Vegetarian Hubby, Vegan Wife... Compromising but how much? - VeggieBoards
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#1 Old 04-08-2010, 12:18 PM
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Hey Everyone,



Most of you guys have seen my posts around and are aware that my hubby is a vegetarian.



Now I completely respect the person he is and I know he is a compassionate human being. We have had conversations about justifications, compromises and respect for one another when it comes to our opinions.



He usually eats vegan at home (about 85% of the time) and it's just recently he brought eggs home. He lives there so of course he can buy those things and eat what he pleases, however, He has never brought them home before so I asked what prompted him to do so.



He said that since we had our trip to England where his family cooked him them, he has been craving them. I requested that if he was bringing eggs into the house that they be free range and he said that was not a problem.



I feel like we compromise well but that doesn't stop that little voice in my head that says "Why do you want those?". He knows the suffering the hens go through and he has even cried while watching investigations about it. I was vegetarian for 5 years before I went vegan so I could ask myself the same question. Why didn't I stop eatting it sooner?



I suppose I just feel low about the whole thing... anyone else have something similar happen?



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#2 Old 04-08-2010, 12:31 PM
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My boyfriend constantly adds meat to the vegetarian meals he makes and gives me the puppy eyes over eggs etc......it sounds harsh, but in reality you just have to accept that they will do what they want, tell them how you feel and leave it at that. No one wants to live with someone who is pushy (I'm not saying that you are, but just as a generalization), but it doesn't mean you have to be thrilled and making him omelletes either.



I tell my boyfriend I refuse to buy animal products, and if he wants them he has to purchase and prepare them on his own as I want no involvement. He understands, and it's actually caused that all to taper off because he just can't be bothered. Most people are so busy they'd rather just eat what's provided and then they lose their 'taste' for certain things as the memory fades.
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#3 Old 04-08-2010, 12:41 PM
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I am in a similar situation.

People have to make their own personal choices. I think that your husband has made a significant life change for you (being a vegetarian) because he respects you. If he ever comes around to the decision to go vegan (it may never happen), it will be cause he wants to not because you want him to.
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#4 Old 04-08-2010, 12:58 PM
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I can kind of understand things from both perspectives, since I'm still a vegetarian myself. In our situation I am in your husband's place - my housemate was (and still is) much more strongly driven to veganism than I am, and while I've made a lot of moves forward in that area of my life, I still get frustrated with the process sometimes and regress. Just yesterday I was craving eggs so badly I almost stopped at the grocery store and picked some up, but since my housemate refuses to eat them, and I don't eat them very often, it didn't seem worth it to give in to the indulgence, so I didn't. I'm still inwardly sulking about it though.



I also really want a few rescue hens so I can eat eggs guilt-free, but for a few reasons (one being I don't want to force any more animals on my animal-disliking housemate) we won't be getting any. I realize that he's absolutely right and that the better option is to give up eggs and cheese entirely, but I'm still finding it difficult. Your husband, while he admires and respects your beliefs, seems like he's having a difficult time with it too.



It's fun to learn how to veganize my cooking, and there are tons of great vegan recipes, techniques, and tricks out there, but it's SUCH a huge deal, especially in our area. Not to mention the fact that it kills me how much cheaper real dairy is in comparison to the dairy substitutes around here, which are sometimes prohibitively expensive in our current financial situation.
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#5 Old 04-08-2010, 01:31 PM
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My boyfriend is a pesky-tarian so I understand (no fish allowed in the house though and he usually wont eat them around me). I will not cook anything that has animal products in it but he does have eggs and sometimes cheese (he hates milk, cream cheese, sour cream, yogurt, etc. thankfully so we never have that) in the house. We never make separate meals (besides breakfast sometimes) so he eats 90% vegan at home.

The only reason I am okay with the eggs is because he gets them from a friend at work who keeps her own pet chickens and I know that they have good, happy lives.
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#6 Old 04-08-2010, 01:56 PM
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Thanks guys. I suppose I am just feeling a bit low.



