Depression before period?? (Kinda long) - VeggieBoards
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#1 Old 05-27-2009, 07:19 PM
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Okay so I've always had problems with my period (extremely painful, very heavy, onset was early, not regular, etc). One of them is that my emotions get a tad wacky. For about 5-7 days before my period I get pretty depressed, and very sensitive.



This is awkward to say here... but my bf really craves sexual attention. Without it he says he feels inadequate, not loved, not cared for, etc.



Though sad during these days I try to do little things to show him I care, but it is difficult for me to be in a sexual mood. I can't force things to work, and it has nothing to do with him.



Well basically he get very upset, and becomes angry with me, saying to see doctors, fix it, I make him feel just as bad, how do I expect him to feel, etc.



We haven't been intimate in a while (was visiting my parents), and finally have alone time away in my apartment, but I just haven't wanted to do anything, as its close to my period and I've become depressed.



This has been happening worse and worse every month. He makes me feel even more depressed, because he makes me feel like I can't please him/am not trying, and he gets very frustrated trying to console me, and we end up getting into very big arguments that are difficult for me to deal with while being depressed.



I do cry a lot/get very sad about many things, and rather be alone than have him console me.



I don't know what to do anymore. Each month this happens I feel like I'm going to lose my mind. I don't feel like its anyone's fault. I just don't know what to do. But I feel like breaking up is my only choice. My depression has been worse each month because of the added stress.



I have been to 3 doctors (OBGYN, Regular doctor, psychiatrist) who say I'm absolutely healthy/normal/fine.



Does this happen to anyone else? Anyone have suggestions on how to work things out? This is only my 2nd relationship, and 1st serious one. I'm very bad/inexperienced with this stuff. We've been together for over a year and will be sharing an apartment with each other and one other next year (we all have separate bedrooms). I'd like to remain friends if this doesn't work out. I feel like I wouldn't have the added stress if we were just friends.... but the other 3 weeks of the month are pretty good.

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#2 Old 05-27-2009, 08:46 PM
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I'm so sorry to hear this. I get moody around my period. I don't want to say depressed, because it's not all depression but the slightest thing will make me cry. Of course, you are medically healthy and normal, but that doesn't mean you have to put up with it. Birth control pills improve the situation, or they might make your moods worse.



To be perfectly frank, your boyfriend sounds like an a-hole. He has never had a period and couldn't possibly know how very real the emotional symptoms can be. He is not entitled to sex whenever he pleases, especially if you are feeling sick or sad. If you don't think you could communicate the severity of your problem to him any more than you already have, is there any sort of compromise you can reach? (My gut reaction is to get rid of him. You shouldn't have to put up with that crap).
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#3 Old 05-27-2009, 08:48 PM
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Your boyfriend sounds completely insensative and selfish. It doesn't seem like he respects you, or how you feel. He just wants you to make HIM feel good all the time. I agree with dormouse, you don't have to put up with that!
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#4 Old 05-27-2009, 09:13 PM
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if you think you're NOT fine, you need to keep on bugging doctors until you find one who will take you seriously and help you sort this out. it is relatively common to feel a little bit out of sorts just before your period- maybe a bit more weepy than usual, perhaps slighly more randomly grumpy, generally slightly blah, but you really should still be functional.



if you're not, you need to make that abundantly clear to whoever is responsible for your health. you can't lose a week of your life every month for the next 35 years, or feel forced to end relationships over mentruation, especially when there are options to be explored.



are you taking any medications- like the pill, anti depressants, etc? would you consider trying something? if its not contra-indicated for you, and you're not keen on going with the prescription crazy-pills or hormones, you might wanna try something like st-johns wort, which has been shown in studies to be as effective as prozac for depression. but you do need to get a professional supporting you, cos just cos its a herb, doesn't make it not a medicine- its potent stuff.



your bf seems to have some emotional maturing to do- he's being very needy and demanding, and it sounds like maybe a little co-dependant too. i think he needs to learn that you're not there to cater to his emotional whims and bolster his confidence with sexual gratification- that he's not the centre of the world sometimes.



he also needs to learn that he can't fix everything with you, that he really doesn't have to, that its not a reflection on him if he can't make it better, that people are entitled to have bad days, and that if you need a bit of breathing space, he's really helping you by giving it to you.



