My hubs went vegan with me but now wants to quit. I'm having a really hard time! - VeggieBoards
Forum Jump: 
 1Likes
Reply
 
Thread Tools
#1 Old 09-07-2013, 07:22 PM
 
veganista79's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Iowa
Posts: 1
When I decided to go vegan 5 months ago, I assumed I would be the only one doing it. However, my husband started doing it and was feeling so much better physically and it really changed the dynamic of our relationship. We became so much closer. We've had so many downs and not enough ups and when we started this lifestyle, we really pulled close and enjoyed spending our time together and were excited about it!
Now it comes out that he wants to stop. I am struggling with it. He said the same things everyone does when you talk about being a vegan. "But it just tastes good." I can't stand that comment. What do I do about that? I finally said I could adjust to his need to eat fish, shrimp, etc., even though I don't want that either. He doesn't know why it has to be a black or white issue. Well, eating meat is a black or white issue. You either support animal exploitation or you don't. It's crazy, yes I admit it, but when he leaves the house sometimes to go hang out with his friends, I feel like he will "cheat" on me. Lol. "Where are you? Are you eating a cheeseburger?" I feel like I'm going crazy!
After all the research we've done and all of the information out there, it doesn't matter now because his taste buds want meat. I just feel like it's incredibly selfish. I don't want him to be miserable, but this is making me physically ill. I still have friends, but since my change it's been hard. I can't talk about it with anyone because no one supports it. Now my spouse doesn't either. I just feel kind of isolated. Veganism causes so many negative conversations with people, that I never talk to anyone about it anymore. Then I feel bad because I should be advocating to a certain extent. I can't just isolate myself, even though I feel isolated. People know and love me for saying what ever I want to and for speaking my mind, but I can't be that way now. I feel trapped in meat eating suburbia. Lol.
I suppose that's why I am here. I need to be in a safe place where people can understand what I'm feeling. I don't want to be the in your face get crazy kind of vegan. Lord knows I know some. I try by sharing what I make. You know? Let me show you that food can taste awesome and not include animal products. That's all I can do. But I need a support group. Big time.
veganista79 is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
#2 Old 09-07-2013, 07:35 PM
Super Moderator
 
silva's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 8,956

Awww, it would be soooo great to have someone special to share the maligned vegan life with!

But...it sounds like he accepts it at home and just eats animals when out?

 

Hey, it took me being an on/off veg for much of my life before finalizing it at 45! I think it's best to accept his decision, and keep making great food!

While processed faux stuff like Gardein isn't the best, it's still better than meat.

If you find Beyond Meat get it! I tried it for my son who still eats chicken on occasion. He was shocked at how real it tasted, looked and smelled! So was I, and couldn't handle it at all! They're like pre-cooked chicken strips, and are used like you would use chicken. If you read reviews it's amazing how many people think they're just like the real thing. 


I'm so glad you found VB! We are a great community here! :hi:


Don't let the perfect be the enemy of the good
silva is offline  
#3 Old 09-07-2013, 08:30 PM
Veggie Regular
 
Irizary's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Posts: 8,743

Welcome to the board :)

 

It's disappointing when someone who knows about the cruelty chooses it anyway because of their taste preferences.  Lifelong confinement, literal torture, and death...for a taste preference.  It's very selfish and I would lose a lot of respect for anyone making that informed choice too.  

 

The thought that he could be "miserable" if he doesn't get to put some meat or dairy into his mouth is so much human self-centeredness and gluttony.  Yuck.  I would be very unhappy about it too.

Big Thier likes this.

"If you want to know where you would have stood on slavery before the civil war, don't look at where you stand on slavery today, look at where you stand on animal rights." - Paul Watson.

