Eat to Live V: Support Thread for Eating Disorder Recovery - Page 21 - VeggieBoards
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#601 Old 01-14-2005, 09:00 AM
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Krista, and Cherry Head........

Who, me?



Anyways, good luck on recovery, and a big
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#602 Old 01-14-2005, 09:19 AM
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I was talking to a friend of mine on AIM, and I think he knows now. We were talking about how I was vegan, my reasons etc, and then he said something about missing out on all sorts of foods, and I said "I hate food anyways, so it doesn't matter." He was like, dont talk like that, you'll become anorexic or something!! And I was like "well, its true, I hate food." He was like, what....how can you hate food? Its yummy! And I said "yeah, well I can go one or two days without eating so food isnt that important to me." He freaked out. He was like DONT TALK LIKE THAT!! WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU?? And I got scared so I said "listen, I didn't really mean anything by it." And he said THEN WHY DID YOU SAY IT?!?! ONE OR TWO DAYS WITHOUT EATING?!?! So I said "Stop, Spencer, your scaring me!" and he said "your scaring me." And then I asked him not to tell anyone what I said, and he said I would as long as I said I was fine. I said I was fine, and told him that I didnt want anyone to know what I said because I would be sent to a hospital. He said he wouldn't let that happen, and he ouldnt tell anyone.







Positive-I made an awsome mix on ITUNES.
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#603 Old 01-14-2005, 03:50 PM
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Of course I remember you



Ah yes, I remember how you were having such great fun juggling your EDs (ah, eating disorders, gotta love them...) this summer. Good times, good times!



Anyway. I'm so glad to hear you're doing so much better now. I understand it must be frustrating having to deal with the extra weight gain, but the important thing is that you're doing better mentally. You're still you, no matter what the scales say.



I know what you mean about looking at old clothes (and for me, old pictures too). Like when I was so disgusted with myself for having gained "so much" weight and was desperate to lose it again to get back to my normal (way too low) weight. I thought I had gotten so big, yet looking back I was a twig compared to now. It's all about perspectives...



Linzey- While I won't argue with you about girls losing their periods due to poor nutrition, when it comes to individuals with EDs, it is generally due to too low body weight. But of course, we're all different, so at what point exactly we lose our period vary from person to person. (and clearly, your case demonstrates that it's not all black and white and that vitamins & minerals do have some influence too..)

But please have in mind that no matter how good your diet is nutrition-wise or how healthy your food choices are, an adequate calorie intake is a sine qua non for good health. In most cases, even a poorly planned but substantial diet (i.e. enough calories) is less harmful to one's body than a "healthy" but very low cal diet. Because, in truth, there simply is no such thing as a healthy three-figure diet.



In this case (concerning HillaryLane), I would think it is due to a too low calorie intake and/or too low body weight.

And yes, Hilary, it is harmful, as Annikka unfortunately is a living example of.



And Linzey- I'm worried about your bone health

Have you had it checked out? And do you take supplements? (as it has been pointed out, supplements can's "fix" the problem, but I would think they perhaps limit the damage a bit?)



Java- Welcome back!

I knew you were going into treatment again, and I think it's great that you actively take this step (even if it's not very easy for you) to work on your ED.



And yes...sometimes ETL gets a little, uhm, negative , and I can understand that it sometimes ends up triggering people instead of helping them, something that would go starkly against the original purpose and raison d'etre of this thread...But while I understand very well those that feel strongly about this, I think that it must be possible for people to come and vent and be honest about things here, as there may not be many other places where they can share those kinds of thoughts with others...





But of course, since she is creator and overlord of this place, it's up to Krista to draw the lines and have the last say about what kind of thread this is to be



Take care, lovelies
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#604 Old 01-14-2005, 03:57 PM
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Oh, and Cherry- it's understandable that your friend would express his worry about you when he learned about you barely eating....It IS scary to hear about friends hurting themselves. But yeah, I understand your perspective too...but please have in mind that if you want to avoid doing some serious damage to your health, or even ending up in hospital, you will have to learn to take better care of yourself.

What's dangerous is that when barely eating gets to be "normal", eating suddenly becomes abnormal and your perspective on food gets turned around...And recovery is all about learning to see things more clearly- that is, that food is necessary- NOT optional, and that not eating is harmful and yes, very uncomfortable. It's when not eating is the "safe" thing to do and eating somehow is "wrong", a mistake, an unpleasant chore that things get dangerous...



