Pain and stinging - VeggieBoards
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#1 Old 10-18-2008, 01:08 AM
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I just had sex for the first time a few days ago and i'm in a lot of pain and theres stinging too. Is this normal and is there anything that I could get for the pain. Its very uncomfortable to walk, my stomach was also sore but that went away in a few hours.



Any help would be great,



Thanks
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#2 Old 10-18-2008, 07:19 AM
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ouch. sounds a bit rough.



erm.... it might be that somebody was a bit (sounds more like a lot) overzealoused, and that you're just a bit bruised, but i think i'd personally be inclined to go to the doctor for a quick checkup just incase. feeling a little bit smooshed the next morning is one thing, but still feeling really smooshed a few days later... not something i've experienced.



painkillers might well help, but you can't go around all mangled indefinately, and i'd wanna know if i had a urinary tract infection (hurts to pee, need to pee frequently, etc), etc. doc can have a quick look and see if there is anything going on that needs a little help to fix, or just reassure you that it'll just take time to heal, and maybe offer advice on not getting yourself damaged next time.



if you're embarrassed about going to see your family doctor, maybe there is a sexual health clinic nearby? a lot of them are free, and walk-in.
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#3 Old 10-18-2008, 09:16 AM
 
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Agreed about going to the clinic. You can often go to Planned Parenthood for free/very low cost. If there was some tearing during the act itself, that could be causing the pain you're describing. I wouldn't say that it's all that uncommon, but you definitely need to take care of yourself.



(and don't worry...it gets more fun the more you try it )

The ones I pity are the ones who never stick out their neck for something they believe, never know the taste of moral struggle, and never have the thrill of victory. - Jonathan Kozol
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#4 Old 10-18-2008, 09:45 AM
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Thanks for your help! It doesn't hurt to use the restroom but it stings a bit to walk now but the medicine helped a lot. It was kind of rough but we'll take it easy for the next few days.



I also had another question, has anyone used the female condom? We tried the male condom but it was too small and i've heard its a good alternative. Also, the contraceptive patch or shot.
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#5 Old 10-18-2008, 10:46 AM
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The male condom was too small? No wonder you're still in pain!
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#6 Old 10-18-2008, 11:50 AM
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Male condoms come in different sizes, make sure your partner is using the right size for it to be most effective :]
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#7 Old 10-18-2008, 11:58 AM
 
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Yep. We were just watching The Sex Education show a couple of weeks ago, and they were talking about how lots of men use the wrong size. The length wasn't generally so much of a problem as um, girth.

The ones I pity are the ones who never stick out their neck for something they believe, never know the taste of moral struggle, and never have the thrill of victory. - Jonathan Kozol
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#8 Old 10-18-2008, 04:23 PM
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too small? you can get those things on over your head like a hat! i agree that perhaps one might feel a bit snug though, if you haven't got the right style. walk-in clinics offer freebies- its a good way to 'try before you buy' and work out what fits right- if you have a look online or in the chemists, you'll see they come in different shapes, as well as sizes.
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#9 Old 10-18-2008, 06:30 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Elanor View Post

The male condom was too small? No wonder you're still in pain!



It would hurt me for the condom to be too small? It didn't hurt him, he said it was just very uncomfortable. We haven't gotten around to trying the other brands and sizes yet. Is glyde a good brand? I know that it is vegan but I haven't heard much more about it.

Thanks for all of your help again! We actually got the condoms at a clinic, but I just grabbed a few on the way out...I was too embarassed to asked if there were other kinds.
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#10 Old 10-18-2008, 10:44 PM
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It would hurt me for the condom to be too small? It didn't hurt him, he said it was just very uncomfortable.



I think what she meant was that if the average size condom was to small, then maybe he is a bit large which could cause pain and bruising.

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#11 Old 10-19-2008, 04:47 AM
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double post
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#12 Old 10-19-2008, 04:51 AM
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Be careful with Glyde. Perhaps my boyfriend and I merely had bad luck and continually bought bad batches, but three out of four would split or tear. Make sure you have another form of birth control in place.



Also, how well lubricated were you? I tend to be very dry no matter what and if we don't use enough lube, I am in pain, sometimes for days afterwards, the same stinging pain you described. It hurt to walk. Sometimes it hurt just to stand and not move. Use lots of lube next time and see if that helps. And reapply if it has worn off/dried up before everything is finished.
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#13 Old 10-19-2008, 05:47 AM
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Also, if the condom felt tight it doesn't necessarily mean it was too small if he is not used to them. Practise makes perfect and going too large can be just as dangerous as going too small!