 

Every animal you eat
was running for her life

Irizary is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
#4 Old 09-08-2013, 06:13 AM
Newbie
 
alis's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 63

My husband is barely Omni, more near carnivore. Just my advice - please don't let this ruin your marriage. It's okay to be upset that your husband does not want to share your newfound lifestyle, but you understand that from his perspective, he does not feel ethically passionate about this, and you suddenly have. You are the one who really changed, not him. Love him for who he is, not what you want him to be. Come to a compromise about future children, if you plan to have any. Good luck :)

Siv and Ime Caldwell like this.
alis is offline  
#5 Old 09-08-2013, 07:42 AM
Veggie Regular
 
Naturebound's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 4,608

Just wanted to share that I have been vegan for 2 1/2 years and my husband is still omnivore.  But..he is very slowly coming around.  He now eats mostly vegetarian at home and buys far less meat than he used to because I make darn good vegan meals for us and I work hard to make him things he will like that are vegan.  I have also shown him that you don't have to wear leather to find good hiking shoes and warm socks for winter in Minnesota (I wear hemp ones),  you can save a lot of money making your own shampoo and cleaning supplies, and you can care about something bigger than yourself and do it in a positive way and with love.  I do it because it is my choice and I love him and want him to be healthy but I refuse to buy or prepare nonvegan food/nonfood although I have occasionally prepared eggs for him in desperate situations to keep the peace. Compromise has to be part of a relationship, even if it goes against what you believe in.  He has beliefs I don't agree with either.  No one is going to be 100% like someone else.  I had to learn to understand that it took me 38 years to become vegan and he didn't have the same understanding and education I came to when I made the switch.  I have had to slowly teach and share with him and for him it has had to be a more gradual approach and some things he is just not going to agree on (we differ on opinions about zoos for example) and I have to leave it at that and find common ground (he is interested in wildlife conservation and environmental issues so I can use these as a vegan anchor also with him).

 

At first he even made fun of some of my beliefs and the vegan diet and anytime I felt unwell for whatever trivial reason he blamed my diet.  I put my foot down on the smart *** comments and threatened to leave him (I am also the breadwinner, the cook, and very independent) if it didn't stop and he has since grown to respect me more because I have shown by example and while I had to tone down my beliefs with him, I will not put up with obnoxious (as opposed to civilized) talks about it.  I have not only made incredible meals, but have spent a lot of time doing activism and learning veganism from many different angles (feminism, cultural and racial issues, ethical, political, animal rights etc) and have educated myself to be able to stand up to challenges.  He came with me yesterday to my first leafleting event and witnessed me go up to people and spread the word about Farm Sanctuary, the farming industry, and veganism and do it with a smile even though I was terrified inside as I am a shy introvert).  And he supported me in my efforts and walked with me through the event and encouraged me.  This from a guy who is a lifelong deer hunter, worked on dairy farms, and grew up with dairy farmers.  Two years ago he would never have done this.  We fought a lot.  I had to stop pressuring and challenging his beliefs and slowly lead more by example and share the joys of being vegan for me and so on at first.  I wanted him to see it isn't about deprivation, but living your values and doing something you believe in.  he still doesn't completely understand everything but he has come such a long way in supporting me.  He loves UFC fighting and when he learned that there are several vegan fighters he got more interested and now sees that you can live perfectly healthy on a vegan diet.  That was one tactic I used lol.  Making him things like homemade vegan mayonnaise, vegan chocolate pancakes, vegan pot pies (things I don't consume a lot myself but I know he likes omnivore versions of) and homemade peanut butter have helped him along also and helped him to see that vegans eat hardy and filling foods too and not all tofu and sprouts.  I am also very physically active and my endurance soared as a vegan and he saw this too and it has helped him become more accepting.  I have had to stop lecturing him about his diet and so on because I don't want the same criticism from him about my diet.  It works both ways.  As much as I cringe while he suffers with rheumatoid arthritis but continues to down loads of dairy (I did show him studies linking veganism to decreased symptoms of RA) I have stopped lecturing him about it because he has to be ready to change when he is ready, not when I am ready.  It is hard and I still have days I wish my house was all vegan.  But we share so much in other areas of our lives and I don't want to miss out on that either.  It IS also hard when fundamental beliefs are different, but as I said my beliefs shifted over a long time and his will take a long time to shift but I already see changes coming in him.  It takes a lot of time and patience.  The world is indeed often not nice about veganism but instead of focusing on the hardships and negativity, I am learning to tune it out and find the positives and keep fighting the fight because it is not about me and my feelings but about the animals, the environment, all living beings, health.  I learned a lot about this just yesterday leafleting because I had to learn to put my own hurt feelings aside when negative comments came my way in order to be effective.  It is indeed the most challenging part of being vegan, not the diet itself (at least for me as an introvert with avoidant personality disorder who does not feel comfortable with confrontation lol).  Just know you are not alone and what you are feeling is very natural.  It takes a while to find your niche.  I was very frustrated at first too and sometimes still fall into that paralyzing trap.  My Mom went back to eating meat after being vegan for a time and that was hard and I still find myself attacking her and have to stop and let it go and find common ground and work with that.  My sister went all vegan and is doing very well so you win some and lose some but I still love them both equally.  Hugs to you and hang in there!  It gets easier.