You've probably heard this a million times before



Take care, sweetie...
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#605 Old 01-14-2005, 04:21 PM
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I thought I did...no weights, no calories..right?



What am I forgetting?



---

edited: oh, I think I know...weight of the person who I knew? Is that it?



I didn't think of it because it was similar to a case you could read about in a med journal and I guess I overlooked it because showing how weight loss isn't necessairly the cause of period loss...is hard to do without qualification.



So yup, overlooked.



Sorry. I'm off to do some reading for class



-Linz



/sigh No, I've asked everyone to read the rules and then post that they are actively following them.
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#606 Old 01-14-2005, 04:23 PM
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Oh ok. Have read; will follow.
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#607 Old 01-14-2005, 07:05 PM
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PB!!



Hello! Glad to hear the wonderful news!



gabbles- Awesome job! Food is good.



Re read the rules... I'll be good!
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#608 Old 01-15-2005, 09:49 AM
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ive read the rules
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#609 Old 01-17-2005, 09:54 PM
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dutiful statements: read rules. will follow.
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#610 Old 01-18-2005, 06:37 AM
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read rules, will follow...



back to lurking
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#611 Old 01-18-2005, 06:41 AM
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i've read the rules and will follow them.
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#612 Old 01-18-2005, 04:10 PM
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Hey guys...ok, my positive comment: I haven't cut or anything in days. And I've been pretty stressed. My friends got me to get a live journal, and I think that's helping...I'm addicted to it now, but at least it's a relatively healthy addiction.



But, I need some help. We haven't restocked the house with any veggies or healthy stuff, or food I deem 'safe' in quite awhile. Which means, since I'm wheat allergic, I have had a lot of soup flavourings stuff and it's making me bloated from the sodium (it's veggie flavour bouillion, but has a lot of salt and msg). Also, since we just have wheat products in, and my blood sugar was low...the hunger monster hit. Scratch that. I don't really feel hunger that often...this was the craving monster.



But I knew I couldn't eat it cause it was wheat. So I actually chewed some and spit it out! Ahh. It was tempting me, but I knew I'd be in pain if I swallowed it. My heart was beating fast cause I was craving the texture, the substance I guess. So yeah, spit and chewed filo dough. Raw. It was sour.



Oh boy. I won't say anything nasty about myself....but it was a new year's ressie to not chew and spit anything. I rarely do, but I used to only eat when I would spit it out after, and even then, I wouldn't be eating much, and the whole thing is worse than just keeping cal's low...because with c/s you aren't even swallowing food. And I'd be cautious not to swallow ANY.



I think I was good at not swallowing any. My tummy bloats and hurts with ANY wheat and only my lips are sort of swollen, but my stomach was fine. Mostly, I ripped it in sheets and flushed it, since it's been in the house for weeks, my mum won't use it and I was sooooooo tempted to eat it since there is no food I can eat. My mum said she'd bring home veggie chinese stuff, but that's not for hours yet, and we are not going grocery shopping until thursday.



I'd be mad at myself, and I feel guilty for being wasteful, and I know my mum can't help it that we are low on funds for the next little while, but between all the stress at school and financial stuff and my own eating prob's, at least I'm finding other ways of coping and not cutting so much.



But I was wondering if anyone here had problems with chewing/ spitting. I rarely do it...very, very infrequently, as I hate feeling wasteful...but are there any tips for when you really crave something...but something you CANNOT tolerate do the exisiting health problems? Since I'm allergic, but crave what I'm allergic to, this is sort of like an alcoholic asking for healthy things to get past those moments when cravings strike...



The basic ones:



-count from 100 backwards

-drink some cold water and take some deep breaths

-look for some healthy treat

-go for a walk until the craving passes

-remind myself of how much pain and how much my stomach will distend if I swallow a mouthful of something with wheat



Anything else I can do? Or ways to lessen cravings/ frequency? Not having enough food in that I can eat is what is behind this cause I've been sort of quasi-hungry all week and that makes cravings worse.



-Linzey
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#613 Old 01-18-2005, 04:16 PM
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Azalea...re: bone health. Yes, no doubt, mine won't be in that great shape. When I was little, they told my mum to have leg braces put on. My body doesn't absorb nutrients well and so even eating normally, I rarely get enough nutrition and require iv's anyway. Deliberately cut back on food and all my systems weaken much more rapidly than someone else who doesn't have such serious absorption problems.



