It all started with the cheesecake. I was surrounded by girls at a graduation party, none of whom knew I was vegan. We were all getting along great until dessert, when everyone grabbed a piece of cake and I grabbed a slice of watermelon.
At first I got the Why-Is-A-Tiny-White-Girl-Dieting looks, which were bearable, but after I was pushed to explain my diet I was literally verbally attacked..
My favorite was, "You know, people are going to make fun of you for that," as if the person making the comment wasn't making fun of me at all. The worst part? My best friend was the one who said it. That same day, my mother told me, "If you go vegan I'm not going to support it." Then she proceeded to inform me that protein's only home is animal flesh. Mom, protein literally grows on trees.
I just wanted to share that because it was my first pretty hurtful exchange, and I'm sure many if not all of you have experienced it too. I thought I might feel better if I told you guys, the ONLY people who support my decision.
Maybe you could share your own stories or have some advice on how to deal with the tension? Thank you!

okay here is what I think. You need to be resolved within yourself about why this is important to you. I am not sure how old you are, but I suspect young. I am not young. I am nearly 60. No one would dare criticize my choice. Why? Mostly because I am the age I am and I know my own mind.

So when you are young, people think they have to weigh in on your every decision. I remember those days. People will try hard to influence you. So just don't be influenced. Come up with some lines that work. How about

"Thanks for your concern, but I have already researched this and made up my mind"

"Mom, I have really looked into this protein issue and I am happy to share the information with you."

"Well I am glad you are enjoying what you eat, i do too. Different strokes, eh?|"

Now what about your mom not supporting you. What does that mean? Does she cook for you? You don't need anyone supporting you if they don't want to. Come here and get support.

Try not to get too emotional about the whole thing. Just quietly carry on. Don't over explain, don't try to convince, just do your thing.

Hun, you are a vegan. That's it. End of story. No discussion.

You know something... I have not had much of the "people making fun of my choices" problem, I suspect because 1) I am very careful about who I will have in my life, and by and large I don't have friends or even acquaintances who are in the habit of denigrating *anyone* for any reason, and 2), Anyone who knows me at all knows that I have good reasons for pretty much anything I do, including food choices (another way of saying, I am very confident in what I do and people know this, so it goes back to that confidence thing). I guess there is a third reason - anyone who knows me at all knows that I will NOT bow to pressure to do anything, whether it's explain myself, or drink a shot, or whatever - so they don't try.

Regarding your friend: could it be that her statement is a reflection that she is concerned about others hurting you? One potentially good reaction to what she said might be, "I know my friends would never make fun of me for what I choose to eat. And anyone who is not my friend doesn't matter." If she is a true friend, then you will not need to say anything else.

As for your mom: If you still live at home, then she will feel entitled to say whatever comes to mind - which will get annoying. All you can do is just be quietly persistent. I agree with Kallyho that there is no point in trying to talk someone out of their opinion. If they do not accept your explanation quickly, then it probably won't matter what else you say. So, don't argue with Mom. But you might be able to shut down the continued sniping by saying (politely and calmly), "Mom, I am convinced this is the right thing for me at this time, and my mind is made up. There is nothing you can say or do that is going to change it." This worked for me years ago with my mom when she would snipe at me for various things. Over time, she quit sniping just because she knew it wouldn't work. Now, if I do something she doesn't like, she might ask a few well-thought-out questions, but she accepts my answers readily because she knows I've thought it out, whatever it is!

One final thought - you say you were "pushed" to explain your diet. While it is uncomfortable when people are so rude they will not shut up, ultimately, you do NOT have to bow to that kind of pressure - EVER. You do have the choice to look the offender in the eye and say, calmly, "I am eating watermelon. I don't feel like discussing the reason why, and you need to back off." This is a perfectly acceptable response when someone is being a pain in the tail. Remember: we *teach* people how to treat us, by how we respond to what they do.

