Originally Posted by kristadb
Public Service annoucement
Don't worry about the weight gain; I went through that, too. I balanced out and am at a healthy and comfy weight. Just remember that your weight and looks has nothing to do with your self-esteem. When I realized that, I was able to work on my self-esteem independent of how my body looked. It takes time and practice, but you are truely over the worst
It's hard, y'know? Like... in a way, I don't want anyone to see me at all now. That's sick. lol.. I have to learn to just be... but for now, I don't want people thinking, "Oh, man, she really let herself go..."
At the same time, I have deticated myself to healthy, normal weight loss. I want to keep muscle this time (I lost it entirely last time... still had fat but no muscle, it sucked) and be really strong. I keep slipping now though.. I've gotten so used to eating a lot of junk.... to the point of being over-full. Like right now..
but I'm trying. I stock my part of the kitchen with really healthy stuff that I'll actually eat (garbanzo beans and morningstar "chicken" patties are currently my favorites, though, not together) but my parents keep buying stuff like fatty popcorn... and man do I loves the kettlecorn. I'll polish a bag off myself in a few minutes. I need to stop doing that.. lol
I'm exercising, not insanely, most days of the week... but not like a maniac like I used to. If something starts hurting badly, I stop... used to be that I'd push on (that's how I pulled my groin.. ouch). Hm.
I was looking at a pair of my pants from the summer and realized that I was so very wrong to think I was too big then. they're itty-bitty! How did I not see that?? It's insane what this does to your brain... I really couldn't see it.
I don't know... I think it's going to help to have support again. I needed to kind of go away for a while and fix myself. I ate my way out of anorexia...
It's comforting to know that the overweightness is part of the recovery. Thanks.
And thanks cissy, too, for the welcome back!