What do I say to my mother? (i think this should go here) - VeggieBoards
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#1 Old 08-13-2006, 11:38 AM
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I'm Nicky and I'm new here, obviously. I've been vegetarian now for about a month. I'm very avid about sticking to it. I haven't even broke down and had Chick-Fil-A (which is the only meat I miss). I've told my family and friends. Most of them are fine with it. They think it's a little kooky, but they say that as long as I don't try to force it on them and it doesn't interfere with their eating habits, they're fine with it.



My mother is a different story. She may have actually been what turned me off of meat, before the whole animal creulty issues. When I was younger, she would literally try and force it down my throat. I've told her a few times now that I've gone vegetarian and I've demostrated that fact in the foods I've been eating. The problem arises though when she still tries to offer me meat. She does it casually too. Like, the other night, she calls and says, "We're having chicken breast for dinner. Do you wanna come?". I tell her no, in a pointed tone, gently reminding her that I've gone vegetarian and she gets all mad at me. Does anybody have any ideas on what I can say to her to make her understand my decision? Or at least an idea on how to get her to back off?



Sorry, if I posted this in the wrong place.
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#2 Old 08-13-2006, 12:57 PM
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""We're having chicken breast for dinner. Do you wanna come?". I tell her no, in a pointed tone, gently reminding her that I've gone vegetarian and she gets all mad at me."



There's a different way to approach it that might help. Try answering with something like: "Sure, I'd love to come. I'll bring a main dish for me to eat. What sides are you making that are vegetarian? Can I bring a side that everyone can eat?" The key is to try to get along without giving in. Eating at least one shared thing helps, too. Even if it's just a salad that's on everyone's plate, it's about creating a sense of togetherness.
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#3 Old 08-13-2006, 01:20 PM
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Elena: From the picture I envision about her mom, I'm thinking going to one of those dinners will cause a lot more problems than just saying no. If she gets mad that Nicky even mentions vegetarianism, she's not going to be happy when Nicky's sitting at the table and doesn't want to eat said chicken breast.
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#4 Old 08-13-2006, 01:31 PM
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And from the way I read it, her mother was upset because she refused to come to dinner, period.



I guess we need Nicky to come back here and clear this up for us.
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#5 Old 08-13-2006, 01:37 PM
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Ah, yes. In that case, there needs to be compromise. Go to dinner, have some quality family time. Bring a dish, teach mom how to vegetarianize some of her dishes. Even if it's "use this brand of sour cream, not that brand."
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#6 Old 08-13-2006, 03:52 PM
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Wow. Thanks alot. My mom is the type who really doesn't like the fact that I'm vegetarian, but maybe if I do that shared thing, it could work. Like we do Taco Bell, and I just get it without the meat (i haven't gotten to the point where I've given up my dairy yet, but I'm working on it.) i think that might work. i used to only like have a very small portion of meat and eat the side. Thanks alot. i don't know why i couldn't see it myself. I'm gonna try that. My aunt has already agreed to let me cook her an entire vegetarian meal one night. maybe i can get my mom to come along.



oh, and raw jess, i'm a girl. sorry, it was just a little unnerving to see the words "his mom". i just spell my name the boy's way cause i like it better than all the other ways i could spell it. was it the avatar that helped confuse you?
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#7 Old 08-13-2006, 06:11 PM
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Invite her to a dinner at your house. If she says no, she's being a hypocrit. If she says yes, then she is opening up to some new food and will hopefully become more supportive, or least will appreciate the meal and not be so offensive about yoru not eating meat.



Oh, and you could go to her dinners. Your vegetarianism should not take away from time with your family. Bring some Boca chicken (which make very good chick-full-a type sandwiches, BTW) or a side dish (maybe an old family dish made vegetarian) and just eat that. Part of your mother's struggle prob. has to do with the fact that you won't go eat dinner with her any more.
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#8 Old 08-13-2006, 06:28 PM
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it's not that i won't eat dinner with her. it's that she keeps trying to push the meat on me and it makes me reluctant to eat with her.



