well, you only need to use a barrier contraception during your fertile time--so you'd only 'need' to use condoms for the 3-5 day period of fertility during your cycle. THe rest of the time, you wouldn't need to use them. or, you can simply abstain for those 3-5 days. or, you can use another form of barrier contraception (cervical cap or diaphragm).
When used in this manner, FAM is just as effective as the pill. Like the pill, when used properly it has a 2% failure rate. Isn't that amazing? and it's completely natural and very rewarding.
I would prefer if ryan didn't use condoms during non-fertile times, particularly the luteal phase between ovulation and menstruation. But, he feels empowered by condoms, that they are his way of taking charge of his reproductive destiny. I honor that about him. Not every man is willing to use condoms (which i think is very selfish in some cases), but it's not the only option available to you if you're using FAM.
The only time that you have to worry about his fertility (ie, sperm) is when you're in a fertile phase. it's only 3-5 days out of the average 28-33 days of a cycle (that's a generality, not a prediction or indicator of any sort). So, to go without sex for three to five days isn't that difficult, or to use some form of barrier contraception for three to five days isn't that difficult either. There are other options for barrier contraception, such as diaphrams and cervical caps--both of which can be fitted by your gynocologist.
also, it helps to add birth control to sex play. For instance, ryan will use a certain tone and say 'what was your body temp again today?" and that's alluring to me. When he gets good and erect, i have a fun way of putting the condom on him. Right now, we're experimenting with the cervical cap. He likes being the one to 'put it on me'--so even putting on the cervical cap is part of sexual play. It's sexy because we are having fun, we know that we're going to continue to have fun, and that we can have fun without worrying aobut whether or not we're going to get pregnant or get sick or loose sex drive because of a drug that can potentially really harm my body.
so, i love FAM. it really gives you freedom and power. Well, knowledge is power and freedom, and FAM gives knowledge more than anything. It's amazing.