Raising kids with an omni partner - Page 2 - VeggieBoards
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#31 Old 01-18-2015, 02:21 PM
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Omnis have ethical feelings about animals as well, I know I havent worn fur/leather/etc since before I was a teenager.

I never liked the idea of were meat comes from, especially the factory farmed meats that are what I bought (and could afford). I tried to ignore those feelings, because I was worried about what vegetarianism might do to my health. I didnt fully cut out meat until I lost the fear of becoming sick/malnourished.

My husband is similar, he doesnt wear leather, eat most meats (especially things like lamb/meat on the bone).... it just makes him feel uncomfortable to think about the animal behind the meat.
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#32 Old 01-18-2015, 02:49 PM
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Omnis have ethical feelings about animals as well, I know I havent worn fur/leather/etc since before I was a teenager.

I never liked the idea of were meat comes from, especially the factory farmed meats that are what I bought (and could afford). I tried to ignore those feelings, because I was worried about what vegetarianism might do to my health. I didnt fully cut out meat until I lost the fear of becoming sick/malnourished.

My husband is similar, he doesnt wear leather, eat most meats (especially things like lamb/meat on the bone).... it just makes him feel uncomfortable to think about the animal behind the meat.
I'm probably taking things to pieces now but with or without the bone it's still the same lamb. It's like what someone posted on 'stupid things omnivores say' a whole pig is disgusting but sliced ham is normal

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#33 Old 01-18-2015, 04:01 PM
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Its likely that there are vegans living near you. Approximately 0.5% of Americans are vegan - this amounts to 1.5 million vegans living in the United States. If you go to http://www.meetup.com , and search for vegetarian / vegan meetups near you, I can almost guarantee you'll find a local veggie social group where you can meet other veg*ns.
Thanks for the advice...I might have to look into it at some stage...
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#34 Old 01-18-2015, 04:02 PM
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You could always meet a vegetarian who would go vegan following your example. Or even an omni. But I agree the numbers are very small, so by setting a goal to meet a vegan you are seriously limiting your chances of finding the right person for you
The Brighton meet-up might be somewhere to look in the future...
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#35 Old 01-18-2015, 04:11 PM
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I'm probably taking things to pieces now but with or without the bond it's still the same lamb. It's like what someone posted on 'stupid things omnivores say' a whole pig is disgusting but sliced ham is normal
I dont mind you taking me to task on this issue. I myself had to drop the fear of getting sick without meat, before I could give it up.

Its shocking to see the animals behind meat, or to be reminded of the living thing that is now on your plate. I think Omnis experience the same shock, but feel they have to swallow that feeling. I know I did.

Interesting question was asked of me- could you eat that meat if it werent salted/spiced/sauced? If not, you might not be cut out to eat meat.
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#36 Old 01-18-2015, 04:14 PM
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Most people wouldn't eat meat raw...They do have to cook/ salt/ season it etc...This is one of the pieces of evidence that proves humans are not carnivores...
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#37 Old 01-18-2015, 04:22 PM
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But if the meat was cooked, and served plain, you'd probably struggle pretty hard to eat it. It is bland, texturally appalling, and doesnt have a tempting smell.

I think it was evolutionarily advantageous for us to "keep our options open" in regards to food, but if I have the choice, dude, Im not eating meat.

And the plant-meats-faux meats or what have you, taste better, imho than meat does. I dont really think of them as imitations as much as there own autonomous thing.

Does that make sense?
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#38 Old 01-18-2015, 04:31 PM
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It makes sense...If we had evolved as carnivores we would be happy to eat great chunks of raw meat without any seasoning whatever

I like plant-based faux meats
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#39 Old 01-18-2015, 04:49 PM
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yeah when my cat catches a bird, he never asks for ketchup.
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#40 Old 01-18-2015, 05:52 PM
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Exactly! And yet some people still insist that humans are naturally carnivores
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#41 Old 01-18-2015, 10:03 PM
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I feel that this thread is straying from the information I'm seeking. If your opinion is that vegans should only marry vegans, with all due respect, please refrain from saying so. I have no interest in being told to dump or change the love of my life. What I'm looking for is advice from vegetarians and vegans who are actively raising or have raised children with an omni partner. Thanks!
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#42 Old 01-18-2015, 11:21 PM
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The Brighton meet-up might be somewhere to look in the future...
That's sweet of you to mention though ive resigned to being single. Saying that it would be nice to meet like minded people and make new interesting friends

it takes guts to be gentle and kind
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#43 Old 01-18-2015, 11:23 PM
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yeah when my cat catches a bird, he never asks for ketchup.
Does he actually eat it? Normally domestic cats catch and kill things for the thrill of it and leave it once it's dead...