silva, 60225, LegallyRed and 1 others like this.

In the end, only kindness matters. - Jewel



To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Naturebound is offline  
#6 Old 09-08-2013, 08:42 AM
 
JediKelly's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Texas
Posts: 1

I have been Vegan for 5 weeks - became Vegan for moral and ethical reasons and also found I have never felt better in my life.  My husband is an omnivore.  I spent the first 3 weeks preaching my head off at him but quickly realized my ranting was never ever going to sway him in any direction that I wanted - because even if the rant is true the delivery method is lacking.

 

Although he does not want to know about the videos, what's actually in his food, etc he has been very supportive of my decision.

 

We keep the peace by each doing our own shopping and cooking.

 

My point is we each have our own path in life.  We  can only deliver the message - we are not responsible for how someone receives it.

JediKelly is offline  
#7 Old 09-08-2013, 12:05 PM
Veggie Regular
 
ficbot's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 754

My SO is vegan for health reasons (he has a kidney disease and can't process animal protein) not ethical ones. I am vegetarian for mostly health reasons too. But when we first met, my one exception was eating at my mother's house because she just doesn't cook that way. There was one time we had a fight about it where he pressured me about what I had eaten there and got an answer he didn't like. After that, I asked him to just let it be and now we have a 'do't ask, don't tell' policy about my mother's food. He can ask me anything he wants about what happens when I go over there except what I ate!

 

The funny thing is, now that I have been with him and seen how easy it is to find veg food, I've found that even at Mom's, I can eat veg now. Last time I was over there, there was meat (a lot of it, because it was a holiday) but there was also a bulgur dish, roasted vegetables, salad and soup. It was very easy to actually eat all-veg there. She's going to Florida next month for the winter so I won't see her for awhile. I am thinking that when she comes back, I will just tell her I am completely vegetarian now and that will be that.

Aristede and Purp like this.
ficbot is offline  
#8 Old 09-08-2013, 07:29 PM
Veggie Regular
 
flvegnewbie's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Middle Tennessee
Posts: 887
I am the only Vegan in my family of 4. My husband & both "almost adult" children are all carnivores. I do not let this deter me on my path. I was not always a Vegan so I feel that I can't in good consciousness dictate to them what they can or cannot eat.

I feel your frustration in wanting your husband to eat healthier because you love & care for him. But as my path continues I have also realized that people will change only when or if they are ready.

My only suggestion is to continue to love yourself & know that you deserve to follow your own path. But also to continue to love your husband even though his choices are not the ones you'd choose for him.