I would never expect my hubby to do anything he was not willing to do in his own time. I told him I would rather he do what he believes is right, not what I believe is right. He is more than happy to being a vegetarian and chose that of his own accord. I would never want him to be something simply because I was.



He is a good man with a kind heart and he loves me unconditionally and I do the same for him. I watched another hen investigation today so I think that is what might have triggered my "but why..." feelings. I rationally know why and understand but the emotion got the better of me.



As I mentioned before, I was a vegetarian for 5 years, he has only been vegetarian for 2. I ate eggs and cheese, knowing what it involved, so I can not expect him to not go through the same thing. If he never became a vegan, I would still be utterly in love with him



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#7 Old 04-08-2010, 01:58 PM
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How romantic! Lettuce-munchers in love!
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#8 Old 04-08-2010, 02:06 PM
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I'm demanding and would require a non-compromising vegan household...probably why I'm single. :P



If he's getting free range eggs, and knows for a fact they are really free range, I think thats a good compromise, hopefully he'll get over his craving soon. There's places around me here that chickens running around the farm and enjoying life, no matter how unexpectedly short it may be, and those eggs are better then the alternative eggs.
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#9 Old 04-08-2010, 02:25 PM
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Maybe you could make him a awesome tofu scramble or a vegan omlette with vegan holandaise sauce to get him craving vegan "eggy" type things instead! My bf loves eggs but he will eat tofu scramble over scrambled eggs any day.
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#10 Old 04-08-2010, 02:30 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MJVeggie View Post

Maybe you could make him a awesome tofu scramble or a vegan omlette with vegan holandaise sauce to get him craving vegan "eggy" type things instead! My bf loves eggs but he will eat tofu scramble over scrambled eggs any day.



Vegan Hollandaise Sauce!?!! They have that?! mmmmmm!



He loves Tofu scrambles too, we make McTofu's....LOL!

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#11 Old 04-08-2010, 02:35 PM
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Originally Posted by VeganTigress View Post

Vegan Hollandaise Sauce!?!! They have that?! mmmmmm!



He loves Tofu scrambles too, we make McTofu's....LOL!



Yes! It is in The Vegan Table! I haven't tried it yet because I hated "normal" Hollandaise sauce but if you want the recipe I can PM you with it
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#12 Old 04-08-2010, 02:39 PM
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Yes! It is in The Vegan Table! I haven't tried it yet because I hated "normal" Hollandaise sauce but if you want the recipe I can PM you with it



oh please do! I was a hollandaise sauce addict! Eggs Benny was my fav!

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#13 Old 04-08-2010, 02:48 PM
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My wife was vegetarian for years until just recently she went vegan. So, we compromised in a similar way. she would by organic eggs and cheese and whatnot. She knew my opinion (i didn't like it), but she's an adult and made her own choices. She read The China Study and everything changed.



Food wise, it wasn't a problem. She might add cheese to a meal but the meals were vegan. It actually taught her to make stuff vegan before she went vegan. Maybe making excellent vegan food will help to convince him to get rid of the eggs. Or, maybe there's a book that would stem the tide. All of my talking never worked. It took the China Study.



We had our disagreement about it, and that was that. Trying to force your opinion on someone else will probably get the opposite effect. We really didn't talk too much about it unless she wanted to. We never had fights or anything, but she knew that it really bothered me.

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#14 Old 04-08-2010, 02:50 PM
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The secret to getting men to eat a certain way is to COOK a certain way. Namely, with nothing on but cute undies and an apron. You could turn a cannibal vegan by cooking that way. It's scientific fact.
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#15 Old 04-08-2010, 02:50 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by VeganTigress View Post

Hey Everyone,



Most of you guys have seen my posts around and are aware that my hubby is a vegetarian.



Now I completely respect the person he is and I know he is a compassionate human being. We have had conversations about justifications, compromises and respect for one another when it comes to our opinions.



He usually eats vegan at home (about 85% of the time) and it's just recently he brought eggs home. He lives there so of course he can buy those things and eat what he pleases, however, He has never brought them home before so I asked what prompted him to do so.