my bf knows that i have my special moments every few weeks, and that sometimes the best way he can support me is by keeping his head down and his mouth shut and leaving chocolate at strategic locations around the house, while waiting for the storm to pass. he knows that doing or trying anything will most likely make it ten times worse, and that he's putting himself into a lose-lose situation if he tries to use his initiative and interact with me too much when i'm being particualrly irrational or emotional.



he knows that if i want a hug, i'll ask for one. if i want fussing over, i'll ask for that too. he gets that being as silent and invisable as he can possibly manage is an excellent strategy on occasion. if i don't look like i'm in the mood to fool around cos i'm nursing PMT from hell, and he's feeling frisky, he's totally cool with telling me that he loves me, and then amusing himself, and coming back for a hug later, and reminding himself that normal service will resume shortly. and i'm ok with that too. he gets that just cos its not the right time for me to do what he wants to do, doesn't mean there is anything wrong with either of us- it just is how it is- there will be other days, other moods.



so yeah- keywords for the bf are: communication. patience. maturity. self reliance. and if that fails: duck and cover.
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#5 Old 05-27-2009, 09:51 PM
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Thank you all for the comments - I don't have many female friends (and the ones I do, don't have any problems on their period), so I really appreciate advice.



My boyfriend is pretty good to me at all other times of the month, I just think he doesn't get it. I think he thinks that I have some sort of control over things, and I really don't.



I did try 1 birth control and had a bad experience. I am not currently on any health insurance plan (my dad misplaced a paper the company needs). I do plan on finding another OBGYN and maybe this time bringing a list of all the symptoms I get, that way they can look at it, and I don't get nervous (not a huge fan of doctors).



I'd really rather not go onto anti-depressants. Not sure if I have a reason for it, I just don't. I have been reading about PMDD (which I could possibly have... or not) and increasing protein & decreasing sugars and salts/more exercise is a suggestion, so I will be trying that very soon. I will also try another bc once on insurance, I know it may take a few tries.





Your post made me laugh hoodedclawjen! I just went strategically placed chocolates too. :P

I wish he would be more patient with me. I'm sure I'm not easy to deal with, but I usually don't want to be dealt with anyway. We're in separate rooms now and I've been feeling better. I actually avoid people during this time, I know how emotional I get. I always apologize to my parents after the storm too, because I realize how mean I was being. I feel like I want to apologize to my boyfriend too, but I feel like I try so hard to make things work but his constant pressuring and pushing of me just gets to me so much, even after 2 fights about it.



I really enjoy the comments/and experiences though, make me feel a bit better.

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#6 Old 05-28-2009, 12:34 AM
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SOad, I know exactly how you feel! I deal with the same thing every month. Not from my partner but the part of not wanting sex at that time and nothing will work for me either. I got in like a state of depression and anger and crying and happy then sad. I've been to docs and my bloodwork is perfect at this time. I just think this is something normal that females go through.



Do you ever get really horny like on the second or third day? lol It's almost like a relief at that time.
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#7 Old 05-28-2009, 09:58 AM
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I hope so, its just so frustrating because my two female friends are the opposite of that way.



And yeah during my period, a couple of days in to it I do get really horny, but unfortunately have to wait to be done (my preference, not my bf's). But the 5ish days before I just have absolutely no desires.



Its really weird, up until I took birth control I was the opposite. Very sexual before my period, and it would settle down during it. I only took the bc pills a few months before stopping them, so I don't think theres a way they're still having any effect on me, but its just so odd.

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#8 Old 05-28-2009, 10:12 AM
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s0ad, it might be worth writing down all this about how you feel right now, while its clear, and adding what helps and doesn't help, while you're feeling it, and then talking to your bf about it (more explaining it while he listens and asks questions) later on in the month, when you're not so crazy. maybe proofread it in a week or two to tone down the crazy though, hey!



i think it is justifiably really hard for blokes to get their heads around- its hard for me to get my head around it, and i'm the one experiencing it. to feel entirely insane, to act entirely insanely, but not realise you're being remotely off the wall until later- thats just bizzarre. i'm used to be being relatively aware that i'm being irrational or angry when i'm being that way, and when i'm being all PMT-esque, i often don't realise i was being loopy till like a week later.



