I can't stop hating my family for eating meat ;( - VeggieBoards
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#1 Old 12-04-2013, 02:35 PM
 
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I'm Vegan, 21 years old... My whole family eats meat...

I've been vegan for about a year now, it's the best thing I have done in my life. My whole family laughs at me.... It hurts really bad because my relationship with my family was always really good, it still is I guess...but it hurts so bad when they say something like "you should eat meat cause that's what you're suppose to do, it's natural and you should do it like everyone else"... that hurts me so bad because I know waaay too much about what goes on with factory farming... about the cruelty, the bad influence it has on our planet... I tried explaining to them why I'm Vegan and they listen but it doesn't change a thing for them... And they make jokes around me about eating livers and thing like that... I want to cry and scream but I know that if I do, it will only push them away... I already don't have any friends... Have any of you guys experienced the same problem? Please share your story and comfort me a little bit! :cry:

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#2 Old 12-04-2013, 04:54 PM
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My friends and co-workers made similar, dumb comments for a few months after I went vegan.  Fortunately they stopped after a while - either got bored or finally realised they were being knobs :)  I think the fact I reacted in a calm, polite and gracious way to their comments made them feel a bit bad.

 

A very good friend of mine stopped taking the mickey after I went round for a cup of coffee one day.  She made a joke about how she could offer me breast milk to go in my coffee.  I pointed out that all dairy is breast milk, just from another species and with added pus and antibiotics.  She laughed, said "touché" and hasn't cracked a joke about my veganism since then.

 

It does hurt when people you care about make remarks like that, much more so than when it comes from a stranger.  All I can suggest is you remain calm and hopefully make them feel bad about being mean to you.  

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#3 Old 12-04-2013, 05:53 PM
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Everyone makes changes if and when they are ready. You were not vegan a few years ago yourself.

People have guilt that they are not even aware of about eating animals, and sometimes a nearby vegan feels the brunt of their unconscious guilt. Hang in there, it gets easier. smiley.gif
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#4 Old 12-04-2013, 06:16 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gremlinka View Post
 

I'm Vegan, 21 years old... My whole family eats meat...

I've been vegan for about a year now, it's the best thing I have done in my life. My whole family laughs at me.... It hurts really bad because my relationship with my family was always really good, it still is I guess...but it hurts so bad when they say something like "you should eat meat cause that's what you're suppose to do, it's natural and you should do it like everyone else"... that hurts me so bad because I know waaay too much about what goes on with factory farming... about the cruelty, the bad influence it has on our planet... I tried explaining to them why I'm Vegan and they listen but it doesn't change a thing for them... And they make jokes around me about eating livers and thing like that... I want to cry and scream but I know that if I do, it will only push them away... I already don't have any friends... Have any of you guys experienced the same problem? Please share your story and comfort me a little bit! :cry:

Have you told them it bugs you?

 

My family was the same way to the point where this year I did not even want to have thanksgiving with them. Then a few weeks before I finally actually told some members of my family, "Hey I don't make fun of your food and it's really hurtful that you guys make fun of me." I also said it made me not want to do holidays or meals with them. They've really chilled out. My aunt told me she had no idea she was being mean - she thought she was being funny. Maybe your family thinks you don't mind. 

 

It doesn't really sound like you hate your family for eating meat - it more sounds like you're upset that they make fun of you for not eating it. 

 

Maybe if you tell them this bothers you they'll chill some. 


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#5 Old 12-05-2013, 03:17 AM
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gremlinka : I am very sad to hear that your family is giving you such a hard time, when families should be sticking together and rooting for each other.

 

I really think you should speak to them about it. Formally. Ask for a "family meeting" and tell them that you feel hurt that your own family, who should be extending love and tolerance to you, is treating you almost like an outcast just because you no longer want to participate in animal exploitation. Tell them that you could understand their rejection if you had decided to become a serial killer or a child abuser, but that you cannot understand why your compassion for other creatures makes them turn away from you.

 

Tell them how you feel, without getting too emotional, but do tell them how they are making you feel and tell them that you are not prepared to put up with it anymore because it hurts too much.

 

Use your words carefully. Talk about yourself, not about their choices. They are meat eaters and will probably always be. But they MUST learn to respect your choices which are not harming anyone.

 

Let us know how things go. We're right behind you here !!!! Hugs.

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#6 Old 12-05-2013, 06:29 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Diana View Post
 

gremlinka : I am very sad to hear that your family is giving you such a hard time, when families should be sticking together and rooting for each other.

 

I really think you should speak to them about it. Formally. Ask for a "family meeting" and tell them that you feel hurt that your own family, who should be extending love and tolerance to you, is treating you almost like an outcast just because you no longer want to participate in animal exploitation. Tell them that you could understand their rejection if you had decided to become a serial killer or a child abuser, but that you cannot understand why your compassion for other creatures makes them turn away from you.

