Why do I hate being female? - VeggieBoards
Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
#1 Old 08-13-2008, 10:21 PM
Veggie Regular
 
Cassiel's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2003
Posts: 609
Certain things lately have made me ask a lot of questions of myself. I wonder if anyone thinks these are suggestive.



1. I hate wearing skirts to the point that I almost have a panic attack.

2. I hate anything that reminds me that I am female.

3. I am 28 and still a...yes, a virgin. Partly for religious reasons; mostly because I am terrified.

4. I have a detachment disorder.

5. I am bipolar.

6. I'm not a lesbian; I generally dislike other women for the same reasons I dislike being one. I do have close female friends, however, who I love very much. I just have a general dislike of women. I do like men and have good relationships with them.

7. I'm not transgendered. I don't wish I were a man, though from the ages of 6-14 or so, I would actually pray I'd wake up in the morning and have been born a boy. I don't wish I were a man, I just wish I weren't female.



Does any of this come together to suggest anything pathological to anyone? Or is it just general weirdness? Or something very common?
Cassiel is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
#2 Old 08-13-2008, 10:58 PM
Veggie Regular
 
*AHIMSA*'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Posts: 10,728
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cassiel View Post

Certain things lately have made me ask a lot of questions of myself. I wonder if anyone thinks these are suggestive.



"Suggestive"?

"Yes! Live! Life's a banquet and most poor suckers are starving to death!" Auntie Mame
*AHIMSA* is offline  
#3 Old 08-14-2008, 07:58 AM
Veggie Regular
 
Cassiel's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2003
Posts: 609
Umm, "suggestive" in the scientific sense. In a "does the evidence suggest a conclusion" sense. Sorry - former biology major.
Cassiel is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
#4 Old 08-14-2008, 08:42 AM
Veggie Regular
 
codemonkey's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 2,511
Have you seen a doctor/councilor/therapist/psychiatrist about these issues? It sounds like you might have some self esteem issues. You don't have to be a stereotypical girl. There's no girl rule-book that says you have to wear skirts or make-up or be pink flowers and sunshine all the time. Just be yourself.
codemonkey is offline  
#5 Old 08-14-2008, 08:44 AM
Veggie Regular
 
*AHIMSA*'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Posts: 10,728
I *hate* pink.



Cassiel, I think #4 accounts for a lot. It sounds like you feel depersonalized.



What are you terrified of?




"Yes! Live! Life's a banquet and most poor suckers are starving to death!" Auntie Mame
*AHIMSA* is offline  
#6 Old 08-14-2008, 09:12 AM
American Made, Rebel Born
 
Kenickie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: House of Gaunt
Posts: 6,473
the only thing that makes you female is the chromosomes, hon.



i feel the most powerful in dresses, thats the only reason i wear them, not to be more female.



something might have happened to you as a child that could account psychologically for some of these. i think you should talk to someone.

cry havoc! and let slip the dogs of war.
Kenickie is offline  
#7 Old 08-14-2008, 09:37 AM
Veggie Regular
 
codemonkey's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 2,511
You mentioned that part of the reason that you're a virgin is because of your religion. Is there something about your religion that makes you feel like women are 'lesser' than men? More like servants than equals? Not that that's really what their teaching, but you may be interpreting it that way.
codemonkey is offline  
#8 Old 08-14-2008, 10:57 AM
Veggie Regular
 
Cassiel's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2003
Posts: 609
I don't know what I'm afraid of, unless it's the typical rejection scenario. I started to have depression when I was 6, and that can make it hard to relate to others or to invest yourself too deeply into life (I never thought I'd live past 20: every year since has felt like a bonus). I've always had difficult relating to others as far back as I can remember. I wonder if it's that I can't relate, and therefore can't predict behavior, so people aren't safe for me. That could explain not being able to have a deep sexual relationship, too. I can't handle standard relationships - why would I be able to handle something deeper?