Seriously though, it is very important to wear the right size. Measure up and check with the online sites for condoms, they usually have a size guide
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#14 Old 10-19-2008, 08:36 AM
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I'd say it's normal to be in pain after your first time, especially if he wasn't gentle. Definitely go to a clinic or your OBGYN. Now that you're sexually active, it's very important to have regular check ups, and look into types of birth control. (There's a birth control thread here where others can offer advice/opinions)



Also, someone mentioned lubrication. For me, if I'm not naturally lubed, it's very uncomfortable, sometimes painful, regardless of size. So I could imagine it'd be more painful being dry when first having sex. I don't know if that's the case, but either way, lubrication can make a huge difference. (I heard somewhere before that KY is vegan-don't quote me on that though.)



Definitely have him find the right size of condom. If he's not a 'one size fits all' guy, they do have larger sizes that you can find basically anywhere. And if that's the case, trust me, that's the type of 'problem' you'll appreciate having. lol.



The most important thing is communication with your partner. If during sex you're in pain, don't be afraid to tell him to ease up.
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#15 Old 10-19-2008, 09:10 AM
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Yes- that was what I meant, and I do know that condoms come in different sizes.



Heads-up, though... Many men will say that condoms are uncomfortable.
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#16 Old 10-19-2008, 09:13 AM
 
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Okay, now I'm picturing hcj wandering around with a condom hat. Seriously, I've heard this before too, that there are some guys (like 5% or so) for whom their hefty girth makes condoms unusually uncomfortable.



carried, if you want a condom that's vegan, you could try the Avanti ones from Durex. They have them in most pharmacies I think. They're not particularly cheap though, as I recall. They're non-latex as well.

The ones I pity are the ones who never stick out their neck for something they believe, never know the taste of moral struggle, and never have the thrill of victory. - Jonathan Kozol
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#17 Old 10-29-2008, 04:14 AM
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When I was in junior high our sex ed teacher demonstrated the condom over head thing. He actually stretched it over one entire arm and then using his other arm over his head.It didn't even break. It was an impressive display. However, it leads me to beleive that the "condom is too small" idea is nonsense. Either way, sometimes an ego is bigger than a tool if you know what I mean, and a larger sized condom is an ok choice. That being said, alot of guys just don't like the way a condom feels.
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#18 Old 10-30-2008, 09:29 AM
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Condom size certainly isn't nonsense. It's a very important part of getting the maximum efficiency from a condom.



Certainly, few people have arms or heads as sensitive as a penis, nor are they likely to accidentally impregnate women with said arms or heads o_O
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#19 Old 10-30-2008, 10:51 AM
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I read this as "Palin and Stinging".

"Yes! Live! Life's a banquet and most poor suckers are starving to death!" Auntie Mame
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#20 Old 11-01-2008, 04:30 AM
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We tried again and it was better but now i'm having a problem with being too dry. He thinks that its just me and that couples don't normally need to use anything and jump right into things. Its a lot better when we use lubrication but he doesn't want to stop because it ruins the moment. I don't really know what to expect so I feel tense I don't want it to hurt. So all in all, he is too eager and i'm too nervous which makes us both frustrated. Is this a normal problem to have especially the first few times?



Btw, Iamjen I found the avanti condoms. They were 16 euros, so expensive but hopefully it will be worth it. I was also wondering if anyone has used the natural family planning or the kit that is used for telling if you're fertile or not? I can't remember if i've asked before but just incase I haven't.
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#21 Old 11-01-2008, 04:30 AM
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Originally Posted by *AHIMSA* View Post

I read this as "Palin and Stinging".



lol
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#22 Old 11-01-2008, 05:35 AM
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You can tell him that you are NOT the only woman who is too dry. Maybe SOME couples don't need to use anything, but I'm willing to bet in those cases, the man is willing to take the time needed to actually get his partner excited enough that lubrication isn't needed. And again, not every woman is going to get wet. My partner gets me plenty excited, but that doesn't translate into non-dryness. We must use lubrication. Tell your partner that

1. Not every woman is the same.

2. Not every woman gets wet even if her partner is willing to make an effort to get her wet.

3. Using lubrication will make the experience more enjoyable for you and result in you wanting to do it more than if you were dry and he was hurting you every time. This means more sex for him. Use those words. More lubrication means more sex. That he should understand!
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#23 Old 11-01-2008, 08:10 AM
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We tried again and it was better but now i'm having a problem with being too dry. He thinks that its just me and that couples don't normally need to use anything and jump right into things. Its a lot better when we use lubrication but he doesn't want to stop because it ruins the moment. I don't really know what to expect so I feel tense I don't want it to hurt. So all in all, he is too eager and i'm too nervous which makes us both frustrated. Is this a normal problem to have especially the first few times?



if couples 'normally' didn't need lube, why do they sell so many different types and brands and flavours of it? lube use is really very common. i back up everything dmzdogs said too..... and its not just about different women, but the same women at different occasions and on different days/times in her life. lots of factors play into lubrication.