 

Tell them how you feel, without getting too emotional, but do tell them how they are making you feel and tell them that you are not prepared to put up with it anymore because it hurts too much.

 

Use your words carefully. Talk about yourself, not about their choices. They are meat eaters and will probably always be. But they MUST learn to respect your choices which are not harming anyone.

 

Let us know how things go. We're right behind you here !!!! Hugs.

 

Thank you! Your post brought tears to my eyes... It's nice to know there are people out there who just simply get it.

 

Thank you all for your replies! :*

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#7 Old 12-05-2013, 11:47 PM
 
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I am in the same boat. I became vegan about 2.5 months ago. I started doing a ton of research and finding videos and articles and sending them to my family in group texts (which we usually do for other things) and I was conveying how upset I was by all the horrible animal cruelty I was finding and that I was becoming vegan right then and there. My brother and sister just complained that I was making their phone die. My mom and sister started asking if they could have my leather jacket and ugg boots then.  They were just making fun of me and pushing my buttons while i was trying to show them how awful this stuff was and how upset I was over it, and that we had been a part of it all along. Ive stopped talking to my sister over it completely, and the rest I am just really upset that they refuse to make any changes. Its one thing not knowing, but blatantly ignoring all the torture is just wrong.

 

The way I am feeling lately is I dont want to be around people who can continue to be part of animal abuse after knowing what really goes on. I am amazed how many people make jokes about it and ask the most idiotic, brainwashed questions. I have also been reporting via facebook the differences I have been feeling and the awesome food Ive been making, and I get a lot of replies that basically call me a liar. I say Im losing weight within days and they tell me its all muscle being depleted because Im not getting any protein. I am one who over-analyzes and researches the crap out of any big decisions I make..so yes I have done my homework and know where protein, b12, vitD, calcium, etc. come from. Or I take a picture of my meal and say how good it is, and Ill get a comment about how I am forcing myself to like it or lying about it tasting good. Its just infuriating, and making me want to only be around other vegans because I feel like they just get it. Luckily my husband jumped right on board and weve been able to do this together, but outside of that...I feel disappointed in most of my family and friends. 

 

I hate that myself and other people have to go through this feeling, because we are the ones doing the right thing. I hope it gets easier.

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#8 Old 12-06-2013, 09:36 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cyuka99 View Post
 

I am in the same boat. I became vegan about 2.5 months ago. I started doing a ton of research and finding videos and articles and sending them to my family in group texts (which we usually do for other things) and I was conveying how upset I was by all the horrible animal cruelty I was finding and that I was becoming vegan right then and there. My brother and sister just complained that I was making their phone die. My mom and sister started asking if they could have my leather jacket and ugg boots then.  They were just making fun of me and pushing my buttons while i was trying to show them how awful this stuff was and how upset I was over it, and that we had been a part of it all along. Ive stopped talking to my sister over it completely, and the rest I am just really upset that they refuse to make any changes. Its one thing not knowing, but blatantly ignoring all the torture is just wrong.

 

The way I am feeling lately is I dont want to be around people who can continue to be part of animal abuse after knowing what really goes on. I am amazed how many people make jokes about it and ask the most idiotic, brainwashed questions. I have also been reporting via facebook the differences I have been feeling and the awesome food Ive been making, and I get a lot of replies that basically call me a liar. I say Im losing weight within days and they tell me its all muscle being depleted because Im not getting any protein. I am one who over-analyzes and researches the crap out of any big decisions I make..so yes I have done my homework and know where protein, b12, vitD, calcium, etc. come from. Or I take a picture of my meal and say how good it is, and Ill get a comment about how I am forcing myself to like it or lying about it tasting good. Its just infuriating, and making me want to only be around other vegans because I feel like they just get it. Luckily my husband jumped right on board and weve been able to do this together, but outside of that...I feel disappointed in most of my family and friends. 

 

I hate that myself and other people have to go through this feeling, because we are the ones doing the right thing. I hope it gets easier.

 

I think you should try to relax a little. It's good to inform people about animal issues, but change is hard and sometimes slow. You yourself have only been vegan for 2.5 months, and while maybe you didn't know the extent of animal abuse out there, I'm sure part of you knew before you went vegan that animals are somehow killed for food, leather and other stuff, yet it took you some years I assume to go veg. 

 

Sometimes people find a new habit, new religion, new something and they get SO excited about it that they overly push it on people. That can be a turn off big time if people aren't personally ready to accept the new habit, practice or what have you into their life. I don't think it's cool that your sister was teasing you about this, but it's also a bit extreme to stop talking to your sister because she won't go vegan right away when you say she should. 

