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#1 Old 09-05-2015, 07:16 PM
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child free

any child free people here?
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#2 Old 09-05-2015, 07:45 PM
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MEEEEE

Do you want a discussion from me or are you just doing role call? ;P

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#3 Old 09-05-2015, 08:00 PM
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haha....
discussion is always welcome!
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#4 Old 09-05-2015, 08:19 PM
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Me, but bear in mind I'm also only 20.
I would say I don't count because of this, but I can name you at least 5 of my old high school peers with children.
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#5 Old 09-05-2015, 08:22 PM
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Well, I know why I am.

Time
Money
Energy
Self-direction

are all lost when that crotchfruit appears.
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#6 Old 09-05-2015, 08:37 PM
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Me! I wish I wasn't though. I'm 26, and I always hoped to have children in my early 20's and be a younger mom (my mom was almost 40 when she had me) but life threw a few curveballs our way in regards to finances and a difficult start to our adult lives. I know a lot of people don't like to hear a modern woman say it, but all I've ever wanted to be is a wife and mother, I think I would be extremely dissatisfied in any other role my whole life. My husband and I have agreed that waiting another year or so we can get into a house first, then start trying for children right away. Not only do I think having our own house would be a better environment to bring a child up in, but having a home birth (barring medical complications) is REALLY important to me. Can't really do that in an apartment setting.
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#7 Old 09-05-2015, 08:38 PM
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My reason isn't rational or a choice, it just how I innately am. And it's a good thing too because all of the things you listed, Necter, are things that I suck at.

But I can list a lot of reasons I'm happy I'm this way; and for some reason that pisses a lot of random people, who are not affected by my lack of reproducting, off.

A plastic hutch is no substitute for a mother. Replace dairy, not mothers.

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#8 Old 09-05-2015, 08:41 PM
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No children here and I am 43 years old. I lost my reproductive parts when I was 33 years old so giving birth is not an option. But even when I had my parts, I did not want children. Like faded_amaranth, it is just the way I am. I am not a "kid" person. I do admire the patience and perseverance of anyone who can raise children though, whether it is a bear or a human raising them.

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#9 Old 09-05-2015, 08:44 PM
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No kids here.
Tho, when I saw the thread title I was eating so I was thinking in terms of 'meat free' 'dairy free' dinner, and you didnt exactly specify...
So, I dont eat children either. Just covering all my bases
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#10 Old 09-05-2015, 08:49 PM
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Originally Posted by Kiwibird08 View Post
Me! I wish I wasn't though. I'm 26, and I always hoped to have children in my early 20's and be a younger mom (my mom was almost 40 when she had me) but life threw a few curveballs our way in regards to finances and a difficult start to our adult lives. I know a lot of people don't like to hear a modern woman say it, but all I've ever wanted to be is a wife and mother, I think I would be extremely dissatisfied in any other role my whole life. My husband and I have agreed that waiting another year or so we can get into a house first, then start trying for children right away. Not only do I think having our own house would be a better environment to bring a child up in, but having a home birth (barring medical complications) is REALLY important to me. Can't really do that in an apartment setting.
The term childfree is usually used for people who are happily without children by choice.

I'm sorry things haven't taken exactingly the direction you have hoped for in your life right now but hopefully it's all for the best and things will settle into place soon I don't think there's anything wrong with someone's greatest aspiration being parenthood (as long as it doesn't lead to a lot of distress if it doesn't happen, since it isn't a guarantee). If you want kids I'd hope they'd be a pretty big priority ;P

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#11 Old 09-10-2015, 02:32 PM
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I don't have, nor do i ever want, children. I truly do not understand that desire or urge.

To say nothing of its affect on the environment.
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#12 Old 09-10-2015, 03:19 PM
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Originally Posted by Auxin View Post
No kids here.
Tho, when I saw the thread title I was eating so I was thinking in terms of 'meat free' 'dairy free' dinner, and you didnt exactly specify...
So, I dont eat children either. Just covering all my bases
I would love to see "child free" as the next food industry buzzword: "try our sugar free, gluten free, child free muffins!"