I also have problems with the cells along the gut. When I was little, they tested me for Cystic Fibrosis because my lungs would fill with fluid and my GI tract was pretty messed up. I also had tapering bones...they said I'd be prone to fractures...especially greenstick bending of the bone, and to not do rough sports or activities that were very combative (like martial arts).



-Linzey
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#614 Old 01-18-2005, 06:53 PM
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Anything else I can do? Or ways to lessen cravings/ frequency? Not having enough food in that I can eat is what is behind this cause I've been sort of quasi-hungry all week and that makes cravings worse.



Eat enough food. It's as simple as that. You're craving food because you're hungry. So eat, even if it's not safe. Take responsibility to make sure that there is food that will fuel your body and sustain you that doesn't have wheat in it in the house. That's just something that you have to do to take care of yourself. Anything else is just glossing over the problem. You know that.



Hunger is not a monster. It's a natural response from your body when it needs more fuel to run on. Hunger is your body telling you what it needs and with all that your body does for you, hunger should be honored, not covered up or counted away. Here is one thing that struck me as incredible when I realized it. After all of the abuse that I have put my body through, it is still faithful to me. It still runs just like it should... it didn't get mad and quit. My body is a spectacular thing, and I when I get hungry, I need to do something for my body and eat. It's really the least that I can do.



(I feel the need to point out here that I am not a dualist even though that last paragraph sounds like I am... but that is not important.)
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#615 Old 01-18-2005, 06:56 PM
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^^^
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#616 Old 01-18-2005, 08:04 PM
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i was just reading the "what did your kids eat today" thread and it appalled me that the kids there eat so much more than i do. sometimes more than twice what I do.

this has got to stop.

i looked at myself in the mirror yesterday and decided, what I saw was not too bad. I went through a bit of a bingey phase and i know i gained weight, but not so much that my clothes don't fit or that I look very different. so WHY should eating normally make me gain weight?? I think i'm at the steady weight I was at before. If it fluctuates a few pounds, i just keep telling myself...so what? I'm regaining color in my cheeks. I should be feeling so much better.

and I am, in a way.
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#617 Old 01-19-2005, 11:25 AM
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Read the rules.

Will follow them.



Will only lurk for now because I don't want to be whacked!
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#618 Old 01-19-2005, 12:04 PM
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Porvida - Because your metabolism has slowed down from restricting It does that.



And I love the What did your kids eat today thread, they eat so healthy most of time I've told Rincaro that I want to move in
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#619 Old 01-19-2005, 12:43 PM
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When I'm at home in this lovely place with a kitchen and electricity and markets nearby, I choose what I like to eat. I'll cook pasta w/ pesto and nut yeast sprinkle. I'll have whole grain waffles with strawberry sauce. I get hummus wraps from Trader Joe's.



When I go up to visit relatives and am not near a HFS, I eat Oriental Ramen, bad, bland options at nearby restaurants, and cheap vanilla wafers.



I don't just starve because I can't have food I like. It's wonderful to be in a place of prosperity and able to choose one's foods from a plethora of Good Stuff. But the original human state is out in the jungle eating whatever one can find so as not to die of starvation. When it comes to it, you eat what you can.



Never hide behind this guise of "veganism" or "healthy living" simply to maintain a starvation diet.



---

positive: Is snowing and intend to go sledding.
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#620 Old 01-19-2005, 01:42 PM
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Never hide behind this guise of "veganism" or "healthy living" simply to maintain a starvation diet.



Yes! I think most of my friends know I'm not exactly 'normal' with food...and I don't shy away from admitting this. I try to get them motivated by showing them healthy vegans in the media, so they don't associate vegetarianism/ veganism with some wonky 'diet'. Natalie Portman, Alicia Silverstone, Moby et al. - they have heard it. Also Leonardo DaVinci was vegetarian, as was Dr. Spock, and I know many Greek philosophers were, and Einstein espoused it... Even Kafka was vegetarian, although Kafka, as far as I know, was also a paranoid schizophrenic. But the two, I doubt, were related ;p



He wrote, sensitively: "Now that I don't eat you, I can look at you in peace."



-Linz
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#621 Old 01-19-2005, 08:20 PM
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so I got my period back last night.



why can't I be recovered without getting fat?