he needs to start thinking a lot more about you. he can flipping well learn to slow it down and even stop, if needs be, if you're hurting- or just enjoying it. sex isn't just about his pleasure. he should be just as concerned with yours.



i think you need to try to communicate better, and more. sex should be something you share and enjoy together- not something he gets to do to you. if its hurting, or you'd like to move, or stop, or just try something else, you should be able to speak up, openly and honestly- you deserve respect and trust.
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#24 Old 11-01-2008, 09:54 AM
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I think he was just frustrated when we talked about it, he says that he actually liked using it. But there were other problems on his side that he was upset about. Its not that he isn't thinking about about me, but to be honest he has only seen porn and movies where the people just go at it right away. He doesn't any any experience beyond that so he was surprised that 5 minutes of kissing won't cut it. He is a sensitive and caring guy, he just didn't understand and it is a bit of a shock. We've had to stop altogether a few times and he was ok with it and I don't feel like I have to do anything just to make him happy. So he isn't a bad guy by any means, I just need to calm down a lot he needs to slow down. Maybe having a few drinks before could help with me being so nervous also...
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#25 Old 11-01-2008, 01:40 PM
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Normal couples also don't usually "jump right into it" - foreplay is important



I think there are a lot of good websites out there, perhaps you guys could sit together and do some reading on how to have an awesome time together
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#26 Old 11-01-2008, 05:50 PM
 
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Originally Posted by hoodedclawjen View Post

if couples 'normally' didn't need lube, why do they sell so many different types and brands and flavours of it? lube use is really very common. i back up everything dmzdogs said too..... and its not just about different women, but the same women at different occasions and on different days/times in her life. lots of factors play into lubrication.

to all of this. Quite obviously, many women find lube helfpul. If you're looking for something natural, you could try one of many kinds of oils. Coconut oil is nice because it "melts" as it warms from your body heat, smell nice, and is harmless for your girly bits. It's not so great with latex condoms though, so beware.



As for telling him what you like, be specific, and try to make it fun for him too. I mean, maybe he can be working his magic on you, but your fingers are still free to explore.



Try to remember too, that sex is like most activities...your skill level goes up the more you practice. No one (despite what the romance novels say) is at their peak at the beginning. Soon, he'll know what sorts of things really get your motor running (and you his). You can experiment and find out what works, and what doesn't, which is almost as fun. Eventually (probably), you'll get to the point where the 5 minutes of kissing can be enough. Even then though, you wouldn't want to do that all of the time, it's just nice sometimes.



Also, not to be too Oprah, but guiding your thoughts during foreplay or just before can help with the lubrication issue. Think about the positive things...neck kisses, fingers running down your thighs...whatever it is that you really look forward too. If you close your eyes and think about it enough, you may find that you don't even need the man. (kidding )

The ones I pity are the ones who never stick out their neck for something they believe, never know the taste of moral struggle, and never have the thrill of victory. - Jonathan Kozol
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#27 Old 11-07-2008, 08:48 PM
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I agree with what lots of others have said:

1. Lubrication is important. I really like using lube, although using too much makes it less enjoyable. Some friction is nice!

2. Definitely see a doctor for a check-up down there, and make sure find one you trust and feel comfortable with.

3. Condom size IS important. It's not just a male ego thing. Trojan Magnums or even Magnum XLs are nice if he's especially blessed in the girth department. Although some guys will always say they don't like condoms and find them uncomfortable. In all honestly, they really might be. But they're very necessary.

4. I know it's difficult when you first start out to ask for what you want, or even talk openly about things like pain, lubrication, condoms, foreplay, etc. It even takes time to discover things about yourself; it took me ages to discover that I was slightly allergic to Nonoxynol-9 and also latex (not overly, but it does make my t'aint area uncomfortable for awhile after, to be honest. Sorry if that's TMO!). To some degree, it's easier to fix some things yourself, but practicing the open communication skills is important too.

5. Do practice! It gets better. Although practice RESPONSIBLY. Enjoy!
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#28 Old 11-07-2008, 09:04 PM
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You can tell him that you are NOT the only woman who is too dry. Maybe SOME couples don't need to use anything, but I'm willing to bet in those cases, the man is willing to take the time needed to actually get his partner excited enough that lubrication isn't needed. And again, not every woman is going to get wet. My partner gets me plenty excited, but that doesn't translate into non-dryness. We must use lubrication. Tell your partner that

1. Not every woman is the same.

2. Not every woman gets wet even if her partner is willing to make an effort to get her wet.

3. Using lubrication will make the experience more enjoyable for you and result in you wanting to do it more than if you were dry and he was hurting you every time. This means more sex for him. Use those words. More lubrication means more sex. That he should understand!



Can I just say this (and several following in the same line) are great posts? Too bad more guys don't realize...
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