren't that bad. HA! What a load.

They eat it, they want it. and they don't give two sh&&s about your passion. If they did, they would change. And not, "someday", but TODAY! if my wife came to me crying and said, "Hun, I just read that Toyota is backing Monsanto and I followed the sourcing and its legit." Well, then we are no longer buying Toyota. And we would trade our car in IMMEDIATELY!.

True love, wont let meat, eggs or milk get in the way.

Im married to a vegan.
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#13 Old 10-26-2014, 07:23 AM
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This type of attitude has been what's kept me away from eating this way for years. Your message is too extreme and almost confrontational. Education is the key to changing people not putting them down for who they choose to be with in a relationship. When you make statements like this you will push people away from your cause, you may want to think about that. Just a thought...

I have been married to my husband for 20 years. He is one of the best men I have ever known and is a meat eater. I am new to eating only veggies and he eats only corn. I love him for him and choose not to try to change him. Just because we are different doesn't mean we can't be respectful of each others wishes. If you would be so willing to get rid of your spouse that easy you may want to re-evaluate your own relationship.

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Originally Posted by Veganic One View Post
If so, then know this. EACH and EVERY time you kiss, or, ya know, receive anything from this person. IT IS animal protein. You are either ingesting, or allowing this potion to be left in/on your body. Your "loved" one shows no care of your passion? The clock is ticking to an end, split or divorce.

Oh you love him/her? That's the same thing that a person who gets beaten by their spouse says. I love the good parts. I love them how I remember them. They aren't that bad. HA! What a load.

They eat it, they want it. and they don't give two sh&&s about your passion. If they did, they would change. And not, "someday", but TODAY! if my wife came to me crying and said, "Hun, I just read that Toyota is backing Monsanto and I followed the sourcing and its legit." Well, then we are no longer buying Toyota. And we would trade our car in IMMEDIATELY!.

True love, wont let meat, eggs or milk get in the way.

Im married to a vegan.
Congratulations on 20 years of marriage. To be fair, it is clear that everyone who has replied to this thread has voiced distaste for veganic one's attitude toward SO who aren't vegan. I don't think veganic one's views on this subject represent the majority view held by vegans, and are more likely an individual emotional reaction based on some past occurrences in life.

Why let veganic one's negative attitude prevent you from going vegan? There is enough logic to back up such a transition to not have to worry about errant opinions that vary from the norm held by vegans.

My SO was not veg*n when we started dating, but neither was I. I was vegan and she wasn't for a while, and that was OK. Now we're both vegan. If I was acting like a judgemental rabble rouser my SO probably wouldn't have made the switch. The switch would probably have been another bloke...

Being patient and kind: 1
Being pushy and mean: 0
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#14 Old 10-26-2014, 07:42 AM
 
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Thank you! Hopefully many more years.

Unfortunately, the only vegans I had come across were extreme. No one was accepted outside their belief/opinion. I prefer to educate someone and let them make their own choices and not tell them how they have to live. Seeing how extreme they were with their comments made me not want to listen to them or become them. I'm sure they had a world of knowledge but that confrontational aspect made me push away like most people would. People avoid conflict. I still thought about it off and on then I finally did the research myself online. Now I didn't have to ask the questions to these types of people that I wanted answered. I am almost a month eating this way and love it.

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Congratulations on 20 years of marriage. To be fair, it is clear that everyone who has replied to this thread has voiced distaste for veganic one's attitude toward SO who aren't vegan. I don't think veganic one's views on this subject represent the majority view held by vegans, and are more likely an individual emotional reaction based on some past occurrences in life.

Why let veganic one's negative attitude prevent you from going vegan? There is enough logic to back up such a transition to not have to worry about errant opinions that vary from the norm held by vegans.

My SO was not veg*n when we started dating, but neither was I. I was vegan and she wasn't for a while, and that was OK. Now we're both vegan. If I was acting like a judgemental rabble rouser my SO probably wouldn't have made the switch. The switch would probably have been another bloke...