Thank you both so much! Everything you said really put things into perspective. I understand what you mean by being resolved with myself. I guess since I'm just starting out I was caught off guard by all of the comments. It hasn't impacted my decision though, especially after your help! And you could be right about my best friend trying to help me out. I was probably just feeling vulnerable at the time and misinterpreted it. Thanks again!! xoxo

I've been vegan for ten years, I'm an RN in my 50's, and people still feel the need to tell me how they think I should eat. I have a rule that I won't discuss my veganism during a meal because that is when people seem to get the meanest (more unconcious guilt as they chew on a pig or a chicken, I think.) I tell them I will discuss it after the meal if they're still interested.

If people ask me why I'm veg, I just say I don't like to eat animal products and that I love plant foods. I just try to be nice about it, but I've felt ganged up on a few times at work, so I did once ask a co-worker what was in her McDonalds' bag. She made a comment about my eating "rabbit food" (baked potato with veg chili is rabbit food?) So I asked her to show me what was in the bag and we'd google to see who had the healthier lunch. She declined.

Led, I am shocked you get harassed even though you are an RN, but I also admire your comeback for the co-worker that was eating McDonald's! I bet she doesn't harass you anymore!

Thats good to hear
One of the few things that makes the transition somewhat difficult is quickly building the strength of character needed to face peoples 'comments'.
Ironically that soon becomes a benefit, having built the strength of character to proudly be yourself even when friends disagree.

I really shouldn't laugh at this, but it's too funny not to...

Yup, I am normally a very shy passive person but when I became vegan I had plenty of practice being assertive and speaking up for myself lol. Everything from speaking up for my needs when eating out; defending my veganism to family and friends; asking grocery stores to provide specific vegan items; and eventually even leafleting and tabling at colleges and downtown and talking with interested and not so interested people. It really helped me build my confidence level and reaffirm my commitment and stand by my values no matter what.

My Mom was really against me going vegan at first but eventually she saw how successful I was and I shared many a great dish with her. Then she watched Forks over Knives and overnight changed her mind about it. Though she attempted but was unsuccessful in becoming vegan, she is mostly vegetarian now. My sister also changed her mind and is fully vegan for almost two years now. My inlaws are very religious and thought I was in some evil cult and they still look for every flaw they can find in veganism but they have relaxed a lot over the years and they are amazed at the variety of vegan dishes and foods I eat. My own husband and i used to have screaming matches about my vegan ideals (he was ironically fine with the food but has a hard time with other stuff) but he too has grown to appreciate many of them and while we don't agree on everything we have learned to live with our differences and seek common ground.

I remember one day in the beginning though, I had a good friend from church. I enthusiastically "came out" to her about being vegan and she attacked me saying that God made animals for us to eat and so on. I was shattered. It was the first time I would experience rejection of my veganism but not the last. I was already strong in my beliefs and commitment so it did not affect that but I was less enthusiastic about sharing my veganism with people for a time. I didn't argue a whole lot with that friend because she wasn't willing to listen to my side of the story so I just left it at that. I tend to avoid people who are overly negative about my choices and lifestyle. At least the inlaws don't make rude comments or nag me about it. Of course they do bring up any time I have the slightest illness or not so slight illness and immediate blame my vegan diet and that does get old. I just bite my tongue when they talk about their own health issues...COPD, high cholesterol, cateracts etc.

Your comments and stories are really helping me see past all of the disapproval in my own life. Sometimes when everyone you love disagrees with you, especially as a teenager, it's hard to remain unflinching. I hope I can build, as Auxin said, the strength of character to stand up for myself while remaining patient and understanding towards everyone else.
I'm beginning to learn that there are two types of strength, both of which involve standing up for what you believe in. When an individual tells me that going vegan is a terrible decision, they are showing me an aggressive and uncontrolled need to protect what's their's. When I am fighting the urge to show them pictures of slaughterhouses and rehearse the benefits of a plant-based diet, I am showing the patient and controlled side of strength.
My mother was teasing me last night about chicken, saying she can't wait to cook up a nice big chicken pot pie. I could feel my patience slipping, but right then I remembered all of you and was able to smile and walk away. So again, thank you all for that.