Oh & rem. we're here for you if you need some extra support or love. You. Are. Not. Alone. smiley.gif
JediKelly likes this.
flvegnewbie is offline  
#9 Old 09-08-2013, 08:17 PM
Veggie Regular
 
natty6's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 351
I feel your struggle. I, too, have an omnivorous significant other. With extremely rare exceptions he must have meat at every lunch and dinner. Milk or eggs are almost always a part of breakfast. I also went veg after we started dating. It is very hard to know that he does something that I consider to be needless cruelty. What is more, he says he does not care about the animal's suffering. It stings and it stinks, but I do agree with what some of the other posters have said. You are the one who changed, not him. Also, you very recently were not vegan. May I assume you very recently ate meat too? I am so happy to hear that you have made such a wonderful decision, but remember that not so long ago you were partaking in animal exploitation. You were not a bad person then, if anything you were brainwashed. We live in a meat eating world and we learn to look the other way from a very young age. Your husband is fighting a lifetime of carnivore training. I think that if he commits to vegan, it will be when he is ready, not when you make enough arguments. Browbeating him over it may just do the opposite of what you want. He has the information, now you just live by example. Make delicious vegan food at home and always have leftovers in the fridge for when he wants a snack. Buy the fake meats- there are some amazing options out there. Don't force it on him but make vegan convenient for him. Also, remember it is typically much harder for men to go vegan than it is for women. Men often receive more teasing because society says that men should be masculine and meat is masculine, whilst women should be compassionate and gentle, so people allow vegan women more slack so far as I have seen. This is all just my stance, I think you should try to let it go and remember all the good things about him. See his support of you in general as a form of helping the animals by keeping you strong. Of course, none of us can tell you what is right for you though and only you know what you can live with. You'll find a lot of us have omni partners though and make it work.
natty6 is offline  
#10 Old 09-08-2013, 09:47 PM
Newbie
 
Johnny87's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 91
How would you feel if he changed his religion and kept insisting that you convert with him? You have your own ethics, interests, and lifestyle. He has his. Imagine how you'd feel if he judged you for doing what you enjoy in your own home. You have every right to go vegan and to insist that he respect your choice. Don't you feel the same obligation to respect his choice? Do you really feel like one consumer's limited meat consumption will in any way change how many animals are farmed/killed?
Johnny87 is offline  
#11 Old 09-08-2013, 10:19 PM
Veggie Regular
 
Irizary's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Posts: 8,743
Quote:
Originally Posted by Johnny87 View Post
 
How would you feel if he changed his religion and kept insisting that you convert with him? 

 

No, not comparable.  Religion is based on faith.  Veganism for animals is based on the reality that animals are literally suffering for convenience and/or a taste preference.

 

If you find out that something you are doing is causing direct and tremendous suffering to others, and you can stop participating quite easily, but you don't, that says something about your sense of justice or compassion for others.  That's an ethical concern that is in no way comparable to "finding Jesus."

lightergait likes this.

"If you want to know where you would have stood on slavery before the civil war, don't look at where you stand on slavery today, look at where you stand on animal rights." - Paul Watson.

 

Every animal you eat
was running for her life

Irizary is offline  
#12 Old 09-08-2013, 10:54 PM
Veggie Regular
 
Irizary's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Posts: 8,743
Quote:
Originally Posted by Johnny87 View Post
 

So he's eating animals that were already killed that would have been thrown out anyway. Where's the harm?

 

"Where's the harm?"  Well gosh, why should anyone be veg*n then?  Why are you?  Are you a health veg*n?

 

1) It takes numbers to decrease the demand, and each person contributes to that.  I mean, why vote either?

2) It says something unfortunate about one's ethics and compassion when they know how animals are raised for food - and they eat them anyway.  Some guy could also go on sex tours in Thailand.  Does this one customer make a huge difference to a child prostitute's life?  Probably not - just one more customer.  Does it say something about him if he does it anyway?  Does it affect your feelings about him?

3) Veg*nism makes the statement that animals are not things to be used, and they shouldn't be made to suffer nor should their lives be taken for trivial reasons.  Changing this paradigm is how animal use is ultimately going to stop.  Being part of the status quo in regards to animals is in fact harmful to animals.

Naturebound likes this.

"If you want to know where you would have stood on slavery before the civil war, don't look at where you stand on slavery today, look at where you stand on animal rights." - Paul Watson.

