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#1 Old 11-12-2004, 03:23 PM
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Okay so....I am new to sex. I have a couple questions. First of all, I've done it a few times now and it still sort of hurts. Not as much as before but it's uncomfortable and even irritating still. How long did it take in your experience for it to start feeling good? Also, is there a time of month that is better or worse to do it? I use protection each time but if there's some time like during my period or whatever when I'm more likely to be pregnant, I want to make sure I don't have sex that day (pregnancy is my worst nightmare!)

Also, if you're on the pill what brand do you like? I did try one brand for a while and it screwed up my period and made my skin break out so I am apprehensive about trying another brand. Okay I guess that's all I want to know, unless you have any tips for me of course

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#2 Old 11-12-2004, 03:50 PM
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Starblossom:



good for you for using protection and having the courage to ask questions.



for the first question, there are lots of answers. The first thing to realize is that relaxing and being fully stimulated often makes the experience less painful. you need lubricant. your vagina produces lubricant (that is similar to sweat), and if you're stimulated enough, there should be enough to make sex comfortable. the more comfortable and relaxed you are during sex, the better it is. My guess is that you're still learning about your partner and the two of you are working on your personal "groove" so you're still nervous and learning and trying new things.



you can also use a lubricant, and i like anything basic and water based. i don't use it often, but sometimes you need it (vaginal dryness, even when you're happy, comfortable and stimulated, does happen). So, look into getting some lubricant to help.



Also, you may want to check out your condoms. many people have negative reactions (burning) to spermicides. you may want to try different condoms with different spermicides and/or condoms without spermicide.



as for the second part--about knowing about your body and when you're more likely to get pregnant--there is a very accurate way to know. It's called Natural Family Planning or Fertility Awareness. By doing a little bit of charting for about 2 minutes a day, you can know when you're fertile (more likely to become pregnant), and when you won't become pregnant. I recommend learning how to use this system before you start the pill, and then continue to use it once you do (if you do). If you do it correctly, it's as accurate as the pill.



Here's some basic information about it online: http://www.ovulation-calculator.com/fertility-chart.htm. Don't be put off by the fact that it's a web site about how to know when you're ovulating to get pregnant. the same information works to prevent pregnancy. This stuff is just the basics. If you want more information, i recommend two books: Garden of Fertility by katie singer and Taking Charge of Your Fertility. Both texts are excellent, clear, teach you how to chart and how to read your chart.



this is my method of birth control, and we also use condoms. i've been sexually active for 7 years, and no pregnancies yet. and i'm extra fertile (because of a drug i had to take for a while). so, it does work.



as for the pill, i don't take it, i don't want to take it, i think it's unhealthy. so, i can't recommend any. but, if anyone wants to take it, i completely support that.
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#3 Old 11-12-2004, 04:21 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Starblossom View Post

Okay so....I am new to sex. I have a couple questions. First of all, I've done it a few times now and it still sort of hurts. Not as much as before but it's uncomfortable and even irritating still. How long did it take in your experience for it to start feeling good? Also, is there a time of month that is better or worse to do it? I use protection each time but if there's some time like during my period or whatever when I'm more likely to be pregnant, I want to make sure I don't have sex that day (pregnancy is my worst nightmare!)

Also, if you're on the pill what brand do you like? I did try one brand for a while and it screwed up my period and made my skin break out so I am apprehensive about trying another brand. Okay I guess that's all I want to know, unless you have any tips for me of course





I've been having sex for quite a while now, and I still sometimes find it uncomfortable for the first couple of minutes...a lot of lube does help.



How long were you on the pill for? It can take a while (say 3-6 months) for your body to adjust to the pill and for your period to regulate. You should talk to your doctor and he or she can recommend something more suitable.
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#4 Old 11-12-2004, 05:10 PM
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Originally Posted by Starblossom View Post

Okay so....I am new to sex. I have a couple questions. First of all, I've done it a few times now and it still sort of hurts. Not as much as before but it's uncomfortable and even irritating still. How long did it take in your experience for it to start feeling good? Also, is there a time of month that is better or worse to do it? I use protection each time but if there's some time like during my period or whatever when I'm more likely to be pregnant, I want to make sure I don't have sex that day (pregnancy is my worst nightmare!)