it takes guts to be gentle and kind
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#44 Old 01-18-2015, 11:34 PM
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That's sweet of you to mention though ive resigned to being single. Saying that it would be nice to meet like minded people and make new interesting friends
Yes I think it would be good to meet other vegans in person
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#45 Old 01-19-2015, 05:53 AM
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nope, my cat eats the poor things.
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#46 Old 01-19-2015, 05:59 AM
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I feel that this thread is straying from the information I'm seeking. If your opinion is that vegans should only marry vegans, with all due respect, please refrain from saying so. I have no interest in being told to dump or change the love of my life. What I'm looking for is advice from vegetarians and vegans who are actively raising or have raised children with an omni partner. Thanks!
Well I am actively raising kids with an omnivore, and since we are both pretty laid back, it isnt something we argue about.

The kids can order meat at a restaurant/eat some at a sleepover/birthday if they choose, but I serve them veggie food at home. (not "weird" health food mind you, but like, pancakes and pb and j's)

I teach them not to make comments on other's food, because that is rude.

If my kids choose to become omnivores, they will know just what that means, which is that they are choosing to eat animals.
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#47 Old 01-19-2015, 06:41 AM
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nope, my cat eats the poor things.
eeewwww! none of mine ever did and theyve brought home all sorts of presents: mice, frogs, birds, spiders, slugs

it takes guts to be gentle and kind
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#48 Old 01-29-2015, 02:01 PM
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I am not a parent and my experience is limited. I've thought about this topic though and have concluded that if I were in the same situation, I would not force it on a child. I'd let my child try things if he/she wanted and allow them to decide. Children tend to emulate what they see their parents do - they may embrace one diet over the other, or both. But I think it's important to give kids choice, or at least reason with them. Forcing or not allowing things could have negative repercussions later on in life. Again I don't have a whole lot of experience, just theory and a little bit of research.
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#49 Old 01-29-2015, 08:47 PM
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My bf accepts that I know way more about nutrition than he does, and the only real arguments he'd have are that it would make social situations more difficult to navigate and that he doesn't want his kids thinking he's a bad guy for eating animals.
There's an easy answer to that- Tell him you don't think he's a bad guy for eating animals (even if you preferred he didn't) so why would your kids think that?

Life is rarely black and white, there's a whole heap of grey in there and your kids will have to learn that eventually


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I definitely agree with your bigger issues, especially spirituality. Oh, and I'd add politics to that list! We agree for the most part, but I seem to lean further left than he does.
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#50 Old 01-30-2015, 01:23 PM
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I think you need to decide that well before marriage. It might not be something either of you can compromise on, in which case you want to find that out now, not after you are committed, or pregnant.

As for vegan/omni relationships I think they can work. There is definitely a struggle but it can work. And you need to take change into the equation. It is possible your omni partner will change and you left him for no reason. It is also possible you marry a long term vegan who breaks down after drunkenly eating a cheese burger and decides to eat meat again. Nothing is static


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#51 Old 02-02-2015, 11:21 AM
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I have experience and it is HARD, a nightmare really. Unfortuntaely, I became vegan AFTER marriage and all but my current pregnancy, so the wheels as far as diet were already in motion. It is a HUGE barrier between DH and I, because I am vegan, not following a vegan diet. Once my eyes were opened to the death and suffering inflicted unnecessarily on other sentients beings, I could never view the world the same.

I love my husband and my children, but I feel an emotional distance from my husband that was not there before, and I feel a spiritual disconnect with my children (and profound sadness relating to both and guilt realting to my children's diets). So you see my ETHICS and VALUES on a most fundamental level are the basis for my veganism and sharing my life with a partner who does not share those is a very, very big deal.

So I believe that your ability to navigate the situation with your partner will depend largely on one thing:
1) What are your motivations for being vegan?
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#52 Old 02-02-2015, 01:05 PM
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I am not a parent and my experience is limited. I've thought about this topic though and have concluded that if I were in the same situation, I would not force it on a child. I'd let my child try things if he/she wanted and allow them to decide. Children tend to emulate what they see their parents do - they may embrace one diet over the other, or both. But I think it's important to give kids choice, or at least reason with them. Forcing or not allowing things could have negative repercussions later on in life. Again I don't have a whole lot of experience, just theory and a little bit of research.
I have absolutely no intention of forcing one diet or another on our children, and neither does my boyfriend. The discussion is really a matter of how do we feed them until they can make that choice for themselves (which for me was around age five, but they'd be free to choose at any time.)