It's not just body dysmorphia either. I really am FAT now.



positive: I got moved to a higher level in German class
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#622 Old 01-19-2005, 09:21 PM
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Honey, people with EDs or recovering from them cannot be trusted to judge their own "fatness".
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#623 Old 01-19-2005, 10:03 PM
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AoD- period=estrogen=greater bone health among other things! It's a good thing, albeit an inconvenience. It's a sign that your body is getting healthy!



I agree with Cissy that your body image probably isn't too accurate right now, but keep in mind that your body is pretty confused right now...give it time to even out. Once your body gets used to regular amounts of food at regular time intervals, which isn't an overnight thing, you will feel better.





Okay, so about me! I am a leader for this body image support group on campus and we had our first meeting tonight and it was totally awesome! We had a great turnout and I think that the women there were really glad to get an opportunity to share their stories and thoughts. It was so cool! I can't believe that we actually did it. Wow. Okay, I'll stop gushing now.
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#624 Old 01-19-2005, 11:10 PM
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I am really proud of you ND!!!!!

thats awesome that you are leading a body image group you have come so far!!



Aod - I agree with the rest of the crew



Me- yeah Im plodding along. I am off to see my reinforcement therapist tomorrow. I have nicknamed him that because basically that is all he does, gives me 90% reinforcement 10% reality of the stupid stuff im doing in my head (we dont talk about my ed, he knows it I know it, we both know im dealing with the clinic and waiting to see what happens there) anyway yeah so I am actually kinda looking forward to it, although last time I left feeling horrible, mostly because of the fact that we talked about how I am always worried about what people think of me, even him, and so he was like therapy wont work so well till I stop worrying what he thinks of me. so tommorow.. pratice not caring so much....

Maybe if I think of him like a computer screen.... except I do care what all of you think...



In terms of the clinic (alluded to earlier) I have my appt next week, I am nervous, and unsure of myself, but I am working on some of the basic treatment steps they teach us there to have a base to go there with so that i am not starting from zero, I also want to be able to say I have been trying AND I have been doing x,y,and z.

I have had a couple good days and a couple iffy days before that in this experiment at their treatment plan. I hope that I can sustain this at least tomorrow and friday, (binge free, planned rather then erratic meal intakes) friday though I have a friends party. at Hard Rock of all places. I will play this by ear.
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#625 Old 01-20-2005, 03:47 AM
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Hello all, hope you're having a good day .



I am new here but I have been reading through this forum for quite some time, a bit too scared to post anything, but I've finally decided to register and ask for some help from you all because you all seem like genuinely nice people .



I am very confused right now - I have a problem with eating but I don't know what it is. I fast or restrict heavily most of the time, but I binge a lot aswell. Sometimes I take actions to purge after my binges, but sometimes I don't. I am genuinely terrified of my binges, but I am equally terrified of my fasts. I don't know what's wrong with me, and I don't know what to do.



(I'm not sure if you've noticed but I really like the smilies here )
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#626 Old 01-20-2005, 03:38 PM
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Welcome to ETL caillea
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#627 Old 01-20-2005, 06:43 PM
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Originally Posted by cailleachsraven View Post

Hello all, hope you're having a good day .



I am new here but I have been reading through this forum for quite some time, a bit too scared to post anything, but I've finally decided to register and ask for some help from you all because you all seem like genuinely nice people .



I am very confused right now - I have a problem with eating but I don't know what it is. I fast or restrict heavily most of the time, but I binge a lot aswell. Sometimes I take actions to purge after my binges, but sometimes I don't. I am genuinely terrified of my binges, but I am equally terrified of my fasts. I don't know what's wrong with me, and I don't know what to do.



(I'm not sure if you've noticed but I really like the smilies here )







oh my god, you sound exactly like me.

welcome to etl, hon
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#628 Old 01-20-2005, 08:49 PM
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well...



my period is no longer. at least for this month. It was never this short when I was healthy. I don't know if it's just run its course or if my less-than-what-my-parents-would-require eating habits have caused it to be cut short. I suppose I'll see next month.



I am eating, though. Just not as much as my parents would have me eat. which was way way way too much anyway.
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#629 Old 01-21-2005, 06:55 PM
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Haven't I reminded you ladies to behave when I get banned?