Also, if you're on the pill what brand do you like? I did try one brand for a while and it screwed up my period and made my skin break out so I am apprehensive about trying another brand. Okay I guess that's all I want to know, unless you have any tips for me of course



It hurt like all hell the first time for me, and the next few times were no pleasure cruise either, then if there was any substantial break between intercourse, it hurt again. I very rarely have a problem anymore. A swift thrust to the uterus and I'll literally yelp in pain. Otherwise, I'm usually ok. For me though, intercourse alone isn't all beer and skittles. I need all the befores-and-durings-and-afters to make the whole experience worth my while.



Positioning helps, having your hips tilted differently (sometimes a pillow under your butt helps!) is sometimes more comfortable. Lube! Lube! Lube! Water based lube! It is just great



Generally, 14 days into your cycle (period = day 1), around that time, is supposed to be the most fertile. It varies person to person though.

All the pills are different. It may take a while to find one that is right for you. I'm on Ortho-Cyclen which has been working great for me, but I've known people that the "orthos" made "crazy." I have no info about skin breaking out because I've had like 5 pimples in my whole 25 yrs.

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#5 Old 11-12-2004, 05:35 PM
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I don't wanna be the party pooper, but my mother bear is coming out.



If you are deathly terrified of becoming pregnant, you need to be super, extra careful. And there are absolutely no guarantees. I have two surprise children. Against every protection and odd. Now I adore them, and they are here for a reason, but they beat the system completely.



You don't say what form of protection you're using, multiple ones would be best. But with condoms especially, lubrication is crucial.
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#6 Old 11-12-2004, 05:53 PM
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Finding the right birth control pill for you can be a bit of a project. There are a lot of different ones out there but not all of them work for all people. I had to try a few different ones before finding one that worked for me. One I tried made me have my period like 75% of the time & another made me really moody (which my doctor later told me was a common side effect of it, so nice of her to tell me after it turned me into a monster!) After several tries I managed to find one that works great & have been really happy w/it. Don't give up if the the first pill you try doesn't work for you. And the pill is so much less of a hassle that some of the other methods out there!
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#7 Old 11-12-2004, 06:11 PM
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yes, yes - lubricant. If you're using condoms (which I hope you ARE), please use water-based lubricants like zoebird said. You can get KY in a tube at the grocery store (you don't have to go to an adult shop to get lube, in other words). Just look for it next to the place where they sell things like Monastat and condoms.



The pill comes in lots of different forms and dosages. You might have been on a high-hormone one, which could cause a lot of side effects. So do what Seadolphin suggested - try out different ones. There are a LOT of pills out there, and most of them are different in some way.
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#8 Old 11-12-2004, 06:19 PM
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For religious reasons, I didn't have sex until I got married, about four months ago. So I'm pretty new, as well. That disclaimer being said, I found that it hurt like hell for the first several times; after about three weeks (which means a lot of sex if you're on a honeymoon ) it got a lot better.



This may sound odd, but I think that where you live makes a difference. I live in an extremely dry (literally desert) area right now, and I have more trouble (still) with sex hurting then I did in CA or MD. A good lube makes all the difference in the world. I like astroglide, myself. It comes in a purple curvy tube. KY jelly is icky, in my opinion.



I use the ortho-eva patch, which is nice because you don't have to remember to take it every day. My sense of smell gets seriously wacked the first day I put a new one on, and I occaisonly also get nauseaous and moody, but most of the time I'm ok with it. For a while we were also using condoms because of a potential drug interaction with bc for me, and I found it more painful. I found some condoms super painful. Others weren't bad, though, so shopping around there might also help.
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#9 Old 11-12-2004, 07:00 PM
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Yay sex! We need to bake you a lost the virginity cake!



I've had a ton of sex so I can tell you anything you want to know, pretty much.



Firstly, sex can hurt. It's not just your first time, as so many suggest. It depends largely on how stimulated you are before intercourse. Be sure your lover is understanding. Being with insensitive guys takes all the enjoyment out of it. You need to participate, too. Don't be one of those girls who "just lays there."



Foreplay is necessary, unless your having a quikie in Denny's bathroom, then, hopefully, the spontaniety of it all will excite you. Foreplay can include pretty much anything. My favorite foreplay is having my breasts massaged, but everybody is different. Some people like flower petals and some like bondage, so it's hard to say. Foreplay is important, though, and it helps to know what you both like. I like going down as much as I like to be gone down upon, but I can't stand 69n'. Whatever you do, don't just jump into it. If your body isn't prepared to have sex, damage could be done.



