chicken poetry - VeggieBoards
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#1 Old 05-18-2012, 02:42 PM
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I am inspired by the antics of animals to write poetry about them. Particularly chicken sex. I find it hard though, and I need help. No, there is no double entendre there; neither chicken sex has anything that gets hard during chicken sex. Instead...

Much like humans who have lips
that they together touch, like this
chickens feel erotic bliss
engaged in a cloacal kiss.

Sperm goes out and sperm goes in
when males and females emboucher
but how they choose to poop and pee
is differently than you and me.

From the same place that they kiss
poop's pressed out
and pee is pissed
and eggs are squeezed out carefully

Cause no-one wants to break a shell.
And very metabolically
they have no reason to convert
uric acid to urea.

I need help. It's getting clumsy. I need help from a bio chemist also. What exactly is happening with bird urine?
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#2 Old 05-18-2012, 06:22 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by soilman View Post

I need help.

Yes, yes you do.
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#3 Old 05-18-2012, 06:58 PM
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second draft:

Much like humans who have lips
that they together touch, like this [see photograph]
chickens feel erotic bliss
engaged in a cloacal kiss.

Sperm goes out and sperm goes in
when males and females emboucher
but how they choose to poop and pee
is differently than you and me.

From the same place that they kiss
poop's pressed out and pee is pissed
and eggs are squeezed out with finesse [I knew I could find the word] -
a broken shell makes quite a mess!

[And very metabolically
they have no reason to convert
uric acid to urea.]

just like humans they ingest
food that is nitrogenous
but rather than produce urea
chicken pee has uric acid

but their metabolism's freer -
makes uric acid, not urea.

Common now. Someone please help me with metabolising protein and producing uric acid. I'm not gonna rest until I've got it how I want it.
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#4 Old 05-18-2012, 07:16 PM
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wait a minute, I think I got it

just like humans they ingest
food that is nitrogenous
but excess nitrogen's excreted
as uric acid, not urea.

Huh? How's that now? No. Lost the meter.
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#5 Old 05-18-2012, 07:33 PM
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just like humans they ingest
food that is nitrogenous
but excess nitrogen's set free as
uric acid, not urea.
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#6 Old 05-18-2012, 07:51 PM
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"Grow the eff up," grandpa Soilman said,
That statement came crashing down on his head.
Writing poems about chicken sex
is childish and weird at best.
So what? I just used a slant rhyme,
It's fine so long as I keep the time.
This is less of a poem than a rap,
But at least it doesn't mention chicken crap.

Enjoying the view over at http://forum.veggieviews.com/

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#7 Old 05-18-2012, 08:42 PM
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Like humans chickens have hard skulls
2 eyes, 2 ears, and 2 nostrils,
1 mouth, 1 trachea, 1 esophagus
gosh they are a lot like us
at one end but not at the other
where our orifices go asunder.
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#8 Old 05-19-2012, 02:44 AM
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soilman, that is a really weird poem, and that is putting it mildly. I'm not going to write what i really think but i think, because I am about to go to bed and I dont want to write anything negative before I go to bed. That poem is not right, and you would be ill-advised to write any more poems like that.
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#9 Old 05-19-2012, 02:46 AM
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keep up the good work S-man!
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#10 Old 05-19-2012, 04:34 AM
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OK, so here's the final result, including the introductory paragraph. Copyright belongs to the writer, 2012. Oh yea, and nobody helped me. I did this all by myself.

Introduction:
I am inspired by the antics of animals to write poetry about them. Particularly chicken sex. I find it hard though, and I need help. No, there is no double entendre there; neither chicken sex has anything that gets hard during chicken sex. Instead...

Much like humans who have lips
that they together touch, like this
chickens feel erotic bliss
engaged in a cloacal kiss.

Sperm goes out and sperm goes in
when males and females emboucher
but how they choose to poop and pee
is differently than you and me.

From the same place that they kiss
poop's pressed out and pee is pissed
and eggs are squeezed out with finesse -
a broken shell'd make quite a mess.

Just like humans they ingest
food that is nitrogenous
but excess nitrogen's set free as
uric acid, not urea.

Like humans chickens have hard skulls
2 eyes, 2 ears, and 2 nostrils,
1 mouth, 1 trachea, 1 esophagus -
gosh they are a lot like us -

at one end but not at the other.
Like Australia it's down under
where human orifices go asunder
from chickens and each other.

In chickens they are all connected.
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#11 Old 05-19-2012, 04:58 AM
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poem below with reference to poop copyright 2012 by the person with a reference to poop in his-her avatar, vegkid

Quote:
"Grow the eff up," grandpa Soilman said,
That statement came crashing down on his head.
Writing poems about chicken sex
is childish and weird at best.
So what? I just used a slant rhyme,
It's fine so long as I keep the time.
This is less of a poem than a rap,
But at least it doesn't mention chicken crap.

soilman is offline  
#12 Old 05-19-2012, 08:27 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by soilman View Post

poem below with reference to poop copyright 2012 by the person with a reference to poop in his-her avatar, vegkid

There's a reference to poop in my avatar?

Well, I guess you could say that because Pennywise stalks the sewers, and refers to floating down there, there would be a reference to poop, but...

Either way, you're really weird, and what worries me more is that writing weird poems like that is something weird I would do.

Enjoying the view over at http://forum.veggieviews.com/

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#13 Old 05-19-2012, 08:54 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by vegkid View Post

There's a reference to poop in my avatar?

Well, I guess you could say that because Pennywise stalks the sewers, and refers to floating down there, there would be a reference to poop, but...

Either way, you're really weird, and what worries me more is that writing weird poems like that is something weird I would do.

It worries you that sometimes people think the same way as you?

For me that is always a happy thought.
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#14 Old 05-19-2012, 08:09 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by a Balloon a Balloon View Post

It worries you that sometimes people think the same way as you?

For me that is always a happy thought.

But, but soilman...

Enjoying the view over at http://forum.veggieviews.com/

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#15 Old 05-26-2012, 11:16 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by vegkid View Post


There's a reference to poop in my avatar?

Well, I guess you could say that because Pennywise stalks the sewers, and refers to floating down there, there would be a reference to poop, but...

Either way, you're really weird, and what worries me more is that writing weird poems like that is something weird I would do.

I don't see a reference to Pennywise the clown in your avatar. Just a drawing of poop.

 

Here is pennywise's cousin, poop-tape (colorized photomicrograph of a real tapeworm)

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#16 Old 05-27-2012, 09:38 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by soilman View Post

I don't see a reference to Pennywise the clown in your avatar. Just a drawing of poop.

 

Here is pennywise's cousin, poop-tape (colorized photomicrograph of a real tapeworm)

I don't see a tapeworm in that photo. All I see is a mullusk.


Enjoying the view over at http://forum.veggieviews.com/

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#17 Old 05-28-2012, 04:20 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by vegkid View Post

I don't see a tapeworm in that photo. All I see is a mullusk.
Vegkid is a sassy young swain,
Who forever seems to have mullusks on the brain.
This poem's got no chick,
So it's off topic.
In case that's not perfectly plain.

www.thesaucyvegan.com
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#18 Old 05-28-2012, 04:22 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SomebodyElse View Post


Vegkid is a sassy young swain,
Who forever seems to have mullusks on the brain.
This poem's got no chick,
So it's off topic.
In case that's not perfectly plain.

Ten cheers for SomebodyElse! :D


Enjoying the view over at http://forum.veggieviews.com/

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