Eating Disorders - VeggieBoards
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#1 Old 03-01-2005, 09:56 PM
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How did you come to the realization that you had an ED? Did you realize you needed help or were you in denial? I've been reading the threads in here and I'm starting to question my eating habits.
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#2 Old 03-01-2005, 10:42 PM
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I realized I had an ED when my skin was purple, I had dark, black rings under my eyes, I couldn't walk up a flight of staris without falling down due to exhaustion and my resting heart rate was 23 BPM. At first I was in total denial. I thought I was SUPER althletic with my low BPM and that my failure to walk up staris was because I was too lazy. Then I passed out and didn't wake up for a few days. After that I decided to get help and ask if someone could bring me to the hospital. This was maby a year ago... Now I eat like crazy and run/cycle/can walk everywhere, but I am still eating disordered. My body is STILL recovering as right now my body fat percentage is 5.73%. Granted, it was at 3%, but I am still recovering. EDs can suck my... *end sentence here



Cheers.
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#3 Old 03-02-2005, 12:18 AM
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I still forget that I have an ED. Having a body fat % of 9 (I'm a girl, that's bad) coupled with anemia and amenorrea didn't really shock me into the realization. I only really realize it when it is too late, like after a binge when my fingers are down my throat. After that, since I've "made everything better," I forget again. My mom wondered about me when I was in 8th grade and I only ate less than 20 grams of fat a day, but we both decided that I was just "healthy." When "healthy" becomes less than 1,200 calories, cutting out entire food groups (except meat, and animal products, except that's a warning sign too...) and loosing basic body function (like my period, being freezing cold, having heart irregularities), then you definitely have gone too far. But if you are even drifting towards that path, be careful! make sure there is not a void in your life that you are filling with a preoccupation/obsession. EDs are subtle buggers, nip 'em in the bud.
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#4 Old 03-02-2005, 01:06 AM
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I don't have an ED anymore, but I remember the day I realised was the day where I decided I wanted an apple but "couldn't" have one.
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#5 Old 03-02-2005, 01:50 AM
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I realized I had lost a lot of weight, and that I needed to eat more to gain the weight back. But I didn't recognize I had an "eating disorder" (confused and/or obsessive ideas about eating) until well after the fact, and well, once I'd talked to other people with eating disorders and noticed certain patterns within myself.
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#6 Old 03-02-2005, 06:29 AM
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I realized something was wrong with me when I cried myself to sleep because I ate 10 grapes.
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#7 Old 03-02-2005, 07:59 AM
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the first time somebody sat me down and watched me eat. I was at Disney World for the first time ever. I was there to perform with my dance group. I had been avoiding eating all week- spending dinnertime with a different group than I had spent lunch with and stuff like that. At one of our morning meetings (where we'd all gather in a hotel room and decide what we were doing for the day) the director of the group said something about how we need to look out for each other, and if we notice someone hasn't eaten in twelve hours, we should make them eat. I felt kinda bad at that point because I was pretty sure she was talking about me. and as one of the older members in the group, I didn't want the younger ones worrying about taking care of me. Especially since I knew it wasn't an easy thing to do. They couldn't MAKE me eat. Lunchtime came that day, and I got a bottle of water. They gave me looks and the "promise me you'll eat dinner" thing, and, of course, I promised.



I don't know if someone told on me or not. But later that night, one of the moms asked me what I had eaten that day. I wasn't prepared to answer the question. So she told me to go get some soup from one of the nearby food stands. I protested that I didn't have enough money on me, and she handed me some money. They didn't have soup, so I got a salad (with dressing on the side) and sat down at the table. "Now eat."



I started off by pulling things out of the salad that I "didn't like" (like lettuce that was too white, too yellow, or too dark green, olives, cheese, and tomatoes) and she took the plate from me, sectioned part of it off, and told me I was to eat at least that part.



I was very sneaky about it, trying to hide most of the food. and when I had finally cleared the required amount off the plate (some of it eaten, some of it, stuck in my pocket or dropped on the ground...) I burst into tears.



That wasn't all, right there. Up until that point, I had been hurting just myself and I could deal with that forever. It was when I looked over and saw the director of the group leaning against a trash can, one arm across her abdomen and the other with her hand covering her mouth... There was a parade starting. The rest of the kids were watching the parade, and if she had turned her head, she would have been watching the parade as well. But she was watching me cry. And she was crying, too. I realized right there that I wasn't the only one I was hurting... and that I had to try to stop this.
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#8 Old 03-02-2005, 08:19 AM
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Ella, have you ever considered writing for a young women's magazine or journal, perhaps writing your own book?