To answer one of your questions, my sexual experiences didn't give me any satisfaction until I hooked up with my Xhusband. I occasionally felt alright with the other guys, but they didn't ever give me orgasms. I learned how to have sex through experimentation. Rated R movies can help. I'm not into the NC-17/Adult movies, but some find those helpful.



Gosh, there's so much to talk about; I don't know what to say. The world would be a better place if sex never hurt, and women had orgasms as often as men. The reality is that a large portion of women don't like sex and only put out because of some sordid, make-believe obligation. Talk to your lover. Tell him if it hurts. Hopefully, he'll try something different until it feels good for you. If he doesn't, dump him and dump him fast. Experiment a little with it. Read a few issues of Cosmo.



You're on the right track now. One day, sex will have a place in casual conversation, and we'll all be glorious lovers, but for now, I can talk to chicks on an internet forum whom I don't even know, and my best friend literally trembles when I broach the suject with her. I totally respect that you posted your questions.



Now the ultimate advice: ALWAYS use a condom. One of the saddest truths in life is that you often don't know who or what your lover is running around with until it's too late. If you get on the pill, keep it to yourself. Make him use a condom. Pregnancy is scary, but not as scary as some of the STDs out there. Clamydia is the least of your worries. There's diseases floating around that you don't even know about because most people won't even talk about them. Please, take care of yourself.



After sex, always, use the bathroom. This prevents infections. Don't use douche. Use only water-based lubes. Anything else?
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#10 Old 11-12-2004, 07:38 PM
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Is it a scratching, dry hurt, or a stretching hurt? I'd say it took a good three weeks to a month for me to really get used to the size of the penis inside me (stretching pain) ... but if it's just dry and scratchy and awful... You might want to consider some better lubrication.



When I was on the pill I was a big fan of EstroStep. I didn't break out or have anything crazy happen to me... and it helped control my periods in a good way. I didn't have much problem with breakthrough bleeding. ...But, every body reacts different to each pill... So don't go switching based on what I like.
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#11 Old 11-12-2004, 07:42 PM
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My first time it wasn't especially painful during, but I hurt a day or two afterwards. It was probably like that for the first few times. Occasionally now I get sore during or near the end as well. It's only natural. Lubricant is good to use, it may help you not hurt so much and it's probably safer in conjuction with condoms, if that's what you are using. I recommend trying some other form of contraception ie. the pill, injection, ICU just to be on the safe side. It saves all the worries about an unwanted pregnancies. Discuss it with your partner too. It is your body in the end, and you should definately be the one making the decision about whether to go back or the pill or try another method, but he might have some suggestions too. I went to my GP (I have a thread going at the moment) and he was really helpful, but also places like family planning can offer good advice and prescribe you the contraceptives. Brands of the pill differ per country I think (The one I'm on has never been mentioned by the Americans etc. here), so I probably not the best to recommend brands (and I don't have an experience with different ones). There are lots of types though, so find out about them and try them out. Pills affect people in different ways, you just have to find the one that suits you. Good luck with everything
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#12 Old 11-12-2004, 07:45 PM
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Also you mentioned something about when it was the safest time in relation to having your period for having sex? When I went on the pill they said to me that basically if you think about a four week month this way: One week for your cycle, the two weeks either side of it (ie. one week, your cycle, one week) are the most dangerous. The other week that is left, is the safest (not that it is ever safe to have unprotected sex at any time). I hope I explained that ok, if not someone else can probably, or just post, and I will try and explain it better!
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#13 Old 11-12-2004, 07:54 PM
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You don't say what form of protection you're using, multiple ones would be best. But with condoms especially, lubrication is crucial.



I would like to point out, that this DOES NOT mean to use multiple condoms. One condom = Good. Two condoms = Two Broken Condoms (aka "Bad")

They produce too much friction and are therefore much less effective than one condom.



Also, if you're going to be using spermicidally lubricated, you can't use more than one in a day (so all other sex will need to be with non spermicidal). A lot of people break out from spermicide and have other problems from it, though the reason for not using it more than once a day I don't remember exactly. I don't use it ever so I guess I didn't make too much of a note of it. (I use pill + condom)

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#14 Old 11-12-2004, 09:26 PM
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The first time I had sex it didn't actually hurt, but I was surprise at how hard it was to get it to get it in! (despite being completely 'ready' lol). I only was with him 2ce, but first time with my current boyfriend hurt a fair bit (and was definatly still a tight fit)! Both probably disspeared after a few more times, but it can still occasionally be uncomfortable, mainly just if we've been overdoing it a bit!