Being patient and kind: 1
Being pushy and mean: 0
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#15 Old 10-26-2014, 07:50 PM
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I was Omni when I got married. I went vegetarian about 7 years into it. Would it be fair to demand that she do it as well? It wasn't easy but we figured it out. Now I'm going Vegan and we'll figure that out as well. She is still omni and may always be. You do the best with what you've got.

That being said, if I was single again I don't think I would date an omni now.
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#16 Old 10-27-2014, 09:42 AM
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My omni boyfriend's cooking vegan stew and rice for us fight now (I'm on my way home after a really long day). He's not vegan but oh so giving in every other way. I look for trust and openness in him, not veganism first.

Buuuut... if I was single I would not date an omni
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#17 Old 10-27-2014, 02:02 PM
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Anyone who has been married for any length of time will appreciate that a successful marriage requires compromise and it's not the way Hollywood portrays it. I'm very happily married to an omni and I'm grateful that she doesn't think exactly like me - if she did, we would have been divorced a long time ago! And we would not have the two absolutely wonderful children that make my life so fulfilling.
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#18 Old 10-29-2014, 07:45 AM
 
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My partner isn't vegan, but I take it as an opportunity to educate them. While living with me, they also eat only vegan/vegetarian food unless we're having take-out, so that's a good thing.

"Animals are my friends, and I don't eat my friends." - George Bernard Shaw

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#19 Old 10-30-2014, 04:22 PM
 
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You seem very immature. Live and let live.

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#20 Old 10-31-2014, 02:34 AM
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You seem very immature. Live and let live.

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I think it is rude to call someone immature. It certainly isn't a "Live and let live" attitude, especially when animals are being slaughtered unnecessarily.

I have a vegan kitchen too, and I'm a 56-year old RN, vegan for a decade. Call me immature if you like, but no one goes hungry in my house, and most really like the food.
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#21 Old 10-31-2014, 04:27 AM
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Living with a non vegan spouse?

My wife is not veggie and has a serious nut alergy. We don't have nuts in the house kitchen, the tub of peanut butter and bag of almonds that I use in fuel for endurance sports stay in my man cave (garage).
The consequence of her coming into contact with nut oils is severe, I've seen it been in the ambulance to the ER and the days of recuperation.
We prepare mostly vegetarian meals at home, occasionally my wife and daughters will have fish while myself and my son carry on with our usual plant based diet.
My son is vegetarian from birth, he understands what will happen to mummy if he were to use a knife to spread peanut butter on a sandwich and then use it in mummy's food. He also understands that nothing physically would happen to him if the cross contamination was the other way round.
A plant based diet is our choice for social, health and ethical reasons.
We should be offering people positive help towards change, not making ourselves out to be narrow minded or elitist.
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#22 Old 10-31-2014, 05:05 PM
 
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I think it is rude to call someone immature. It certainly isn't a "Live and let live" attitude, especially when animals are being slaughtered unnecessarily.

I have a vegan kitchen too, and I'm a 56-year old RN, vegan for a decade. Call me immature if you like, but no one goes hungry in my house, and most really like the food.
People have their own lifestyles and I respect it either way, even if I don't agree with it. It's the judgemental attitude the OP has for other people's decisions and not knowing anyone's situation which I find immature. It may be rude, but the the passive aggressive attitude from OP is just as rude to me. I just say it like it is and if you don't like it, I'm sorry. But I'm not going to change my post.

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#23 Old 10-31-2014, 05:39 PM
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If so, then know this. EACH and EVERY time you kiss, or, ya know, receive anything from this person. IT IS animal protein. You are either ingesting, or allowing this potion to be left in/on your body.
unless you're married to a plant or a rock you're 'recieving' animal protein, ya know?