HA HA......priceless!!!!

chickpeachica -

WELCOME!!!!

As far as.....That same day, my mother told me, "If you go vegan I'm not going to support it." Then she proceeded to inform me that protein's only home is animal flesh.

I would refer your Mom to the following:



I don't know how old you are, but you should be able to make your own decisions about what you will and will not eat. Sometimes that freaks other people out, but irregardless....it's YOUR life. Just remember....you will never please all the people all the time.

may I ask if you are doing your own cooking? That would seem to me to be a very positive step and one that your mom should be able to support. If you are doing your own cooking and you need a hand planning what to cook, maybe tell us a bit about that too.

Perfect! I'll keep that on hand for the next time my mother brings it up.

Thank you xoxo

I've been looking up recipe's and trying a few things out but I'm no pro by any means. I would love some help. My mom can tolerate the basic steamed veggies but the comments really start flowing when I whip up a batch of baked tofu. ALSO, my baked tofu is terrible... so if anyone knows a recipe that would be fantastic.

Welcome, Chickpea! We've all been there...it truly is the elephant in the room!

Man, that's rough. I'm sorry to hear you've been attacked for a choice that you believe works for you in your life. You should be proud of who you are and your beliefs, no matter what anyone else says, because they aren't you. They don't know what your life is like or what goes through your head, no matter how close they are to you. Be proud to be an individual, because you are!

I've was lacto-ovo vegetarian on and off for four years, and honestly that didn't seem to bother nearly as many people as when I cut out dairy about a year ago. However, it seems like the hardest part about not consuming massive quantities of animal products (whether you are flexitarian, vegetarian, vegan, etc) is the social aspect. At least that's what I've observed.

Like previous posts above, I advise you to get informed about the scientific proof that your diet is a healthy diet. Read peer-reviewed articles. Do a little homework. Let your friends and family know that eating animal products is not the "only" way to stay healthy. Vegetarian and vegan diets don't work for everyone, but it can work for a lot of people, much more people than the general public seems to realize.

I also advise you to keep going. Prove your friends and family wrong by eating awesomely delicious and nutritious food and by staying healthy. The only time I had an abnormal blood test after I became veg was when it was found out I had really, really low cholesterol, and this was just from simply not eating enough (this was in the beginning of my journey-it's hard to adapt to an "unusual" diet when everyone else eats vastly different food from you, I had to re-learn what to eat and how much of it but it paid off). I ate more and got normal blood tests again. Other than that I have never been low in Vitamin D, Calcium, Iron...you name it. Blood tests don't lie, then your friend and family will have nothing to say about you not getting proper nutrients.

Hang in there, it's really the roughest part. The stares and "Ew you freak!" looks are the worst. I hate them, especially when I get it when I eat lunch that I've spent hours shopping for and cooking for my family. It's just plain rude, no matter what your dietary habits are. Know that. They are being unkind. Period. And they are wrong.

Be as kind as you can and rational and give them the facts. They won't have any reasons to attack you anymore without really looking like the biggest jerk on the planet if you do this. If certain people STILL keep harassing you about it after all of that, then I advise you not to be their friend anymore...because what kind of true friend puts you down like that? Get new friends that support you.

A little bit of light at the end of the tunnel: Until recently, I was harassed by this woman at work almost everyday about what was in my lunch. A few days ago, however, we had a nice long discussion where I educated her a little bit and showed her I wasn't a crazy wacko cult follower or something, just a normal person trying to get through lunch like everyone else! Lol. It turns out she secretly admires veggie heads for their hard work and she commended me. She seemed very open to the idea of watching "Forks Over Knives" when I suggested it to her. (And I also suggest you watch it as well if you haven't, it is on Netflix Instant and it deals with the science of plant-based diets) So...its times like that when it really pays off.

And when it all just seems like too much...come whine about it in the "Stupid Things Omnivores Say" thread...it's what I always do when I'm just too peeved about a particular confrontation. It's perfectly ok to let off a little steam once in a while.

