Eat to Live VII: Eating Disorder Recovery Support - Page 57 - VeggieBoards
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#1681 Old 08-25-2012, 01:46 AM
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**may trigger*
Hi guys, I don't know if I belong here but I'm finding it really hard to eat enough to gain weight so I'm gonna jump in anyway. 
I maintain my weight ( now. My BMI is 16.4 or something and has been lower but probably shouldn't be) but it takes a lot of concentration and effort and I think I need to gain some because I feel absolutely awful, rundown, headaches, chest pain, cold, low concentration etc. but I have regular ( albeit very light ) periods for the first time in years and a shape everybody deems 'great. Too skinny but not deathly skinny.' so I can't be 'sick' , y'know? 
I'm more just scared that I think putting on weight would give me my life back but can't seem to do it. 

I don't know what to do. I don't know if I need to do anything and that's what's tricky. If I knew I had to, I reckon I could. Except..or..no I don't know. 
Thanks for listening. 
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#1682 Old 08-25-2012, 01:49 AM
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d'oh! Just read the 'no numbers' thing. I guess even my 'may trigger' wasn't enough. sorry! won't do it again!

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#1683 Old 08-25-2012, 02:38 PM
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I suck.

Misanthrope seeks misanthrope.
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#1684 Old 08-25-2012, 02:42 PM
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I suck.

No, you absolutely do not.

It is our choices that show what we truly are far more than our abilities. ~A. Dumbledore
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#1685 Old 08-27-2012, 05:41 AM
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Awwh. smiley.gif

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#1686 Old 08-27-2012, 04:14 PM
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No more of that nonsense. veganpolice.gif

It is our choices that show what we truly are far more than our abilities. ~A. Dumbledore
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#1687 Old 10-06-2012, 07:28 AM
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it's been four years since i last posted here, and i still seem to be stuck in the same place, eating disorder-wise; having to gain weight and eating what i think is a lot, but not actually eating enough to gain because i've become so attached to such a low number on the scale. the difference between then and now is, and this is an enormous reality check, i weigh much less now (seriously, no numbers, but i belong in the hospital), and even when i weighed more, i was trying to gain.

i guess this gives me a bit more justification to keep pushing myself to eat more and get healthy.

i'm so sick and tired of feeling sick and tired.

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#1688 Old 12-05-2012, 08:36 AM
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Hello All,

 

It's been a long, long time since I last posted here, but I'm feeling stress right now and need some help. That sounds really selfish, right - as though I'd only come here when I needed you.

 

Anyway. Coming to the end of my PhD. Four years in the same place and feeling like it would last forever. Realising it won't. Been discharged from the hospital for a couple of months now.

 

Have a boyfriend. Have been doing well - he's really helped me with my eating issues. I now eat almost anything. Problem is, at the moment, I'm eating too much. So anxious and totally in no denial mode.

 

I'm also worried about my relationship. This is really hurting me. I don't know if I belong with this guy - he's an irritating cuss sometimes - but he's been so kind and good to me and I know that I do at times really love him. This is what hurts the most.

 

I am wondering, too, if these really strong feelings of depression I have and worry about my relationship are stemming from hormones. The hospital never told me what would happen if my cycle were to start again after 6 years. I don't know if it is PMT, actual depression, anxiety, PhD stress, or a real fear about my relationship. I wish I knew. It's just so hard. So so hard.

 

What will I do with my life now?

 

Peace and love and all that.

 

Pirate x

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#1689 Old 12-06-2012, 12:55 PM
 
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How long have you been in the relationship? Sometimes there are bumps along the road to success. Do you still love him? Does he give you butterflies? Do you think you'd be better off with someone else? What would make YOU happy?

 

If you feel that you'd be better alone or with someone else, I know it's difficult to say goodbye to someone. But know that it's better to end the relationship as soon as possible, rather than dragging him on - it's unfair to him. And unfair to yourself.