He said that since we had our trip to England where his family cooked him them, he has been craving them. I requested that if he was bringing eggs into the house that they be free range and he said that was not a problem.



I feel like we compromise well but that doesn't stop that little voice in my head that says "Why do you want those?".



I'm kind of the mirror image of you. I'm vegan and my wife is a pescaterian who loves her eggs. I do almost all the cooking at home and yes (I'm sure this horrifies some of you), I will make her eggs. (We buy free range)



Would I like it if she went vegan? Sure. But everyone has got to make their own decisions at the right time for them. That's how it works.



She's stopped eating chicken etc and at home is content to be vegan, except for the eggs. It's still a positive change.
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#16 Old 04-08-2010, 02:55 PM
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Originally Posted by Semicharmed View Post

The secret to getting men to eat a certain way is to COOK a certain way. Namely, with nothing on but cute undies and an apron. You could turn a cannibal vegan by cooking that way. It's scientific fact.



LOL! I tried that... not much cooking gets done if I do that...LMAO!!



Quote:
Originally Posted by unovegan View Post

My wife was vegetarian for years until just recently she went vegan. So, we compromised in a similar way. she would by organic eggs and cheese and whatnot. She knew my opinion (i didn't like it), but she's an adult and made her own choices. She read The China Study and everything changed.



Food wise, it wasn't a problem. She might add cheese to a meal but the meals were vegan. It actually taught her to make stuff vegan before she went vegan. Maybe making excellent vegan food will help to convince him to get rid of the eggs. Or, maybe there's a book that would stem the tide. All of my talking never worked. It took the China Study.



We had our disagreement about it, and that was that. Trying to force your opinion on someone else will probably get the opposite effect. We really didn't talk too much about it unless she wanted to. We never had fights or anything, but she knew that it really bothered me.



Quote:
Originally Posted by Will Penguin View Post

I'm kind of the mirror image of you. I'm vegan and my wife is a pescaterian who loves her eggs. I do almost all the cooking at home and yes (I'm sure this horrifies some of you), I will make her eggs. (We buy free range)



Would I like it if she went vegan? Sure. But everyone has got to make their own decisions at the right time for them. That's how it works.



She's stopped eating chicken etc and at home is content to be vegan, except for the eggs. It's still a positive change.



I agree with you on this. He will make his choices , just as I made mine. It still didn't stop me from feeling a bit bad that our money was going to support that industry.....

May you be held in compassion.
May your pain and sorrow be eased.
May you be at peace.

My Blog: www.allie4animals.wix.com/veganliving
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#17 Old 04-08-2010, 03:26 PM
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The secret to getting men to eat a certain way is to COOK a certain way. Namely, with nothing on but cute undies and an apron. You could turn a cannibal vegan by cooking that way. It's scientific fact.



Are you talking about a woman like this?


The Big Bad.
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#18 Old 04-08-2010, 04:41 PM
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My hubby's omni, but he's trying. I just keep making great vegan food, and he likes it more and more each day!
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#19 Old 04-08-2010, 06:21 PM
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Are you talking about a woman like this?

Oh goodness. How embarrassing for you, Uno. You can't tell the difference between boys and girls... Perhaps you should ask someone who does know the difference to explain. Which is essentially anyone. Just ask your son, in fact. I'm sure he's got enough of the basics down to teach you a thing or two.



And no, I'm talking more like Adrienne Curry cooking for her husband. She has much the same idea, only she's wearing a tank top and an apron. Like so. Except, uh, don't click on that if you're offended by bare bums. It was on twitter at one point, so it's not porn or anything, but it IS partial nudity, I suppose.
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#20 Old 04-08-2010, 06:48 PM
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Are you talking about a woman like this?


an apron with sleeves???

"Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, 'There is no "I" in team.' What you should tell them is, 'Maybe not. But there is an "I" in independence, individuality and integrity." Â George Carlin
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#21 Old 04-08-2010, 06:51 PM
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i'm pretty sure this is more the idea. (is it okay to post this?)

"Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, 'There is no "I" in team.' What you should tell them is, 'Maybe not. But there is an "I" in independence, individuality and integrity." Â George Carlin
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