Worst lines for a first date: - Page 2 - VeggieBoards
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#31 Old 03-07-2011, 04:05 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AspireToInspire View Post

*imagine if you can; being trapped on a bus in a storm, after desperately trying to make you look at pictures on his cell phone of him stripping*

"You are really nice. Can I have a hug? Come on, I am having a bad month. My mom is sick and I miss home already. A hug would make me feel better... you're making me feel bad. Why won't you look at my pictures? I didn't really have no room back there, I just wanted someone to talk to and I saw you were so pretty and looked so nice..."

This went on for hours.

Was there no one on the bus who could back you up? That's awful!

Q: How many poets does it take to change a light bulb? A: 1001...one to change the bulb, 1000 to say it's already been done.
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#32 Old 03-07-2011, 04:08 PM
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My gosh. I think you may win the thread, Aspire.

"I am a woman of science. At least that's what my horoscope said."
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#33 Old 03-07-2011, 04:14 PM
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Originally Posted by Spoonerism View Post

My gosh. I think you may win the thread, Aspire.

And that's the "tame" version of the story.

"A-yup. Ya wasted yer life, son"

- Old Man
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#34 Old 03-07-2011, 04:55 PM
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"I'm gonna go see Lady Gaga, wanna come with me?"

"and I stand

upon a mountain

made of weak and useless men"

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#35 Old 03-07-2011, 05:09 PM
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"I'm gonna go see Lady Gaga, wanna come with me?"

And afterward, I'm going to go stalk Tom Cruise.
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#36 Old 03-07-2011, 05:58 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Spoonerism View Post

My gosh. I think you may win the thread, Aspire.

*sarcasm* Yay

Quote:
Originally Posted by Skylark View Post

Was there no one on the bus who could back you up? That's awful!

Tell me about it. Are you really surprised no one stepped in? Don't you remember a few years back that man who was stabbed to death, beheaded and cannibalized on a Greyhound because the passengers ran to the front of the bus and exited watched him hold up the head of murdered man, instead of trying to stop the madman?
I think besides staying out of it, they figured I "had this" because it was around 2 am and everyone was trying to sleep off the ride from hell despite his inappropriate, desperate babbling. Everything he said, I had a response to. Eventually how I got him to shut his mouth was throwing the Christianity he claimed he to practice back in his face, regarding his vile behavior and what would Jesus do? etc. Also helped my cause when I lost all patience and my temper made an appearance about 20 minutes from my stop because the bus driver decided to pull off to a truck stop on an unscheduled half an hour break. I was ready to get off the bus and start walking in the ice, not even exaggerating. When the bus driver eventually reboarded I clapped obnoxiously and yelled; "yay!"

He still asked to exchange numbers as I anxiously strained my eyesight out the window for recognizable scenery when the bus got back on track again because; "how are we supposed to get in contact with each other again?!" I told him in life, things that are meant to be, work themselves out. lol He said he thought Jesus sent me to him because he had really gotten off track but that I was right, he should be living every aspect of his life righteously.

Then he asked me how to meet a nice girl. I told him pretty much to do the opposite of everything he tried with me.



Ohhhhh! Then there is this creepy guy who works at the bar we sometimes go to, he only hits on me when my husband steps away for a minute. "I think everytime I see you, you are prettier" type of crap. Someone had bought us a round that night, but we weren't ready for them yet so we had a poker chip given to us. He came over, starts playing with my poker chip (while husband is away, naturally) sets it down and says:
"Is this enough to win you?"
My response:
"Not even close."
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#37 Old 03-07-2011, 06:10 PM
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"Hey, could you pass me that bottle of chloroform."

Vegetarian since February 12, 2007
Vegan since October 7, 2008

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#38 Old 03-07-2011, 06:36 PM
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not sure if it was a pick up line but...had a bunch of guys stop in front of me at the beach today and sing the miss america song..it was funny. I stopped and did the miss america wave.