As far as the church, there isn't a sense of women being inferior, just being different. (There's a pretty sassy story about a girl in the 2nd century AD - a lady of ill-repute, in fact. A saint was staring at her and, she thought, judging her. She said, "do you think you're better than me because I'm a woman? Woman was made from man, but don't forget that man was made from dirt.") I have never liked to be made to feel like a woman, though. So even different, though not inferior, is seriously uncomfortable.



I don't have a therapist I can talk to about these things right now - am working on finding one. So I appreciate any input!
Cassiel is offline  
#9 Old 08-14-2008, 11:05 AM
Beginner
 
fogueira's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2003
Posts: 158
I can kinda relate.



Quote:
Originally Posted by Cassiel View Post




1. I hate wearing skirts to the point that I almost have a panic attack.





I grew up in the early 60s with 50s female role models -- "female" to the max. I'm still rebelling against this culture to this day. The housewife-please the guy -- be beautiful -- spend 3 hours in the bathroom curling eyelashes stuff. It could be that you have been imprisoned in such a culture and want to get out. Nothing abnormal about this. I haven't worn a skirt or dress in years. If I have to go to a wedding or a funeral, I wear black pants and a black blazer with a black T shirt.



Quote:
2. I hate anything that reminds me that I am female.



Like she said, it's only about the XX chromosomes, assuming you aren't an anomaly. Otherwise it's all in your mind and can be rearranged and/or jettisoned.



Quote:
3. I am 28 and still a...yes, a virgin. Partly for religious reasons; mostly because I am terrified.



I know the feeling. I was a virgin until I was about 24 or so. What country are you from? The first experiences most US girls have (using myself as an example, probably wrong) is in high school or college, and to be frank, most guys just want to, well, put it in there and finish and brag about it to their friends, or worse.



Quote:
4. I have a detachment disorder.



I'm not a psychiatrist, psychologist or any type of therapist, but #3 and #4 suggest...I hope not...some kind of sexual trauma in your past or a loved one or friend's past or present, for which I hope you are in therapy with a professional specializing in this kind of thing. Such a thing would certainly bias you against certain things you thought of as "female" IF you saw women as subjects of abuse.



Quote:
6. I'm not a lesbian; I generally dislike other women for the same reasons I dislike being one. I do have close female friends, however, who I love very much. I just have a general dislike of women. I do like men and have good relationships with them.



I'm not fond of "women" per se in general either, but I think you are talking about a certain archetype or stereotype and not all women per se. I suspect your friends are the opposite of whatever this is. Also sexuality is not an either-or thing. I call myself 80% heterosexual at this point in time.



Quote:
7. I'm not transgendered. I don't wish I were a man, though from the ages of 6-14 or so, I would actually pray I'd wake up in the morning and have been born a boy. I don't wish I were a man, I just wish I weren't female.



Hmmm. You and a whole lot of Orthodox Jewish men, who thank God they have not been born a woman.



Quote:
Does any of this come together to suggest anything pathological to anyone? Or is it just general weirdness? Or something very common?



I suffered from a minor version of this until recently (I'm 53). Unfortunately, it comes down to, just like the Nike commercials, saying no to the culture or stereotype or whatever it is that is your anathema. I suspect your pain is because you are in a situation in which you can't get away.



I don't know if I can be much help, but feel free to PM me any time.



f
fogueira is offline  
#10 Old 08-14-2008, 11:27 AM
Veggie Regular
 
Marie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2003
Posts: 10,153
Quote:
Originally Posted by *AHIMSA* View Post

I *hate* pink.





I like pink.. and I hate skirts.
Marie is offline  
#11 Old 08-14-2008, 11:40 AM
Veggie Regular
 
*AHIMSA*'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Posts: 10,728
When I saw you were the last poster, I just *knew* that you had commented on that.

"Yes! Live! Life's a banquet and most poor suckers are starving to death!" Auntie Mame
*AHIMSA* is offline  
#12 Old 08-14-2008, 12:00 PM
Newbie
 
GhostUser's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 0
Most of those things are what society is telling you a woman should be like.