I am on the pill, and I've been on since before I started having sex. I'm taking the combined pill Norimon (Brevinor) which I went on orignally to clear up my skin (which it did really well). It's actually been really good, cleared up my skin completely and regulated my periods. I used to get them once every two months, now I can tell you what time of the day it will start each month. Haven't had any side effects. Have lost weight if anything, but thats probably more from changed eating habits than the pill. Decreased sex drive, but probably in a good way! Still can enjoy it and want is as much, but don't have the crazy hormonal teenages cravings for it everyday!
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#15 Old 11-13-2004, 02:55 PM
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One day, sex will have a place in casual conversation, and we'll all be glorious lovers, but for now, I can talk to chicks on an internet forum whom I don't even know, and my best friend literally trembles when I broach the suject with her.





i love this sentence. so true, it made me laugh.
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#16 Old 11-13-2004, 05:07 PM
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Thanks, Catswym. My main lady always tells me: "Mom says you don't talk about it!" when I bring the topic up. She was starting to open up, but we haven't spoken in two weeks, so that may be lost.
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#17 Old 11-14-2004, 06:49 PM
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i agree with what most people have already advised, buy a good water based lubricant, try it and see how you feel. I also can recommend the "taking charge of your fertility" by Toni Welschler (sp?) as it explains a womans cycle in great detail.

I must say that it is not just one day that you are fertile for and generally speaking it is not the 14th day but once you ovulate your luteal phase (time between ovulation and period) is 14 days so if you have a 40 day cycle generally speaking you will ovulate (be fertile) day 26. Also sperm can survive for up to 5 days in the right conditions (cervical mucus) and therefore there is usually a 3-5 day fertile period.



Anyway hope this helps
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#18 Old 11-14-2004, 07:23 PM
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i just wanted to add i've been using a fantastic form of birth control called the ring... you change it once a month and i don't even know its there http://www.nuvaring.com/Consumer/index.asp
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#19 Old 11-16-2004, 08:21 AM
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Wow I wasn't expecting so many replies! Thanks!



Yeah, we use condoms (one each time . . . I know multiple ones won't work!). It is a stretching kind of pain but I'll try using some lube anyways. I actually wish I'd known about pee-ing after sex earlier...I already got an infection and I think it was because of the sex. That turned me off for like a week! Anyways I'm making an appointment with the doctor this week to get pills, I'll see what he/she recommends. I've decided not to have sex again until I go on those pills. The only thing I'm a bit unhappy about is that they may screw up my cycle. I don't want to skip a period and be freaking out over whether it's becaues of the pills or because of pregnancy. I know two girls right now who are pregnant and it scares me to see them; makes me wonder, "what if that was me?" *shudders*



Anyways I guess you guys answered all my questions. I just have one more. What position seems to be less painful? I heard somewhere that laying on your back is supposed to be more comfortable during the first few times, and that doggy-style tends to hurt more. I don't know how much truth there is to that though. What do you think?

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#20 Old 11-16-2004, 08:30 AM
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on the multiple condoms....



Doggy style tends to lead to deeper penetration, so it might hurt more. Being on top gives you the most control over everything and you might find this the least painful.
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#21 Old 11-16-2004, 10:14 AM
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I would suggest he be sure to 'go down on you'..that way you are wet enough.It hurts if my FI does not do that first.



All part of fore-play.Highly reccommend!



As for the pill,I dont like them,so I use pull-out meathod AND spermicide AND track my cycle.



Have fun!!
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#22 Old 11-16-2004, 04:53 PM
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i'm with rincaro. being on top gives you the most control, so you can control the depth. doggy style does often lead to deeper penetration and less clitoral stimulation (using his hands for clitoral stimulation helps). missionary does give you some control (guy on top that is), if you rotate your hips down, and/or keep your legs straight and closer together, it doesn't allow as deep penetration as it would if you were all open and everything.



i also recommend cunnilingus (oral sex on girls), and having him masturbate you. using one finger to get you rolling, and then using two to lead to expansion, and then considering penetration with the penis is a better way to go. sometimes, that form of foreplay increases lubrication and allows for slow stretching open rather than a quick one. Taking your time with this sort of foreplay is important.



for me, if my husband wnats to penetrate before i'm "warmed up" it still hurts a lot (stretching). if he takes his time with foreplay, oral sex, mutual masterbation with finger penetration, then the actual vaginal/penile intercourse is WAY more fun and comfortable.