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Originally Posted by Kiwibird08 View Post
Me! I wish I wasn't though. I'm 26, and I always hoped to have children in my early 20's and be a younger mom (my mom was almost 40 when she had me) but life threw a few curveballs our way in regards to finances and a difficult start to our adult lives. I know a lot of people don't like to hear a modern woman say it, but all I've ever wanted to be is a wife and mother, I think I would be extremely dissatisfied in any other role my whole life. My husband and I have agreed that waiting another year or so we can get into a house first, then start trying for children right away. Not only do I think having our own house would be a better environment to bring a child up in, but having a home birth (barring medical complications) is REALLY important to me. Can't really do that in an apartment setting.
As someone already pointed out, the term "child free" generally refers to those who have made a deliberate choice not to have children. If you're hoping to have kids, the label doesn't really apply to you.

I completely understand the impulse to be a wife and mother! I'm a feminist who can proudly admit that being a stay-at-home mom is my calling in life. I have never been career-minded and I take great pleasure in caring for others and in keeping a clean house. That's just my personality and I'm not ashamed in the slightest. Own it!

Obviously I am not child free, but I don't see why anyone should ever receive any grief for choosing not to have kids. It is a huge responsibility and a lifetime commitment, and not everyone would enjoy it. That said, I find active child-hating and terms like "crotch fruit" to be immature and rather vapid. I understand the desire to lash out at the status quo, but kids are just people. They don't deserve any more vitriol than people of any other age group.
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#13 Old 09-10-2015, 03:24 PM
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yeah i'm childrenless - i'm 22, though i love children i'm probs not having children till my thirties
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#14 Old 09-10-2015, 03:42 PM
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I always planned on being childfree... but oops, here I am with an 8 year old! He's the only one though, I'm much more careful now.
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#15 Old 09-11-2015, 08:48 AM
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I always planned on being childfree... but oops, here I am with an 8 year old! He's the only one though, I'm much more careful now.
I had that plan, too.
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#16 Old 09-11-2015, 09:16 AM
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The wife and I are childfree. We expect to be for the next few years, at least, if not longer. With high deductibles on health insurance, we simply can't afford it. Also, we have a decent number of nieces and nephews and cousin's with kids, so we're living vicariously through them.
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#17 Old 09-11-2015, 10:28 AM
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My husband and I are child-free and VERY happy about it. I'm 33 and he is 38 and we have very specific plans to not have children in the future. We are so happy being without children even though many people cannot seem to understand that concept. I get asked at least a few times a week, by family, by friends, and even by strangers, why I don't have kids and when I'm going to start. It's irritating; as though I couldn't possibly lead a happy and fulfilling life without having sh*t out a couple of rugrats. Don't get me wrong... I like kids just fine. I love holding babies, I like playing with toddlers, and teaching things to little kids is really cool. I just also like to send the kids home when they get snotty or smelly or annoying.

Also... while we are on the subject (and while I'm in the company of some child-free friendly people), it really gets on my nerves when I tell people I don't WANT to have kids and they say "Oh, you will change your mind" or "But it's so rewarding to be a mother" or "You will be sorry when it's too late". These are the same exact people that I hear complain all the time about how they have to take their kids to soccer practice after work, or how their kids are always acting up and being little brats, or how expensive stuff for their kids is. It sounds miserable!

I truly believe that the majority of people only have kids because they got pregnant. Not because they wanted to or planned to, but because it just happened. Sure, they love their kids now that they have them, but (even though no parent will ever admit it) they secretly yearn for a life where they are free of the burdens of caring for a child.

Okay, I'll step off my soapbox now.
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#18 Old 09-11-2015, 10:35 AM
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We are lucky to live in a time and place where we can choose whether to have children or not. Some people go through years of testing, procedures, injections, hormones, etc to have a child. In other parts of the world, women are forced to procreate, or alternatively, forced NOT to.

I raised two wonderful children to adulthood, and they are now my very good friends. Both planned, very much wanted, and cherished. Still cherished at 26 and 22 years old. ❤

Shaming people for not having children, or for having children is rude and NOYB anyway.
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#19 Old 09-11-2015, 10:37 AM
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That said, I find active child-hating and terms like "crotch fruit" to be immature and rather vapid. I understand the desire to lash out at the status quo, but kids are just people. They don't deserve any more vitriol than people of any other age group.
I wouldn't necessarily say that using terms like that means that a person hates kids. I personally think that's a pretty gross term, but it doesn't mean the user of it HATES children.

