Yeah RBM...We're like pseudo-mods now. Or sub-mods.
Now Cissy, however...She's the real thing. Respect her authoretay, folks
Now...where was I?
Oh yes. My post went poof away and I'll have to write an other one. Pf.
I have yet to make a real post in this new & improved thread...Apart from the power-bragging and the moaning about lost post...hm.
I'll have to keep it short this time though...I should be finishing my paper in phonetics right now. And I have another one in intonation awaiting me...ugh.
(I swear I'm terrible at those two...)
So...First a big yay for Annika, Anna and DoshKel. I'm proud of you guys
Clikie- I think you really need to find other ways of reacting to negative feelings than taking it out on yourself. It seems to be you're frequently in some sort of conflict with the people who are supposed to help you, -like doctors, counsellors, nutritionists, your parents...I'm not saying it's your fault. They may not be doing everything right...-well most likely they're not, really. But please, try to remember that you're all supposed to be on the same side here...against the ED (yah it's like a friend sometimes, but it's a lousy lousy friend). And please...when you're upset or angry or sad, *try* to fin other ways of dealing with those feelings than hurting yourself in one way or another...It's such an ugly cycle...you're upset because they want you to eat more, weight more, have greater control over you, -and then you react by rebelling against the treatment, and they only tighten the leash (like making you go to the hospital again...I really hope that doesn't happen though
Take care of yourself, please...If I could take away the whole messy ED business for you I would, but..yah, you don't get rid of EDs that easily, unfortunately...no back button when you really need it.
Fafa- What RBM said...
It's the kind of thing where you just have to make a conscious decision to change the pattern. Throw away the scale, any measuring devices (both for you & calories...), read some body-positive articles online (thankfully there are a lot of those out there), try to occupy yourself. I just hope that you manage to overcome this thing before it evolves into an ED, -I'd hate for that to happen to you...you're a lovely person.
Porvida- Will you be seeing that counsellor again? If not her, then you should find help somewhere else, some other counsellor/therapist, because it look like you could need some help with this...
I know that feeling of ambivalence towards recovery so well...It's hard. That's exactly why you need to have someone you can lean on...who'll serve as a counterpoint to the ED voice which will just keep telling you that being thinner is more important than being healthy, more important than being happy (...well in fact, that losing weight will
make you happy...PFFF what a bunch of crap).
Linzey- I know that being in control of your own recovery is really important for you, and so is being in control of what you eat. You've said before that when you're being supervised you just react by eating less, because you can't stand it. And that your natural weight is low and that you've reached a compromise with your dr where you don't go under a certain point.
But please...One thing is what compromises your mind allows you to make, -your body, on the other hand, might not be as willing to compromise in the long run...Meaning that staying underweight (I know your ideal weight is low, but still...you eat very little so I assume that that's the principal reason why it's so low) and keeping eating so little (especially when you exercise) just isn't healthy. I don't want to come off as too negative here, because I understand that eve this calorie amount is something of a challenge to you, -and I do want to give you kudos for actually making yourself eat more than you're used to. But I'm just worried that it's not enough...
Anyway...yup...unable to keep it short and time's running out for my papers, heh...
RBM- Now how are you these days, sweetie? You've posted a lot, but nothing about yourself, so I just wanted to know...
The same thing goes for Cissy.
...and ND, if you're reading this. You have yet to post in the new thread, I hope that's a good sign.
As for me... I'm doing ok. Trying to stop the habitual overeating and unorganised eating, but apart from that, I'm doing pretty well...Hopefully my eating will be better this week than it was last week.