Take care. You are strong and believe in a just cause.

Be who you want to be. It has made me a lot happier.

First thing you need to learn, tofu is not for everyone. I am not a fan of tofu but I like lentils and other things with plenty of protein.

Try lentils if you are looking for protein. If you don't like those chick peas are good as well. There are more of course but those are the ones that are quite rich in protein. The lentils I have are actually 25% protein, and the chick peas I have are about 20%. That's more than enough and actually around the same as meat.

And it really is more than enough. Even something like plain old pasta will have a good amount in it. Protein isn't really much of a worry TBH, though if you're interested I can give you more information.

What you, and infact many meat eaters, should be more concerned with is B12 intake. Not getting enough can cause nerve damage.

The other "concern" which I have personally because of the food choices I make is calcium which I solve easily by taking a suplement when I know I am not eating enough foods with calcium in it or because I am eating/drinking stuff which removes calcium from my body.


I could go on and on, but anyways your best friend is knowledge. Not only will it improve your health but when people ask you questions about where you get X vitamin or protein or whatever you will easily be able to answer them. Nobody ever gives me a hard time about being vegan and I always have lots of interesting food information for everyone :P

nutritiondata.self.com will help a lot and I would suggest using google to use the website. I always type in like lentil nutrition and just click the link to the website. The best thing about it is that is has breakdowns of info into details you can use to identify weak points of your diet which you can then correct.

Don't try to learn everyone right away though, it's simply too much information unless you have an amazing memory. It took me years to learn everything that I know now about nutrition and your body is great at making it through times where your diet is lacking in something. Don't worry too much.


edit--------

Okay I really can go on and on :P

Take a look at
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Essenti..._daily_amounts

Also the nutrition.self website breaks down protein into its composition. One of the amino acids people try to say you can only get from meat is tryptophan. Pretty much everything has some in it, but the one I tend to say is a good source is almonds because it something I enjoy.

Using 4mg/kg of bodyweight needed per day from the wiki page and that you get 203mg from 95g of almonds you can calculate that, assuming you weigh 160 pounds like myself, that you can get all of the "meat only" triptophan you need for a day from just 135g of almonds.

Assuming all you ate were almonds that is. Regular pasta has 113mg per 140g. I think if you actually look at it you will quickly see that protein is not an issue at all.


edit2--------
Oh one thing you might want to include in your diet is walnuts. They contain something that your body can synthesise into omega3s which is good for your brain. No need to eat fish to get it.

^ YES to everything said in the above post. I love the Self nutrition data website!! Such an amazing resource.

I too get most of my protein from legumes and nuts and seeds, as tofu doesn't agree with me much. And it has that affect on a lot of people actually, particularly if you are not of Asian descent.

I also add an algae omega 3 pill every in addition to my walnuts and chia seeds in my oatmeal every morning. Walnuts and chia seeds only have ALA omega 3's, but your body converts a fraction of it to EPA and DHA omegas. You need all of them to keep your brain and heart healthy. I use the algae pills to get the EPA and DHA from the source for a little boost.

I also add in a quality multivitamin. these are just good things to know about whether or not you eat animal products so you can fine tune your diet to fit your needs for optimal health.

Oh I am glad I am speaking to you brain floss. I want to know everything about omega3s that you know. And I had no idea you could get algae pills.

Also chia seeds....mmmmmmm......there is a bakery where I live that makes a chia seed bread that is so good. I had no idea they were good for your brain though, what a bonus.

Read up on what abuse, neglect and respect actually mean. I would also read up on co-dependent relationships. This should give you an idea of how those kind of people you call friends actually function.

I feel like you shouldn't worry too much about your parents or friends supporting this. It's not really that big of a deal and I could see why it would matter if stomachs were shared..but they aren't.
Just do you, boo.
Don't worry about the others.
(I mean don't completely burn the bridges there, they may be useful later..)

