I haven't visited these forums in quite a while, but I'm in an.. interesting situation and just I need to get everything out of my head right now in front of an impartial audience. Plus as I recall there are quite a few veg/vegan moms here and I may be needing a lot of guidance in the near future.
So... I found out Thursday that I'm pregnant. (God, it feels so surreal to say that!) Thursday was 18 days post ovulation.. that was enough of a tipoff as I keep track of my cycle and knew something was off for a few days prior, but I took 2 home pregnancy tests anyway, both positive. I've been bloated/gassy, my breasts are really sore, and as of last night I've been dealing with off-and-on mild nausea.. my heart rate's up too, it's not the stress because I'm feeling strangely calm about this whole thing.. it's actually kind of cool to be able to feel my body changing this quickly. According to my calculations, I'm exactly three weeks pregnant. Give or take a few hours.
I'm 21, almost 22, a month away from graduating from college and about to enter a PhD program at an Ivy League school. My boyfriend is a few years older and already mid-PhD program at a different school. I told him in person Thursday night after I found out for sure; he said he'd support whatever decision I made, but we're going to discuss it more later this week, after my undergrad thesis paper is finished and turned in since there's really nothing I can do before then anyway.
I'm so completely and utterly lost right now.. I'm very strongly pro-choice, but I've never been sure that I'd be able to go through with an abortion myself and now that it's actually come up I'm even more clueless.
Both my boyfriend and I are completely funded at our grad programs (tuition, health insurance, and stipends of $28k and $26k, respectively), so while we wouldn't be living the high life with a baby, we'd probably manage financially.
While realistically, an infant is really not conducive to intensive graduate studies, there are things that are making me hesitant to go ahead and end the pregnancy. The whole vegan thing, firstly.. I don't particularly like the idea of killing anything. And I had to have conceived at a time when I was sick, stressed out, not sleeping much, etc.. basically, I'm impressed that this little clump of cells managed to make it this far with the way I've been beating my body up trying to fulfill my graduation requirements while working two part-time jobs. I don't know.. it's probably the hormones or end-of-semester brain failure, but I can't help feeling like maybe it's supposed to happen even though it's not completely ideal. How many times are people ever truly ready for a baby anyway?
For the moment, I've started taking a multivitamin and am trying to get tons of rest and eat really well (although the other half of this PB and banana sandwich looks like it's about to defeat me right now...). Can't hurt anything either way. This week I'll make a doctor's appointment to.. i don't know, have them confirm that I'm pregnant and tell me what to do next. Telling my parents is going to be another fiasco entirely, no idea how that's going to go over.
Sigh.. back to the thesis for me, thanks if you read my stream of conciousness. I'd really appreciate any advice, stories, comfort, congratulations.. anything you can throw my way while I try to sort through all this.