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I think you need to decide that well before marriage. It might not be something either of you can compromise on, in which case you want to find that out now, not after you are committed, or pregnant.

As for vegan/omni relationships I think they can work. There is definitely a struggle but it can work. And you need to take change into the equation. It is possible your omni partner will change and you left him for no reason. It is also possible you marry a long term vegan who breaks down after drunkenly eating a cheese burger and decides to eat meat again. Nothing is static


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I agree that it's definitely best to discuss it before marriage/pregnancy. I also know that things can change, and my boyfriend and I have both adjusted our diets a bit to be able to eat together. He's cutting out dairy and eggs and eating more vegetables, and I'm making snacks that are a bit more appealing to him than kale chips. In no way am I banking on him becoming a vegetarian, and is no way is he waiting for me to give up and have a steak with him. We've learned a few habits to enjoy sharing meals, and we've always respected each other's choices.

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I have experience and it is HARD, a nightmare really. Unfortuntaely, I became vegan AFTER marriage and all but my current pregnancy, so the wheels as far as diet were already in motion. It is a HUGE barrier between DH and I, because I am vegan, not following a vegan diet. Once my eyes were opened to the death and suffering inflicted unnecessarily on other sentients beings, I could never view the world the same.

I love my husband and my children, but I feel an emotional distance from my husband that was not there before, and I feel a spiritual disconnect with my children (and profound sadness relating to both and guilt realting to my children's diets). So you see my ETHICS and VALUES on a most fundamental level are the basis for my veganism and sharing my life with a partner who does not share those is a very, very big deal.

So I believe that your ability to navigate the situation with your partner will depend largely on one thing:
1) What are your motivations for being vegan?
I see that this might be a challenge if you went vegan later in life. I went vegetarian when I was very young, and for a long time I didn't understand how my family could eat meat. It wasn't until I was thirteen or so that I learned to accept and respect their choices. I hope that in time you can accept it as well and bridge that emotional gap between you and your family. I remember how isolating it can be to realize that everyone around you is doing something you consider to be fundamentally wrong.

Now that I'm past that point, though, I don't see it being an issue with my future family. While I'd be pleased as punch if my kids all turned into little vegans, I wouldn't be disappointed if they didn't. This is an issue I'm willing to compromise on. I'd rather the compromise favor my POV, but it's nothing I'd allow to break up my relationship. Parenting is a team effort, and to do it successfully we'll both have to be willing to work with each other. The only grounds on which I won't budge are that we won't spank.
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#53 Old 02-02-2015, 01:08 PM
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scwendy I completely agree! If you are vegan for ethical reasons (as I am) then it could be a big issue, where as if you are vegan for some other reason, such as the health benefits, you may not feel as strongly about it...
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#54 Old 02-02-2015, 01:17 PM
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Brookgirl, you would not be "forcing" a diet on preschoolers by feeding them healthy vegetarian food. It is up to the parents to feed their little children. Your kids are going to notice at *very young ages* that Mom and Dad are eating different foods.

"Mom, why don't you eat chicken or steak but Dad does?"
"Is this chicken Dad is eating the same kind of chicken that runs around on farms?"(actual question from my then 3- year old, now vegan 22-year old.)

Your kids will be omnivores if you don't "force" a diet on them because their father, his family, and most of the rest of the people she will meet are also omnis. If that is okay with you, it will work out fine.
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#55 Old 02-02-2015, 02:18 PM
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Brookgirl, you would not be "forcing" a diet on preschoolers by feeding them healthy vegetarian food. It is up to the parents to feed their little children. Your kids are going to notice at *very young ages* that Mom and Dad are eating different foods.

"Mom, why don't you eat chicken or steak but Dad does?"
"Is this chicken Dad is eating the same kind of chicken that runs around on farms?"(actual question from my then 3- year old, now vegan 22-year old.)

Your kids will be omnivores if you don't "force" a diet on them because their father, his family, and most of the rest of the people she will meet are also omnis. If that is okay with you, it will work out fine.
LedBoots, I was responding to language used by Lucky7.
However, if my child chose to eat "like Dad does," even if I had raised them veg*n up until that point, it most certainly would be forcing my beliefs on them to tell them no. My parents were good enough to support me in a diet they didn't believe in, so I'll do the same for my children if need be. Just because someone is young doesn't mean they're incapable of understanding an issue and making their own choices. As their parents, it would be our job to guide those choices, not make them for our children.
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#56 Old 02-02-2015, 04:50 PM
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OK, I'm not a parent. However, my OH grew up with a vegan mum and omni dad. His mum always maintained that the choice of what to eat was for the children to decide when they were old enough. They compromised on vegetarian when the kids were small, and then once they went to school, and were having meals away from the home it was their choice. OH's eldest brother remained a lifelong vegetarian until he sadly passed in 2006. However, the other two (OH and middle brother) became omnis. I think it was quite difficult for OH's mum, feeling as strongly as she does about animal cruelty, but nonetheless, she respected what her children chose.