 

As for the mood problem... Are you on any medications for it? If not, I recommend going and finding a psychiatrist to help you find something that will work. If you are on meds, I'd say that you should probably go see a psychiatrist anyway... He/she might be able to tweek the prescription or get you on something that will help (I had to work through 4 different prescriptions before I found something that worked for me).

Talk to you mom/dad/friends - they are there to help/support you.

 

As for the career... Don't stress. Everything will fall into place, eventually. Just try to stay positive and upbeat! :)
 

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#1690 Old 12-06-2012, 11:45 PM
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Thank you. He does give me butterflies and there are times I just adore him and being with him. That is why the angst is horrid. But I do love him.

I think I am scared of growibg up and of being a child forever. I fear both and it is acute right now.

Thank you for the help. I hope it gets sorted.
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#1691 Old 12-07-2012, 09:12 PM
 
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Aw.. You're probably just in a slump, then. Try to find ways to rekindle your romance. Have a fun date night.. Make it special!

 

I totally understand not wanting to grow up! The world is such a scary place... Sometimes I just wish we could be kids again - so carefree and oblivious to the problems of the world! lol
 

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#1692 Old 01-08-2013, 07:24 PM
 
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Hey :) I'm new here and I'm really glad I found this board! I've been trying to go 100% vegan for a while because when I eat something non vegan it's very triggering for me for example I say well I already ate something I shouldn't have so might as well eat ANYTHING I want, it's really horrible because I believe a vegan diet is the best both health wise and for the environment, so I am just working on it at the moment. I've been suffering from bulimia for 1.5+ years now (laxative abuse) and before that I was restricting heavily. All of this binging as actually made me gain weight so I am just looking to lose it all again the healthy way and exercising, I used to be a runner and stopped so I'm just trying to get back to that. I really just want to be healthy and happy, something I haven't been in a while. So I guess I'm starting recovery tomorrow? haha here's hoping! tongue3.gif

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#1693 Old 01-22-2013, 09:44 AM
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I'm worried I'm starting to binge :(

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#1694 Old 01-22-2013, 09:50 AM
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Maybe not, but...I don't know. I feel horrid.

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#1695 Old 01-22-2013, 10:10 AM
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I'm worried I'm starting to binge :(

Hang in there, piratemoon. Do you like meditation? Here is a 10 minute exercise that can help relax the mind a little.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DRepi-_vyhk&feature=youtube_gdata_player
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#1696 Old 01-22-2013, 11:35 PM
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Thanks Ledboots. It's strange. It isn't as though it's all at once - I'm just eating a LOT throughout the day. Perhaps binge is the wrong word - it's more like uncontrolled snacking. And I feel angry when there are people in the house and I can't. Bit better now. Thank you for your post - I don't really meditate, but I do sometimes need things to calm me down. It got better when my partner and his family got back. 

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#1697 Old 01-23-2013, 12:44 AM
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Thanks Ledboots. It's strange. It isn't as though it's all at once - I'm just eating a LOT throughout the day. Perhaps binge is the wrong word - it's more like uncontrolled snacking. And I feel angry when there are people in the house and I can't. Bit better now. Thank you for your post - I don't really meditate, but I do sometimes need things to calm me down. It got better when my partner and his family got back. 

Oh good. smiley.gif ((hugs))
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#1698 Old 05-27-2013, 07:18 AM
 
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you won't believe itttt!

I've gained 20lbs in recovery and feeling great. Although, I still struggle with some things I am doing so much better mentally, physically, and emotionally.

Unfortunately, I had to give up veganism for a few months to achieve this, but as soon as I got the OK I'm right back to my compassionate lifestyle. I got a lot of crap from fellow AR activists, but they couldn't possibly comprehend how it benefited me.

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#1699 Old 05-27-2013, 10:23 AM
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Well done! It's a difficult thing, but sometimes you have to make such tough decisions. For me, veganism isn't once and for all, always and forever...I treat it as something I believe in strongly now, under these particular conditions. But that might not always be the case. You have to do what is right for you, and don't take that crap. Well done. 