Silly people and their belief in human superiority!
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#24 Old 11-06-2014, 07:16 PM
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ooooh no .... oh no

I have been in an abusive relationship. Trust me- it is nowhere near the same thing as being with an omni.
Right. Being the victim is not the same as witnessing someone victimize others. It's easier to tolerate when you're not the victim, and especially when the perpetrator of violence against others makes you feel good and does nice things for you while harming everyone EXCEPT you. I'm not saying this to be patronizing or sarcastic. I'm just pointing out the main obvious difference. I hope we can agree that what happens to farmed animals is not less worse than what happens to victims of domestic abuse. It's merely a question of perspective/positioning.

I once got involved in a relationship with someone who sent me a link to 101 Reasons to Go Vegan from ARFF and told me, "there's no reason to consume animal products." She had watched the entire video, and I genuinely believed she was well on her way to veganism. Then over the course of a year, it became clear she had no true intention of following through. There were so many other incompatiability issues going on in the relationship, but the straw that broke my back was her assertion that the all natural organic liquid yogurt she was drinking was made with milk from a cow that "was treated right and well taken care of." I'd had enough and the relationship ended right there. I didn't share my specific reaction with her and I'm not going to share it here either, because it's politically incorrect (even for people who understand and embrace the analogy between slavery and factory farming), and it involves a disturbing comparison to various circumstances that existed in previous centuries. If anyone wants to know it, I will be happy to share it over PM. I felt deceived and manipulated in the relationship, like I'd been sold a bill of goods. She knew it was important to me to be with a vegan, and she didn't care. I never lied to her, never deceived her, and I made it clear that I got involved in the beginning precisely because she expressed an intention to stop using all animal products. When I expressed frustration with her failure to do so over the following 12 months, she accused me of trying to control her. That's why it ended. Now, obviously, I can't control her at all, and I'm happy to be free of any involvement with her.


It's hard for fans of a sports team to realize they are more invested and care more about the team's success than the players themselves. I think what OP was trying to say is that vegans who care deeply about fairness, equality, and justice for animals should look for life partners who share that same passion. I think he perceives vegans who compromise too much in the interest of their own needs, rather than the needs of animals, as not passionate enough for the cause. I find it hard to judge without having walked a mile in another's shoes, but on a very simplistic, basic, general fundamental level, I can't really say I disagree with him.

It's hard for us to exist in this world that is probably (approximately) 97-98% non-vegan, and these intolerant, aggressive reactions to a vegan who chose to share his thoughts on this forum are deeply disappointing to me. I truly feel a lot of empathy for OP because I've been there. I've felt the same way. I still often feel this way. I'm so misanthropic and I find it so hard to understand how people who are seemingly smart and should know better continue to harm animals. I'm also confused as to why so many of the vegans who have reacted in this thread care more about the delivery style of a message rather than the true, deeper content. Somewhere, there's a flaw in human nature to hone in on and pinpoint in this scenario. Put yourself in the shoes of the OP. You already know that only 2-3% of the human population sees the world in the same way you do. Now you come to realize that (in your perception) most of the people who are part of that 2-3% don't share (in your perception) the same intensity and deep dedication as you. It's extremely isolating and can lead to the deepest raw despair you've ever experienced.

I don't endorse all the venom for the OP. Yeah his comments were somewhat extreme, and approached the issue from totally the wrong direction, but all he's really saying is that he's a vegansexual and doesn't want the bodily fluids of someone who consumes the flesh and reproductive secretions of other beings to be part of his relationship experience. He also clearly finds it difficult to love and care deeply for someone who demonstrates such a wanton disregard for the lives on nonhuman creatures. I have that same difficulty. Sometimes I'm able to overcome it. Usually I can't. I've learned to compartmentalize, because it's the only way I can handle it.

We all are what we eat. I've read that every cell in a human body is replaced every 7-10 years. I've only been vegan since 2007 and vegetarian since 2003. That means I'm probably still carrying around atoms that were once part of an egg or the milk protein I consumed from a slice of pizza. It's easy for someone else to say I'm being too hard on myself, but I self-loathe quite a bit over the fact that even after over seven years of veganism, my physical body is still not as pure as I'd like it to be, as pure as it always should have been.