 

Every animal you eat
was running for her life

Irizary is offline  
#13 Old 09-08-2013, 11:25 PM
Veggie Regular
 
Aristede's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Beijing, China
Posts: 3,897

Mod Post: Advocating meat-eating on VB is not tolerated in any fashion regardless of the situation. I have deleted posts in violation of the Terms of Service.

 

Aristede:book:

VB Moderator


"Now listen, I know you've got to think about your image, 'cause image is important to you, because of course your friends are gonna dictate your actions through the rest of your lives, and I wouldn't want you to step away from them and become an individual, that would almost be too much!"...

Aristede is offline  
#14 Old 09-08-2013, 11:33 PM
Newbie
 
Johnny87's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 91

Wait a minute. I didn't advocate meat consumption. I asked a series of questions to determine whether her husband is actually causing animal deaths by eating meat. That's very relevant to vegan ethics. How can you formulate ethics without taking a look at the real consequences of actions?

Johnny87 is offline  
#15 Old 09-08-2013, 11:37 PM
Veggie Regular
 
Aristede's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Beijing, China
Posts: 3,897
Quote:
Originally Posted by Johnny87 View Post
 

Wait a minute. I didn't advocate meat consumption. I asked a series of questions to determine whether her husband is actually causing animal deaths by eating meat. That's very relevant to vegan ethics. How can you formulate ethics without taking a look at the real consequences of actions?

 

Mod Post:

 

VeggieBoards is a support forum. The original poster is requesting assistance for dealing with the issue of her husband wanting to return to being an omnivore. Justifying his meat consumption is not helpful and posting pro-meat arguments is against the rules. A pro-meat argument supports any reason why people may eat meat. If you have any further questions, you may direct them to me via PM and not on the general forum.

 

Aristede:book:

VB Moderator

yingchen likes this.

"Now listen, I know you've got to think about your image, 'cause image is important to you, because of course your friends are gonna dictate your actions through the rest of your lives, and I wouldn't want you to step away from them and become an individual, that would almost be too much!"...

Aristede is offline  
#16 Old 09-09-2013, 12:17 AM
Veggie Regular
 
Tiger Lilly's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 1,617

You came EXACTLY to the right place! (As you may have guessed by reading all of those comments!).

You can't change your partner's mind. 

 

But you can change the way you approach this situation and the way you think about it.


We had a thread going here a while back, about whether veg*ns should/would date carnists. One of the comments (I think it was from Joan Kennedy, but I'm not sure!) said that by being vego partners, to people to eat meat, we were actually decreasing harm. Think about it, if you institute a 'vegan in this house' rule then you're going to be decreasing his impact on animals. Not completely, not as much as it could be, but a decrease is a decrease. Just by being with you, he's probably going to consume less animals and their products. Take heart in that.

 

The other thing to consider is that he's using 'flavour' as an excuse. It's a poor excuse. But a hard one to combat with anything too hard hitting, when the person you love is saying it. So, if you can, find out what flavours he's missing. Have you tried veganising certain 'meaty' dishes? (La Dolce Vegan is a great cook book, if you haven't tried it already). The other thing, is to go the faux meat angle. Obviously, for health reasons, you don't want to be loading up on it every night. But, as a carnist with a vegetarian partner, when I had certain faux meats it made me realise that flavour wasn't really an excuse I could have. Certainly, there are things you just can't replicate. But when you can get so close to those things, without an animal dying.....It starts to change your mind. At least, it did for me.

He might never change. But as the others here are saying, being a good example of a vegan is one of the BEST way to change someone's mind about how they view animals and where their values really lie. Trust me.


As for you, yes, you should be advocating animal rights and you should be using your voice. But only where you feel comfortable and confidant to do so. People will meet your decision with a range of emotions and unfortunately, not all of them are supportive. You have to look after yourself first. It does get easier to have those conversations. A great book, that I'd recommend, is "But You Kill Ants" by John Waddell. It made me feel less alone and more equipped to have conversations (Stupid Things Omnivores Say on this forum, also helped :P)

Best of luck to you, keep us updated!