I think that a lot of people with kids act as though having children is some kind of higher calling, or something truly special that puts them into a higher echelon of humanity when having a kid is something that billions of other people have done before them. There are many times that us child-free-by-choice people are made to feel like lesser humans because we choose not to procreate (I understand that you aren't implying that at all). I think that a reaction to those feelings is to use language that asserts our opinions and validates our own choices.

That's just my opinion. Feel free to disagree.
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#20 Old 09-11-2015, 11:05 AM
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I wouldn't necessarily say that using terms like that means that a person hates kids. I personally think that's a pretty gross term, but it doesn't mean the user of it HATES children.

I think that a lot of people with kids act as though having children is some kind of higher calling, or something truly special that puts them into a higher echelon of humanity when having a kid is something that billions of other people have done before them. There are many times that us child-free-by-choice people are made to feel like lesser humans because we choose not to procreate (I understand that you aren't implying that at all). I think that a reaction to those feelings is to use language that asserts our opinions and validates our own choices.

That's just my opinion. Feel free to disagree.
Having children can be an incredibly special, personal, and life-changing experience despite the fact that it happens frequently to a large number of people. On the surface, this may sound contradictory, but consider that death happens to literally all of us, yet it is extremely affecting to experience the death of someone you love. Birth is simply the other side of that coin; someone you love pops into existence almost miraculously.

It's immature and needlessly defensive to lash out at parents, just as it's incredibly offensive to treat those who choose not to have children as lesser people in any way. It is a purely personal matter and no one should be ridiculed for their decision.
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#21 Old 09-11-2015, 11:15 AM
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Can we all agree on one thing? Giving birth is not a miracle. It may 'feel' like a miracle, but it's literally been done billions of times. Not a miracle.
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#22 Old 09-11-2015, 11:19 AM
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Having children can be an incredibly special, personal, and life-changing experience despite the fact that it happens frequently to a large number of people. On the surface, this may sound contradictory, but consider that death happens to literally all of us, yet it is extremely affecting to experience the death of someone you love. Birth is simply the other side of that coin; someone you love pops into existence almost miraculously.

It's immature and needlessly defensive to lash out at parents, just as it's incredibly offensive to treat those who choose not to have children as lesser people in any way. It is a purely personal matter and no one should be ridiculed for their decision.
Agreed. I'm pretty sure we are arguing the same point...

I didn't mean to belittle the experience of being a parent by the way. Sorry if it seemed that way. That's the problem with online communication... no voice inflection!
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#23 Old 09-11-2015, 11:30 AM
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Boy, I used to hear, "You'll change your mind once you have your own children!" Made me mad. Guess what: I did have them and it didn't change my mind.
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#24 Old 09-11-2015, 11:30 AM
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Can we all agree on one thing? Giving birth is not a miracle. It may 'feel' like a miracle, but it's literally been done billions of times. Not a miracle.
There are two definitions of the word "miraculous," one of which is "remarkable and bringing very welcome consequences." Obviously it's a matter of opinion, but personally I believe the creation of a highly complex sentient being to be pretty darn remarkable, regardless of how often it happens. Again, it's much like death in that its frequency in no way diminishes its impact.

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Agreed. I'm pretty sure we are arguing the same point...

I didn't mean to belittle the experience of being a parent by the way. Sorry if it seemed that way. That's the problem with online communication... no voice inflection!
Oh, no offense taken! We're cool.
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#25 Old 09-11-2015, 11:50 AM
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There are two definitions of the word "miraculous," one of which is "remarkable and bringing very welcome consequences." Obviously it's a matter of opinion, but personally I believe the creation of a highly complex sentient being to be pretty darn remarkable, regardless of how often it happens. Again, it's much like death in that its frequency in no way diminishes its impact.
Don't mean to argue semantics, but 'miracle' is generally used to define something that is out-of-the-ordinary, a marvel, 'remarkable', highly improbable, or extraordinary.

From a personal perspective, it may seem remarkable that you were able to get pregnant and give birth. From the perspective of the human race (anyone outside of your family/friend base), it's just another birth among the billions.
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#26 Old 09-11-2015, 12:18 PM
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Don't mean to argue semantics, but 'miracle' is generally used to define something that is out-of-the-ordinary, a marvel, 'remarkable', highly improbable, or extraordinary.