Your sharings always bring me to tears with your beauty, strength, fragility, honest directness and lovely writing style. Your stories are important ones that must be heard. You are a voice for the (all too often) voiceless. I honor you.
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#9 Old 03-02-2005, 09:42 AM
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^^ oh wow thanks
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#10 Old 03-02-2005, 12:04 PM
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I hope one of you guys can help me. My daughter's school counselor just called me saying that her friends suspect she may have an eating disorder.



Here's some background information: She's 13, 5'2", 98 lbs. She is a picky eater, but she DOES eat. I pack her school lunch everyday. A typical lunch may be a pb&j sandwich on whole wheat, a handful of baby carrots, a container of yogurt, and a bottle of water. Her friends claim that she is only drinking the water. I'm not there to watch her eat lunch, however I do notice that she eats breakfast and dinner and I've never observed her purging. She has healthy skin, hair, and nails. She does, however, think she's "fat". The kids at her school are terrible about picking on each other and calling names. She came home crying one day because a boy called her a "fat @$$". She is what most would consider a healthy weight.



So, the things she says concerns me, but her outward behavior doesn't seem to point to an ED. I don't want to be in denial, but I don't want to go dramatically overboard and treat her for an ED if there isn't one.
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#11 Old 03-02-2005, 12:11 PM
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outward behavior doesn't always point to inner thoughts...and it's the thoughts you have to watch out for at first. Have a talk with her, like sit her down, look her in the eye and ask her if she's been eating her whole lunch. You need to tell her how important taking care of her body is, and make sure you tell her that she is beautiful. But talk about it, talk about health, and most of all project an image of health and self-love. Teenage hood is a scary time, you need to be her ally. I know my friends went through "phases" of not eating, but never treat it as a phase. Make sure that she loves herself, that is the number one thing.
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#12 Old 03-02-2005, 12:13 PM
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Maybe with this knowledge you can observe her and notice things you may not have noticed before. Or, maybe she's just a picky eater (or something in between)? I was about that height/weight in high school, too, but I ate like a 'normal' teenager.
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#13 Old 03-02-2005, 12:23 PM
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i have had an ed for 2 years, i never really realized it for a long time. i just never acknowledged it really .i thought 400 calories a day would be ok. earlier this year i thought i had gone back to eating normal (600 calories a day) when i was told this wasnt i finally admitted i had an ed. for 2 years i had been purging, starving myself, and over exercising at one point, and i just never thought about it. now that i am aware i will be seeking help over spring break.



also, melissa M- when i was younger i ate, and weighed very little. some people are just like that. I am 18, i am also 5'2 and i also weigh 98 pounds. I have an ed, but i am not sure how this compares to your daughter since she is only 13...so there are obvious differences in us. also, i do not mean to worry you, but i purged for about a year, and i know for a fact my parents had no idea at all. i recently told my mother and she had no clue. i would do it when nobody was home, or when people were upstairs and i was in the basement, but mostly i would do it when i would go to take a shower..turn the shower on so i couldnt be heard, and sometimes turn music on. you cant moniter your daughter, but maybe you want to sit and talk to her about her weight, see if there is anything you can do to help. I have some other advice and things that have helped me, or that i know would have helped me if my mother would have done them. you can pm me if you would like- the best of luck to you and your daughter
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#14 Old 03-02-2005, 12:35 PM
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Melissa, Not to make light of a potentially dangerous situation, but in high school freshman and sophmore year....



I was always thin and could eat like a horse, and often did. However, when I got in with a more popular clique, I decided I needed drama to be cool like them. So I developed a fake ed and wouldn't eat lunch at school anymore. When I got home I ate like 2 dinners.



It's was a stupid stupid thing to do, but teenage girls can do some wierd things to be liked. Is there a possibility she could be "faking" it?





to you and your daughter.
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#15 Old 03-02-2005, 01:08 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by vggiegirl View Post

Melissa, Not to make light of a potentially dangerous situation, but in high school freshman and sophmore year....



I was always thin and could eat like a horse, and often did. However, when I got in with a more popular clique, I decided I needed drama to be cool like them. So I developed a fake ed and wouldn't eat lunch at school anymore. When I got home I ate like 2 dinners.