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#1700 Old 05-27-2013, 02:39 PM
 
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Thank you so much! I pretty much had no say in the matter. I know I will be vegan forever (I do have a tattoo hehehehhehehe), but that was just during recovery. Even though idk what to say when people ask me how long I have been vegan for...I'm just not going to count the few months if recovery. I refused to eat pork, cow, lamb, etc. lol idk everyone can suck it!! Lol
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#1701 Old 05-27-2013, 03:12 PM
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you won't believe itttt!

I've gained 20lbs in recovery and feeling great. Although, I still struggle with some things I am doing so much better mentally, physically, and emotionally.

Unfortunately, I had to give up veganism for a few months to achieve this, but as soon as I got the OK I'm right back to my compassionate lifestyle. I got a lot of crap from fellow AR activists, but they couldn't possibly comprehend how it benefited me.

 

Really, really good news vhh. Veganism is also about having compassion for yourself, as well as for animals, so I'm glad that you were able to take the "crap from fellow AR activists" with a pinch of salt, as the old saying goes.   thumbsup.gif 

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#1702 Old 05-27-2013, 06:14 PM
 
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Thank you smiley.gif
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#1703 Old 06-07-2013, 08:57 PM
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I don't really eat a lot and I actually force myself to eat more .... just not hungry, I guess I'm just weird sad.gif I do drink a lot of water and espresso .... I even tried limiting my coffee to see if it would make a difference no such luck sad.gif
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#1704 Old 11-20-2013, 02:41 PM
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Hi lavender phase,

 

I don't know when you posted this - it seems like this thread is quiet now. Shame. I don't know any more about you than that. Are you having trouble of any other kind?

 

I often still have crisies, in my head. Though I'm eating well - I feel as though...I don't know. Fat, and all that. And...yeah. I don't know. 

 

I wish I'd worked out how to use my brain.

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#1705 Old 11-20-2013, 06:46 PM
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Hi piratemoon,
I am trying to eat healthier now .... I was living off of ramen noodles not so cool loads of sodium .... I am now eating better these past two days .... I still drink coffee and try to eat more but I still get full rather quickly sad.gif
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#1706 Old 11-21-2013, 02:59 PM
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Little and often then, lavender. You'll find, eventually, your appetite will increase. Doesn't seem like it, but still, it will. 

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#1707 Old 11-21-2013, 05:39 PM
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I made a big bowl of steamed veggies over quinoa and ate a lil I saved the leftover food smiley.gif funny thing about cooking I love it! Weird I get no enjoyment eating it as preparing it go figure :\
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#1708 Old 11-22-2013, 01:12 AM
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Yeah, I know that feeling. I've learned to love food again though, which sometimes makes me feel guilty, but which also means I can have a great cultural experience and experiment with a new sense. That's quite exciting sometimes.

But I do understand how blegh food can seem. Do you have favourite things? Doesn't matter what they are.

And if you have a small appetite, a big bowl of things, particularly low density veggies, is going to outface you, and you aren't going to get the energy you need. Have you tried having smaller, more energy dense meals? Veggies don't just have to eat veggies and wholegrains. wink3.gif

Take care of yourself.
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#1709 Old 11-22-2013, 09:06 AM
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Hi piratemoon,
Butterflies are my favourite! smiley.gif
I sometimes can eat a huge bowl of mashed potato Lol but usually that's all for a comfort thing and all I would eat that day .... I have a nasty habit of skipping lunch and then coming home and cooking for family/friends/bf I used to be a junk food vegan
however soon as I stray I get back on track .... That means no more ramen noodles for me .... I am thinking of water fasting after November 28th to cleanse smiley.gif I love celebrating with family and friends however it always seems to revolve around food .... I personally prefer to indulge in conversations and laughter! smiley.gif however I am looking forward to baking and sewing some gifts for family / friends / pets! Be well xx
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#1710 Old 11-22-2013, 09:31 AM
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Take care of yourself lavender. Enjoy the holiday season, and don't forget that you can treat yourself as well as others. x
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