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#1 Old 09-03-2009, 05:11 PM
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The rules are simple - I'll post my problem or question, real or fabricated, and you give me the worst advice you can think of. If you have a problem of your own, please do post it and we will tell you how to make the situation much, much worse.



Advice must be given as if we have the best intentions for the poster's welfare



My problem: I have killed a man, and need to dispose of the body. What is the best way I can do this to avoid detection and punishment?
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#2 Old 09-03-2009, 05:18 PM
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Turn yourself in and claim innocence by way of mental defect. Tell them Satan made you do it. They'll toss you in the psych ward and keep you doped up and euphorically happy. With three meals a day, nobody to bother you, and all the books and exercise videos you need, you can live a punishment-free life.



And now I have a problem of my own. I was misdiagnosed with terminal cancer, so I gave all my money away to the homeless. I just learned that the diagnosis was wrong and I'm not really dying. How do I get my money back?

*this space not for sale*
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#3 Old 09-03-2009, 05:18 PM
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My problem: I have killed a man, and need to dispose of the body. What is the best way I can do this to avoid detection and punishment?

Barbecue!!!

www.thesaucyvegan.com
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#4 Old 09-03-2009, 05:19 PM
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put it on the roof of your car, cover it in jam, play jazz music loudly from your stereo, and drive slowly around town. local bees will be hypnotically drawn to the corspe and dispose of it for you.
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#5 Old 09-03-2009, 05:20 PM
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Originally Posted by Amy SF View Post

Turn yourself in and claim innocence by way of mental defect. Tell them Satan made you do it. They'll toss you in the psych ward and keep you doped up and euphorically happy. With three meals a day, nobody to bother you, and all the books and exercise videos you need, you can live a punishment-free life.



And now I have a problem of my own. I was misdiagnosed with terminal cancer, so I gave all my money away to the homeless. I just learned that the diagnosis was wrong and I'm not really dying. How do I get my money back?



become a freelance mime-lapdancer-juggler and work it outside city hall (thats where all the rich slickers hang out).
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#6 Old 09-03-2009, 05:25 PM
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And now I have a problem of my own. I was misdiagnosed with terminal cancer, so I gave all my money away to the homeless. I just learned that the diagnosis was wrong and I'm not really dying. How do I get my money back?



Run for Congress!





I just realized I'm a victim of domestic abuse. My imaginary friend who lives with me has been beating me up while I'm asleep. I frequently have to go to work with bruises and black eyes. Help!

Q: How many poets does it take to change a light bulb? A: 1001...one to change the bulb, 1000 to say it's already been done.
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#7 Old 09-03-2009, 05:49 PM
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Run for Congress!





I just realized I'm a victim of domestic abuse. My imaginary friend who lives with me has been beating me up while I'm asleep. I frequently have to go to work with bruises and black eyes. Help!



lose a tooth and have the tooth fairy & imaginary friend meet and duke it out.



i have insanely bad pms. it's driving my boyfriend crazy. help!

cry havoc! and let slip the dogs of war.
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#8 Old 09-03-2009, 05:50 PM
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I just realized I'm a victim of domestic abuse. My imaginary friend who lives with me has been beating me up while I'm asleep. I frequently have to go to work with bruises and black eyes. Help!



Get a job as a karate teacher for bodybuilders with anger management problems; your current bruises will blend in with the new ones.
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#9 Old 09-03-2009, 05:53 PM
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Originally Posted by Kenickie View Post

lose a tooth and have the tooth fairy & imaginary friend meet and duke it out.



i have insanely bad pms. it's driving my boyfriend crazy. help!



Have a sex change operation.



My husband hates my new super-short haircut!

It is our choices that show what we truly are far more than our abilities. ~A. Dumbledore
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#10 Old 09-03-2009, 06:49 PM
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cut some more hair off your head, and glue it to his eye lids.

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#11 Old 09-03-2009, 06:51 PM
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Have him grow his hair long.

Q: How many poets does it take to change a light bulb? A: 1001...one to change the bulb, 1000 to say it's already been done.
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#12 Old 09-03-2009, 10:07 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Amy SF View Post




And now I have a problem of my own. I was misdiagnosed with terminal cancer, so I gave all my money away to the homeless. I just learned that the diagnosis was wrong and I'm not really dying. How do I get my money back?

Track down all the homeless people you gave money to and beat them up until they give it all back to you. Kill them if you have to.



My problem: I really enjoy barbequing dead people and eating them but I'm afraid my neighbours might find out what I'm up to. What should I do??