It's was a stupid stupid thing to do, but teenage girls can do some wierd things to be liked. Is there a possibility she could be "faking" it?



to you and your daughter.



oh my gosh i just rememberd i used to do this to (in junior high). people would notice to and make comments about how i wouldnt eat lunch. i cant remember why i did it. i would go home and eat lunch...i thought i was cool doing it or something like people would think i was cool cause i had drama??? kids are weird and so was i...still am
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#16 Old 03-02-2005, 01:36 PM
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Actually, that was my first thought. She does have a flair for the dramatic. We have a very "boring" suburban lifestyle...mom and dad, a dog, church every Sunday, dinner together as a family every night. An eating disorder would give her a "problem", some street cred.
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#17 Old 03-02-2005, 02:00 PM
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I first realized that I had an eating disorder shortly after my 18th birthday, when I found myself 'purging' a few times a day. Before then, it had only been an occasional thing-maybe after a 'binge'.. once a month, perhaps. I knew that purging in general was out of the ordinary- but I never thought of myself as a person WITH an eating disorder. I refered to myself as a person with disordered eating, not a person with an eating disorder ( ) . It made sense to me at the time.

Of course, looking back, I can see the slow decline that I had before my 'lightbulb' moment. I starting cutting out foods at 12 years old, and by 15 I was water fasting for days at a time. It's just sad. I'm still a recovery-in-progress.
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#18 Old 03-02-2005, 02:39 PM
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Okay, I have an update.

I just talked to the counselor and my daughter. Apparently, she has been vomiting at home and throwing out her lunch at school. She says this has been happening for about a week now. I've scheduled an appointment with our doctor for a physical. The counselor put us in contact with a local support group.

Thanks for your help.
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#19 Old 03-02-2005, 02:54 PM
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I realized I had an eating disorder when after going out to eat with my parents..the next day, I freaked out. I ate some of the leftovers. Then I cried because I didn't know how many calories I consumed, I thought I was a pig, and I could just tell Iwas gaining weight and getting "fat". I exercised for fourty minutes at a very fast pace on the stationary bike. Then I ran to the scale.



I realized I needed help when all I had eaten one day was a banana, a light yogurt, and one package of no sugar added oatmeal. My parents tried to force me to eat..anything. Saltines, crackers, bread. A banana. Some Ensure. I cried and screamed and acted like a bratty child. My mom threatened to move out of the house. She packed her bags and was ready to go. My dad kept asking me if I wanted to die and that I was killing myself. I finally ate the slice of bread.
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#20 Old 03-02-2005, 02:54 PM
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Melissa - My thoughts go out to you and your daughter



I realized it at the time of this diary entry my sophomore year... until then I'd been denying it:



Quote:

October 27, 2002 6:42 AM



Crying again. I seriously have to stop calorie counting. It's ruining me.



I was wearing 3 sweaters a day, jeans with pajama pants or long underwear underneath. I wore gloves all day at school. I was still nearly in tears just because I was so cold. I could barely stand to walk outside. My skin was purple/red and peeling off my hands. I excercised at least an hour a day, eating less than a fifth of what I should have been, I counted every morsel of food before I would eat it.
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#21 Old 03-02-2005, 05:51 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cissy View Post








I was wearing 3 sweaters a day, jeans with pajama pants or long underwear underneath. I wore gloves all day at school. I was still nearly in tears just because I was so cold. I could barely stand to walk outside. My skin was purple/red and peeling off my hands. I excercised at least an hour a day, eating less than a fifth of what I should have been, I counted every morsel of food before I would eat it.



Cissy I was the same - even carrying a hot water bottle everywhere with me
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#22 Old 03-02-2005, 09:23 PM
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I'm cold all the time too..I wear gloves, layers, etc.



However, I don't think its always because I am underweight..because my healthy-weight mother and over-weight father are cold all the time too. My mom wanted to borrow my gloves once and my dad wears more warm clothes than someone who lives in the mountains.



*shrug*
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#23 Old 03-02-2005, 09:37 PM
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I denied having an eating disorder for a long time. I went to California with some friends, and they were always commenting about my weight and how much I ate. I was SO defensive about food and not eating, but I insisted I was fine and lied to all of them. I was completely oblivious.



I had other friends comment. Some flat out told me I was anorexic. I even had a few who said that if I continued to kill myself, they would discontinue our friendship. This only made me more angry and more defensive. Every single day I got comments about how I needed to gain weight. I was so angry about the comments that I vowed I would lose a pound for every comment I got.



One time I was with a friend and I insisted that we walk 5 miles. This was my idea of hanging out. On our walk, we got free candy and popcorn. I didn't want him asking about my weight, and I figured the candy had only 4-5 calories, and it was "ok" to eat it. He then offered me ONE piece of popcorn. I said I couldn't have it; I had all ready eaten. It flashed through my mind for a second that this was messed up, but I dismissed that thought.