People can talk about tolerance and compromise all they want. I've reached a point in my veganism and in my general overall evolution as an individual that I'd rather be completely alone (in every way imaginable) than compromise on my beliefs or express any level of tolerance for the unnecessary violent savagery required to consume animal products. Maybe, as Billy Joel wrote, I'll go to the grave as an angry old man. Or maybe, by maintaining such a high standard for who I reserve my love, devotion, and loyalty to, I'll find a person or persons who share(s) my high intensity and commitment to animals and I won't have to settle for less than what I see as ideal. Obviously I'd prefer the latter, but I'm ok with the former if it has to be.


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THAT is some misogynistic crap right there. Your poor wife.
It's just as misandristic as it is misogynistic. Nobody made a distinction between the sexes in the context of this comment until you did.
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#25 Old 11-07-2014, 01:05 AM
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In my experience, people are far more likely to listen and be receptive to views if they are treated with respect regardless of their choices. I don't believe people are eat meat are 'bad' people, nor are vegans who choose to live with family members who eat meat. Some people simply don't realize or think about what they're doing, or even where meat comes from. We live in a highly conditioned society where many people don't even question the 'norm.' Criticising them for that is, in my view, counter-productive. It's one thing to have a philosophy but another to force it upon someone else. If we attack others for what they eat, particularly family members, how does that make us any better than those who use and abuse animals? I'm trying to lead a vegetarian lifestyle based on compassion and respect, not just for animals but for all living beings, including humans. People make different choices based on their level of understanding and (in spiritual terms) level of consciousness. Being open to that and understanding why can influence far more people than being intolerant of them.
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#26 Old 11-09-2014, 08:26 PM
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Ooopsie for you sir/maam. No I don't own a car. Sorry, and for future reference, maybe you should get an answer to a question prior to responding as if I did answer you, and answered in a way you didn't like.
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#27 Old 11-09-2014, 08:33 PM
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non judgmental attitude? So you have a non judgmental attitude towards omnis.....yet see the title of my post and judge away? I am no extremist. And yes, a person, TO ME that is with a non vegan and who themselves IS one, is seen on the same par with someone who gets beat. Sure one is beating a person...and the other is beating an animal...and then killing them. So win for the spouse. Loss for the animal. Maybe you aren't extreme enough? Maybe I am too extreme. I have helped 11 people go vegan...including their families. And if I offended you, I am sorry. My way of thinking is a tad over the top to you, and most it would seem. BUT IN MY OWN defense, I think that more people need to see it this way, if not, then to me you are only justifying why you don't care enough about your beliefs to actually follow them. IF your spouse was hitting you, would you leave? ALLLLL women say yes, but we all know that not all do leave. So IMO a person who goes vegan....lives/marries/dates the same. Why would a person who is not okay with murder and exploitation of animals....say they love someone who does? I am lost here...
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#28 Old 11-09-2014, 08:33 PM
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@Oniari....so then I would assume that you are living with an Omni then?
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#29 Old 11-09-2014, 08:35 PM
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@ DTASFAB...I love your approach....and SOMEONE gets it. Thank you~ the animals.
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#30 Old 11-09-2014, 08:43 PM
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@ Alex JB, sir...first off. Why the F do you even USE peanut Butter? I mean, WOW. There are TONS of "non killing your spouse' energy endurance foods out there. I am no elitist. One would label you under elitist if such a word existed. 5 co workers have read your comment and they are the ones who generated this response. Shame on you sir for having pb in the house at ALL, and if you are an ethical vegan shame on you for being with a person who is okay with the needless exploitation of animals and their murder. I don't care of any "situation" or reason why this is labeled "ok". It is not for me, and for the majority of TRUE vegans. And why say the word vegetarian? Why? The only diff is that he doesn't eat flesh....but animals STILL die for his taste needs...at your OK.
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