Atame.
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#39 Old 03-07-2011, 08:17 PM
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"Hey, could you pass me that bottle of chloroform."

What's so bad about dating your o-chem lab partner?
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#40 Old 03-08-2011, 12:11 AM
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...

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#41 Old 03-08-2011, 06:52 AM
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If anyone wants to start a separate thread for BEST pickup lines...

I'm reminded of a scene in the movie Blast from the Past in which Brendan Frasier's character goes to a club and wants to meet women. There's a great pickup line in that scene.

Quote:
[Adam is rehearsing Troy's advice as he approaches a young woman whom Troy thinks looks "sweet."]
Adam: Surprising, yet funny.
[Adam recalls his father's silly joke]
Adam: Well, I know a duck who bought some lip balm.
Adam: [nods to himself] Lie.
[he approaches Miss Sweet]
Adam: Hi.
[she looks him up and down, appraising, but replies disdainfully]
Miss 'Sweet', at Club 40: Yes?
Adam: I was wondering if you could help me? I, um...
[she looks at him with definite disdain]
Adam: ...seem to have lost my Congressional Medal of Honor around here... somewhere.
Miss 'Sweet', at Club 40: [bursts into laughter] Now, that's a great one!


*this space not for sale*
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#42 Old 03-08-2011, 07:29 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AspireToInspire View Post




Tell me about it. Are you really surprised no one stepped in? Don't you remember a few years back that man who was stabbed to death, beheaded and cannibalized on a Greyhound because the passengers ran to the front of the bus and exited watched him hold up the head of murdered man, instead of trying to stop the madman?
I think besides staying out of it, they figured I "had this" because it was around 2 am and everyone was trying to sleep off the ride from hell despite his inappropriate, desperate babbling. Everything he said, I had a response to. Eventually how I got him to shut his mouth was throwing the Christianity he claimed he to practice back in his face, regarding his vile behavior and what would Jesus do? etc. Also helped my cause when I lost all patience and my temper made an appearance about 20 minutes from my stop because the bus driver decided to pull off to a truck stop on an unscheduled half an hour break. I was ready to get off the bus and start walking in the ice, not even exaggerating. When the bus driver eventually reboarded I clapped obnoxiously and yelled; "yay!"

He still asked to exchange numbers as I anxiously strained my eyesight out the window for recognizable scenery when the bus got back on track again because; "how are we supposed to get in contact with each other again?!" I told him in life, things that are meant to be, work themselves out. lol He said he thought Jesus sent me to him because he had really gotten off track but that I was right, he should be living every aspect of his life righteously.

Then he asked me how to meet a nice girl. I told him pretty much to do the opposite of everything he tried with me.



That sucks. Now that is a good example of a situation where I'd argue that instead of continuing to talk to them, putting on your headphones to get away from them SHOULD be the first option.

m8itcanw8.com
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#43 Old 03-21-2011, 05:56 PM
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I had a man tell me that he was into adult nursing relationships. No, he didn't want me to wear a nurse's uniform and take his temperature. He wanted me to take hormones, start lactating, and FEED HIM. Seriously.
The rest of the night, he called me "mama."
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#44 Old 03-21-2011, 09:12 PM
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Oh, when I was in highschool I went on a date with this guy. We ran into a couple of his friends while we were out, and he pulled out his wallet in front of me and showed them the condom that he'd brought with him. THEN, his cousin hit on me.

Worst. Date. Ever.

It's not in what you say, it's in what you do (Oasis)

Feeling bored? Why don't you wander over to my blog sometime. http://thebohemiankitchen.wordpress.com
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#45 Old 03-21-2011, 10:45 PM
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Originally Posted by greendaygirl View Post

I had a man tell me that he was into adult nursing relationships. No, he didn't want me to wear a nurse's uniform and take his temperature. He wanted me to take hormones, start lactating, and FEED HIM. Seriously.
The rest of the night, he called me "mama."