I wore TONS of clothes- two pairs of socks, two pairs of pants, two shirts, three sweatshirts, a beanie, a hood, gloves, and a scarf, and on top of all of that, I wrapped myself in a comforter. I went to school like this every single day until the end of March. But I accepted this as a "part of life."



But the final thing came at a random time. My whole life, I have always been at least somewhat interested in eating healthy. One day, I told myself, "This apple is the only thing I am going to eat today, and I don't care if I'm not getting any nutrients." That's when it hit me- when my weight was more important than every vitamin and mineral out there. Since then, I've been getting help and recovering. So far, so good, with a few ups and downs.
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#24 Old 03-02-2005, 09:42 PM
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Melissa - my parents didn't suspect anything for about two years. I agree with what was said, though, the only way you might be able to find out is to just talk to her. I don't know how close you guys are; with my mom and I it was very awkward because we weren't very close until after I told her everything, which took me a couple years. But now she knows everything... and it's a lot better that way.



I guess I discovered that I had some problems after I went away to camp when I was 16 and ate about 500 calories/day for two weeks, lost 10 pounds, felt like absolute **** everyday and thought that it just wouldn't feel right to ever gain that weight back again. And then I was sure I had problems after I went out of the country for another 10 days one year later and ate even less. I came back weighing 83 pounds and feeling like I was going to die. That was kind of a wake up call.
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#25 Old 03-02-2005, 09:52 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bluewisdom View Post

I'm cold all the time too..I wear gloves, layers, etc.



However, I don't think its always because I am underweight..because my healthy-weight mother and over-weight father are cold all the time too. My mom wanted to borrow my gloves once and my dad wears more warm clothes than someone who lives in the mountains.



*shrug*



I'm cold all the time too, but it was worse during the worse parts of my eating disorder. Like, I still get freezing sometimes (I live in Northern Michigan and my school is poor, so we don't have the greatest heating), but nowhere near the levels of what it was during my eating disorder.
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#26 Old 03-03-2005, 08:48 AM
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i am the same way, LOL..
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#27 Old 03-03-2005, 08:51 AM
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I'm not...or, wasn't as severe as some of the VB-ers...back in high school...well, the summer before my freshman year I lost weight, the healthy way. I ate right (not obsessively counting calories, but tracking my food), and walking every night. I lost probably 20-25 pounds. That was also the summer I became vegetarian (almost towards the start of school). Well, I love losing the weight so much...it became like some sort of addiction.



I had a lot of emotional battles my freshman year, and I suppose along with those came the desire to control and lose. By the end of freshman year I had lost about 30 pounds, which over the course of a year isn't bad. And then when I was moved away the beginning of my sophomore year, I starved myself. I'd go days at a time only drinking juice; when I finally moved back "home", it didn't get much better. Weeks before formals were the worst. I can't even imagine now how I did it...but say the dance was on Saturday night, I wouldn't have eaten more than...maybe 400 calories on any day starting Monday before. I would eat the dinner before dance (taken out by the date), and afterwards we go out to the local pancake house or something and I'd just let lose, sooo thankful to be eating again.



Junior year again, I had lost the motivation to do the "right" thing and eat right and exercise. I got addicted to diet pills. When ephedra was still legal. So I was 16/17, taken Xenadrine-RFA, praying to god my heart wouldn't explode during class. I would go nearly all day without eating because I could.



Senior year was slightly different, because I had started exercising again, my metabolism naturally increased, and due to fear (a blessing) of having my heart explode on the stair-stepper, I stopped taking the pills for a while. When my boyfriend of nearly 2.5 years broke it off when me the summer/fall before my freshman year in college, I stopped eating altogether again. 106 was my lowest point (at 5'4"...like I said, I was never as severe), and while I was emotionally miserable, there was a sick little part of me that loved it.



I've come a long way since then. Sorry I babeled so much. Sometimes I'm sure I still obsess about calories and activities a little too much for "normal"; I still have slightly "disordered" eating (I track pretty much everything RELIGIOUSLY), but I don't have an eating disorder...I guess...



...sorry for longest post ever.



Cheers.
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#28 Old 03-03-2005, 11:29 AM
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I just wanted to point out that a majority of those with EDs actually suffer from COE (compulsive over eating), BED (binge eating disorder) or bulimia.



I thought I'd mention that, since these eating disorders, despite being much more common than anorexia, get a lot less attention (especially the two former), which I think is a shame, because they hurt as much and wreck people's lives as much as self-imposed starvation does.



It's as if you havent got a "real" ED if you don't starve and/or purge.



