Quickly - can I give a time out to another kid? - VeggieBoards
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#1 Old 05-22-2004, 04:18 PM
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~5 year old visiting us for a few hours from across the street while her mom is at work.



She's destroying the place. Supper has already ended up all over the carpet, the dog is hiding in a corner whimpering, one of the cats already tried to bleed her, the other animals are hiding. She's non-stop yelling, talking at the top of her voice, breaking things, touching things, tattling taling every single minor thing the boys do, etc. The boys are getting wound up by all this and it's complete mayheim.



Can we put her in the timeout chair? because she's going to trash the house if we can't.
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#2 Old 05-22-2004, 04:20 PM
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Sounds like you should before she burns down the house. If her parents complain just explain what she was doing.
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#3 Old 05-22-2004, 04:22 PM
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ok, I just need 1 person to say yes that I could



There are already broken dishes and a tortured lamp......
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#4 Old 05-22-2004, 04:26 PM
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Sounds like somebody let a wild dog out in your house, not a little kid.
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#5 Old 05-22-2004, 04:30 PM
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I feel really bad for this kid, so we both try to be extra, extra sweet and nice when we talk to her. "Now sweetie, you aren't allow to throw food all over the white carpet at this house." So, then the ranch dip ends up all over the hardwood....



Her parents are going through a nasty custody battle. Her dad is not a nice man and neglects her horribly. And her mother has to pump out a lot time to work, so she ends up being looked after by her aunts a lot, who let her get away with everything.



But, omg, she's destroyed the living room. it will take a good 3 hours to clean it up...she just got her.



Right now, everyone is having a time out. Us, the kids, everyone *Everyone*



We'll start over in 10 minutes
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#6 Old 05-22-2004, 04:53 PM
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eek! I think any child in your home under your care is subject to follow your rules and be disciplined by you (of course, as long as you aren't gonna hit the child or anything.). I don't have kids, so I guess I can't say fairly, but I think it I sent my child to someone's home and s/he wasn't listening and trashing the place, I don't think I'd mind if s/he got a time out, and probably would punish her for her behavior once she returned home as well.

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#7 Old 05-22-2004, 04:57 PM
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OMG /faint



She came out and said "I want a drink. Now." I said (as my bf was clenching his fists and counting to 10), "I already gave you a drink. It's in the living room on the table. You have to finish that first before you can have another."



So, she looks me in the eye, takes a glass of milk that's been sitting on the counter since last night (we havent gotten around to cleaning up the dishes today lol) and DRINKS IT!



The taste must have been bad...she immediately went into the other room and downed her apple juice
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#8 Old 05-22-2004, 04:59 PM
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uhoh....she attacked Big Black. Big Black attacked back.



Kid 0

cat 1



Ok, locking the cats in the bedroom.
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#9 Old 05-22-2004, 05:08 PM
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Sigh, how old is she?



Let's see....let me pull from my child resource bag some things you can do to avoid a 'battle' with someone else's child. You really have to be very good at maneuvering around children who have extra doses of energy and/or are prone to tantrums and non-tantrum bursts of emotion.



First of all, as you probably know, you may be the one 'steady' in her life. So....of course it's so important that you stay sane (though maybe not always possible ).



Do you have a play area out doors? I've always found that the absolute best solution for high strung children is to just have them outside as much as possible. The best possible solution for them would probably to have a tent out there and just let them be out of doors all the time. If you do, you can take any work you have to do out there and just let her RUN. My own daughter always comes in from the outdoors very tired, but also centered and happy. Children need more outside time than we know and often they just don't get it, because our society is no longer outdoor friendly.



Secondly..enlist her help on anything and everything. Children love to be helpers and it keeps them occupied with things that are constructive rather than destructive. Even small children (three and up) can work with a not very sharp knife cutting veggies for dinner if supervised and shown the correct way to cut. Setting the table and loading the dishwasher are also options. Once she gets to see that she's being a positive force for 'good' , she'll want to help in other ways. Folding laundry, dusting shelves...anything you can 'hook her' with will help both you and her. Also, given her current situation, making cards for Mom and Dad...pictures for Mom and Dad....work that in whenever you can. That might open things up for her to express to you (a non-partisan third party) what she feels about what's going on, and then you can just listen and care.



These things that I'm mentioning will help her to be part of your community. Also, depending on her age, any messes she makes she should at least have a significant part in cleaning up. This is a direct consequence, which will be more effective than time out (those do help in a pinch), because she sees that she made the mess, she cleans it up. She may not be as apt to do that next time. I had to do that with Madison last week, she actually made poka dots on the wall with a marker. It took her two hours, a sponge, some warm water and a few tears to clean it all off. But I didn't help her. Nothing else could happen until she'd done it, and it provided a terrific lesson experience for her.



Anyway....good luck. Sounds like you have your hands full. Feel free to pm me if you want to talk about it.



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#10 Old 05-22-2004, 05:09 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kristadb View Post

OMG /faint



She came out and said "I want a drink. Now." I said (as my bf was clenching his fists and counting to 10), "I already gave you a drink. It's in the living room on the table. You have to finish that first before you can have another."



So, she looks me in the eye, takes a glass of milk that's been sitting on the counter since last night (we havent gotten around to cleaning up the dishes today lol) and DRINKS IT!



The taste must have been bad...she immediately went into the other room and downed her apple juice



Hon, don't fix drinks for her. Show her where the cups are and how to get her own. Also don't give her juice. Water only.



B
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#11 Old 05-22-2004, 05:14 PM
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THANK GOD! The mother got off work early



Time for dancing vegetables



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#12 Old 05-22-2004, 05:59 PM
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If a kid doesn't behave any better than that are they really going to sit in a chair when you tell them to take a time out?

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#13 Old 05-22-2004, 06:12 PM
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Oh she did And she was still sitting there when her mother got here.



I think the shock that we both look at her and said "Time out chair - NOW" frecked her out
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#14 Old 05-24-2004, 06:16 AM
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Well I know the situation's passed now, but for future reference, I think that, yes, time out for someone else's kid in your house is fair enough if those are the rules you follow for your step kids.



The children who come to play with James in my house have to work to the same rules as him. That includes no swearing, putting things in the bin, saying please and thank you etc. It's easy enough to explain that yes, mum might let you do that in your house, but I don't allow it in my house. End of story.



Mind you, your little madam sounds slightly more hyper than any kid I've had to deal with!
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#15 Old 05-24-2004, 08:36 AM
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If you're babysitting I'd say she definitely should follow your rules. Especially if it's your house.



Or maybe you should offer to baby sit at her house, then just leave the mess. Your cats would probably thank you!
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#16 Old 05-24-2004, 07:51 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kristadb View Post

uhoh....she attacked Big Black. Big Black attacked back.



Kid 0

cat 1



Ok, locking the cats in the bedroom.



You could just let the cats discipline her.

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#17 Old 05-26-2004, 04:00 AM
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I definately think yes. At the nursery school my eldest daughter attends they have a time out chair and use it. I definately think that when you let someone take care of your child you give them authority to use reasonable discipline.
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#18 Old 05-29-2004, 01:36 PM
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I second what bethanie said--wear her out OUTSIDE. She probably won't ruin as much stuff out there, and she'll have more fun. Even if you don't have a playset, can you go on a walk with her? Is there a playground you can walk to?



You have every right to enforce reasonable measures of maintaining order in your home. However, I think this is something you should have discussed with the child's parent(s) BEFORE bringing her into your home to head off misunderstandings and misassumptions.

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