 

Tiger Lilly is offline  
#17 Old 09-09-2013, 12:47 AM
Impeach the gangster
 
Capstan's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Posts: 10,052

Welcome to VeggieBoards, veganista! :hi: I hope we can be of help!


"There is more wisdom in the song of a bird, than in the speech of a philosopher...." -Oahspe
"The thing is, you cannot judge a race. Any man who judges by the group is a pea-wit. You take men one at a time." -Buster Kilrain, The Killer Angels -Michael Shaara
"Anyone who doesn't believe in miracles isn't a realist." -Billy Wilder
Capstan is offline  
#18 Old 09-09-2013, 05:26 AM
Newbie
 
alis's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 63

Actually, I think the comparison to religion is quite acceptable. To Christians, Muslims, whoever is a believer, it is not just simple faith, to them, it is an absolute reality. Just like how you feel animal harm is an absolute reality. It is an absolute reality to them that their partner is damning their soul or whatever, just as our OP, I'm sure, believes it is an absolute reality of cruelty.

 

I would suggest, as someone being happily married to a man who drinks (no joke) a litre of milk a day and a good 2lbs+ of meat per day, that she should work on providing more alternatives in the home and not pressure him like a fanatical. I don't recommend ruining a marriage over 5 months of choosing to be vegan. But I understand I am not as 'fanatical' about the cause as others, so that's just my opinion (since 2006).

Johnny87 likes this.
alis is offline  
#19 Old 09-09-2013, 05:40 AM
Veggie Regular
 
Irizary's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Posts: 8,743
Quote:
Originally Posted by alis View Post
 

Actually, I think the comparison to religion is quite acceptable. To Christians, Muslims, whoever is a believer, it is not just simple faith, to them, it is an absolute reality. Just like how you feel animal harm is an absolute reality. 

 

Pardon?  I FEEL animal harm is a reality? 

 

If a child is raped and killed - is that just a "feeling" that someone may have that that child is harmed?  

 

And no - Christians and Muslims ultimately rely on faith for their beliefs, and that's really not controversial.  That's not the same as providing actual evidence that animal agriculture is cruel to animals and harmful to the environment.  Veganism is not based on faith.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Faith


"If you want to know where you would have stood on slavery before the civil war, don't look at where you stand on slavery today, look at where you stand on animal rights." - Paul Watson.

 

Every animal you eat
was running for her life

Irizary is offline  
#20 Old 09-09-2013, 06:03 AM
Veggie Regular
 
yingchen's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Singapore
Posts: 645
Quote:
Originally Posted by alis View Post

Actually, I think the comparison to religion is quite acceptable. To Christians, Muslims, whoever is a believer, it is not just simple faith, to them, it is an absolute reality. Just like how you feel animal harm is an absolute reality. It is an absolute reality to them that their partner is damning their soul or whatever, just as our OP, I'm sure, believes it is an absolute reality of cruelty.

I don't think anyone believes the cartesian thinking that animals are automatons who don't feel pain. If that were true, there would be a need to constantly hide it. Why not show pictures of slaughterhouses like the way we see pictures of farmers plucking strawberries?

Once that's out of the way, it's no longer about you respecting their freedom of belief when nowhere in that equation is the right of animals not to suffer horrifically and unnecessarily.

Check out my blog,
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
, a reflection of anime, veganism and animal rights!
Latest post: Serial Experiments Lain and the Upper Layer of Reality
yingchen is offline  
#21 Old 09-09-2013, 07:22 AM
Newbie
 
alis's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 63
Quote:
Originally Posted by Irizary View Post
 

 

Pardon?  I FEEL animal harm is a reality?

 

If a child is raped and killed - is that just a "feeling" that someone may have that that child is harmed?

