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#1 Old 07-07-2009, 02:45 PM
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Hi there, After telling a best friend I had gone veggie I got an unexpected reaction when she came to visit this weekend. She started off kind of pleading with me not to and then got quite stroppy and confrontational... She's always been a bit of a 'dog with a bone' type and I am rubbish at arguments, especially when not expecting one so told her I wasn't going to talk about it while she was eating and when she wasn't asking out of any genuine interest. It shut her up and I could get on with my dinner but I didn't do a very good job of putting my point across...



Next time I'll engage my brain.



Sorry, just wanted to rant.
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#2 Old 07-07-2009, 02:49 PM
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That kind of thing can be fusterating. When I told my friend I was vegetarian years ago she hung up on me....LOL!



After a day she called back to apologize. To most people the first thought is that your doing something extreme. Some of the resistance comes from concern. The rest of the resistance comes from people thinking it will affect them in some way.



As long as you remain calm and rational about things, you will be just fine. If your friend constantly bringing up the issue in a way that isn't genuine interest, let her know that your diet is not up for discussion and no one is asking her to change hers. Let her know that you find it rude for her to keep questioning you and that if she is concerned about it for valid reasons you would happily address them with her.

May you be held in compassion.
May your pain and sorrow be eased.
May you be at peace.

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#3 Old 07-07-2009, 03:17 PM
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I still don't handle it very well when people argue with me about veg*nism. I don't like confrontation. The only times that I think I do well is when it's just me and one omni, and it's like an even playing field. But the other day at work I was talking with six omnis and one started asking me about why I was vegan and started arguing quite aggressively about it. I think I did fine at the start, I asked him how much protein he thought he needed a day (he had no idea) and told him how much protein was in certain vegan foods. But then he started saying he doesn't believe those facts and thinks we need animal protein as well as plant, despite having no backing for this.



So I just said I can't argue with someone who doesn't listen to science and ended the debate.
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#4 Old 07-07-2009, 03:17 PM
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Yeah, I'm just going to make sure I'm prepared for that sort of thing in the future just in case. But I mean, the moment you start reading around the subject (actually taking it in rather than distancing yourself) vegetarianism is a gesture rather than anything extreme. It suddenly seems like the minimum rather than something that you should to have to take the time to explain.



That's the only person that's said anything remotely negative. No one else has even really blinked if it's come up.



All seems a bit serious for one of my first posts, so....
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#5 Old 07-08-2009, 02:54 AM
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Welcome to VB and congratulations on going veggie!



That kind of attitude has always kind of baffled me too. For me my vegetarianism is a choice that I've made for compassionate and humane reasons, but it's a choice that defines what I have for dinner, it's not like a huge thing that should cause opposition with people. Say I go for pizza with my friends, one orders chicken, one orders pepperoni, I order olives and jalapenos, it's not a huge deal. It doesn't make me any different to them, it's just what I've chosen from the menu.



If I had a friend who decided they were going to change how they felt about me because of what item I chose from a pizza menu, well, I probably wouldn't be meeting them for pizza again.
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#6 Old 07-08-2009, 05:04 AM
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I've had this a lot recently - and you have to question some peoples motives. Some of my so called friends couldn't give a toss if I was necking piles of steaks and pepperoni followed by an umbelievable amount of alcohol (o.k - that hasn't changed that much) but now everyone wants to challenge a new humane and healthier lifestyle. I reckon they're all threatened by our superior wisdom (!!!!)



Kotegaeshi - that's awesome potato peeling - you're welcome to do chips at our place anytime
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#7 Old 07-08-2009, 07:29 AM
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I get this reaction sometimes too. I used to feel compelled to give them all my reasons, I don't anymore. They are my reasons and I don't get on their case if there are certain foods they choose not to eat (no one likes everything). My answer to them is always very short, "There are far more reasons for me to be a vegetarian than for me not to be." At that point, I can just stand there and the tables are turned. They blubber on and on amongst themselves, but many times, they say all the things I would have about the conditions and treatment of the animals on factory farms. I just nod my head and offer some awesome recipes if they ask.



The choice is a personal one.



Oh! What's really cool, since I've become a veggie, I've gotten in awesome shape through diet and exercise. When they ask how I lost all the weight, guess what's first on my list...lol It makes them think.
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#8 Old 07-08-2009, 04:46 PM
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Behemot, that was a perfectly good response. I've been vegetarian for 10 years and I would have said the same thing if I didn't feel like talking about it. You don't have to justify yourself - if anything it should be the meat eaters justifying themselves as to why they eat meat!