When you make a new big counterculture decision, especially veganism and especially when you are young, people really lay into you about it. I think this is almost entirely because they see it as a fad and want to dissuade you, and partly because they are wary of how you may change as a result. While it is never okay to be that rude, it is not unreasonable for people to see what you are doing as a strange fad because of how many people attempt veganism for a short burst and then stop. I almost garauntee you will find that once you have been vegan for a long time you will get less push back. This is for two reasons: your current social network will realize you are serious about this and it is a part of who you are, not just a fad hippie phase. The second reason is that when you meet new people and they know you as a vegan from the start they accept it far more easily than people who knew you as a nonvegan. Eventually everyone you know will just know you as a vegan individual rather than as someone dabbling with a strange diet.
For a more radical example: imagine how you would react if your friend told you today she was going to join a hypothetical religion that is very odd and cult-ish versus if you met a really cool person that you bonded with really well and somewhere along the way you realize this person practises this strange religion. You likely would react with different levels of acceptance, largely because you worry how your friend that you know will change and because you may want to confront her and question her decision; whereas in the second situation you already know that this person is in this religion and worth being around, and you would be stepping further out of bounds attempting to dissuade this person because he held these beliefs when you met him and for an unknown amount of time before- it is a part of his identity as perceived by you.

Oh yes I have those stories too.

I've found it not only useless, but downright counterproductive to polite conversation, to discuss being a vegetarian with just about anyone, while eating.

"Pushed to discuss" tends to be a red flag that they are trying to get you to give ammunition for their subsequent onslaught of snarky comments. I have never ever been "pushed to discuss" and had any pleasant conversation about it.

When "pushed to discuss", I have tried saying, "Oh I do not evangelize my POV during meals. I've found a lot of people think vegetarians are automatically evangelists, but you know what I've noticed? They are often trying to convert me and think it's perfectly fine to preach to me. And it makes you wonder why they are so worried about what I don't put on my plate. Anyway, how is your daughter doing in school?"

God, chickpeachica. That all sounds like a huge pain in the ass. I'll never understand why other people mindlessly try to get others to conform to their way of doing things, like your mom and friends seem to be doing. They're just uncomfortable around those who are different, I suppose.

I was fortunate that when I was a teenager, living at home, and starting to go veg, my parents were very supportive. They've been supportive through my entire journey. . .from pescaterian to lacto-ovo vegetarian to now vegan. I've even influenced them! My parents started as complete omnis but now eat no meat besides seafood and usually only buy organic/free-range dairy and eggs. So they've certainly made progress. But they were never critical of my diet at any point,and appreciated my reasons for wanting to do it (which are animal rights, pretty much).

When I was younger I would often get crap about my vegetarianism or veganism from friends or just from random people though. They could be so judgmental and ignorant. . .I hated having to explain myself to them. I remember one dude telling me how he thought plants had feelings, too, so how did I justify eating plants? *rolls eyes* But I think as I've gotten older things have become easier for a couple reasons. First, I am just less likely to associate or be friends with those sorts of people now. A lot of my friends these days are veg themselves, and the ones who aren't are still politically radical and conscious and respect why I am making the decision that I am. Being in a community where a high percentage of people are veg also just makes the people who might hold stupid anti-veg opinions feel less empowered to blab on about them. Being anti-veg is not really the "cool" thing to be in the circles I run in. So you could always just move to Portland, Oregon where I am and become friends with a bunch of hippies and punk rock kids, and if you're lucky, maybe get a job at a vegan restaurant! Lol!

I think the other thing that's changed is I'm just more confident now. As other people have also said, confidence helps (it takes a lot of work to develop it though, unfortunately!) But I've been doing all this for a long time (first became a pescaterian 11 years ago, first became vegan 6 years ago). So I've heard all the stupid anti-vegan arguments by now. I've gone through the periods of self-doubt. I've done my research as to why eating plants is healthy, is good for the planet, and is good for the animals. I've read Peter Singer's book Animal Liberation; I've watched the movie Food Inc.; I've watched the movie Earthlings; I've visited a farm sanctuary for abused animals; I've even gotten the word "vegan" tattooed on my body! So some fool talking to me about where do I get my protein from doesn't seem threatening to me anymore, it just seems, well, foolish, I guess. And if people are going to make fun of me, I have no problem with making fun of them right on back. So I think due to all this I seem like less of an easy target than a younger and less experienced vegan would seem. So that makes people less likely to go after me.