They are now divorced, but nothing to do with the vegan issue - OH's stepdad is also omni, but will happily eat vegan or vegetarian food. And funnily enough, one of his sons is a vegetarian, married to a vegan, and they are raising a vegetarian child. They live in Brighton, as it happens!
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#57 Old 02-02-2015, 06:02 PM
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LedBoots, I was responding to language used by Lucky7.
However, if my child chose to eat "like Dad does," even if I had raised them veg*n up until that point, it most certainly would be forcing my beliefs on them to tell them no. My parents were good enough to support me in a diet they didn't believe in, so I'll do the same for my children if need be. Just because someone is young doesn't mean they're incapable of understanding an issue and making their own choices. As their parents, it would be our job to guide those choices, not make them for our children.
I don't need anyone to tell me that! Our then 9-year old son led my husband and me to veganism. He is now 22, all still vegan.

Letting a child "choose" when Dad and everyone else in the child's life (except Mom) is eating meat, unless you explain to the child why you are vegetarian, he is going to eat meat. Your in-laws will give your two-year old a hot dog, can you picture yourself being ok with this?

I'm not trying to be a pain in the ass here, I'm trying to encourage people to talk these things through before they procreate.
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#58 Old 02-03-2015, 12:02 PM
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Letting a child "choose" when Dad and everyone else in the child's life (except Mom) is eating meat, unless you explain to the child why you are vegetarian, he is going to eat meat. Your in-laws will give your two-year old a hot dog, can you picture yourself being ok with this?
Do you think that the in-laws are in fact the main source of trouble for a vegan/ omni pairing?

Why is the suffering and killing of animals wrong? Because the value of a sentient organism's life is priceless. They are their own beings and have their own lives and loves. They have higher emotions and thought processes. Their minds are different from ours in degree, not kind - meaning that fundamentally there are critical similarities.
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#59 Old 02-04-2015, 05:06 AM
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LedBoots, I was responding to language used by Lucky7.
However, if my child chose to eat "like Dad does," even if I had raised them veg*n up until that point, it most certainly would be forcing my beliefs on them to tell them no. My parents were good enough to support me in a diet they didn't believe in, so I'll do the same for my children if need be. Just because someone is young doesn't mean they're incapable of understanding an issue and making their own choices. As their parents, it would be our job to guide those choices, not make them for our children.
See.... I wouldn't do that.

I'm not saying doing that is wrong, I'm just saying I wouldn't do it that way.

To me, kids get a few choices to make like which set of clothes they're going to wear to a party or which music they want to listen to (though if I were going to have a kid they probably wouldn't even CARE about Nirvana and I would hate that, but it would be their choice. Their stupid, badly thought out, choice).

But what they eat? That's my choice. Why? Because the role of a parent is to literally make choices for their children because being young does sometimes mean completely not understanding the issue. When I was little, I liked playing with fire and hotplates. I did not understand why it was an issue at all. My parents made the executive decision for me to not do those things and I am eternally grateful, and in one fairly unscarred piece, due to that decision.

You made the connection when you were younger, right? I literally grew up with all the animals people eat in the Western world. I knew they had sentience. I continued to eat them and think vegetarians were weird and I love animals. It was one of the things my parents had taught me was an important thing to do as a human.

I guess what I'm saying is, young people 'can' make some amazing decisions but we can also make some crappy ones. Literally the only perk I can find in getting older, is that my growing range of experiences has taught me to be less of a crappy person. The only parts of me that I really don't mind, are the part my parents helped instil in me- Like not being a jerk to anyone who's not straight, white, cis and heterosexual. They didn't give ma choice in that, they just raised me that way....Whether they meant to or not.

I don't know whether I'm rambling now, or whether people think I'll make a terrible overbearing mother (good news, I'm not having kids so you don't have to worry about them ). But that's just what I think.
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#60 Old 02-04-2015, 05:25 PM
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my brother is also Feeding her daughter meat thinking she needs to make a decision to be vegetarian by herself. I think that's naive.

Would you let your children choose to be a non racist? would you let your children choose to be a non thief?

If we believe in a set of values, we should instill those set of values in our children. they can choose to disregard those values later in life. But when they are small you need to make the choice for them. if vegetarian is the right choice for you, it should be the right choice for your children.
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