The "You know you live in California.." thread inspired me to dig this up out of my saved mail.
If you don't have a sense of humor, stop reading now.
For those of you who plan to visit Detroit, here
are few rules to follow and for the rest of us who are Detroiters will smile and shake our heads.
1. You must learn to pronounce the city name. It's
Di-troit - NOT Dee-troit. If you pronounce it
Dee-Troit then we will assume you are from Toledo
and here for the country Music hoe-down.
2. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere.
Detroit has its own version of traffic rules...
Hold on and pray! There is no such thing as a
dangerous high-speed chase in Detroit. Everyone
drives like that.
3. When asking for directions, all directions start with, "What do I look like - #!#*!!# Triple A?"
4. The Chamber of Commerce calls getting through
rush hour traffic on Jefferson as a "Scenic Drive."
5. The morning rush hour is from 6:00 to 10:00am.
The evening rush hour is from 3:00 to 7:00pm. Friday 's
rush hour starts Thursday morning. Weekends are
6. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you
will be rear-ended, cussed out and possibly shot. When
you're first off the starting line, count to five when
the light turns green before going, to avoid getting
into any cross-traffic's way and then again shot.
7. "Schoenherr" can ONLY be properly pronounced by a
native of the Detroit metro area. That goes for "Gratiot" too.
8. Construction and renovations on I-94, I-96,
I-75 and 275 is a way of life and a permanent form of
9. All unexplained and unpleasant sights are
simplified by the phrase, "I guess we're not in
10. If someone actually has their turn signal on,
it is probably a factory defect or they are
11. All old ladies with blue hair in a pink
Cadillac have total right-of-way.
12. The minimum acceptable speed on 696 is 85
regardless of the posted speeds. Anything less is
considered downright SISSY.
13. The wrought iron on windows in Detroit is NOT
ornamental. DON'T get out of your car.
14. Never stare at the driver of the car with the
bumper sticker that says "Keep honking, I'm
15. If you are in the left lane, and only going 70
in a 60 mph zone, people are not waving 'because they
are so friendly in Detroit.' I would suggest you duck.
16. I-275/I-696 is our daily version of NASCAR.
17. You must go a quarter of a mile out of your
way to make a left hand turn.