I know that sometimes we feel like we want to try and educate other people a bit, but when they're being deliberately confrontational often isn't the best time to do it anyway - usually their next step will involve them sticking their fingers in their ears and saying "lalalaIcan'thearyou". If people have genuine questions and ask in a nice way I'm happy to answer, but if they're just picking a fight then forget it, there's no point.
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#9 Old 07-08-2009, 09:10 PM
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i get this reaction ALL the time! i have like three friends

who actually accept it and the rest take any chance they have

to bash me about my decision. personally i dont tell people i'm

a vegetarian but when they make a note of asking i tell them i am,

one time an old lady that worked at subway made note of my

order and started harassing me about it! ranting on about how unhealthy

i am and how i'll only die younger and if i knew what was good for me i'd

go home and eat a big burger..sorry suppose i'm ranting a little myself
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#10 Old 07-08-2009, 11:54 PM
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I'm sorry...I just don't get it...I mean, ok strangers/friends tell you off on your decision...and you care...why? Friends, well perhaps you should care a bit, since it can be unexpected, but strangers? complete strangers just waiting in line at a store?

I personally wouldn't even respond, maybe not even look in the same general direction at said stranger.

And also...with friends...I still don't get it...Perhaps it's a cultural thing, but if my friends care more about what's in my plate than about me, they aren't really good friends. And this things seriously happen? I mean come on, it's nobody's business what I eat or how I eat it. Why all this ranting?

And just so you know, and I will probably get kicked off the board for saying this - not everyone here is oh, so much better that the "omnis" as you seem to like calling everyone else, come on 40 pages of stupid things "omnis" say? Perhaps this air of superiority is what makes them a bit defensive - to be read offensive?

It's not like most people here have been vegetarians forever, you have been in their shoes, and if you struggled a bit with giving up meat you know it can't be as easy as you make it sound.

Well I guess I am ranting too, at this interesting "new social order" you guys seem to promote.



P.S. My friends/colleagues/family don't really care what I eat, it's a personal decision and if they have a problem with it tough, why do you always need to justify it, there is even a thread for this - if you need to explain yourself, most likely you are trying also to explain it to yourself why you made this decision, mostly because you are unsure.



Stick to your own mind, and the rest will leave you alone, don't try to sell superiority cause you're a vegetarian, just be sure of your decision and no one will bother to try swaying you. And no one will question you anymore.
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#11 Old 07-09-2009, 01:59 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ronin View Post


P.S. My friends/colleagues/family don't really care what I eat, it's a personal decision and if they have a problem with it tough, why do you always need to justify it, there is even a thread for this - if you need to explain yourself, most likely you are trying also to explain it to yourself why you made this decision, mostly because you are unsure.



Stick to your own mind, and the rest will leave you alone, don't try to sell superiority cause you're a vegetarian, just be sure of your decision and no one will bother to try swaying you. And no one will question you anymore.



This is what I was trying to say, but put slightly stronger



It's about what I'm having for lunch! It doesn't matter what other people think about it!



I happen to not like onions either and so I don't eat anything with them in. It's not like I go around telling other people not to like onions either. I just eat what I want to and that's that. If other people start to try and judge me because of what I eat then that's up to them.



Most people won't remember the Mary Whitehouse Experience which was a satirical sketch show on British TV in the early nineties. There was this sketch about a cashier who thought they could "tell something about a person" from what was in their shopping basket. So a guy comes up and he's just got toilet paper and milk in his basket and the cashier's thinking:

"gets up in the morning, has a drink of milk, sits and has a poo, then grabs a nice cold milk, and then has another quick poo before his mid-morning glass of milk..."



Let people think what they want to think.
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#12 Old 07-09-2009, 02:34 AM
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Wow! I didn't even think there was any material on this thread to get shirty about . Some people are like rockets wanting to go off



I didn't think any one who replied to my OP was doing so with any 'air of superiority'. Thought it was just a discussion about the OTT responses people have had to something which doesn't deserve a raised eye brow let alone an ear bashing (we agree on that point)!



As for the omni thing Ronin, my impression was it was just a concise way of saying 'folk that eat meat and animal products' repeatedly thread after thread. Perfectly innocent and nothing derogatory I reckon. We do a lost and change it to 'the others' if that helps? joke by the way



Anyway, like I say, as per OP that was my first and only encounter with any negative response. Thought I handled it ok. I definately didn't offend her by yelling "back off cowbag" like I was tempted.



Sorry about the duplication of thread. I didn't realise there was already one plus from what Micheal says in his sticky, this kind of duplication is expected what with the nature of this newbie section.
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#13 Old 07-09-2009, 12:12 PM
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I am sorry if I sounded....shirty...

Well...not really sorry...but anyways

What I meant is that there is a lot of lament around here about other people's reactions to your vegetarianism.

And maybe I am a psycho, but I don't understand why other people's opinion is so important, important enough to cause you grief...I mean I have what...3 posts, and you still called me a rocket wanting to go off.

