Vegan son visits a very non-veg dad - VeggieBoards
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#1 Old 07-17-2012, 10:40 AM
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We still eat a few eggs every now and then so technically we aren't 100% vegan.....but mostly.....

 

We eat no meat, and getting to the point we eat no dairy.  My son has a mild dairy allergy and is lactose intolerant so he very rarely eats dairy.  I decided to go vegetarian a couple of weeks ago.  He is on week 2 vegetarian diet, I am on week 4.  This week I started a vegan diet with him because he was having cronic diarhea from the cheese at the daycare.  Now I take him vegan rice cheese to the daycare, and his diarrhea has gotten better. 

 

(Note: his daycare started him on a vegetarian meal plan last week.  He is doing well, but he was being overloaded with dairy when he is not used to it, the daycare was replacing the meat with dairy, and before going veg, he ate meat, but got no dairy at daycare because of his dairy allergy, but I said that the cheese was okay because I thought he was over his allergy....but now he isn't getting a rash anymore, but now seems to be lactose intolerant!)

 

Anyway, now this weekend he is going to visit his dad.  His dad already knows about his dairy issue and gets him soymilk, avoids dairy, ect.  But he thinks whenever I say the word "vegetarian" I am a loony, and is horror struck when I mention that I want our son to be veg too.  His dad lives 2 hours away, and DS visits him for 3 days every two weeks. 

 

I am working so hard to get my son to eat beans, and healthy stuff, I worry about him visiting  his dad, and I KNOW that his dad won't feed him veg.  I guess I shouldn't worry about it because there is nothing I can do, DS will eat meat, but for only 3 days. 

 

DS is only 3, so he is too young to understand that meat is killing animals and unhealthy, which is why we don't eat it.  I guess I just have to remember that he will only eat meat for 3 days, probably will pig out on it most likely on the junk food his father feeds him!  I just hate being the bad guy because I want him to eat healthy, non-pesticide, non-hormone filled crap! 

 

What would you do?

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#2 Old 07-17-2012, 10:48 AM
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Well, his dad has the right to his own opinion and to feed your (plural you) son whatever he wants when he comes to visit. Your son is quite young right now, so there's not much you can do. Later, you can teach your son the reasons you don't eat meat and let him make his own decisions. Otherwise, I don't think you can control it, nor would it be right to try.

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#3 Old 07-17-2012, 11:03 AM
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I guess what grinds my gears is I am the one who has to pay the price when DS comes back home with diarrhea for 3 days messing up his pants and undies because he isn't used to eating that junk anymore!

 

*Sigh*

 

You are right though. 

Now that I am veg, the reaons I am veg are so clear, everything about it is so focused.  I feel so much better both spiritually and physically, that it just boggles my mind when I try to explain how much better it is to be veg*n.  I love being vegan (I have been vegan before and each time I love it, but I got back to omni because of life issues that I hope I won't be facing anymore), I feel so great, that I don't understand why everybody won't at least try it for a couple of weeks or so.  Why do so many people have to have such closed minds????

 

*Sigh*

 

Maybe I am as loony as DS's dad thinks I am?

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#4 Old 07-17-2012, 11:17 AM
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dormouse has a great point, he is just as much his parent as you are and has the right to feed him the diet he wants. if you cant get him to feed a veg*n diet you can at least talk to him about feeding him a healtier omni diet no processed foods, sugar based foods, organic etc. It also sounds like your sons bathroom troubles started from the dairy products that the day care was giving him and it looks like his dad is taking the correct path of avoiding that by not buying dairy for him.

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#5 Old 07-17-2012, 01:58 PM
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That's definitely a very difficult and conflicting situation. Honestly, if you cannot get through to his father there is really nothing you can do. When your son is older then he will be able to comprehend the information you present him with and he can make the choice.

 

:( If he is lactose intolerant though he shouldn't be fed dairy products.

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#6 Old 07-17-2012, 02:00 PM
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#7 Old 07-17-2012, 10:04 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by VegSingleMum View Post

I guess what grinds my gears is I am the one who has to pay the price when DS comes back home with diarrhea for 3 days messing up his pants and undies because he isn't used to eating that junk anymore!

 

Maybe I am as loony as DS's dad thinks I am?

You're not loony - mixed, split families are HARD work. 

 

I have one son raised vegetarian from birth. His dad, former veg, is now eating meat. It's a weird issue. I actually started a thread about it and people had some good advice - https://www.veggieboards.com/t/136149/vegetarian-kid-with-one-meat-eating-parent-issue.

 

My situation isn't even as hard as my partner's. His two kids live with us part-time and with their mom the rest of the time. I've always given my son lots of healthy food, very little fast food, proper servings, and so fourth and he eats great. My partner's kid's mom, on the other hand, is a total fast food parent - lots of junk food, whole bags of chips, a quart of ice cream per kid in ONE sitting, soda non-stop, hamburgers, etc. When we first moved in together, neither of his kids would touch fruit or veggies hardly at all and would only ask for "treats" as snacks and put sugar on everything! My partner asked his ex to feed the kids right, but nope. 

 

It drove me nuts. I serve healthy food and proper portions the whole time they're here, only to hear the next time they come that it's been fast food city and blocks of Velveeta all week long at moms. But I just keep on keeping on, serving healthy foods over and over and over and discussing why you cannot eat a whole bag of chips at once or 1000+ calories fast food each night. For two+ years I've done this, and low and behold, now both kids eat veggies much better, try new healthier foods and amazingly one of the kids just (2 weeks ago) decided to go vegetarian. 

 

Long story short. You can't control what other parents do. You can try very hard to make a difference in your own home, when the kid/s are with you. Some of your healthy habits will sink in. Even if it seems hard at time, really, what you do will help your child build healthy habits, even if the other parent is not on board. 

 

But, if your child really is allergic to something, you should make sure your ex goes to the doctor with you and your child to discuss it. Dairy issues can be a big deal. 


~ Jennifer
 
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