I hate pink, I never ever wear dresses or skirts or "girly" clothes, I never wear makeup or carry a purse. I dont get a long with alot of girls.
GhostUser is offline  
#13 Old 08-14-2008, 03:46 PM
Veggie Regular
 
isowish's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 7,858
Quote:
Originally Posted by animallover7249 View Post

Most of those things are what society is telling you a woman should be like.

I hate pink, I never ever wear dresses or skirts or "girly" clothes, I never wear makeup or carry a purse. I dont get a long with alot of girls.



I carry a purse. It's mostly full of fluff, broken pens, and pennies.



how girly is THAT?
isowish is offline  
#14 Old 08-14-2008, 04:21 PM
Veggie Regular
 
cowgirrlup's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 2,589
I love being female.

I work in a mainly male profession.

I love my job.

I wear a uniform for work..its not girly at all.

I wear a gun at work.

I love pink.

I love wearing dresses and high heels.

I wear girlie undies under my manly uniform.

I love being strong.

I love having a man open doors for me.

I love jeans & T shirts & boots.

I love frilly sexy nighties.

I love sleeping in my man's big old T shirt.

I wear combat boots at work.

I love pedicures and flowers painted on my toe nails.

I love wearing pearls.

I love wearing swat gear.

I love romance.

I love quickies.



I think you just have to embrace what you love and be who ever you are...at the moment.



I think we are whatever we are. We can be girly one minute and tough as nails the next minute and its all fine as long as its comfortable and feels like YOU!



There is no sterotype for being female, no schedule for losing your virginity.



Just try to relax and enjoy life and do things you enjoy doing, not what you or someone else thinks you should be doing.



Most important, be kind to yourself!



(just my opinion..and I'm rather opinionated, sorry..but take from it what works for you.)


Until one has loved an animal, part of their soul remains unawakened.

cowgirrlup is offline  
#15 Old 08-14-2008, 04:39 PM
Newbie
 
whyiveg's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 82
Quote:
Originally Posted by cowgirrlup View Post


I love sleeping in my man's big old T shirt.





I think you just have to embrace what you love and be who ever you are...at the moment.



Most important, be kind to yourself!



Ditto...and I would have to agree that maybe talking to someone might help you out a bit with this. I don't wear make-up, or own any, I wear t-shirts and gym shorts, any generally don't care about what people think about me or my looks. My boyfriend takes longer than I do to get ready, which cracks me up, but also helps me realize that sometimes it's not always about what you look like, but how you feel. I do dress up if the time is right, but not always.

Feel great about your sex, and realize that females are just as great as males in every capacity.

I will leave you with this thought: Are you a feminist? (most people, including women, say no.) But then when asked do you think that females should have the same rights as males, most would agree yes, they should. Then you have to ask yourself again, are you a feminist? Essentially a feminist is not a raging radical at all, but just a person, male or female, that agrees that we should be equal...
whyiveg is offline  
#16 Old 08-14-2008, 05:33 PM
Veggie Regular
 
Marie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2003
Posts: 10,153
Quote:
Originally Posted by *AHIMSA* View Post

When I saw you were the last poster, I just *knew* that you had commented on that.



Marie is offline  
#17 Old 08-23-2008, 02:03 PM
Veggie Regular
 
Mrrple's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 2,562
I just don't like being emotional. Sometimes my body forces me to cry over something really stupid in front of people. That's when I wish my hormones and chromosomes were different.



I'll make a list:



-periods

-overly emotional

-breasts

-vaginal discharge

-not being able to go topless

-PMS



Yet still, I would rather be female than male. I don't know why.



Maybe you have some self esteem issues? I would see someone about this, because you don't have to act like the stereotype you describe. I sure don't.
Mrrple is offline  
#18 Old 09-05-2008, 01:27 PM
Beginner
 
Chi_GreenTea's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 134
I love it...



i kindda "punk it up a little.

I love Leopard print, spikes, heels, boots, plaid print, neon blue eyeshadow, black hair,

black bracelets, yay!!!
Chi_GreenTea is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the VeggieBoards forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in


Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off