 

And no - Christians and Muslims ultimately rely on faith for their beliefs, and that's really not controversial.  That's not the same as providing actual evidence that animal agriculture is cruel to animals and harmful to the environment.  Veganism is not based on faith.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Faith

 

 

Well, I respectfully disagree that "we" have the right to disregard what other people feel is real. Temples exist, historical records exist, and to them, it is just as real as what you and I believe. I don't feel that I can have a constructive argument with someone who is clearly hell bent on pushing their opinion and disregarding what others think is true as well. Do you have any constructive advice for our OP and her very real marriage issue, aside from insulting him?

Johnny87 likes this.
alis is offline  
#22 Old 09-09-2013, 07:33 AM
Banned
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 2,587

It's tough when our spouses make decisions we don't agree with, but that is part of being in a relationship.  

 

Try to focus on the positive.  Such as that he eats vegan food at home or isn't afraid to try vegan dishes you make or that he is eating less meat than before you went vegan.

luvourmother is offline  
#23 Old 09-09-2013, 10:00 AM
Beginner
 
CrazyApple's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 151

That IS frustrating! I would be disappointed as well.

 

That said, if he is determined to eat meat once again you guys should come up with a compromise. Maybe he can eat it just when he's out with his friends and eat vegan at home with you, or something to that degree.

 

My husband is an omnivore. Yes, I hate it. But I am the one that changed so I have to deal with it. Since I've been vegan meat consumption in our house has been cut down a LOT. Our agreement is that if he wants to eat it he has to buy and cook it. I won't touch it. Ever. Usually he makes a few days worth ahead of time and keeps it in his own drawer in the fridge and adds it to whatever vegan meal I make. Perfect solution? Hell no. I still hate the thought of it being here but it's a solution we can both deal with.

 

I don't know any other vegans either. That's where this forum comes in handy. I'm thankful I've found it because having other people understand your feelings helps in a big way.

CrazyApple is offline  
#24 Old 09-09-2013, 10:42 AM
Beginner
 
SomeoneHere3's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Earth
Posts: 126
Quote:
Originally Posted by Irizary View Post
 

The thought that he could be "miserable" if he doesn't get to put some meat or dairy into his mouth is so much human self-centeredness and gluttony.  Yuck.  I would be very unhappy about it too.

^^^ this is exactly what came to mind when I was reading your post. But, it is still his decision and he is still your husband. You should try to remember: we cannot change people's actions, the only actions we can directly change are our own actions. So set a good example for him; show him through your actions how easy veganism can be and how delicious and well rounded the meals can be also :) I sympathize and empathize with how you feel, but as much as it hurts, you need to try to respect his decision, whatever that ends up being. Each person has free will and can choose whatever path they want, take solace in your choice to trek along a path of a good conscious lifestyle :up: :rockon:

 

You have a great community of like-minded people here who all support and encourage your decision to limit animal exploitation :hug:

Johnny87 likes this.

"To the beaten pig, I hear your screams; to the scolded chicken, I feel your pain; and to the stunned cow, I see your suffering. It is real to so many of us who value your life on earth as much as our own. We are no more important than you. We are so sorry that humans possess so little mercy for those whom they have the power to abuse. We will do everything we can to end your misery until the day we die. You are not alone."
SomeoneHere3 is offline  
#25 Old 09-09-2013, 04:42 PM
Veggie Regular
 
Irizary's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Posts: 8,743
Quote:
Originally Posted by alis View Post
 

 

 

Well, I respectfully disagree that "we" have the right to disregard what other people feel is real. Temples exist, historical records exist, and to them, it is just as real as what you and I believe. I don't feel that I can have a constructive argument with someone who is clearly hell bent on pushing their opinion and disregarding what others think is true as well. Do you have any constructive advice for our OP and her very real marriage issue, aside from insulting him?

 

You know that Christianity and Islamism rest on the faith in a supreme being, right?  

 

And hey, "I don't feel that I can have a constructive argument" with someone who thinks the existence of animal pain is a mere "feeling" one might have.  I'll take care of my posts though, and you can take care of yours, so I don't really need your advice about posting.  And yes, I can disregard what someone "feels is real." if I don't find adequate evidence of it.