From a personal perspective, it may seem remarkable that you were able to get pregnant and give birth. From the perspective of the human race (anyone outside of your family/friend base), it's just another birth among the billions.
Yes. As noted, the word has multiple definitions. It can mean "highly improbable" and it can, as you mentioned, also mean "remarkable," as in noteworthy, worthy of remark, wonderful. I don't think that anyone is arguing that human birth is an uncommon event. It is, however, remarkable both from a personal and social perspective. The birth of MY specific child might not capture the imagination of society at large, but the concept of birth certainly does. Many common things could be accurately described as "miraculous" in this sense, including life itself-- and, actually, if you take a step back and take a look at birth and life from a wider perspective, the birth of complex, intelligent, sentient creatures is incredibly uncommon and highly improbable. It requires precise conditions which exist, as far as we know, in only one small section of the entire universe. So, depending on your perspective, you could even describe birth as miraculous in the first sense as well.
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#27 Old 09-11-2015, 12:26 PM
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Yes. As noted, the word has multiple definitions. It can mean "highly improbable" and it can, as you mentioned, also mean "remarkable," as in noteworthy, worthy of remark, wonderful. I don't think that anyone is arguing that human birth is an uncommon event. It is, however, remarkable both from a personal and social perspective. The birth of MY specific child might not capture the imagination of society at large, but the concept of birth certainly does. Many common things could be accurately described as "miraculous" in this sense, including life itself-- and, actually, if you take a step back and take a look at birth and life from a wider perspective, the birth of complex, intelligent, sentient creatures is incredibly uncommon and highly improbable. It requires precise conditions which exist, as far as we know, in only one small section of the entire universe. So, depending on your perspective, you could even describe birth as miraculous in the first sense as well.
The birth of life on a planet and the continued propagation of that life for millions of years are two separate things. The creation of life from essentially nothing is remarkable, yes. The singular birth of another human after billions of humans have already given birth for thousands of years is not remarkable.

I don't want to derail the thread any more with semantics. I'll agree to disagree?
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#28 Old 09-11-2015, 12:49 PM
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The birth of life on a planet and the continued propagation of that life for millions of years are two separate things. The creation of life from essentially nothing is remarkable, yes. The singular birth of another human after billions of humans have already given birth for thousands of years is not remarkable.

I don't want to derail the thread any more with semantics. I'll agree to disagree?
Even if you disagree with the view of birth as uncommon n the grand scheme of the universe (which was tongue-in-cheek), this in no way invalidates the remarkable nature of birth from a personal and social perspective. Is your argument is that something can be objectively noteworthy, remarkable, or wondrous? An individual birth is undoubtedly considered noteworthy by those personally affected by it, and birth in general is undoubtedly considered noteworthy by every society on earth. I can certainly see how it could be viewed as either remarkable or unremarkable depending on your perception.

ETA: I don't do "agree to disagree" very well. But yes, I think we've gone off topic and should probably quit it now.

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#29 Old 09-11-2015, 02:39 PM
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Boy, I used to hear, "You'll change your mind once you have your own children!" Made me mad. Guess what: I did have them and it didn't change my mind.
I heard that all the time too. I don't regret my son one bit and wouldn't change anything, but damn kids are so much work and change your life so drastically. It's scary loving something more than yourself, it screws with your head. I can 100% understand people not wanting children and that feeling doesn't always change after you have children.
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#30 Old 09-11-2015, 08:00 PM
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Shaming people for not having children, or for having children is rude and NOYB anyway.
I agree that shaming anyone is unskillful. But people having children can be other peoples business, if only for the sake of the children.
A few examples I've seen:
I have one relative who only had two kids because he and his wife, literally, were just to lazy to go get condoms. They completely ignore their children, provide nothing for them, and have abandoned them to the elderly and sickly grandparents.
Another relative is a horrible person who got random guys to impregnate her because she thought she could train children to 'worship her'. She's been a child abuser for 13 years now and has repeatedly lost custody.
Not all people seem that bad. I knew one nice girl- intelligent, educated, and friendly. Her dream was to have a kid. Unfortunately she had an invariably fatal genetic disease. She knew full well that the disease would pass on to any child she had, as a carrier if female, condemned to a life of pain and death by or before the age of 40 if male. She wouldnt adopt, she had a kid to 'pass on her genes'. The gene she passed on made her son suffer in pain every day of his short life.

In general its none of my business if people have kids. It can be, sometimes, tho.

Thinking about it, I've never once had reason or inclination to criticize someone for not having kids.
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