Hi everyone. This is kind of awkward for my first post, but I don't know where else to ask this. If this is inappropriate (or potentially triggering?), I'm really sorry.
I've been keeping a food log/diary for the past year or so (when I went vegan after 11 years as a junk food vegetarian). I've recorded everything I've eaten everyday. At first it started as a way to make sure I was eating a balanced diet, not eating ice cream three days in a row, etc. It seemed like a good idea. Weight loss was NOT the goal, but I did lose weight. Admittedly, I liked that. My diet also got a lot better, and I'm generally a healthier person than I was last year.
The problem is that my food journaling has become a bit of a compulsion. The only time I stopped logging was for a 10 day vacation, and it felt wonderful to walk away from my logging for a while. I was still doing it in my head, but it wasn't practical for me to write it down. The day after I got home, though, I started back up again with the journal.
I'm not measuring my food, nor am I really limiting what I'm allowing myself to eat, but having to write it all down does make me think about food constantly, and I hate that. It just doesn't feel right to me anymore, but I can't stop. I've gotten it in my head that if I eat more than 4 times a day, no matter what it is, I'm "cheating." I've made up arbitrary rules, and I get mad at myself when I break them. I have a touch of OCD anyway, and it's really manifesting itself here.
My question is whether this behavior is indicative of the development of disordered eating. I don't want to go down that road. Has anyone dealt with something similar to this? Any recommendations for how to stop thinking of food like this? Even if I stop writing it down (which I'm vowing to do), I know I'm still going to be keeping my food log in my head. It's such a habit now. I want to quit doing this, but I'm also sort of afraid to lose all of my discipline and gain back the 27 pounds I lost.
I'm sorry I rambled so much. Any advice or commiseration would be greatly appreciated.