Wow, I'm overwhelmed by all of the support! It's really comforting to listen to people who are older and have stuck to this diet for a long time. You all have such a positive and unflinching mindset. I showed my best friend the documentary Earthlings and she seemed moved by it. But when I asked if she still planned to make fun of me she said yes. Oh well. My mother has been buying my (previously) favorite chicken salad and leaving it in the fridge. She's never done this before and I'm almost positive she's trying to save me from the destruction of veganism. That being said, I feel better than ever! Thanks a lot vegan family xo

Chick... I know it may seem very small, but this really concerns me. That a *friend* would be so determined to do something she knows will hurt you, even after you have explained very clearly why your diet is important to you, does not bode well at all.

If she does indeed keep up the anti-veg verbal assault, I hope you will re-evaluate the friendship.

You need all three omega 3's (ALA, EPA, DHA). you can get ALA from plant sources like flaxseed, chia, walnuts, and other sources but you would have to consume a lot of that for you body to convert it to sufficient quantities of EPA and DHA. EPA and DHA can be found in algae or fish. (Hence the algae and fish oil pills)

My morning routine is where I get my boost of omegas. It's a bowl of oatmeal with a tbsp of chia seeds, a handful of walnuts, raisins and almond milk. Then I take a multivitamin, (Alive! Brand women's multi) and one algae pill. The bottle says to take two algae pills but I figure I only need one because I get the direct ALA from chia and walnuts and EPA and DHA from the algae pill. Plus, those pills are expensive! I do tend to prefer to spend good money in things that go towards good health though. I suggest Nordic natural's algae pills, as my friend who works at the vitamin shoppe says they are the purest algae pills available.

I have no where near the knowledge of a nutritionist, but This is what I've read. That's all I know and this is what has been working for me!

Maybe chickpea (and anyone else who is interested!) can benefit from this knowledge as well I hope.

I'm sorry that you are being given a hard time about your choice but hang tough. Younger people usually want to follow the crowd and those who are different a hard time. Trust me, those who didn't run with the crowd in my experience turn out to be so much more interesting people. Perhaps you can suggest they watch footage of a terrified cow being dragged on it's knees through inches of blood, knowing it will suffer the same as those that went before it, or video footage of baby chicks being ground up alive and then put a mouthful of that suffering in their faces.
I get tired of the comments about protein, etc. The only reason I think people react so strongly has to be because it calls into question how they are contributing to animal suffering. A number of us at work this January decided to go vegan based on concern for animals number one, and because the health benefits made it a no brainer. I am the only one who stuck to it, and when I eat in the staff room I see that those people feel very sheepish and try to defend their choices, and have even tried to shield their food from me ...
I try out new recipes for people to try in hopes that they see that it is not hard to maintain and eat a delicious vegan diet. When people ask me questions I suggest that if they are really interested they can google vegans and protein, watch Forks over Knives, vegucated, read the China Study, or for those in Canada look at the Dietitians of Canada Eating guide for vegans which talks about the benefits, says it safe for pregnant and breastfeeding women and gives a comprehensive food and supplement list. Maybe you could print off the guidline and give it to your mom. Take care ... hugs

try ohsheglows for a great website.

My facebook page is Middleagedvegan. Start simply and build from there. When I first start eating a low sat fat plant based diet I was so hungry because I just didn't know what to cook Now I do, just a matter of time and effort.

Also find a good hummus recipe and make that.

Agreed-you need REAL friends who except the REAL you. Let her know you really don't appreciate that and if she still insists on being mean...don't be her friend.