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#46 Old 03-21-2011, 11:29 PM
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My best friend and his fiancée have been together for four years but I remember one incident in the early dating times when he complained to me about this quote, "I'm really glad I'm not dating a really attractive, in-shape guy, because they would be way too self involved and wouldn't appreciate me as much." Her point was valid but one can't help but to respond with a "Thank you?" to that sentence.

Another funny anecdote not having to do with first dates. My two brothers and I are sitting at the breakfast table with our father. My mother comes into the room and scratches my father lovingly on the top of his head. I will never, for the rest of my life, forget what he said at that moment. "Wow. That felt even better than the massage I got from that exotic dancer on the plane." Both my brothers and I dropped our spoons and gaped so wide our jaws nearly hit the floor. My dear, sweet mother stood frozen in her bathrobe facing the same direction she had been walking. Just before the silence started to become uncomfortable she slowly turned and said, "What!?"

On one memorable first date for me I was extremely sick but didn't want to cancel the date because I was so excited about it. So instead of staying in and drinking hot tea with lemon and honey and going to bed early, I pounded some cold medicine, an Excedrin and an energy supplement and drove to pick her up. Needless to say several hours later I was crashing. BAD. I was dizzy, delirious, fatigued and freezing cold while still trying to maintain a charming and interesting (and healthy) veneer. In the end she told me I didn't have to try so hard, everyone gets sick. When I dropped her off I could only stare longingly at her soft, pink lips as she said her goodbye. I wanted so badly to showcase a singular moment of passion in the form of late night kiss and stroke of the hair behind her ear. I decided it would be best to hold off on physical displays until the fever had gone away (at least). I decided instead to go the route of speaking words to her to express my unintentional but caring inhibitions. Unfortunately my choice words of utmost tenderness and sensitivity passed first through a mist of delirium, pain meds and fever before reaching my lips. I touched her hand gently and said, "I wanted to kiss you tonight but I decided I didn't want to puke all over your face." Beautiful. Simply stunning.

“The real satanist is not quite so easily recognized as such” - Anton Szandor LaVey
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#47 Old 03-23-2011, 11:51 PM
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"I'm so glad to be out on a date. My fifth wife is in town for the weekend, and I wouldn't want her to catch me out alone and think I'm not doing a lot better without her than she's doing without me."
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#48 Old 08-23-2011, 09:39 PM
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"In spite of the restraining order, I'm sure my ex still has feelings for me, and I think seeing me with someone else is the best way to get my true love to realize just how much there still is between us."
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#49 Old 08-23-2011, 11:02 PM
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Are those real?

"Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and it's better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring."
 Marilyn Monroe
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#50 Old 08-23-2011, 11:35 PM
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How do you like your eggs: scrambled, poached or fertilized?
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#51 Old 08-24-2011, 10:58 AM
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"I'm looking for someone who is warm, kind, funny, intelligent, and willing to help me run the local Justin Bieber Fan Club that I'm starting."

"I know I've seen you somewhere before. Wasn't it at the big porn convention in Las Vegas last year?"

"Why are you staring at me like that? I thought everyone understands Klingon!"

*this space not for sale*
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#52 Old 08-24-2011, 09:28 PM
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#53 Old 08-24-2011, 09:42 PM
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"Hey mama, I was over there noticing that you were noticing me, so I thought I'd come over here and give you notice that I was noticing you too!"
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#54 Old 08-25-2011, 09:57 PM
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"hey, i'm taking INH for the next nine months because I was exposed to tuberculosis. but don't worry. you can't catch it from me, even if i wind up doing you ".

that's a bad line. .
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#55 Old 08-25-2011, 11:42 PM
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"Excuse me, I have to run to the bathroom. My crotch is itching, I hope I don't have crabs."
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#56 Old 08-26-2011, 02:22 PM
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Wanna go out for a pizza and a ****? What's the matter, you don't like pizza?
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#57 Old 08-26-2011, 02:23 PM
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Damn, girl...did you fart?
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