It's not in what you say, it's in what you do (Oasis)

Feeling bored? Why don't you wander over to my blog sometime. http://thebohemiankitchen.wordpress.com
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#13 Old 09-03-2009, 10:20 PM
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My problem: I really enjoy barbequing dead people and eating them but I'm afraid my neighbours might find out what I'm up to. What should I do??



Put them on the menu!
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#14 Old 09-03-2009, 10:27 PM
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Put them on the menu!



hahahaha

It's not in what you say, it's in what you do (Oasis)

Feeling bored? Why don't you wander over to my blog sometime. http://thebohemiankitchen.wordpress.com
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#15 Old 09-04-2009, 05:51 AM
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My problem: I really enjoy barbequing dead people and eating them but I'm afraid my neighbours might find out what I'm up to. What should I do??



start taking heroin. Won't be long before you aren't bothered by what people think.



My Problem: i can't stop eating in the middle of the night when I should be sleeping. Do what now?
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#16 Old 09-04-2009, 06:06 AM
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My Problem: i can't stop eating in the middle of the night when I should be sleeping. Do what now?





Smuggle yourself onto airplanes, and always keep yourself on the day side of the planet.

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#17 Old 09-04-2009, 09:55 AM
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blobbenstein is goood at this game.
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#18 Old 09-05-2009, 12:42 AM
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start taking heroin. Won't be long before you aren't bothered by what people think.



My Problem: i can't stop eating in the middle of the night when I should be sleeping. Do what now?



Give in to the urge and keep eating. Sleep is for the weak!!

It's not in what you say, it's in what you do (Oasis)

Feeling bored? Why don't you wander over to my blog sometime. http://thebohemiankitchen.wordpress.com
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#19 Old 09-05-2009, 03:54 AM
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My problem: I really enjoy barbequing dead people and eating them but I'm afraid my neighbours might find out what I'm up to. What should I do??



Write "VEGGIE BURGER" on the corpses in really big letters. Your neighbours will be fooled and you won't have to stop calling yourself a vegetarian!



My Problem: I'm pregnant with my brother-in-law's baby. How do I stop my sister finding out?
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#20 Old 09-05-2009, 04:01 AM
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My Problem: I'm pregnant with my brother-in-law's baby. How do I stop my sister finding out?

Take your sister with you on a private airplane, and then push her out of the plane to her death, before she finds out about the baby.

"and I stand

upon a mountain

made of weak and useless men"

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#21 Old 09-05-2009, 05:30 AM
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Take your sister with you on a private airplane, and then push her out of the plane to her death, before she finds out about the baby.



I'm afraid I can't. They won't let you fly in your third trimester and I'm due in two days.



Oh also, I haven't seen a doctor about my pregnancy yet. You know how it is, things get busy. I'm planning to have the baby alone, any advice for making sure it all goes smoothly?
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#22 Old 09-06-2009, 05:27 PM
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Sure, get hopped up on meth and you won't care what happens during the delivery!

Q: How many poets does it take to change a light bulb? A: 1001...one to change the bulb, 1000 to say it's already been done.
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#23 Old 09-06-2009, 05:37 PM
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Sure, get hopped up on meth and you won't care what happens during the delivery!

thats hysterical--i was literally just going to say the exact same thing!!!!!
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#24 Old 09-06-2009, 06:51 PM
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thats hysterical--i was literally just going to say the exact same thing!!!!!



Let's hope neither of us ever becomes a doulah or midwife!

Q: How many poets does it take to change a light bulb? A: 1001...one to change the bulb, 1000 to say it's already been done.
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#25 Old 09-06-2009, 06:54 PM
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Let's hope neither of us ever becomes a doulah or midwife!



snicker snicker! lets hope!
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#26 Old 09-07-2009, 11:11 AM
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I'm afraid I can't. They won't let you fly in your third trimester and I'm due in two days.



Oh also, I haven't seen a doctor about my pregnancy yet. You know how it is, things get busy. I'm planning to have the baby alone, any advice for making sure it all goes smoothly?



doula jasmine freaks out about this - oh right, bad advice thread



don't worry about anything! your body was built for this, it knows what it's doing.



my problem = i just gambled away all my grant money for college. now i have nothing left for tuition. help!

cry havoc! and let slip the dogs of war.
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#27 Old 09-07-2009, 11:12 AM
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my problem = i just gambled away all my grant money for college. now i have nothing left for tuition. help!



Sell your liver. I read somewhere on the internet that you don't *really* need it, they just pretend you do to scare you.
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#28 Old 09-07-2009, 11:31 AM
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i need to get out more.
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#29 Old 09-07-2009, 11:55 AM
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i need to get out more.



Start playing World of Warcraft.
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#30 Old 09-07-2009, 12:25 PM
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Start playing World of Warcraft.



lol--i dont play but hear it locks others in
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