good luck!
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#23 Old 11-16-2004, 10:04 PM
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foreplay foreplay foreplay



and yeah missionary or you on top is better than doggy style, you can also try lying on your sides either facing each other or with your back to him (in which case he can do clitoral stimulation by hand) or even standing up (shower sex yay!) pretty much anything where you can control how deep he can go. (fair warning condoms are more likely to slip off the closer your legs are together so you might want to check it now and then, and it takes a few tries to find a brand that fits right so just be careful until you get it figured out) but yeah nothing's gonna feel good if you're not warmed up and in the mood and relaxed. if you find you're tense and nervous try taking a few deep breaths and relaxing all your muscles, and try not to worry about wether you're doing something right or whatever, just go with the flow.

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#24 Old 11-19-2004, 12:58 PM
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Originally Posted by Starblossom View Post

Anyways I guess you guys answered all my questions. I just have one more. What position seems to be less painful? I heard somewhere that laying on your back is supposed to be more comfortable during the first few times, and that doggy-style tends to hurt more. I don't know how much truth there is to that though. What do you think?



My favorite position, when I'm in love, is my man and I laying on our sides, facing each other, with my bottom leg strait and the top leg thrown over his body. Does that make sense? It's a very close position, for when longevity is desired. Also the clitoris is within easy reach of both partners. When not in love, my favorite position is me on top. Doggie-style is more to keep the clit out of the way of direct stimulation when it's too sensitive, i.e. after an orgasm or two. The degree of stimulation can easily shift by getting up and leaning back. I don't know how to explain this. It changes the feeling and again puts the clit in easy reach.
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#25 Old 11-19-2004, 04:46 PM
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As for the pill,I dont like them,so I use pull-out meathod AND spermicide AND track my cycle.



"There's a word for people who use the pull out method: Parents."

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#26 Old 11-19-2004, 07:24 PM
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Pull out method? What? No, no, no! Who wrote that? Shame on you! The first two drops contain around 50,000 sperm. You people need an edumacation. Read a book or two for once in your lives! No wonder parents these days seem like such idiots. I don't know how to express I hope you enjoy STDs, and I'm sure the children will be lovely.
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#27 Old 11-19-2004, 09:48 PM
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I don't know how to express I hope you enjoy STDs



Not everyone who has sex has it with people they've known a week If I need to use a condom, then I definately don't know the person well enough to be having sex with them.



She also said she tracks her cycle AND used spermicide. Now, granted, pull out isn't birth control, but she is using 2 other legitimate forms.
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#28 Old 11-20-2004, 07:48 AM
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Not everyone who has sex has it with people they've known a week If I need to use a condom, then I definately don't know the person well enough to be having sex with them.



She also said she tracks her cycle AND used spermicide. Now, granted, pull out isn't birth control, but she is using 2 other legitimate forms.



I think the problem I have with comments that seem to be suggestive of using natural family planning/pulling out etc... is that they're often directed at people who are too young, IMO, to be using this methods. If you're older, in a committed relationship, you've both been tested for STDs, and you would be okay with the possibility of being pregnant or handling that as a consequence, I'm all for you trying these methods. The OP is about 20 I believe, and I don't think its appropriate to suggest these things to the younger crowd. I think there's too much room for error asking for a 20 y/o guy to pull out before he ejaculates (not to mention all the sperm thats in pre-ejaculate), and there's even more incidence of condom failure when a guy is using one and tries to pull out.

So I can't speak for Cougar, but thats what it bothers me when young posters get responses about NFP and pulling out as methods of birth control.

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#29 Old 11-20-2004, 10:35 AM
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I overlooked Bumble's post and only read Rapid Child's, so I may have overreacted. However, having your man pull out before reaching orgasm can not prevent pregnancy or STDs. If truly using the other methods stated, you might as well just let him stay in there. Letting a man reach orgasm while inside typically provides more bonding between lovers.
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#30 Old 11-20-2004, 11:20 AM
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Originally Posted by rabid_child View Post

...young posters get responses about NFP and pulling out as methods of birth control.





Gotcha. Pulling out isn't birth control. We 100% agree on that point. If you're following the NFP method (not rhythm, which is the fastest way to make a baby), then I think that's ok along w/ spermicide.



Personally, I'm allergic to spermicide and the fear of pregnancy is so great in me that NFP would be a 100% birth control method for me....because I would never have sex
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