AoD
- congratuations. You are once again a woman, instead of a starving pre-adolescent. Seriously, you should be thanking the stars that your body is recovering. Now, I know that you're looking at it as a reminder that you are eating, but it isn't. Instead, it's a reminder that you are a grown woman, a responsible woman, and a woman who isn't afraid of her own body.



Linzey - ok, me and you are going to have a chat, young lady. You've skirted around not acknowledging the rules of our group and I've let you get away with it. You're new and I try not to be too hard on newbies. However, this group is about recovery, not about competition, bragging, complaining, or finding every excuse in the book not to look after yourself.



If you wish to continue to participate in our group, I need a few signs from you that you are actively working on getting better. To now, I have not seen any sign. I want you to be an active member of this group, but frankly you need to get help. And a lot of it.



If you are unwilling to get help, at least help yourself by eating the following in a 24 hour period without using any form of natural or chemical or physical means of having the food leave your body faster or differently then nature intends:



3 picks from this group: apple, pear, banana, 1/2 cup pineapple, 1 cup berries, 1 peach, 1/2 cup peach slices -- all fruit can be cooked, juiced, or added to a smoothie



3 picks from this group: 1/2 cup cooked carrots, 1 cup greens, 1 potato, 1 sweet potato, 1/2 cup broccoli, 1/2 cup cauliflower -- all veggies can be cooked or juiced



2 picks from this group: 1/2 cup beans, 1/2 cup rice, 1/2 cup pasta, 1 cup bean soup, 1/4 package of firm or extra firm tofu.



required: 3 cups soy milk, or another form of fortified milk, 2 tbsp margarine, olive oil and/or a salad dressing with at least 5g of fat per tablespoon, 1 tbsp peanut butter, 1 slice of bread (or a muffin, if you have a wheat allergy, which I do not believe, btw).



Now, this is barely enough to live off of, but it's a lot more then you've been eating. It's enough for you to eat with out getting sick and enough to help your body get used to food. Feel free to add a few of the fruits together with the soy milk and olive oil for a smoothie. It will help you consume the food.



If you are unwilling to eat this, then own up to the fact that you are not willing to help yourself get and that you do not actually want to get better. Then, when you are ready, you will be happily welcomed back to our group.



The ball is now in your court.
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#630 Old 01-21-2005, 09:21 PM
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1 slice of bread (or a muffin, if you have a wheat allergy, which I do not believe, btw).







I've been to the doctors four times in three years related to wheat allergies. I have pleural edema when I eat any wheat. I have been diagnosed as being extremely allergic to wheat and it's not the only thing I have allergies to...



I have had blood tests and I have scarrification from ulcers and part of that was worsened by ingesting wheat for a long time.



You do not believe that?



Well to he** with this forum then. To he** with recovery. I don't need to be called a liar on top of everything.



If you have read back further you'll realize that when Charity offered advice, I was starting to adapt my meals. Maybe not up the calories as 'fast' as you'd like, but I DID that 3 times and relapsed way worse each time so it seems stupid to keep doing a form of 'recovery' that keeps screwing me up more and more. Bananas and yams were never 'safe' to me and I ate them both after Charity recommend them as a good energy source and I DID feel better, and I have been listening to what she says cause even though she'll call me on stuff cause she at least doesn't accuse me of being a liar.



You don't need to understand me or where I'm coming from and you are right, the ball is in my court. I don't need to be guilted into eating or be accused of being a liar even if it would have been so much easier in my life if I had lied.



I haven't 'bragged' so I don't know what you are talking about. I don't think it's something TO brag about, frankly, and I'm constantly at war with myself over everything food-related. My health problems are larger and related to problems since birth and a scarred gi tract, so yes, eating DOES actually hurt and it's worse with a bleeding ulcer, where I pass blood if I eat anything too fibrous, with a sharp edge (like a nut edge) etc. With every meal of solids I have to take pain killers, and if I don't, I wind up taking them a few hours anyway and then have to put up with just a delay in pain reduction.



But you don't know me, and you don't seem to know how scathing it is to be called a liar when I haven't lied, or 'bragged'. I've always been extremely supportive when other posters eat well and even have let quite a few know that where THEY are at is my goal...



So I'll do this by myself. I was a moron to think I'd get help from someone else, so we can add bloody naievity to my list of screw ups, but I didn't lie.



You have no idea how upsetting it is for someone to call me what you implicitly did.
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