 

Your job is to be the best vegan you can be. Not to change the world right away. Not to get everyone else to go vegan. It took a long time for you to go vegan - I'm assuming as you're married and a new vegan, so I'm guessing you're not a young teen or kid. You really can't expect people to simply jump on board with something simply because you did. You should be glad for the small successes - like your hubs going veg - that's huge! Don't alienate your family though because they won't go veg. I would however, try, calmly to let them know how much the teasing bothers you. 

 

PS it does get easier as time goes on and being here, at VB, where people get what you're going through can be really helpful. 


~ Jennifer
 
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#9 Old 12-06-2013, 01:51 PM
 
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I am a very relaxed person...I am talking about the way I am feeling not acting. I do realize everyone has to accept change on their own realizations. Nobody couldve told me to go vegan and had me jump right on board if I didnt realize this stuff myself. The problem I am having is that they would rather ignore it, than let themselves be enlightened. They literally turn away when i try to show them something. I am just hugely disappointed because I am extremely close to my whole family and we tell each other everything, and somehow this is one area they wont discuss without trying to belittle it. They sound like everyone else..where do you get your protein, animals were put here by god for us to kill, yadda yadda...its just amazing that they are being so closed minded and cold hearted to different degrees. My mom lets me cook for her, but my brother sends me pictures of steaks. So its just frustrating that they are making it so difficult instead of being supportive. Also, I have not asked a single one of them to go vegan, not even my husband. I tell him all the time if he wants to give up he can. I am doing it because its what I want. Im just asking them to make small changes, or help in other ways.  Its hard to relax when Im just trying to show them something and its like they are picking fights to push me away so they dont have to accountable for knowing and not changing. They can claim to not know what they are contributing to if they learn as little about it as possible. 

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#10 Old 12-06-2013, 02:24 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cyuka99 View Post
 

I am a very relaxed person...I am talking about the way I am feeling not acting. I do realize everyone has to accept change on their own realizations. Nobody couldve told me to go vegan and had me jump right on board if I didnt realize this stuff myself. The problem I am having is that they would rather ignore it, than let themselves be enlightened. They literally turn away when i try to show them something. I am just hugely disappointed because I am extremely close to my whole family and we tell each other everything, and somehow this is one area they wont discuss without trying to belittle it. They sound like everyone else..where do you get your protein, animals were put here by god for us to kill, yadda yadda...its just amazing that they are being so closed minded and cold hearted to different degrees. My mom lets me cook for her, but my brother sends me pictures of steaks. So its just frustrating that they are making it so difficult instead of being supportive. Also, I have not asked a single one of them to go vegan, not even my husband. I tell him all the time if he wants to give up he can. I am doing it because its what I want. Im just asking them to make small changes, or help in other ways.  Its hard to relax when Im just trying to show them something and its like they are picking fights to push me away so they dont have to accountable for knowing and not changing. They can claim to not know what they are contributing to if they learn as little about it as possible. 

 

By relaxed, I mean don't send them as much info - especially if they're not supportive. You say, "I started doing a ton of research and finding videos and articles and sending them to my family in group texts." Some people find that pushy and assume you're suggesting they go vegan - why else would you send it? 

 

You also say, "The problem I am having is that they would rather ignore it, than let themselves be enlightened.They literally turn away when i try to show them something." It's fine if they ignore animal cruelty - TONS of people do. I mean it's not cool from a vegan standpoint, but again, like I said before, it takes some people a long time to accept stuff like this. Although it seems bad to us, they do have every right not to care about AR. Just like you have every right to care. 

 

What's not fine is if they're being rude to you. 

 

Have you told them this, "I am just hugely disappointed because I am extremely close to my whole family and we tell each other everything, and somehow this is one area they wont discuss without trying to belittle it." That statement would be good to share. I would tell them, "I don't expect you to go vegan, or even be open right now to AR issues, but I do expect that if you love me you don't belittle my choice to be vegan."

 

"I am doing it because its what I want. Im just asking them to make small changes, or help in other ways. " What are you asking them to do? 

 

You've presented them info, they're clearly not interested, so focus on how they're treating you. Don't send them AR stuff, but do ask that they respect your choices without making fun of you or being rude. 


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#11 Old 12-16-2013, 10:14 PM
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Ah human nature...

 

I totally agree with Jennifer C

 

The best thing you can do (AFAIK) is show them how healthy and smart you can be on a vegan diet.

Know your stuff, make sure your meals are adequate and well balanced. Do exercise. ETC.

 

Years will pass and they will see how you are still vegan and looking/doing great.

 

Also it does indeed gets a lot easier to deal with non-vegan as time goes on... Just so you know.

 

 

PS : I do admire that you try to show them what seems obvious. I just feel that it will not yield so much result as they seem to have their mind already made up (as my family had).

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