And yeah I did go off on a tangent with the whole "omni" thing, and the last part, the last part, I phrased it wrong. I meant be confident and comfortable with your decision, and no one will be able to make any comments. Cause seriously, not even bullies pick on confident people...unless they are colossal idiots :P
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#14 Old 07-09-2009, 12:15 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Behemot View Post

Hi there, After telling a best friend I had gone veggie I got an unexpected reaction when she came to visit this weekend. She started off kind of pleading with me not to and then got quite stroppy and confrontational... She's always been a bit of a 'dog with a bone' type and I am rubbish at arguments, especially when not expecting one so told her I wasn't going to talk about it while she was eating and when she wasn't asking out of any genuine interest. It shut her up and I could get on with my dinner but I didn't do a very good job of putting my point across...



Next time I'll engage my brain.



Sorry, just wanted to rant.



No need to get a point across. I find ignoring a person trying to argue with you the best approach. If you're fine with who YOU are, that's all that matters. Everyone else can accept YOU for YOU or move on.
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#15 Old 07-09-2009, 12:16 PM
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Originally Posted by VeganTigress View Post

That kind of thing can be fusterating. When I told my friend I was vegetarian years ago she hung up on me....LOL!



After a day she called back to apologize. To most people the first thought is that your doing something extreme. Some of the resistance comes from concern. The rest of the resistance comes from people thinking it will affect them in some way.



As long as you remain calm and rational about things, you will be just fine. If your friend constantly bringing up the issue in a way that isn't genuine interest, let her know that your diet is not up for discussion and no one is asking her to change hers. Let her know that you find it rude for her to keep questioning you and that if she is concerned about it for valid reasons you would happily address them with her.





I agree with this. Most people don't really know how to handle this kind of news, especially if it seems like a dramatic change either in your habits or in their perception of you. As I recently just found out, my entire family thought that my decision to go Vegan was a phase, and I'd drop it it in a month or less. They were all a bit shocked to see that I've gone almost two years strong now, and are finally coming to terms with it, and even being a bit supportive. =] Sometimes all people need is some time to realize that you're the same person they know and love, you have just upgraded your morals a bit.
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#16 Old 07-09-2009, 12:27 PM
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I agree with this. Most people don't really know how to handle this kind of news, especially if it seems like a dramatic change either in your habits or in their perception of you. As I recently just found out, my entire family thought that my decision to go Vegan was a phase, and I'd drop it it in a month or less. They were all a bit shocked to see that I've gone almost two years strong now, and are finally coming to terms with it, and even being a bit supportive. =] Sometimes all people need is some time to realize that you're the same person they know and love, you have just upgraded your morals a bit.



I agree completely. My family thought the same, they assumed it my a "teen" thing and I would soon "get back to normal". Well i am 27 this year and still in my "phase" apparently. LOL!



They still rib me a bit about it, but in a joking way. They know I am healthy, safe and reasonably sane, so they are accepting of that.



This isn't to say I haven't been met with resistance. I found that when I am calm about there questions or remarks, and even ask why they feel that way and actually listen, they realize i am not a "crazy" lady.



Oh the joy of steping out of the norm!

May you be held in compassion.
May your pain and sorrow be eased.
May you be at peace.

My Blog: www.allie4animals.wix.com/veganliving
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#17 Old 07-09-2009, 01:15 PM
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Originally Posted by Ronin View Post

I am sorry if I sounded....shirty...

Well...not really sorry...but anyways

What I meant is that there is a lot of lament around here about other people's reactions to your vegetarianism.

And maybe I am a psycho, but I don't understand why other people's opinion is so important, important enough to cause you grief...I mean I have what...3 posts, and you still called me a rocket wanting to go off.

And yeah I did go off on a tangent with the whole "omni" thing, and the last part, the last part, I phrased it wrong. I meant be confident and comfortable with your decision, and no one will be able to make any comments. Cause seriously, not even bullies pick on confident people...unless they are colossal idiots :P



No worries. It seems like a case of it being hard to judge peoples' tone on these boards.



Anyway it's not going to bother me in the long run. It was just the initial shock from the strength of the response. I'm very clear on why I'm doing this. I'm just embarassed that I didn't go veggie before. I'm 26 FFS!



Thanks everyone else for confirming that this is nothing out of the ordinary and that everyone seems to come up against this kind of thing from time to time even from friends.
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#18 Old 07-09-2009, 11:49 PM
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personally i didnt mean to be bashing of others

beliefs, i dont impose what i do on anyone and

have never like scolded anyone for what they believe,

i was personally just shocked that it meant so much

to a random stranger that she would go off on me about

it all.. no anger here :]
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