The reason why I mention this in this thread is that most people who have posted here were/are anorexic, and I guess I just wanted to point out that it's not the only ED.

And maybe encourage persons with other types of EDs to speak up.



I hope I'm not offending anybody by saying this.
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#29 Old 03-03-2005, 12:44 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Azalea View Post

I just wanted to point out that a majority of those with EDs actually suffer from COE (compulsive over eating), BED (binge eating disorder) or bulimia.



I thought I'd mention that, since these eating disorders, despite being much more common than anorexia, get a lot less attention (especially the two former), which I think is a shame, because they hurt as much and wreck people's lives as much as self-imposed starvation does.



It's as if you havent got a "real" ED if you don't starve and/or purge.



The reason why I mention this in this thread is that most people who have posted here were/are anorexic, and I guess I just wanted to point out that it's not the only ED.

And maybe encourage persons with other types of EDs to speak up.



I hope I'm not offending anybody by saying this.



I would probably say both my mother and sister have COE/BED to an extent. I worry about them both because I know there are emotional issues involved...



N/C.
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#30 Old 03-03-2005, 12:46 PM
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My eating disorder started when I got back to Holland (we travelled to different countries 'cause of my dad's job). All my life I was thin, like stick thin. Everybody thought I had an eating disorder back *then*.

The last 4 years of my dad's shell-job we lived in Nigeria and despite the fact that I got bullied a lot during the first three years, I felt very at home over there. So, eventhough I didn't mind moving to Holland, I guess part of me was still clinging on to the life I had in Nigeria.





THe first month in Holland, I had to stay at my aunt's, 'cause my parents were on holidays in Canada. At my aunt's I was forced to eat more (up untill then I always ate very little, but I guess she wanted to fatten me up a bit since she was worried about me...eventhough there was nothing to worry about) which I absolutely hated, but I was too scared to rebel (she has a reputation of losing her temper real fast).

And I think that was it.



When I got home I just felt worthless with my weird legs, my boy-ish haircut. I just felt dumb. I was afraid to go outside in case people'd make fun of me.

I remember my skinny friend and I sometimes had contests on who could gain the most weight...

So eventually I locked myself up at home and I ate and ate and ate, 'cause hey, I was too thin wasn't I?



After a while I started to gain weight and my mom made a comment about it..that I should slow down a bit, I was getting a bit chubby.

Which made me freak out and eat more.



And then one day *BAM* it hit me. I was fat. I was at my aunt's for the weekend and my cousin called me a pig, I called her a skeleton. I locked myself up in the bathroom and cried...'cause it was true.



So I started a plan, to lose weight.

At first it was all good. I had a little notebook in which I jotted every morsel that I had. During the summer holidays I went to France, I'd have a peach for breakfast, no lunch and maybe noodles for dinner. When I got back I couldn't believe it 6 pounds!

When school started, we had this survival day so we could get to know eachother. I think that's where the eating disorder kicked in. The power that I felt when I turned down some ice-cream was the best thing I had ever felt.



This just went on and on and on....I gave up everything. I told everyone I just wanted to be healthier. I don't even know who I was kidding, myself or the others:\\



But after about 1.5 years I just couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't study, all I could think about was food. calories. fat grams, my head felt like it was going to explode.

In the end, I woke up extra early to weigh myself (so no one would hear me weigh myself)...started weighing myself at least 5 times a day, punching my stomach 'cause it was so 'fat', crying every night 'cause I ate 'too much', had vivid dreams of eating chocolate cake etc. and actually believing that I had eaten all that which made me feel fat again...



So I told my mom, who took me to see the docter. I was a borderline anorexic. The first year I recovered all by myself. I was at a healthy weight, I felt a whole lot better again. But somehow the ED snuck back in...I think my mom had to do with it, 'cause we went to France again and she made me eat all the time and was very controlling when it came to food. I felt awful. I didn't even NOTICE it had started again the second time. It was also worse the second time and my docter urged me to get some therapy or anything. I think lots of it had to do with some depression (they only started giving me something for that last Monday).



That was a year ago,



So yeah, now I'm in this outpatient program, I see a counselor just about every week, I saw a nutrionist untill I reached their goalweight (way too much for me:\\) As of last Monday I see a psychiatrist (who put me on Remeron, of *ALL* the meds. it might make me gain even more weight ) every two weeks. And I've been in grouptherapy for a year now (same goes for counseling).



these days I'm pretty much on the COED side..I mean, it's not exactly binging etc. but enough to make me feel sick,stuffed and gain weight (and I've already reached a more than healthy weight...:\\)



I hope my post isn't too long:P...*crosses fingeres*
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