(btw, she lives next door, because technically me, her, my aunt and cousin in the house. but then she got a boyfriend who happened to live next door and moved in with him.).



i'm definantly gonna try to do the things ya'll are suggesting. maybe i could slip her some faux meat and show her it can be just as good as the real stuff, right?



and thanks for the tip about Boca chicken. that sounds very yummy.
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#9 Old 08-13-2006, 06:55 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nicky1388 View Post

was it the avatar that helped confuse you?

Yes. Is that you?



Quote:
Originally Posted by Nicky1388 View Post

maybe i could slip her some faux meat and show her it can be just as good as the real stuff, right?

I actually don't recommend doing that because people don't like being tricked. (Imagine your mom making you some "vegan meatballs" and then when you say how good they are she tells you they're really ground beef. Haha, tricks on you.



At any rate, I really like Elena's suggestion above about agreeing to come over and offering to bring a main dish for yourself.
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#10 Old 08-13-2006, 07:12 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kpickell View Post

Yes. Is that you?



no, this is me. my avatar is CHRIS from The Hush Sound. he's the only boy in fandom i've ever actually squealed over. he's too cute for words sometimes. I have the fullsize of my avatar too if you want to see it. sorry about the mix-up.





Quote:
Originally Posted by kpickell View Post

I actually don't recommend doing that because people don't like being tricked. (Imagine your mom making you some "vegan meatballs" and then when you say how good they are she tells you they're really ground beef. Haha, tricks on you.



At any rate, I really like Elena's suggestion above about agreeing to come over and offering to bring a main dish for yourself.



yeah, that idea seems to be popular, so i think i'll try it. maybe it'll show her that i'm willing to take responsibility for myself and don't need her to cater to my new style. and i wouldn't actually trick her, cause that's not nice.
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#11 Old 08-13-2006, 08:35 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nicky1388 View Post

Wow. Thanks alot. My mom is the type who really doesn't like the fact that I'm vegetarian, but maybe if I do that shared thing, it could work. Like we do Taco Bell, and I just get it without the meat (i haven't gotten to the point where I've given up my dairy yet, but I'm working on it.) i think that might work. i used to only like have a very small portion of meat and eat the side. Thanks alot. i don't know why i couldn't see it myself. I'm gonna try that. My aunt has already agreed to let me cook her an entire vegetarian meal one night. maybe i can get my mom to come along.



oh, and raw jess, i'm a girl. sorry, it was just a little unnerving to see the words "his mom". i just spell my name the boy's way cause i like it better than all the other ways i could spell it. was it the avatar that helped confuse you?





lol. It must've been the avatar because I KNEW you were female. Before responding, I had gone to your personal profile & clicked on your myspace link and saw that you were female. I don't know why I typed "his" after that. Sorry about that!
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#12 Old 08-14-2006, 12:32 AM
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Nicky - Are you an adult? I assume so since you say your mom calls and asks if you want to come over for dinner.



The best thing you can do is blow it off. It's her problem, not yours. I think parents have difficulty accepting when their children make choices that don't coincide with their beliefs.

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#13 Old 08-16-2006, 03:34 PM
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People don't like being tricked, but it isn't the same thing. Why would anyone be fundamentally against eating vegetarian food? That is totally irrational and I certainly wouldn't cater to the feelings of such individuals. When I ate meat, I was tricked into eating something vegetarian (ground beef of some sort). Didn't bother me at all - it was quite good.
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#14 Old 08-16-2006, 04:39 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kpickell View Post

Yes. Is that you?



I actually don't recommend doing that because people don't like being tricked. (Imagine your mom making you some "vegan meatballs" and then when you say how good they are she tells you they're really ground beef. Haha, tricks on you.



At any rate, I really like Elena's suggestion above about agreeing to come over and offering to bring a main dish for yourself.

Unless her mom is adverse to eating plant based foods, which I highly doubt, what's the harm? I tricked my daughter into eating something almost entirely made of (unrecognisable) mushrooms once and she loved it! If she knew there were mushrooms in it, she would never have tried it.
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#15 Old 08-17-2006, 02:51 AM
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I used to have a roommate who wouldnt eat fakey meats. If I cooked something with just vegetables that was fine and he ate it, but if I did a roast or something, I had to leave the vegetarian sausages off his plate. He just didnt like the idea of fake meat (but was happy to eat the real stuff). Some people are just wierd like that.
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