"If you want to know where you would have stood on slavery before the civil war, don't look at where you stand on slavery today, look at where you stand on animal rights." - Paul Watson.

 

Every animal you eat
was running for her life

Irizary is offline  
#26 Old 09-09-2013, 05:16 PM
Newbie
 
alis's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 63
Quote:
Originally Posted by Irizary View Post
 

 

You know that Christianity and Islamism rest on the faith in a supreme being, right?

 

And hey, "I don't feel that I can have a constructive argument" with someone who thinks the existence of animal pain is a mere "feeling" one might have.  I'll take care of my posts though, and you can take care of yours, so I don't really need your advice about posting.  And yes, I can disregard what someone "feels is real." if I don't find adequate evidence of it.

 

 

So, we are arguing semantics then? Ok.

Johnny87 likes this.
alis is offline  
#27 Old 09-09-2013, 05:49 PM
Veggie Regular
 
Irizary's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Posts: 8,743
Quote:
Originally Posted by alis View Post
 

 

 

So, we are arguing semantics then? Ok.

 

I'm not arguing semantics.  If you think you have not been clear enough with your words and ideas, then maybe you should re-state them.


"If you want to know where you would have stood on slavery before the civil war, don't look at where you stand on slavery today, look at where you stand on animal rights." - Paul Watson.

 

Every animal you eat
was running for her life

Irizary is offline  
#28 Old 09-09-2013, 07:52 PM
Newbie
 
Johnny87's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 91
Quote:
Originally Posted by alis View Post
 

Actually, I think the comparison to religion is quite acceptable. To Christians, Muslims, whoever is a believer, it is not just simple faith, to them, it is an absolute reality. Just like how you feel animal harm is an absolute reality. It is an absolute reality to them that their partner is damning their soul or whatever, just as our OP, I'm sure, believes it is an absolute reality of cruelty.

 

I would suggest, as someone being happily married to a man who drinks (no joke) a litre of milk a day and a good 2lbs+ of meat per day, that she should work on providing more alternatives in the home and not pressure him like a fanatic.

 

That's a very sane, healthy view conducive to mutual respect in any relationship. Right now it sounds like he's 90% vegetarian. If she pushes him, he might go back to a meat-heavy diet. Why not do most of the cooking, make healthy & good-tasting veggie meals, and see if he comes around? 

 

To the OP, what would you find more persuasive- hostility & contempt or affection & support?

Johnny87 is offline  
#29 Old 09-09-2013, 07:55 PM
Newbie
 
Johnny87's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 91
Quote:
Originally Posted by Irizary View Post
 

I'm not arguing semantics.  If you think you have not been clear enough with your words and ideas, then maybe you should re-state them.

 

She was diplomatically saying 'let's agree to disagree.' By the way, you're getting mad at a vegan in a Western country that's what- 96% omnivore? Why not save your anger for the people who actually eat meat?

 

Besides, let's say you're 100% correct that eating meat is wrong. Do you think bludgeoning someone with your position is going to persuade them?

Johnny87 is offline  
#30 Old 09-09-2013, 07:57 PM
Super Moderator
 
silva's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 8,956

I do agree with alis on the religion comparison being valid.

Many peoples faith is as strong and real as to them as animal rights are to vegans.

It's that acknowledgement that keeps me from being overtly outspoken about me beliefs.

I'm agnostic myself, or atheist, I don't really know anymore...I know to those devout believers being born again or whatever they believe, is tantamount to anything and everything else in life, and converting souls is eternal salvation-not just a lifetime. So, yeah, that's pretty important. They see outside of science and think we're fools.

 

How about those who feel abortion is murder? That's another area I don't mess with. I feel it's the choice of the one with pregnancy to decide, and can't see it as a separate life- but I acknowledge the despair those who feel otherwise must feel.

 

There a so many passions in life I just wish we could all come to some kind of agreement to respect the differences.

 

Even now I'm hating this post...

Johnny87 likes this.

Don't let the perfect be the enemy of the good
silva is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the VeggieBoards forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in


Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off