i tried to liken it to a combo of grief and anticipation and frustration for my bf- that intense pit of dread just before you well up with tears when you've got unexpected bad news, that tension and edginess you get before a job interview or exam, that taut pointiness and urge to strangle everyone in sight and pick a fight for no reason that shows up sometimes when you feel a bit trapped. but bubblewrapped up so the bit of your brain that says "erm... you're being nuts now! calm down!" doesn't quite have full functionality. tell him to add the feelings of being given a pair of giant nipple-tweaks, and being kicked in the stomach a few times, and he's about got it.



thinking about it, you might wanna let him have a beer while you have the chat, the poor chap.
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#9 Old 06-24-2009, 02:47 AM
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Oh poor thing! I used to be exactly the same!!



I found some really good herbal supplements that helped ("pms support") and they totally changed me and my periods became way less painful.



It could pay to warn your bf just before it so he knows to expect it. My bf is so used to it now he knows the only solution is chocolate and to agree with everything i say! hehe. But seriously, it's very hard for men to understand.



I really suggest popping in to the health shop. I got told it is perfectly normal to be a bit crazy because of hormones and the lady said all the pms support stuff does is stabilize them so you feel on an even keel. After a few months of them I stopped with the pms (well, i still get bad but only for one day now!).



Good luck,



x
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#10 Old 06-25-2009, 09:53 PM
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I've had ongoing problems with my cycle over the past 2 years as I'm slowly, but surely heading towards Menopause. My OBG/YN has prescribed a couple of heavy perscriptions that my body couldn't tolerate. Last month I started to look for a holistic way to control my cycle. I had heard that Black Cohosh can control irregular cycles, and decided to give it a try. I've been on it for 3 weeks, and I've found that the mood swings for days prior to the start of the cycle vanished, as did the mild to moderate cramps and the heavy fatigue on the first day of my cycle. It basically has saved me surgery to correct the problem. I'm currently 100mg a day, but according to the directions on the package I could take double that. It couldn't hurt to give it a try, as really helped me out, and shortened my cycle as well from 7 to 8 day to 4 days. Hope that this helps you out. Have a great evening!
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#11 Old 06-26-2009, 09:37 PM
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I was feeling similar and tried Estroven, check out their website for more info. It did seem to help. BTW: I want to smack your bf for putting all that on you, he sounds like a butt! LOL sorry, I had to say it.
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#12 Old 07-24-2009, 04:04 PM
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sorry that you are going thru this and feel this way....I am a very emotional person by nature and during my period its worse....one minute sad, then happy then angry...but alot more intense.



I am one of those NO SEX during my period kinda gals...my guy has always understood that and is always there for me with tea...a feet rub...a joke or kind word...you deserve that too...not only then but all the time
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#13 Old 07-24-2009, 06:21 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by animallover7249 View Post

Your boyfriend sounds completely insensative and selfish. It doesn't seem like he respects you, or how you feel. He just wants you to make HIM feel good all the time. I agree with dormouse, you don't have to put up with that!





Hey I just wanted to agree with this statement. I honestly dont think there is anything wrong with you. What I think is the problem is that your boyfriend is the reason why you are not interested in being intimate with him.



I dont want to get into a huge rant here about it, lol, but I really dont think that YOU are the problem here. He is obviously extremely selfish, and insensitive.. the lack of respect he has for you screams so loudly I can hear it all the way over here. Its no wonder you are not interested.



When we are in a relationship with people we care about we go to the ends of the world for them, put ourselves first, and, lastly at least attempt to understand how and WHY the other person feels and thinks the way they do. He doesnt seem to be doing anything like this.



Quit blaming yourself. Its sadly all too common that the woman always places the blame on themselves... I dont even want to get into the issue of "over sexed" men, the over abundance of emotionally-deficient instant self gratification outlets, that are literally numbing the population and slaughtering empathy and compassion in its path. You wouldn't believe the amount of problems that can arise not only in relationships from these kinds of self involved (and potentially highly addictive) behaviours that have become so "mainstream." I'm getting way off track here.



Anyways, I just want to say take a big step back and try to look in at your relationship from an outsiders perspective. If you were someone else looking in.. to which side would you place most of the blame? And dont let the media or societies interpretation of reality be the influencing factor. Listen to your heart.. and follow your gut.
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